Don't know how to tell flatmate we don't want to live with her Watch

spudent128
Badges: 5
Rep:
?
#1
Report Thread starter 4 weeks ago
#1
Hi,

So there's currently six of us living in our flat (1st year halls) and five of us get on really well together. The other girl is nice and joins in but there are so many things that she does that just make it clear to us that none of us want to live with her next year. She's not very good at reading the room or reading other people and so she just assumes she's living with us. It would be very difficult to tell her as it would be inevitable that she'd feel terrible (being the only one not included).

The rest of my flatmates are just moving along with looking for six-bedroom houses even though I know none of them want to live with her. I think the most mature thing to do would be to sit down as a group and tell her but I doubt any of the others would. We have to live together until the end of the year after this decision and I'm not sure how that will pan out.

What is the best way to go about this?
0
reply
ftfy
Badges: 13
Rep:
?
#2
Report 4 weeks ago
#2
Maybe the fact that rest of your flatmates are just moving along with it indicates that not everyone minds her as much you do? What's your problem with her anyway?
1
reply
spudent128
Badges: 5
Rep:
?
#3
Report Thread starter 4 weeks ago
#3
No trust me, if anything they can't stand her but no one is brave enough to tell her so I feel like it has to be me. It's either going to be that or everyone just deals with living with her. It's lots of little things: lying to be
0
reply
ANM775
Badges: 20
Rep:
?
#4
Report 4 weeks ago
#4
(Original post by spudent128)
Hi,

So there's currently six of us living in our flat (1st year halls) and five of us get on really well together. The other girl is nice and joins in but there are so many things that she does that just make it clear to us that none of us want to live with her next year. She's not very good at reading the room or reading other people and so she just assumes she's living with us. It would be very difficult to tell her as it would be inevitable that she'd feel terrible (being the only one not included).

The rest of my flatmates are just moving along with looking for six-bedroom houses even though I know none of them want to live with her. I think the most mature thing to do would be to sit down as a group and tell her but I doubt any of the others would. We have to live together until the end of the year after this decision and I'm not sure how that will pan out.

What is the best way to go about this?

you said this other girl is nice but is a pain to live with?
what exactly is she doing?

I'm sorry but there is no easy way to tell someone [who thinks you're her friend] that you and the 4 other people want to move someplace new and don't want her there.

If that happened to me, mentally it would be quite a blow
Last edited by ANM775; 4 weeks ago
4
reply
Sexybadman
Badges: 16
Rep:
?
#5
Report 4 weeks ago
#5
(Original post by spudent128)
Hi,

So there's currently six of us living in our flat (1st year halls) and five of us get on really well together. The other girl is nice and joins in but there are so many things that she does that just make it clear to us that none of us want to live with her next year. She's not very good at reading the room or reading other people and so she just assumes she's living with us. It would be very difficult to tell her as it would be inevitable that she'd feel terrible (being the only one not included).

The rest of my flatmates are just moving along with looking for six-bedroom houses even though I know none of them want to live with her. I think the most mature thing to do would be to sit down as a group and tell her but I doubt any of the others would. We have to live together until the end of the year after this decision and I'm not sure how that will pan out.

What is the best way to go about this?
How can she assume shes living with you when she already is?
Also you failed to actually answer what your problem is with her, apart from her being a little socially awkward?
Posted on the TSR App. Download from Apple or Google Play
1
reply
spudent128
Badges: 5
Rep:
?
#6
Report Thread starter 4 weeks ago
#6
Sorry it cut my answer off: she lies to be relatable, she had her mum to stay for a week and told us a few days before without asking if it was okay, she relates everything to her gap year: someone said they spilled a drink at spoons and she replied "I spilled a drink once on my gap year in India" and she repeats something over and over until you ask her about it so she can go over it in detail e.g. "ow my knee hurts" until someone makes eye contact and asks her... These are just a few of many things that happen all the time
2
reply
spudent128
Badges: 5
Rep:
?
#7
Report Thread starter 4 weeks ago
#7
(Original post by Sexybadman)
How can she assume shes living with you when she already is?
Also you failed to actually answer what your problem is with her, apart from her being a little socially awkward?
Sorry I fixed it now, I'm on about living with us next year.
0
reply
spudent128
Badges: 5
Rep:
?
#8
Report Thread starter 4 weeks ago
#8
(Original post by ANM775)
you said this other girl is nice but is a pain to live with?
what exactly is she doing?

I'm sorry but there is no easy way to tell someone [who thinks you're her friend] that you and the 4 other people want to move someplace new and don't want her there.

