Annoying boyfriend or expecting too much? Watch

Anonymous #1
#1
Report Thread starter 3 weeks ago
#1
So i’ve been with my boyfriend for 2 years. So in love. We live together and work together.

Now, i don’t know when this started, i’d say over a year ago but i only recently noticed it. But he’s very very lazy. I do everything around the house. I cook, clean, tidy up, make lunch for work, make breakfast on the weekends. I feel like my life is spent looking after him and making sure he’s happy (along with other people in my life) before even thinking about myself. I cant remember the last time we went on a date or went out and did something fun together, and i’m starting to feel like its me he doesn’t want to be spending time with...

I recently passed my driving test and haven’t saved up just enough to get my own car yet (wasn’t a huge fan of one on finance for my first car and insurance is thousands, but I’m almost at my target lol) so he listed me as a named driver on his car - only now, that probably causes more issues. I have to ask if i can drive it, i can’t go out in it without telling him, if he’s not using it then its fine, but if he’s not there he doesn’t want me using it. I understand..to an extent. Its his car, sure. But he reminds me every day we’re not sharing a car, its my car, i’ll just let you drive it now and then.

We’re saving for a house so we can get out of renting (his Dads the landlord so it makes it a little easier to save, good for him, not so much for me lol) so money seems to always be an issue - but surely this shouldn’t get in the way of going out or getting a coffee together on a Saturday afternoon? He goes out every Sunday into manchester to see his friends he went to uni with, he always makes time to go on his playstation or go to training in the week...and i know i cant really complain without sounding like a nagging girlfriend, but he makes all this time for everything/everyone else but me...i don’t live that close to my family, so i feel alone most days. To the point where i dread the weekends. And having strict rules on the car makes it harder to go out on my own too. He doesn’t want to sit down and look at houses, says he doesn’t want to marry me and no kids. So i don’t even feel like he sees me in his future.

Please, just be honest...is it me?
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Pseudo Intellect
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#2
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You need to drop him like a bad habit. In some aspects you’re more his caretaker than girlfriend and other aspects he doesn’t see you as his equal.

(Original post by Anonymous)
So i’ve been with my boyfriend for 2 years. So in love. We live together and work together.

Now, i don’t know when this started, i’d say over a year ago but i only recently noticed it. But he’s very very lazy. I do everything around the house. I cook, clean, tidy up, make lunch for work, make breakfast on the weekends. I feel like my life is spent looking after him and making sure he’s happy (along with other people in my life) before even thinking about myself. I cant remember the last time we went on a date or went out and did something fun together, and i’m starting to feel like its me he doesn’t want to be spending time with...

I recently passed my driving test and haven’t saved up just enough to get my own car yet (wasn’t a huge fan of one on finance for my first car and insurance is thousands, but I’m almost at my target lol) so he listed me as a named driver on his car - only now, that probably causes more issues. I have to ask if i can drive it, i can’t go out in it without telling him, if he’s not using it then its fine, but if he’s not there he doesn’t want me using it. I understand..to an extent. Its his car, sure. But he reminds me every day we’re not sharing a car, its my car, i’ll just let you drive it now and then.

We’re saving for a house so we can get out of renting (his Dads the landlord so it makes it a little easier to save, good for him, not so much for me lol) so money seems to always be an issue - but surely this shouldn’t get in the way of going out or getting a coffee together on a Saturday afternoon? He goes out every Sunday into manchester to see his friends he went to uni with, he always makes time to go on his playstation or go to training in the week...and i know i cant really complain without sounding like a nagging girlfriend, but he makes all this time for everything/everyone else but me...i don’t live that close to my family, so i feel alone most days. To the point where i dread the weekends. And having strict rules on the car makes it harder to go out on my own too. He doesn’t want to sit down and look at houses, says he doesn’t want to marry me and no kids. So i don’t even feel like he sees me in his future.

