Dating a Pakistani guy but getting marry what can I do? Watch

Anonymous #1
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I'm going thru something similar. I was saying a guy from Pakistan for a year and 3 days after our one year anniversary he told me he still had feelings for his ex (which he dated 5 years before me) anyways I got mad and said that I told him I cannot be with someone who wasn't emotionally ready to pick me. He's the nicest, sweetest, loving guy I've ever met and after 13 days no contact I decided to text him and meet him. Unfortunately he said that out of anger and being heart broken his mom asked him if he wanted to get marry and he said YES Now we both want to be together I live him so much and he does too he has always telling me that he wants to Marty someone he loves and knows. But this girl he doesn't know him nor is in in love with her. I told him to fight for our love but he said if he does that he'll hurt his mom feeling a so there's no going back. I still love him so much and want to fight for his love but he doesn't want to talk to me or see me anymore. He said he's leaving in March to Pakistan for the marriage 😢😢
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SoulfulTwist
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#2
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If he ain't willing to 'fight' for it, he's made his choice. Move on.
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londonmyst
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He has made up his mind and does not want a future with you.
Some people do prefer arranged marriages chosen by their parents to choosing their own marriage partners.
Move on, end all contact with him and find someone who wants to be with you.
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Anonymous #2
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Hey I’m in a similar situation...

I’m getting married back in my country too (in April) purely for my parents sake I have no Interest in this guy I’m marrying at all in-fact I still love my ex...

I told my ex everything he told me to stand up for myself but I just couldn’t I was too scared to say no or hurt my family as they were so happy about this ...

I’m still trying to move from my ex we still talk here and there but recently he’s being very distant from me and I can totally see why ...

All I can is maybe he did love you but his family clearly mean a lot more to him and tbh I’d say the same thing from my experience... I still love my ex I can’t stop thinking about him but my family come first always...

Sometimes u have to sacrifice for the good .. maybe if he chose u he might of lost his mum

Try to understand from his perspective too and end of the day it’s his life and that’s the choice he’s made now so there isn’t a lot you can do part from accepting it and being happy for him...

I’m sure u can still be friends.
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Anonymous #1
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I appreciate you telling me this. Family has always being important for him and definetely looking on his perspective because that's one thing I like about him. I had to end things because I told him there's no way I'm going to let him be mad with his mom nor anyone froom his family. It hurts me and it hurts him to and we agree to stay as friends but he said it's hard to even talk to me rn so I'm guessing no contact for some time right??

(Original post by Anonymous)
Hey I’m in a similar situation...

I’m getting married back in my country too (in April) purely for my parents sake I have no Interest in this guy I’m marrying at all in-fact I still love my ex...

I told my ex everything he told me to stand up for myself but I just couldn’t I was too scared to say no or hurt my family as they were so happy about this ...

I’m still trying to move from my ex we still talk here and there but recently he’s being very distant from me and I can totally see why ...

All I can is maybe he did love you but his family clearly mean a lot more to him and tbh I’d say the same thing from my experience... I still love my ex I can’t stop thinking about him but my family come first always...

Sometimes u have to sacrifice for the good .. maybe if he chose u he might of lost his mum

Try to understand from his perspective too and end of the day it’s his life and that’s the choice he’s made now so there isn’t a lot you can do part from accepting it and being happy for him...

I’m sure u can still be friends.
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Sk2009
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in ur situation i think u maybe need to move on as it seems he does not want to leave his family for u... i no its hard but sometimes we have to sacrifice things for other people xxx
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Last edited by Sk2009; 4 weeks ago
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Anonymous #2
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[QUOTE=Anonymous;81550016]I appreciate you telling me this. Family has always being important for him and definetely looking on his perspective because that's one thing I like about him. I had to end things because I told him there's no way I'm going to let him be mad with his mom nor anyone froom his family. It hurts me and it hurts him to and we agree to stay as friends but he said it's hard to even talk to me rn so I'm guessing no contact for some time right??



Hey no worries and yess trust me hun I know how hard it is.. believe me it hurts but what can u do ... like for me I feel so **** not talking to my ex even for one day and recently he’s been avoiding me so much ...

You know he saying he’s busy with work and stuff but I feel like deep down it’s hurting him and he wants to move on as much as I do ....

All I can say is let him get on with his life seriously u aren’t helping him by being there all the time ...

He’s getting married whether he wants to or not and if he’s still thinking about you then I feel very sorry for his future wife ...