If that happened to me, mentally it would be quite a blow
I know.. but I feel like it's the right thing to do - it's going to be difficult though and painful...
And sorry my post cut off so I've added to it down below
0
reply
Sexybadman
Badges: 16
Rep:
?
#9
Report 4 weeks ago
#9
(Original post by spudent128)
Sorry I fixed it now, I'm on about living with us next year.
Would you say shes a dirty/unclean person? Leaves her dishes for someone else to wash, disturbs your sleep, leaves the bathroom dirty, uses your stuff without permission etc.
If she does those kind of things then hell ye ditch her as long as your sure the other 4 will back you up...

Also it just seems you find her a bit weird and don’t really like her, you could just distance yourself away and ride it out if thats the case.
Your always gunna meet someone you don’t get a long with, my advice would be ride it out Or before breaking the news make sure the other 4 support your reasoning.
Posted on the TSR App. Download from Apple or Google Play
Last edited by Sexybadman; 4 weeks ago
1
reply
spudent128
Badges: 5
Rep:
?
#10
Report Thread starter 4 weeks ago
#10
(Original post by Sexybadman)
Would you say shes a dirty/unclean person? Leaves her dishes for someone else to wash, disturbs your sleep, leaves the bathroom dirty, uses your stuff without permission etc.
If she does those kind of things then hell ye ditch her as long as your sure the other 4 will back you up...

Also it just seems you find her a bit weird and don’t really like her, you could just distance yourself away and ride it out if thats the case.
Your always gunna meet someone you don’t get a long with, my advice would be ride it out Or before breaking the news make sure the other 4 support your reasoning.
she's leaves her dishes a bit more than most sometimes, she's only disturbed sleep once, and she has used stuff without permission but they're all things that (if they happened regularly) would make it easy to tell her. I've had so many conversations with the other 4 about it and know they'd back me up. What do you mean by ride it out?? If we just signed for a house without telling her I think that would be nasty.
0
reply
Sexybadman
Badges: 16
Rep:
?
#11
Report 4 weeks ago
#11
(Original post by spudent128)
she's leaves her dishes a bit more than most sometimes, she's only disturbed sleep once, and she has used stuff without permission but they're all things that (if they happened regularly) would make it easy to tell her. I've had so many conversations with the other 4 about it and know they'd back me up. What do you mean by ride it out?? If we just signed for a house without telling her I think that would be nasty.
Sorry i meant ride this year out and just tolerate/be civil with her.
Its actually better your choosing to be more upfront about it though, i rate that.
The sooner you tell her the better, just talk to the other 4 and make sure they support you when you say it...then just sit her down and explain that you guys are getting a 5 room place.
Theres no soft way of doing something like this so your just gunna have to keep it real and not worry about feelings getting hurt or looking bad.
At least the earlier she knows the earlier she can get looking for a new place.
Posted on the TSR App. Download from Apple or Google Play
1
reply
squeakysquirrel
Badges: 20
Rep:
?
#12
Report 4 weeks ago
#12
(Original post by spudent128)
Hi,

So there's currently six of us living in our flat (1st year halls) and five of us get on really well together. The other girl is nice and joins in but there are so many things that she does that just make it clear to us that none of us want to live with her next year. She's not very good at reading the room or reading other people and so she just assumes she's living with us. It would be very difficult to tell her as it would be inevitable that she'd feel terrible (being the only one not included).

The rest of my flatmates are just moving along with looking for six-bedroom houses even though I know none of them want to live with her. I think the most mature thing to do would be to sit down as a group and tell her but I doubt any of the others would. We have to live together until the end of the year after this decision and I'm not sure how that will pan out.

What is the best way to go about this?
I think you are making gross assumptions about the other flatmates - the other flatmates are looking for 6 bedroom houses. Nobody else wants to sit down and talk with her.

You sound rather mean.

If you are determined to leave her behind you have two choices:

1. Tell her you you do want to share with her - and I think you should do it since you seem to be the ringleader

2. Look for 5 bedroom houses ( large places are hard to find actually) and just dont involve her.
3
reply
Claire461
Badges: 21
Rep:
?
#13
Report 4 weeks ago
#13
So, five of you don’t like her, but you don’t have a valid reason that you don’t like her. The sooner you tell her the better for all of you and especially her. Must be tough for her living with a bunch of people who dislike you for no reason.
I hope she finds better roommates next year.
Big world out there. You are going to meet all sorts of people in the workplace. Good luck with getting rid of people you don’t like.
13
reply
spudent128
Badges: 5
Rep:
?
#14
Report Thread starter 4 weeks ago
#14
(Original post by squeakysquirrel)
I think you are making gross assumptions about the other flatmates - the other flatmates are looking for 6 bedroom houses. Nobody else wants to sit down and talk with her.