Please, just be honest...is it me?
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PixelRainbow.
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Do you want to get married and have kids? Because if you do then there is no future in this relationship anyway. I know it’s easier said than done to leave someone you love, but if you’re not happy then in the long term leaving him will be best for you.
Don’t spend 2019 in the exact same way you spent 2018, love yourself and think about exactly what you want and if you’re truely happy in this relationship
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Zarek
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Sad to say, he seems like a time waster and bad prospect. Weigh it up and either do some frank talking or knock it on the head and look for a better bet.
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TommyDH
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Get him told! He needs to grow up and be an adult now. Be blunt and sharp and don't take no for an answer.
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GirlOnline17
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No I don’t think that’s you. I would just talk to him, it doesn’t sound like you can put up with it for much longer and I don’t think you would regret just talking about it. You don’t have to seem like you’re accusing him, just a chat. One day you might look back and wish you said something especially if you’re so unhappy. That’s what I would do
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armouredbeast
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#7
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DUMP HIM.


I am sorry but any man that doesn't respect you to make time for you is NOT WORTH IT.

YOU DESERVE RESPECT AND LOVE.

JUST GET RID OF HIM and save yourself YEARS OF RESENTMENT AND MISERY.

Oh why oh why are you still with him? I just don't understand...
Last edited by armouredbeast; 3 weeks ago
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armouredbeast
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(Original post by pixelrainbow.)
do you want to get married and have kids? Because if you do then there is no future in this relationship anyway. I know it’s easier said than done to leave someone you love, but if you’re not happy then in the long term leaving him will be best for you.
Don’t spend 2019 in the exact same way you spent 2018, love yourself and think about exactly what you want and if you’re truely happy in this relationship
well said!
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bones-mccoy
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Stop doing stuff around the house for him. Clean and tidy up your things, cook your breakfast, make your lunches. If he's old enough to be living with a girlfriend then he's old enough to make himself a sandwich.

Speak to him about prioritising other things and people over you. Seeing his mates is fine but he also should be making a bit of effort to spend some quality time with you. Sounds like he's more than happy to let you look after him, clean his mess and cook his dinners but doesn't really want a relationship, just another mum.
Last edited by bones-mccoy; 3 weeks ago
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doodle_333
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You need to talk to him.

It's easy to get out of the habit of doing stuff if it's done for you, so stop doing it. If he won't wash up, cook dinner for one and let him sort himself out. Don't do his washing. And have a big picture conversation about it, you both live there so he needs to pull his weight. I personally find assigning rooms to be the best method but you might find a chore chart or something better.

Next he needs to know how you feel trapped at home. I would go crazy if I didn't get out and do stuff and you should still be able to save and go out for dinner once a week. It's fine for him to see friends but he needs to see you too.

For the car. TBH if I bought a car I'd say the same as him that I want to be able to use it if I decide to so I don't want my partner just taking it whenever. But if he's out and you'll be back first that sholdnt be an issue. Can you 'buy out' half the car and share it 50/50?

But really... know what you want and tell him. if he's not willing to make changes for you then you have your answer.
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Anonymous #1
#11
Report Thread starter 3 weeks ago
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Thank you so much everyone...i really really do appreciate it. He was going out tonight after work but i’ve told him i want to talk to him (he got a little paranoid..and without sounding like a sicko, it was “nice” watching him squirm, all i could think was hmmm this is what it takes for you to show you actually give a ****)

I’m not looking to leave him or anything like that, because we are genuinely happy and in love, we’re best friends. But he just needs to give his head a wobble!!! It just gets so frustrating sometimes. All the making his dinner and cleaning up etc. Thats just who i am as a person, i can’t sit down and watch tv and do nothing all day like he probably can or a lot of people do. I have to be doing something, i have to be busy. So thats where it gets hard because yeah im doing all the washing and the cooking and the cleaning, but because if i don’t i’ll just go insane and be sat there thinking of all the things i could be doing. (Weirdo i know lol) but i’d just LOVE him to notice and say yknow what babe, i’ll make dinner. You sit down with that book you got at christmas and only read one chapter of and a glass of wine. Dream on!!!

