The Student Room Group

Relationships and Minorities...

Look, people can date anyone they want. Men who are minorities generally have a harder time when it comes attracting women--> Women too can have a harder time but trying to focus on the male side for now. When I see threads of guys posting that it is really hard for them to get women, I try to put myself in their shoes and see what they are trying to say. What gets me the most is when white guys step in and say paraphrasing loosely"bro just be confident, put yourself out there and stop whining" I do agree with the you gotta have confidence and such. Minority guys have the odds stacked up against them as is already with life and women. White guys shut the **** up because statistically speaking You as a collective are the most desired, so you're experience with getting women is irrelevant to us because we cannot relate to it. Now women are human beings with their preferences, interests and passions and such, but I am sorry you gotta look past the media ******** when it comes to beauty. Why is it that usually the heroes in movies/models/and advertising in general are White guys? Why are they deemed the most attractive while other guys of different races aren't shown? This type of issue misconstrues what an attractive male is and this leads to women falling for that archetype. Women look past that! and see a man for who he is, his morals/values/character, SO DONT COMPLETELY DISREGARD A GUY BECAUSE OF HIS COLOUR. Men gotta do work when it comes to getting women, grooming,hygeine, and health/getting resources/being the best they can be! I guess what the main point is dont ignore a guy because of his race, ignore all that media ********, and be attracted to guys you really find attractive deep down.
Original post by Anonymous
Look, people can date anyone they want. Men who are minorities generally have a harder time when it comes attracting women-->


No that’s not true, that’s just an opinion of yours based on 0 facts

Original post by Anonymous
Women too can have a harder time but trying to focus on the male side for now.


Why are you only focusing on the male side? See now I could call you sexist for not caring for both genders equally when arguing your point which also makes your point sound even less valid, you’re just deeply hurt it seems since you are a male and probably have been hurt emotionally which makes your argument much less credible due to your emotional bias.

Original post by Anonymous
Minority guys have the odds stacked up against them as is already with life and women.


You say ‘as is already’ which makes me think you’re going to say two other things that minority’s have ‘stacked up’ against them but then say life which is a culmination of everything, you’re making your argument sound stronger based on opinions that have no basis but your own experience, you can’t make a point talking about the larger scale and then only reference yourself as proof.

Original post by Anonymous
White guys shut the **** up because statistically speaking You as a collective are the most desired, so you're experience with getting women is irrelevant to us because we cannot relate to it.


Your post already doesn’t make sense, don’t add anger to try and make your point sound valid, skin colour doesn’t matter, if you can’t get girls I suggest you look deeper into your own personality because from what I get from this post is that you aren’t a very pleasant person to be with.

Original post by Anonymous
Now women are human beings with their preferences, interests and passions and such, but I am sorry you gotta look past the media ******** when it comes to beauty.


Obviously not to you since you excluded them from your argument in the beginning, what media *********? What are you talking about exactly, you’re not being specific which leads me to think that you don’t know what you’re taking about.

Original post by Anonymous
Why is it that usually the heroes in movies/models/and advertising in general are White guys?


Since when did we drift off to talking about how Hollywood represents white men, you are making baseless claims to fit your narrative.

Original post by Anonymous
Why are they deemed the most attractive while other guys of different races aren't shown?


You’re acting as if minority’s are excluded from media coverage, that’s not true, take a look at sports, movies, modelling agencies and the news.

Original post by Anonymous
This type of issue misconstrues what an attractive male is and this leads to women falling for that archetype. Women look past that! and see a man for who he is, his morals/values/character, SO DONT COMPLETELY DISREGARD A GUY BECAUSE OF HIS COLOUR. Men gotta do work when it comes to getting women, grooming,hygeine, and health/getting resources/being the best they can be! I guess what the main point is dont ignore a guy because of his race, ignore all that media ********, and be attracted to guys you really find attractive deep down


‘Getting women’.

You don’t think women have to quote focus on ‘grooming,hygeine, and health/getting resources/being the best they can be!’?

