I'm dating a guy I don't actually like... Watch

Lisforlexi
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#1
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Hey, I just wondered if anyone had any advice that could help me out.


In the last couple of months I began a relationship with a guy, who was clearly interested in me and had all the great qualities I would look for in a guy. Y'know witty, not overly romantic or charming, and caring. I can easily get on with him and he's a lot of fun.


When he asked me out, I wasn't altogether sure of my feelings for him but as he's a nice guy and I enjoy spending time with him I thought what's the harm in seeing where it takes me.


We've gone on a few dates and he's kissed me and is interested in continuing the relationship. I have a feeling he's building up to the L-word. However I know that while I like him, it's not in a romantic way. I'm not uncomfortable when he touches me or anything, it just doesn't have that spark, I'm not obsessed with him or crushing on him.


The right thing to do would be to break up with him in a kind way, however I spend so much time with him that I know I'll miss his company and it'll leave me lonely. I know I'm happier in this relationship then out of it, despite my non-romantic feelings.


I'm okay with everything but if he tells me he loves me, I don't know what I'll do, I don't want to lie to him.

Any advice?
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hello_shawn
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I think you know what it is. You don't feel satisfied with the relationship but at the same time you have an "I can't live without" attitude to other people's affection which is unhealthy in its own way
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Lisforlexi
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(Original post by hello_shawn)
I think you know what it is. You don't feel satisfied with the relationship but at the same time you have an "I can't live without" attitude to other people's affection which is unhealthy in its own way
But what do you suggest I do about it?
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HoldThisL
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You can't stay in a relationship with a guy who thinks you (will one day) love him just because you like his company. That's not fair at all.
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hello_shawn
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(Original post by Lisforlexi)
But what do you suggest I do about it?
You'll have to "gradually" decrease contact with the guy you're seeing until you're confident you feel nothing when you hear his voice or know what happened to him... I wouldn't recommend suddenly cutting off especially when you know you'll be affected by not being around him
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YaliaV
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Find some courage and be honest. Do it ASAP
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Zarek
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I suspect this situation doesn't get any easier down the line and if you delay telling him the breakup, when it comes, will be more difficult and acrimonious. It isnt awfully fair to continue with very mixed feelings either. However as you find some merit in the relationship it's worth reflecting and then making a decision to stick with it or to try to end it in a way that retains some friendship.
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TommyDH
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For his sake you need to end it before he says the L word. That way he retains some kind of dignity and I assure you will be grateful for it. If you wait until he says it, that breakup will become messy and he may not recover so easy.
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YaliaV
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(Original post by hello_shawn)
You'll have to "gradually" decrease contact with the guy you're seeing until you're confident you feel nothing when you hear his voice or know what happened to him... I wouldn't recommend suddenly cutting off especially when you know you'll be affected by not being around him
It isn’t all about her feelings. She views him as a friend, so she should just be honest. I think the ‘I don’t want to be lonely’ thing is incredibly selfish and heartless. He deserves to know.
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Lisforlexi
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(Original post by YaliaV)
It isn’t all about her feelings. She views him as a friend, so she should just be honest. I think the ‘I don’t want to be lonely’ thing is incredibly selfish and heartless. He deserves to know.
I understand what you mean, perhaps it is. That's just one of my thoughts on the whole thing. I just don't know if it's the right choice to cut everything off if we're both happy. I'm pretty young, this is a slightly more lighthearted relationship then an adult one might be, and I'm new to relationships as a whole. I'm not planning on holding on to him until I find someone I like more, or get bored of him. Just wondered, if other people once understanding my situation think it's better to cut it off now or just go with it, in case feelings develop. I can assure you, whatever I go with I plan to be as mindful as I can of his feelings.
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Lemonadez
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Stop being a f*ck nugget and let the lad go. He doesn't deserve this.
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gjd800
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End it. Don't put yourself in that position.
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It's****ingWOODY
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Youre stringing the guy along by not telling him you don't like him like that. You need to tell him.
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Lady Jamie
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Recognise that there are 2 parties involved in a relationship and it can’t all be about you.

The selfless thing to do is ending it before more time gets wasted.
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Dunnig Kruger
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(Original post by Lisforlexi)
I understand what you mean, perhaps it is. That's just one of my thoughts on the whole thing. I just don't know if it's the right choice to cut everything off if we're both happy. I'm pretty young, this is a slightly more lighthearted relationship then an adult one might be, and I'm new to relationships as a whole. I'm not planning on holding on to him until I find someone I like more, or get bored of him. Just wondered, if other people once understanding my situation think it's better to cut it off now or just go with it, in case feelings develop. I can assure you, whatever I go with I plan to be as mindful as I can of his feelings.
How old are you? How old is he?
Have you ever been in a romantic relationship? If so, how were your emotions and feelings different to this one?
Last edited by Dunnig Kruger; 4 weeks ago
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loopyloz
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You need to break up with the poor guy and be single for a while. You need to learn how to be happy by yourself before you get into another relationship.
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Sarah.may.xx
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Yeah I really don't think its a nice thing to do, it's not really fair for the guy because he's probably in love with you and you don't feel the same way.
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ChickenMadness
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"I see you as a friend."

Done.
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Lisforlexi
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(Original post by Dunnig Kruger)
How old are you? How old is he?
Have you ever been in a romantic relationship? If so, how were your emotions and feelings different to this one?
I'm 16 and he's 17. I have been in romantic relationships before but never in love. I often get mesmerised with the excitement of a new relationship and don't focus on my actual feelings for the person. I've had crushes, but they don't tend to like me back so it never goes anywhere. I'm not sure I've dated anyone I've properly liked romantically, there's always been some implication.
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