I started getting angry last week so in the end i ended up just saying to him. Me and you are going out on saturday. All day. Just the two of us. We’ll go out for a coffee in the park or we’ll go for a walk, grab some lunch, whatever. All i got was “ok...but it doesn’t need to last all day does it..an hour or two in the afternoon” which is so annoying!! But we didn’t end up doing anything and we didn’t leave the house all weekend because i just thought...im your girlfriend? You’re only allowing an hour or two for your girlfriend? Shocking. I just thought, yknow what. Do what you want, im doing my own thing today! I’ve sat him down and asked him like, are you feeling down? Are you okay? (Im currently struggling with my own mental health so i could just see a few things in his behaviour that was worrying me) but he said he’s fine and everythings okay? Said i just worry too much about him?

Which then made me think...maybe all of this is because of my depression and anxiety? Can anyone relate? Sorry for rambling...and thanks again!!! Xx
(Original post by doodle_333)
You need to talk to him.

It's easy to get out of the habit of doing stuff if it's done for you, so stop doing it. If he won't wash up, cook dinner for one and let him sort himself out. Don't do his washing. And have a big picture conversation about it, you both live there so he needs to pull his weight. I personally find assigning rooms to be the best method but you might find a chore chart or something better.

Next he needs to know how you feel trapped at home. I would go crazy if I didn't get out and do stuff and you should still be able to save and go out for dinner once a week. It's fine for him to see friends but he needs to see you too.

For the car. TBH if I bought a car I'd say the same as him that I want to be able to use it if I decide to so I don't want my partner just taking it whenever. But if he's out and you'll be back first that sholdnt be an issue. Can you 'buy out' half the car and share it 50/50?

But really... know what you want and tell him. if he's not willing to make changes for you then you have your answer.
Thank you so much everyone...i really really do appreciate it. He was going out tonight after work but i’ve told him i want to talk to him (he got a little paranoid..and without sounding like a sicko, it was “nice” watching him squirm, all i could think was hmmm this is what it takes for you to show you actually give a ****)

I’m not looking to leave him or anything like that, because we are genuinely happy and in love, we’re best friends. But he just needs to give his head a wobble!!! It just gets so frustrating sometimes. All the making his dinner and cleaning up etc. Thats just who i am as a person, i can’t sit down and watch tv and do nothing all day like he probably can or a lot of people do. I have to be doing something, i have to be busy. So thats where it gets hard because yeah im doing all the washing and the cooking and the cleaning, but because if i don’t i’ll just go insane and be sat there thinking of all the things i could be doing. (Weirdo i know lol) but i’d just LOVE him to notice and say yknow what babe, i’ll make dinner. You sit down with that book you got at christmas and only read one chapter of and a glass of wine. Dream on!!!

I started getting angry last week so in the end i ended up just saying to him. Me and you are going out on saturday. All day. Just the two of us. We’ll go out for a coffee in the park or we’ll go for a walk, grab some lunch, whatever. All i got was “ok...but it doesn’t need to last all day does it..an hour or two in the afternoon” which is so annoying!! But we didn’t end up doing anything and we didn’t leave the house all weekend because i just thought...im your girlfriend? You’re only allowing an hour or two for your girlfriend? Shocking. I just thought, yknow what. Do what you want, im doing my own thing today! I’ve sat him down and asked him like, are you feeling down? Are you okay? (Im currently struggling with my own mental health so i could just see a few things in his behaviour that was worrying me) but he said he’s fine and everythings okay? Said i just worry too much about him?

