I feel like I’m not what my boyfriend wants Watch

Anonymous #1
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Report Thread starter 4 weeks ago
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Hey, so I’ve been with my boyfriend for over a year and I really love him. A lot. He’s bisexual and I’ve always thought that was cool and made sure he knows I support him. Yesterday he told me he feels guilty about thinking about guys. I told him he should’nt feel guilty and stuff, but he said ‘it’s like in my heart I want you, but I can’t help thinking what it’s like to try other things.’ That really f*cked with my head. I’ve been rlly low all day, and I didn’t sleep well. I just know I can’t help, and feel like I’m trapping him. He said it wasn’t what he meant and that he would never regret being with me and stuff, but it’s just one of those things I’m not going to forget.

Another thing, is that he’s really sporty. He goes on runs all the time, and asked if I want to do a park run with him, I said yes because I figured I don’t want to be the person who doesn’t at least give stuff a shot. He knows I’m bad at running, and said he’ll help me train. But I just feel embarrassed, he said to me as a joke ‘who are all the biscuits?’ And then ‘we’ll see who’s fat when we go for this run’. So I got upset about that too, and he apologised. He said we should get fit together as our New Years resolution, and to be honest, I think I’m fine. I’m 5’8 and 8 and a half stone. I’m self concious about my stomach, and stuff, so I try and workout. But adding pressure isn’t helping. I just feel down, like I know I shouldn’t complain and it’s petty and silly, but I just feel like I’m not good enough for him, and I’ll never be what he needs me to be.

Sorry that’s a long one aha. Any advice would be appreciated https://static.thestudentroom.co.uk/...lies/smile.png
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HopefulAgony37
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That’s totally fine.
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Anonymous #2
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8 and a half stone at your height is thin. Take a look around you. Your boyfriend sounds weird and like he negs you. Not cool.

The bisexual thing nothing wrong with that, each to their own, but I wouldn't date a bi guy because no way can I ever satisfy that side and I'd never share him so he could never experience it in the boundaries of the relationship. It's bad enough worrying about a guy's girl mates/coworkers etc. so I can't cope with being worried even if he was just hanging with the boys. Plus the humiliation of him cheating on me with or running off with a man... I can't even cope with that!
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Cuddly Lizard
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(Original post by Anonymous)
Hey, so I’ve been with my boyfriend for over a year and I really love him. A lot. He’s bisexual and I’ve always thought that was cool and made sure he knows I support him. Yesterday he told me he feels guilty about thinking about guys. I told him he should’nt feel guilty and stuff, but he said ‘it’s like in my heart I want you, but I can’t help thinking what it’s like to try other things.’ That really f*cked with my head. I’ve been rlly low all day, and I didn’t sleep well. I just know I can’t help, and feel like I’m trapping him. He said it wasn’t what he meant and that he would never regret being with me and stuff, but it’s just one of those things I’m not going to forget.

Another thing, is that he’s really sporty. He goes on runs all the time, and asked if I want to do a park run with him, I said yes because I figured I don’t want to be the person who doesn’t at least give stuff a shot. He knows I’m bad at running, and said he’ll help me train. But I just feel embarrassed, he said to me as a joke ‘who are all the biscuits?’ And then ‘we’ll see who’s fat when we go for this run’. So I got upset about that too, and he apologised. He said we should get fit together as our New Years resolution, and to be honest, I think I’m fine. I’m 5’8 and 8 and a half stone. I’m self concious about my stomach, and stuff, so I try and workout. But adding pressure isn’t helping. I just feel down, like I know I shouldn’t complain and it’s petty and silly, but I just feel like I’m not good enough for him, and I’ll never be what he needs me to be.

Sorry that’s a long one aha. Any advice would be appreciated https://static.thestudentroom.co.uk/...lies/smile.png

You're just fine. If he is also somewhat into men and you're okay with a non-monogamous relationship, then there's that option. He might just find penis attractive and might be a bit curious and wouldn't mind trying it out. Don't worry about 'trapping' him. I doubt he expects you to have both genitals or something. If you feel like you're not good enough for him then that's something you should 100% talk to him about, chances are, he's very happy and grateful to have you. If he actually wants to have sex with a guy, you could always discuss it with him. Communication makes relationships amazing and fun. If you're fine with sharing him there's that option, but don't do anything you'd be uncomfortable with. He obviously wants you though, don't doubt that.

Sounds like you'd both benefit from talking to each other about what other things he'd want to try, who knows, perhaps he and you both really want to try the the same thing? :cheers:

(Original post by Anonymous)
8 and a half stone at your height is thin. Take a look around you. Your boyfriend sounds weird and like he negs you. Not cool.