You sound rather mean.

If you are determined to leave her behind you have two choices:

1. Tell her you you do want to share with her - and I think you should do it since you seem to be the ringleader

2. Look for 5 bedroom houses ( large places are hard to find actually) and just dont involve her.
Hi squeakysquirrel, I'd have to argue that I'm quite the opposite seeing as the others will happily talk about her behind her back and say they dont want to live with her but aren't prepared to do anything about it
0
reply
squeakysquirrel
Badges: 20
Rep:
?
#15
Report 4 weeks ago
#15
(Original post by spudent128)
Hi squeakysquirrel, I'd have to argue that I'm quite the opposite seeing as the others will happily talk about her behind her back and say they dont want to live with her but aren't prepared to do anything about it
Which is exactly what you are doing.

So the answer is plan B - look for 5 bedroom places
0
reply
spudent128
Badges: 5
Rep:
?
#16
Report Thread starter 4 weeks ago
#16
(Original post by Sexybadman)
Sorry i meant ride this year out and just tolerate/be civil with her.
Its actually better your choosing to be more upfront about it though, i rate that.
The sooner you tell her the better, just talk to the other 4 and make sure they support you when you say it...then just sit her down and explain that you guys are getting a 5 room place.
Theres no soft way of doing something like this so your just gunna have to keep it real and not worry about feelings getting hurt or looking bad.
At least the earlier she knows the earlier she can get looking for a new place.
Thanks, yeah I hate doing this kind of thing and generally just leave it and I've probably come here looking for a "soft way" of doing it...
0
reply
Mubzzz
Badges: 9
Rep:
?
#17
Report 4 weeks ago
#17
It's not by force to live with someone😂, if all 5 of them don't like her then that's it.

Why don't you all just tell her to fix up the things that you guys don't like about her, or else you're all going to get a new house without her.

Better to be upfront and honest than waste each others time and being fake with each other.
Posted on the TSR App. Download from Apple or Google Play
2
reply
mn9011
Badges: 11
Rep:
?
#18
Report 4 weeks ago
#18
(Original post by spudent128)
Sorry it cut my answer off: she lies to be relatable, she had her mum to stay for a week and told us a few days before without asking if it was okay, she relates everything to her gap year: someone said they spilled a drink at spoons and she replied "I spilled a drink once on my gap year in India" and she repeats something over and over until you ask her about it so she can go over it in detail e.g. "ow my knee hurts" until someone makes eye contact and asks her... These are just a few of many things that happen all the time
Just curious,does her being Indian have to do with any of this?
0
reply
spudent128
Badges: 5
Rep:
?
#19
Report Thread starter 4 weeks ago
#19
(Original post by squeakysquirrel)
Which is exactly what you are doing.

So the answer is plan B - look for 5 bedroom places
I think you're getting the wrong end of the stick, Mr/Miss Squirrel. The choices are:

A - Tell her

B - don't tell her and deal with her in a 6-bed house

I think your option B is insensitive.
To quote you: "You sound rather mean"
0
reply
spudent128
Badges: 5
Rep:
?
#20
Report Thread starter 4 weeks ago
#20
(Original post by mn9011)
Just curious,does her being Indian have to do with any of this?
She's not indian. And no, that would never have anything to do with it.

"I have a dream that my four little children will one day live in a nation where they will not be judged by the color of their skin, but by the content of their character."
0
reply
X

Quick Reply

Attached files
Write a reply...
Reply
new posts
Latest
My Feed

See more of what you like on
The Student Room

You can personalise what you see on TSR. Tell us a little about yourself to get started.

Personalise

University open days

  • University of Bath
    Undergraduate Virtual Open Day Undergraduate
    Sat, 23 Feb '19
  • Ravensbourne University London
    School of Design, School of Media Further education
    Sat, 23 Feb '19
  • Leeds Trinity University
    PGCE Open Day Further education
    Sat, 23 Feb '19

Do you have a food intolerance or allergy?

Yes - a food intolerance (7)
11.29%
Yes - a food allergy (5)
8.06%
Yes - an autoimmune disorder (i.e coeliac, colitis) (3)
4.84%
Yes - I have an intolerance and allergy (4)
6.45%
No (43)
69.35%

Watched Threads

View All