If a women disregards a man because of his skin colour it’s not based on your claim that ‘media shows white men as more desirable’, it’s because she’s racist, don’t get it confused and stop making claims that have no weight at all.
(edited 5 years ago)
Reply 2
Original post by Anonymous
Look, people can date anyone they want. Men who are minorities generally have a harder time when it comes attracting women--> Women too can have a harder time but trying to focus on the male side for now. When I see threads of guys posting that it is really hard for them to get women, I try to put myself in their shoes and see what they are trying to say. What gets me the most is when white guys step in and say paraphrasing loosely"bro just be confident, put yourself out there and stop whining" I do agree with the you gotta have confidence and such. Minority guys have the odds stacked up against them as is already with life and women. White guys shut the **** up because statistically speaking You as a collective are the most desired, so you're experience with getting women is irrelevant to us because we cannot relate to it. Now women are human beings with their preferences, interests and passions and such, but I am sorry you gotta look past the media ******** when it comes to beauty. Why is it that usually the heroes in movies/models/and advertising in general are White guys? Why are they deemed the most attractive while other guys of different races aren't shown? This type of issue misconstrues what an attractive male is and this leads to women falling for that archetype. Women look past that! and see a man for who he is, his morals/values/character, SO DONT COMPLETELY DISREGARD A GUY BECAUSE OF HIS COLOUR. Men gotta do work when it comes to getting women, grooming,hygeine, and health/getting resources/being the best they can be! I guess what the main point is dont ignore a guy because of his race, ignore all that media ********, and be attracted to guys you really find attractive deep down.

This is female psychology. Women are superficial and gullible, which means they only prioritise male model good looks and a gym-built body. They believe and are attracted to lies and BS but will totally ignore honesty and legitimacy in a man. This is why the handsome guy who does nothing beyond going to the gym and playing football (i.e. showing off big displays of masculinity) receives attention from all the girls. Whereas the guy who isn't as good-looking but focuses on more important things like career, lifestyle, traveling, self-improvement, independence and has various other hobbies (all part of an interesting personality) will receive ignorance, rude gestures and rejection from girls. So whenever a girl says she prioritises personality over looks, you can call her out on her BS. You know the saying, that a girl has already decided whether she likes you or not within the first 7 seconds of meeting you - well that's because they never make the effort to get to know a guy beyond anything other than his looks. Put any girl in front of the two types of guys I've described (without letting her get to know the guy), give her a choice of which one she likes and I'll be proven right every time. Also, look at how jealous girls get of each other and how they fight for attention - the guy who has a girlfriend can jump from one relationship to the next and will always have other girls messaging him at the same time, trying to compete with each other for his attention. Whereas a guy who has been single for a long time and is less experienced in the dating game, won't get anywhere.

I can see your point about the media being an influence. All the biggest Hollywood actors are either white or from Black African/Caribbean descent. Most of them are bodybuilders too. By all means, girls can go for whoever they want - but having that freedom of choice means they will have very high standards that most guys will never be able to meet, and they refuse to compromise on anything, because they can move immediately to the next guy. It's harder for a guy to do the same with girls if he doesn't fit a woman's "type". There is a constant pressure and expectation for guys to change themselves, work hard in the gym to get the "ideal body type" in order to get to know girls better. So when you're from an ethnic minority and you have no representation in the media (apart from the odd one or two TV appearances from minority people for "diversity quota"), you have to work much much harder to be seen as equally deserving of a girl's attention. Girls are always on their phones, and whatever they look at on the internet or social media (i.e. where it's predominantly male models, bodybuilders, masculine personalities etc) will determine what they're attracted to in real life. There's no point telling a girl to place more importance on a guy's personality, because she won't listen and she never will. Girls are wired to look at guys in the way they do, and there's nothing we can do to change it. Funny how guys are constantly told to strive for perfection and be better than they are (usually after rejection), but it's considered rude to tell a girl to do the same thing.
damn i agree. but u gotta stop feeling sorry for yourself because maybe ur just unattractive in other ways and not cause ur a minority!!!!!
Original post by asif007

Women are superficial and gullible, which means they only prioritise male model good looks and a gym-built body.

They believe and are attracted to lies and BS but will totally ignore honesty and legitimacy in a man.

This is why the handsome guy who does nothing beyond going to the gym and playing football (i.e. showing off big displays of masculinity) receives attention from all the girls.

Whereas the guy who isn't as good-looking but focuses on more important things like career, lifestyle, traveling, self-improvement, independence and has various other hobbies (all part of an interesting personality) will receive ignorance, rude gestures and rejection from girls.