Which then made me think...maybe all of this is because of my depression and anxiety? Can anyone relate? Sorry for rambling...and thanks again!!! Xx
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doodle_333
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(Original post by Anonymous)
Thank you so much everyone...i really really do appreciate it. He was going out tonight after work but i’ve told him i want to talk to him (he got a little paranoid..and without sounding like a sicko, it was “nice” watching him squirm, all i could think was hmmm this is what it takes for you to show you actually give a ****)

I’m not looking to leave him or anything like that, because we are genuinely happy and in love, we’re best friends. But he just needs to give his head a wobble!!! It just gets so frustrating sometimes. All the making his dinner and cleaning up etc. Thats just who i am as a person, i can’t sit down and watch tv and do nothing all day like he probably can or a lot of people do. I have to be doing something, i have to be busy. So thats where it gets hard because yeah im doing all the washing and the cooking and the cleaning, but because if i don’t i’ll just go insane and be sat there thinking of all the things i could be doing. (Weirdo i know lol) but i’d just LOVE him to notice and say yknow what babe, i’ll make dinner. You sit down with that book you got at christmas and only read one chapter of and a glass of wine. Dream on!!!

I started getting angry last week so in the end i ended up just saying to him. Me and you are going out on saturday. All day. Just the two of us. We’ll go out for a coffee in the park or we’ll go for a walk, grab some lunch, whatever. All i got was “ok...but it doesn’t need to last all day does it..an hour or two in the afternoon” which is so annoying!! But we didn’t end up doing anything and we didn’t leave the house all weekend because i just thought...im your girlfriend? You’re only allowing an hour or two for your girlfriend? Shocking. I just thought, yknow what. Do what you want, im doing my own thing today! I’ve sat him down and asked him like, are you feeling down? Are you okay? (Im currently struggling with my own mental health so i could just see a few things in his behaviour that was worrying me) but he said he’s fine and everythings okay? Said i just worry too much about him?

Which then made me think...maybe all of this is because of my depression and anxiety? Can anyone relate? Sorry for rambling...and thanks again!!! Xx

Thank you so much everyone...i really really do appreciate it. He was going out tonight after work but i’ve told him i want to talk to him (he got a little paranoid..and without sounding like a sicko, it was “nice” watching him squirm, all i could think was hmmm this is what it takes for you to show you actually give a ****)

I’m not looking to leave him or anything like that, because we are genuinely happy and in love, we’re best friends. But he just needs to give his head a wobble!!! It just gets so frustrating sometimes. All the making his dinner and cleaning up etc. Thats just who i am as a person, i can’t sit down and watch tv and do nothing all day like he probably can or a lot of people do. I have to be doing something, i have to be busy. So thats where it gets hard because yeah im doing all the washing and the cooking and the cleaning, but because if i don’t i’ll just go insane and be sat there thinking of all the things i could be doing. (Weirdo i know lol) but i’d just LOVE him to notice and say yknow what babe, i’ll make dinner. You sit down with that book you got at christmas and only read one chapter of and a glass of wine. Dream on!!!

I started getting angry last week so in the end i ended up just saying to him. Me and you are going out on saturday. All day. Just the two of us. We’ll go out for a coffee in the park or we’ll go for a walk, grab some lunch, whatever. All i got was “ok...but it doesn’t need to last all day does it..an hour or two in the afternoon” which is so annoying!! But we didn’t end up doing anything and we didn’t leave the house all weekend because i just thought...im your girlfriend? You’re only allowing an hour or two for your girlfriend? Shocking. I just thought, yknow what. Do what you want, im doing my own thing today! I’ve sat him down and asked him like, are you feeling down? Are you okay? (Im currently struggling with my own mental health so i could just see a few things in his behaviour that was worrying me) but he said he’s fine and everythings okay? Said i just worry too much about him?

Which then made me think...maybe all of this is because of my depression and anxiety? Can anyone relate? Sorry for rambling...and thanks again!!! Xx
this isn't you...

You're asking for SO little, a little bit of appreciation and a little bit of attention... that's not a big thing. He doesn't need to be depressed or something, he's just complacent. He likes his games and he knows dinner will be served whether he gets off his add or not... so why do anything else? He needs to realise it's not ok and there could be consequences.

I hope your chat went ok.
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