He needs to move on ASAP in order to be happy in his marriage trust me in a few months I will probably being going through the same **** and honestly I’m so scared ... I’m scared what if I can’t love my husband or what if I can’t forget my ex it’s going to be so difficult... and this guy of yours is probably picturing similar situations in his head ... it is what it is ..

You know me and my ex were together for almost 2yrs and now he’s started to step back I guess he’s doing this all for the good of both of us...

He knows I can’t step away so he’s doing it for me slowly slowly he’s backing off not contacting me as much but I know he’s still there for me if I ever need him ...

I think you should u do the same .. if you love this guy you should let him move on ... let him be happy with his new wife and that way you’ll move on too...

Just think In your head he’s not yours ... he belongs to someone else now and as hard as it is to take in it’s reality..

Try taking to someone new ... that always helps me..

Your free .. you can do whatever... you can find someone you love once again but he won’t be able to he’s the one stuck with this one girl which he doesn’t even know or like so he’s the one kinda ****ed here...

so it’s easier for you to let go than it is for him...

To help him out you need to let go coz long term it’ll effect him.. when u find someone new you’ll prob move on think this was all stupid and say if he doesn’t get on with his wife or falls in love and still thinks off you he won’t have the option to search for someone he can connect with once again or love so it’ll be a lot harder to handle the emotions...

you can do this girl!!

Sorry if this is long but I hope it helps
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Anonymous #1
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Report Thread starter 4 weeks ago
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It means so much that you're telling me this no matter how long it is. There's no one I've met nor that I know in my situation so it's hard to try to understand why things are happening like this. He is pushing me away because he's hurt and I know that. Thank you for this!!! I'll try my best to not contact him for now but honestly would like to be friends in the future with him. I just have to hope for the best. And I'm sorry you're going thru this and I'm sure you can do this as well. Looking it from your side must be really hard too...
(Original post by Anonymous)
I appreciate you telling me this. Family has always being important for him and definetely looking on his perspective because that's one thing I like about him. I had to end things because I told him there's no way I'm going to let him be mad with his mom nor anyone froom his family. It hurts me and it hurts him to and we agree to stay as friends but he said it's hard to even talk to me rn so I'm guessing no contact for some time right??



Hey no worries and yess trust me hun I know how hard it is.. believe me it hurts but what can u do ... like for me I feel so **** not talking to my ex even for one day and recently he’s been avoiding me so much ...

You know he saying he’s busy with work and stuff but I feel like deep down it’s hurting him and he wants to move on as much as I do ....

All I can say is let him get on with his life seriously u aren’t helping him by being there all the time ...

He’s getting married whether he wants to or not and if he’s still thinking about you then I feel very sorry for his future wife ...

He needs to move on ASAP in order to be happy in his marriage trust me in a few months I will probably being going through the same **** and honestly I’m so scared ... I’m scared what if I can’t love my husband or what if I can’t forget my ex it’s going to be so difficult... and this guy of yours is probably picturing similar situations in his head ... it is what it is ..

You know me and my ex were together for almost 2yrs and now he’s started to step back I guess he’s doing this all for the good of both of us...

He knows I can’t step away so he’s doing it for me slowly slowly he’s backing off not contacting me as much but I know he’s still there for me if I ever need him ...

I think you should u do the same .. if you love this guy you should let him move on ... let him be happy with his new wife and that way you’ll move on too...

Just think In your head he’s not yours ... he belongs to someone else now and as hard as it is to take in it’s reality..

Try taking to someone new ... that always helps me..

Your free .. you can do whatever... you can find someone you love once again but he won’t be able to he’s the one stuck with this one girl which he doesn’t even know or like so he’s the one kinda ****ed here...

so it’s easier for you to let go than it is for him...

To help him out you need to let go coz long term it’ll effect him.. when u find someone new you’ll prob move on think this was all stupid and say if he doesn’t get on with his wife or falls in love and still thinks off you he won’t have the option to search for someone he can connect with once again or love so it’ll be a lot harder to handle the emotions...

you can do this girl!!