So whenever a girl says she prioritises personality over looks, you can call her out on her BS.
You know the saying, that a girl has already decided whether she likes you or not within the first 7 seconds of meeting you - well that's because they never make the effort to get to know a guy beyond anything other than his looks. Put any girl in front of the two types of guys I've described (without letting her get to know the guy), give her a choice of which one she likes and I'll be proven right every time.

There's no point telling a girl to place more importance on a guy's personality, because she won't listen and she never will.

Girls are wired to look at guys in the way they do, and there's nothing we can do to change it.


Wow, you seem to be an omniscient being.
One who has made criticizing "the girls" and stereotyping "women" a full time occupation.
I assume you have shared all these erudite opinions with your mother and every female relative you have.

I'm a 23 year old female who is not attracted to muscle, sports or guys who frequent the gym.
I've never dated a gym guy, football fan or sports enthusiast and never will.
Guess I'm just not "wired to look at guys" who enjoy those things.
I don't have a smartphone either.
Four years ago, I walked out on a liar who tried giving me BS to divert my attention from his sordid and dishonest conduct.
No regrets about ending the relationship; it's better to be happy and alone than in a bad relationship with the wrong person.
Reply 5
Original post by londonmyst
Wow, you seem to be an omniscient being.
One who has made criticizing "the girls" and stereotyping "women" a full time occupation.
I assume you have shared all these erudite opinions with your mother and every female relative you have.

I'm a 23 year old female who is not attracted to muscle, sports or guys who frequent the gym.
I've never dated a gym guy, football fan or sports enthusiast and never will.
Guess I'm just not "wired to look at guys" who enjoy those things.
I don't have a smartphone either.
Four years ago, I walked out on a liar who tried giving me BS to divert my attention from his sordid and dishonest conduct.
No regrets about ending the relationship; it's better to be happy and alone than in a bad relationship with the wrong person.


Do you want a medal?
Original post by asif007
Do you want a medal?


No thanks.
It's so sweet of you to ask.
Original post by Anonymous
Look, people can date anyone they want. Men who are minorities generally have a harder time when it comes attracting women--> Women too can have a harder time but trying to focus on the male side for now. When I see threads of guys posting that it is really hard for them to get women, I try to put myself in their shoes and see what they are trying to say. What gets me the most is when white guys step in and say paraphrasing loosely"bro just be confident, put yourself out there and stop whining" I do agree with the you gotta have confidence and such. Minority guys have the odds stacked up against them as is already with life and women. White guys shut the **** up because statistically speaking You as a collective are the most desired, so you're experience with getting women is irrelevant to us because we cannot relate to it. Now women are human beings with their preferences, interests and passions and such, but I am sorry you gotta look past the media ******** when it comes to beauty. Why is it that usually the heroes in movies/models/and advertising in general are White guys? Why are they deemed the most attractive while other guys of different races aren't shown? This type of issue misconstrues what an attractive male is and this leads to women falling for that archetype. Women look past that! and see a man for who he is, his morals/values/character, SO DONT COMPLETELY DISREGARD A GUY BECAUSE OF HIS COLOUR. Men gotta do work when it comes to getting women, grooming,hygeine, and health/getting resources/being the best they can be! I guess what the main point is dont ignore a guy because of his race, ignore all that media ********, and be attracted to guys you really find attractive deep down.


Doesn't it feel good to be a minority though? We got culture, brother. I wouldn't change my skin colour for anything EVER no matter how much of a disadvantage I am with certain things. You gotta look at the bright side and be happy we got so many other stuff going for us.
Reply 8
Original post by Lemonadez
Doesn't it feel good to be a minority though? We got culture, brother. I wouldn't change my skin colour for anything EVER no matter how much of a disadvantage I am with certain things. You gotta look at the bright side and be happy we got so many other stuff going for us.

Hey brother it's great and I am not ashamed of who I am, if everyone was the same the world would be a boring place. It just kinda pisses me off when minorities aren't shown in the same way white people are. Look I hate to bring race into anything but I cant look blindly at a situation and for me unfortunately race is an issue when it comes to dating even if we're considered "multi cultural".
Reply 9
Original post by londonmyst
Wow, you seem to be an omniscient being.
One who has made criticizing "the girls" and stereotyping "women" a full time occupation.
I assume you have shared all these erudite opinions with your mother and every female relative you have.