The bisexual thing nothing wrong with that, each to their own, but I wouldn't date a bi guy because no way can I ever satisfy that side and I'd never share him so he could never experience it in the boundaries of the relationship. It's bad enough worrying about a guy's girl mates/coworkers etc. so I can't cope with being worried even if he was just hanging with the boys. Plus the humiliation of him cheating on me with or running off with a man... I can't even cope with that!
Sounds like you have massive trust issues, definitely wouldn't want to be your boyfriend if you can't have faith in someone. :ashamed2:
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Anonymous #2
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(Original post by Cuddly Lizard)
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You're just fine. If he is also somewhat into men and you're okay with a non-monogamous relationship, then there's that option. He might just find penis attractive and might be a bit curious and wouldn't mind trying it out. Don't worry about 'trapping' him. I doubt he expects you to have both genitals or something. If you feel like you're not good enough for him then that's something you should 100% talk to him about, chances are, he's very happy and grateful to have you. If he actually wants to have sex with a guy, you could always discuss it with him. Communication makes relationships amazing and fun. If you're fine with sharing him there's that option, but don't do anything you'd be uncomfortable with. He obviously wants you though, don't doubt that.

Sounds like you'd both benefit from talking to each other about what other things he'd want to try, who knows, perhaps he and you both really want to try the the same thing? :cheers:



Sounds like you have massive trust issues, definitely wouldn't want to be your boyfriend if you can't have faith in someone. :ashamed2:
Yes I agree. You and I would be terrible for each other - the fact that you suggest that this poor girl opens up her relationship so that her boyfriend can have sex with other men to satisfy himself. She is feeling inadequate and critisised by him... If he wants other people, regardless of their sex then he shouldn't be in a relationship and should go out there as a single man and experiment and get his jollys. If she opened up the relationship it would one sided since it would be because of his desires and needs, not hers and because she feels guilty and like she is trapping him. Think OP would sleep better at night with a guy who only had eyes for her and truly valued and treasure her and shouldn't lower herself into introducing third, fourth and fifth parties into the relationship just to keep his wandering eyes on her from time to time.
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hallamstudents
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(Original post by Anonymous)
Hey, so I’ve been with my boyfriend for over a year and I really love him. A lot. He’s bisexual and I’ve always thought that was cool and made sure he knows I support him. Yesterday he told me he feels guilty about thinking about guys. I told him he should’nt feel guilty and stuff, but he said ‘it’s like in my heart I want you, but I can’t help thinking what it’s like to try other things.’ That really f*cked with my head. I’ve been rlly low all day, and I didn’t sleep well. I just know I can’t help, and feel like I’m trapping him. He said it wasn’t what he meant and that he would never regret being with me and stuff, but it’s just one of those things I’m not going to forget.

Another thing, is that he’s really sporty. He goes on runs all the time, and asked if I want to do a park run with him, I said yes because I figured I don’t want to be the person who doesn’t at least give stuff a shot. He knows I’m bad at running, and said he’ll help me train. But I just feel embarrassed, he said to me as a joke ‘who are all the biscuits?’ And then ‘we’ll see who’s fat when we go for this run’. So I got upset about that too, and he apologised. He said we should get fit together as our New Years resolution, and to be honest, I think I’m fine. I’m 5’8 and 8 and a half stone. I’m self concious about my stomach, and stuff, so I try and workout. But adding pressure isn’t helping. I just feel down, like I know I shouldn’t complain and it’s petty and silly, but I just feel like I’m not good enough for him, and I’ll never be what he needs me to be.

Sorry that’s a long one aha. Any advice would be appreciated https://static.thestudentroom.co.uk/...lies/smile.png

I think you should tell him how you're feeling- honesty is always best long-term. It might alleviate some of the pressure you mentioned and he might change the way he speaks to you so it's not as condescending.

Remember you don't need to change yourself for him!

Lucy
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Cuddly Lizard
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(Original post by Anonymous)
Yes I agree. You and I would be terrible for each other - the fact that you suggest that this poor girl opens up her relationship so that her boyfriend can have sex with other men to satisfy himself. She is feeling inadequate and critisised by him... If he wants other people, regardless of their sex then he shouldn't be in a relationship and should go out there as a single man and experiment and get his jollys. If she opened up the relationship it would one sided since it would be because of his desires and needs, not hers and because she feels guilty and like she is trapping him. Think OP would sleep better at night with a guy who only had eyes for her and truly valued and treasure her and shouldn't lower herself into introducing third, fourth and fifth parties into the relationship just to keep his wandering eyes on her from time to time.
I said she can open it up if she wants to, not that she is obliged to, please read. If it's something the two of them both actually want then sure, if it isn't, then no.
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