Sorry if this is long but I hope it helps
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Anonymous #1
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Report Thread starter 4 weeks ago
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(Original post by SoulfulTwist)
If he ain't willing to 'fight' for it, he's made his choice. Move on.
Moving on is what I have to do but it's hard knowing how much he loved me and how I love him.
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Anonymous #1
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Report Thread starter 4 weeks ago
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(Original post by londonmyst)
He has made up his mind and does not want a future with you.
Some people do prefer arranged marriages chosen by their parents to choosing their own marriage partners.
Move on, end all contact with him and find someone who wants to be with you.
Thank you. He had made up his mind because he doesn't want to talk and I don't think there's anything that I could actually do other than let go.
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by Sk2009)
in ur situation i think u maybe need to move on as it seems he does not want to leave his family for u... i no its hard but sometimes we have to sacrifice things for other people xxx
Thank you. I'm guessing my sacrifice is letting him go...
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Anonymous #2
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(Original post by Anonymous)
It means so much that you're telling me this no matter how long it is. There's no one I've met nor that I know in my situation so it's hard to try to understand why things are happening like this. He is pushing me away because he's hurt and I know that. Thank you for this!!! I'll try my best to not contact him for now but honestly would like to be friends in the future with him. I just have to hope for the best. And I'm sorry you're going thru this and I'm sure you can do this as well. Looking it from your side must be really hard too...
No worries love and yes sometimes it’s for the best I guess and I know I’m dreading it so bad ...

I don’t even want to get married but I guess that’s what my family want so I’ll do it for there sake...

And yes for now best thing to do is focus on yourself ... do things u enjoy, if your studying or working focus on that... try to make yourself a better person and so on.. as time goes on it’ll get better !!

Time always heals these numb and broken emotions you have right now it’s just a matter of time ...


And in terms of contacting him ... cut all contact until he’s married once he’s married still no contact until it’s like 3-6months later after he’s been married then just as a friend pop up to him to see how’s he’s getting on ...

If he contacts you seriously don’t answer it won’t help it’ll only take to back to square one ...

If this was a break up it’d be different but he’s actually leaving you for good so there’s no point getting back to him if he reaches you before that period of no contact until you both know you have moved on completely there’s literally no point talking or calling or even seeing him it’ll only make it worse ...

You say you are friends but trust me right now u aren’t friends which is the sad thing your still lovers at this point ... when you know he’s only just a friend then it’s ok to hit him up!!

But Yh GOOD LUCK!
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marshallbrown
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Its okay not to get what we really wish for, because its not better for us and what is made for us will definitely come to us no matter what.
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by Anonymous)
No worries love and yes sometimes it’s for the best I guess and I know I’m dreading it so bad ...

I don’t even want to get married but I guess that’s what my family want so I’ll do it for there sake...

And yes for now best thing to do is focus on yourself ... do things u enjoy, if your studying or working focus on that... try to make yourself a better person and so on.. as time goes on it’ll get better !!

Time always heals these numb and broken emotions you have right now it’s just a matter of time ...


And in terms of contacting him ... cut all contact until he’s married once he’s married still no contact until it’s like 3-6months later after he’s been married then just as a friend pop up to him to see how’s he’s getting on ...

If he contacts you seriously don’t answer it won’t help it’ll only take to back to square one ...

If this was a break up it’d be different but he’s actually leaving you for good so there’s no point getting back to him if he reaches you before that period of no contact until you both know you have moved on completely there’s literally no point talking or calling or even seeing him it’ll only make it worse ...

You say you are friends but trust me right now u aren’t friends which is the sad thing your still lovers at this point ... when you know he’s only just a friend then it’s ok to hit him up!!

But Yh GOOD LUCK!
Thank You! Thank you so much! I honestly needs to hear it from someone who's at least going thru a similar situation in a different point of view. There is something I would like to ask you hope you don't mind and don't have to answer if you don't want to...Do an arrange marriage happened in less than 10 days or does it happened for months and until both people agree or how does it actually happened? Is just out of curiosity...
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SoulfulTwist
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(Original post by Anonymous)
Thank You! Thank you so much! I honestly needs to hear it from someone who's at least going thru a similar situation in a different point of view. There is something I would like to ask you hope you don't mind and don't have to answer if you don't want to...Do an arrange marriage happened in less than 10 days or does it happened for months and until both people agree or how does it actually happened? Is just out of curiosity...
It can happen fast, it can happen slow, both sides need to agree on the time frame themselves.
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Anonymous #2
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(Original post by Anonymous)
Thank You! Thank you so much! I honestly needs to hear it from someone who's at least going thru a similar situation in a different point of view. There is something I would like to ask you hope you don't mind and don't have to answer if you don't want to...Do an arrange marriage happened in less than 10 days or does it happened for months and until both people agree or how does it actually happened? Is just out of curiosity...
Well I’m not too sure tbh but I can tell you my story ...