I'm a 23 year old female who is not attracted to muscle, sports or guys who frequent the gym.
I've never dated a gym guy, football fan or sports enthusiast and never will.
Guess I'm just not "wired to look at guys" who enjoy those things.
I don't have a smartphone either.
Four years ago, I walked out on a liar who tried giving me BS to divert my attention from his sordid and dishonest conduct.
No regrets about ending the relationship; it's better to be happy and alone than in a bad relationship with the wrong person.

Look, I am not saying all guys are perfect and they're definitely the worst types and personality matters at least I get that, but completely disregarding a man based off his skin colour is ignorant and kinda reflects the type of woman you are. Yes I wanted to focus on the male side of this topic, but there are issues from the female side that I wanted to bring up because they are connected.
Original post by Rainfall
damn i agree. but u gotta stop feeling sorry for yourself because maybe ur just unattractive in other ways and not cause ur a minority!!!!!

That's the point I'm trying to make, attraction and race is linked. I'm not saying I'm correct but based on thousands of people saying the same thing; just google it, I'm sure you'll find something to read. That many guys of different backgrounds feel that their race is hindering a relationship with any women outside of their race. Women are entitled to their preferences, but a line should be drawn when preferences is based on racial and prejudicial reasons. And yes I am not a perfect man, I have my flaws and I try every day to work on them. You dont know me this post is not a reflection of who I am, but something I've observed personally and read about.
Original post by Anonymous
Hey brother it's great and I am not ashamed of who I am, if everyone was the same the world would be a boring place. It just kinda pisses me off when minorities aren't shown in the same way white people are. Look I hate to bring race into anything but I cant look blindly at a situation and for me unfortunately race is an issue when it comes to dating even if we're considered "multi cultural".

I am a white guy and while i do agree that the minorities have it harder in some cases, they also have it easier in others (i will no go over on a debate about who draws the short straw because it's totally pointless). I happen to not be on the stereotypical side of the pretty white gym lad or however you want to view it and i'm telling you it's not that easy for me either, regardless of my "advantaged" skin colour.

One thing i would like to point out though is that i see a lot more people from the minorities complaining about racism and whatnot than actual racist white people, by far. There will always be some form of discrimination (too stupid, too smart, too short, too tall, too fat, too thin, too white, too black, too...) and if we all started focusing only on the negative side of things then i really don't know what would happen but it sure wouldn't be anything good. What i'm trying to say is that by focusing on whatever some people don't like about you you're simply perpetuating the problem. This approach clearly doesn't work so maybe try a different one.
Original post by Chioru'
I am a white guy and while i do agree that the minorities have it harder in some cases, they also have it easier in others (i will no go over on a debate about who draws the short straw because it's totally pointless). I happen to not be on the stereotypical side of the pretty white gym lad or however you want to view it and i'm telling you it's not that easy for me either, regardless of my "advantaged" skin colour.

One thing i would like to point out though is that i see a lot more people from the minorities complaining about racism and whatnot than actual racist white people, by far. There will always be some form of discrimination (too stupid, too smart, too short, too tall, too fat, too thin, too white, too black, too...) and if we all started focusing only on the negative side of things then i really don't know what would happen but it sure wouldn't be anything good. What i'm trying to say is that by focusing on whatever some people don't like about you you're simply perpetuating the problem. This approach clearly doesn't work so maybe try a different one.

Focusing on the negatives is obviously not always the best approach, but we cannot simply ignore them and pretend it doesnt exist, we have to speak out about it. I hate typing it but, "white guys" simply have it better statistically speaking when it comes to dating. Now don't get me wrong they're plenty of white guys who have it hard, but being disregarded because of your skin colour hurts very deeply as you can probably imagine. I know my self worth and not going to base it off what other people say, but it does make my mind wonder though. First step in solving a problem is recognizing there is one and sometimes when it goes deep we cannot be afraid to talk about it.
Original post by Anonymous
Look, I am not saying all guys are perfect and they're definitely the worst types and personality matters at least I get that, but completely disregarding a man based off his skin colour is ignorant and kinda reflects the type of woman you are. Yes I wanted to focus on the male side of this topic, but there are issues from the female side that I wanted to bring up because they are connected.


My personal preference when dating are based upon age and gender.
I am a heterosexual female and only attracted to older men.
The fact is different people have different preferences- usually related to sexual attraction and sexual compatibility.

