New relationship making me have weird feelings of my first love

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Anonymous #1
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Report Thread starter 1 year ago
#1
Back in late 2013/early 2014 I fell in love with this girl from Germany, who was over being a nanny for her gap year. She was our family friend’s nanny, living just down the road from me. I saw her often, in family and friend events, social circle, etc. We spent a lot of time informally together, and then went on a few dates. In Summer 14, she went back to Germany. She had been hoping to stay, but it wasn’t to be, she has to go back.

It took me till about early 2016 to get over her, and since then I honestly haven’t thought about her, longed for her, dreamed about her, anything. Since we we’re never going to see each other again, she wasn’t anything to me anymore.

In between early 2016 and now, I had a few dates with a few different people, but nothing came of them.

I’m now dating this ridiculously sweet, attractive, kind, funny girl. It’s not a relationship yet, but it’s hesding that way. I really like her, but I haven’t fallen in love yet.

So this current girl is making me have real mind f**k atm, bringing up emotions and thoughts of this German girl. I can’t really explain it. I’m not longing for her again, I don’t look at her and feel dreamy, anything like that...she’s just there. On my mind. I even dreamt about her last night - we were just getting drinks, catching up.

It’s making me re analyse everything I did, or didn’t do with her. I never told her I loved her, for example. I found old messages she sent me within a year after she moved back, and on the same exact day she posted an Instagram pic with the caption ‘we were just two people who weren’t supposed to fall in love’ - that was posted the same day she contacted me out of the blue.

Another insta caption read, this time in German so the translation is a bit off; “and as it will always be, you can’t do a thing, because you are the love of my life”.

So yeah, I moved on, and clearly she moved on as after those messages, 3/4 months she entered into a long term relationship and has since been in another.

It’s I suppose she made me feel things I hadn’t felt before, and she is literally a time stamp in my life we’re I can see I started to change, thanks to her. I wouldn’t be dating the girl I am now and feeling confident if I hadn’t met her. I was unfit, socially awkward, in my shell, and everything changed.

I dunno. I’m just getting these weird feelings that I can’t really identify, and all I want to do now is focus on the girl I’m seeing - which for the large part iam, as she preoccupies most of my thoughts.
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Anonymous #1
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Report Thread starter 1 year ago
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Sorry It’s a bit of a long OP, but would really appreciate your thoughts!
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Anonymous #1
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Report Thread starter 1 year ago
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Last bump before I go to bed. Someone else must have had a similar experience?
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cassiezie
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#4
Report 1 year ago
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Perhaps it’s your brain reminding you of your first love and how you’re getting (essentially) a “second chance” with this new girl who might remind you of the connection you had all those years ago and have been searching for since. This could be a very good thing, no need to feel guilty about “the one that got away” when you’ve finally found another girl (similar to the first one) whom you love being with, are attracted to her, and are about to enter into a serious relationship with. The dream could be your willingness to let go of your past love, or your excitement that things are going so well and your new girl has many of the qualities/reasons why you loved your first love! I wouldn’t worry or feel guilty. If things are going well, let them!
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Anonymous #1
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Report Thread starter 1 year ago
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(Original post by cassiezie)
Perhaps it’s your brain reminding you of your first love and how you’re getting (essentially) a “second chance” with this new girl who might remind you of the connection you had all those years ago and have been searching for since. This could be a very good thing, no need to feel guilty about “the one that got away” when you’ve finally found another girl (similar to the first one) whom you love being with, are attracted to her, and are about to enter into a serious relationship with. The dream could be your willingness to let go of your past love, or your excitement that things are going so well and your new girl has many of the qualities/reasons why you loved your first love! I wouldn’t worry or feel guilty. If things are going well, let them!
Thanks, I suppose part of he weirdness is discovering things about the first girl Andre not really knowing what’s I feel/how to do with it. For example, I knew that I loved her, but I never joined the dots at the time with that post to realise she’s was talking about me and saying that she loved me.
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