My mum had this going for almost 2yrs tbh I think I was about 18/19 yrs old when she started hinting it out that I have to marry this guy from back home ....

At the time I said no I really wasn’t up for it like I got super upset when anyone mentioned it, it was super hard I didn’t really know what to do..

I had a bf at the time who’s my ex now so it was all so really hard...

Then a few months later me and him broke up and we decided to go separate ways and I did thing called istkhara after every prayer ... I’m sure you know what it is well if your a Muslim?

I basically prayed to Allah to guide me on what to do ...

It was a really emotional time for me but somehow I went with the idea of marrying this guy from back home .... well tbh i didn’t really say yes or no but went with the flow...

My family thought I was happy so they stared planning everything for my wedding and so on it was all so crazy ...

I didn’t even say anything I felt so weak ... like broken from inside but deep down I knew maybe this is the right thing to do ... I couldn’t speak up for myself I know I wasn’t happy but something told me your parents choice will always be the better option ...

So anyway 6months later my ex came back into my life we started talking, we met up and we even had sex... it was just so crazy... I know you probably think wth why have sex with him when him and I both knew I was getting married but believe emotions and feelings took over me and him... I couldn’t help it

and here I am now broken coz I still love him but I’m getting married else where...

But tbh I love my family a lot they are all so happy it makes me happy seeing them happy so I sacrificed my feelings and emotions for them ...

My ex told me so many times to say no... if I wasn’t truly happy I should say no but I didn’t I was too scared to ruin everything...

So Yh that’s my story and now my ex has distant himself from me ... he won’t talk to me as much as he did and it kills.
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by Anonymous)
Well I’m not too sure tbh but I can tell you my story ...

My mum had this going for almost 2yrs tbh I think I was about 18/19 yrs old when she started hinting it out that I have to marry this guy from back home ....

At the time I said no I really wasn’t up for it like I got super upset when anyone mentioned it, it was super hard I didn’t really know what to do..

I had a bf at the time who’s my ex now so it was all so really hard...

Then a few months later me and him broke up and we decided to go separate ways and I did thing called istkhara after every prayer ... I’m sure you know what it is well if your a Muslim?

I basically prayed to Allah to guide me on what to do ...

It was a really emotional time for me but somehow I went with the idea of marrying this guy from back home .... well tbh i didn’t really say yes or no but went with the flow...

My family thought I was happy so they stared planning everything for my wedding and so on it was all so crazy ...

I didn’t even say anything I felt so weak ... like broken from inside but deep down I knew maybe this is the right thing to do ... I couldn’t speak up for myself I know I wasn’t happy but something told me your parents choice will always be the better option ...

So anyway 6months later my ex came back into my life we started talking, we met up and we even had sex... it was just so crazy... I know you probably think wth why have sex with him when him and I both knew I was getting married but believe emotions and feelings took over me and him... I couldn’t help it

and here I am now broken coz I still love him but I’m getting married else where...

But tbh I love my family a lot they are all so happy it makes me happy seeing them happy so I sacrificed my feelings and emotions for them ...

My ex told me so many times to say no... if I wasn’t truly happy I should say no but I didn’t I was too scared to ruin everything...

So Yh that’s my story and now my ex has distant himself from me ... he won’t talk to me as much as he did and it kills.
What you said sounds similar to what happened when I saw him last time. I cannot thank you and be thankful that you shared your story with me. It has given me a bit of stress relief and anxiety. Like I said hearing it from your point of view made me realized that if he's trying to be happy for his family even tho it hurts him. I should undertand him and also try to be happy for him and like you said might pop up in the future but once ik I'm ready to be a friend.
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Anonymous #2
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Report 3 weeks ago
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(Original post by Anonymous)
What you said sounds similar to what happened when I saw him last time. I cannot thank you and be thankful that you shared your story with me. It has given me a bit of stress relief and anxiety. Like I said hearing it from your point of view made me realized that if he's trying to be happy for his family even tho it hurts him. I should undertand him and also try to be happy for him and like you said might pop up in the future but once ik I'm ready to be a friend.
Awww I’m glad I could help ... hope it goes well for you ... I’m sure it will

Take care xx
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Anonymous #1
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Report Thread starter 3 weeks ago
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(Original post by Anonymous)
Awww I’m glad I could help ... hope it goes well for you ... I’m sure it will

Take care xx
Thank and same to you xx
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