A gay woman is not going to be sexually attracted to a man, no matter how much they otherwise have in common or how great a friend he has been to her.
Verbally branding such a woman as ignorant for refusing to consider dating a man would only make her angry with the one who says this.
My father only ever dated women with red hair and a shared interest in fringe revolutionary left politics.
These two features are what attracted him to my mother.

If you go through life constantly passing judgement upon other random people's opinions and sexual preferences, you are likely to encounter lot of hostile reactions.
Religious people and those from traditionalist minority communities are likely to have very different opinions to you- about a lot of things.

Many very religious people refuse to date outside their own religious community and some religions absolutely forbid marriages outside the religious community.
I support interfaith marriages but have a few friends who do not.
We agree to disagree- I have my opinion and they have their's.
Fighting, insulting each other or resorting to hostile terms like "ignorant"/"xenophobic" would achieve nothing positive for any of us.
Listen, it's the same for females who aren't white. Sometimes, it feels like most guys want white or black girlfriends and it just feels like everyone inbetween is left out.
Tbh i like East asian guys but because I'm Afghan, I dont really come into (most guys,not all) their ideal woman, who's white and had blonde hair and blue eyes.
Original post by Anonymous
Hey brother it's great and I am not ashamed of who I am, if everyone was the same the world would be a boring place. It just kinda pisses me off when minorities aren't shown in the same way white people are. Look I hate to bring race into anything but I cant look blindly at a situation and for me unfortunately race is an issue when it comes to dating even if we're considered "multi cultural".


Of course bro! And the media plays a part in that too. It's not just dating though, we, minorities, in general have much more difficult lives (racism, family traditions, etc) but sometimes you got to make light of the situation and make jokes as well. Not all white people have good lives BUT most do and it does annoy me when someone tells me something or gives me advice that will ONLY work for white people. It just shows that they have no idea what they're on about.

Even with all the disadvantages (which isn't actually directly our fault), I'm proud of my brown skin, mother tongue and country of origin. I would not want to change that about myself.
Original post by asif007
This is female psychology. Women are superficial and gullible, which means they only prioritise male model good looks and a gym-built body. They believe and are attracted to lies and BS but will totally ignore honesty and legitimacy in a man. This is why the handsome guy who does nothing beyond going to the gym and playing football (i.e. showing off big displays of masculinity) receives attention from all the girls. Whereas the guy who isn't as good-looking but focuses on more important things like career, lifestyle, traveling, self-improvement, independence and has various other hobbies (all part of an interesting personality) will receive ignorance, rude gestures and rejection from girls. So whenever a girl says she prioritises personality over looks, you can call her out on her BS. You know the saying, that a girl has already decided whether she likes you or not within the first 7 seconds of meeting you - well that's because they never make the effort to get to know a guy beyond anything other than his looks. Put any girl in front of the two types of guys I've described (without letting her get to know the guy), give her a choice of which one she likes and I'll be proven right every time. Also, look at how jealous girls get of each other and how they fight for attention - the guy who has a girlfriend can jump from one relationship to the next and will always have other girls messaging him at the same time, trying to compete with each other for his attention. Whereas a guy who has been single for a long time and is less experienced in the dating game, won't get anywhere.

I can see your point about the media being an influence. All the biggest Hollywood actors are either white or from Black African/Caribbean descent. Most of them are bodybuilders too. By all means, girls can go for whoever they want - but having that freedom of choice means they will have very high standards that most guys will never be able to meet, and they refuse to compromise on anything, because they can move immediately to the next guy. It's harder for a guy to do the same with girls if he doesn't fit a woman's "type". There is a constant pressure and expectation for guys to change themselves, work hard in the gym to get the "ideal body type" in order to get to know girls better. So when you're from an ethnic minority and you have no representation in the media (apart from the odd one or two TV appearances from minority people for "diversity quota":wink:, you have to work much much harder to be seen as equally deserving of a girl's attention. Girls are always on their phones, and whatever they look at on the internet or social media (i.e. where it's predominantly male models, bodybuilders, masculine personalities etc) will determine what they're attracted to in real life. There's no point telling a girl to place more importance on a guy's personality, because she won't listen and she never will. Girls are wired to look at guys in the way they do, and there's nothing we can do to change it. Funny how guys are constantly told to strive for perfection and be better than they are (usually after rejection), but it's considered rude to tell a girl to do the same thing.


My dude, seriously who hurt you? you're forgetting about individual differences in the first paragraph

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