The Student Room Group

Utterly useless with the opposite sex

Hi, I'm already in my late 20s and totally useless with women. I've been single and celibate for some years now, and it seems unlikely to change anytime soon.

I'm actually quite sociable, and have a number of friends who I see and go out with regularly. I live in quite a trendy part of London with many places to go out in and young people to meet. However, it seems that women are never attracted to me. I do have the courage to go up and speak to women, but either the conversation dies shortly after or they just don't show any body language that suggests they are attracted to me. If I try to catch a girl's eye, I never get a return look. I do have a number of female friends who have told me that they are baffled as to why I have been single.

I have done many things to help improve my attractiveness. I have lost two stone in weight and bought fashionable clothes. I have heard that part of the problem is that I'm mixed race, balding slightly and not particularly tall, and many women will not support seeing such a guy. I've scoured the various websites run by members of the so-called "Seduction Community" and tried some of the techniques and exercises to no avail. I'm tearing my hair out in frustration, and am starting to think that I am one of those types you hear that are permanently involuntarily celibate.
Reply 1
What kind of girls are you going for? Maybe your aiming a little high? I'm all for self belief but if your down on your luck and still trying to swing for a British Jess Alba, then you need to lower your standards!
coolershaka
Hi, I'm already in my late 20s and totally useless with women. I've been single and celibate for some years now, and it seems unlikely to change anytime soon.


I'm mixed race,



Me too!


Hehe.. Hey. :wink: :hubba:
er, the mixed race this is NOT is, trust me.
Reply 4
I don't think I'm aiming purely for super attractive women. I know that they get approached all the time, and in a place like London there are just as many eligible guys out there to choose from (from world-travelled Aussie surfers with amazing stories to tell to millionaire investment bankers... how can you compete with that!). It's more the lack of any reaction at all that I find frustrating.
Just keep trying, you're 20 years old not 40!!

Life's only just beggining :biggrin:
I don't mean to be negative but it's not the short/mixed race thing. Well, not 100% of the time anyway lol. How's your body language? i.e. do you stand with your arms crossed, body facing away etc? That can make people seem a little unapproachable.

Also, picking up people in bars sounds tricky to me - why not try to meet women another way, like getting into a hobby or the gym or something.

And finally yea, don't give up!
Reply 7

I agree that body language can play a part, however I think that if it was the deciding factor then I wouldn't have as many friends as I do. However, it's one of the things I've tried to improve.

I agree that meeting women can be achieved in more than just a bar or club. However, I don't agree with the gym idea particularly. I find that most people in my gym at least are dedicated to their fitness; they come in, do their workout as efficiently as possible and leave. Also, it's hard trying to chat up someone when you're surrounded by people of elite fitness and large muscles that put you to shame.
Reply 8
Go down Central London, Mo*vida, spunk a little cash, and you'll get a really hot girl and take her home that night. Alternatively the easiest way I find to meet a girl [i.e. relationship] you'll need to do so through friends or work, It is easier to talk and you have something in common, since let's be honest girls in Bars generally tend to go for 'looks' rather than 'personality'.
Reply 9
coolershaka

I agree that meeting women can be achieved in more than just a bar or club. However, I don't agree with the gym idea particularly. I find that most people in my gym at least are dedicated to their fitness; they come in, do their workout as efficiently as possible and leave.


And so should you..............

(You ARE hitting the gym, right?)

coolershaka

Also, it's hard trying to chat up someone when you're surrounded by people of elite fitness and large muscles that put you to shame.


See here's the problem.......

You have no belief in your ability to get the job done.

I don't know who did the snow job on your self-esteem........but you gotta fix that.
Reply 10
Maybe stop tearing your hair out? :p:
Ok I'm not funny.
Get one of your girl friends really drunk and get her to be brutally honest. From what you're saying there must be something else going on.
Reply 11
why is it always life or death with guys who can't get girls? Just chill...
coolershaka
Hi, I'm already in my late 20s and totally useless with women. I've been single and celibate for some years now, and it seems unlikely to change anytime soon.

I'm actually quite sociable, and have a number of friends who I see and go out with regularly. I live in quite a trendy part of London with many places to go out in and young people to meet. However, it seems that women are never attracted to me. I do have the courage to go up and speak to women, but either the conversation dies shortly after or they just don't show any body language that suggests they are attracted to me. If I try to catch a girl's eye, I never get a return look. I do have a number of female friends who have told me that they are baffled as to why I have been single.

I have done many things to help improve my attractiveness. I have lost two stone in weight and bought fashionable clothes. I have heard that part of the problem is that I'm mixed race, balding slightly and not particularly tall, and many women will not support seeing such a guy. I've scoured the various websites run by members of the so-called "Seduction Community" and tried some of the techniques and exercises to no avail. I'm tearing my hair out in frustration, and am starting to think that I am one of those types you hear that are permanently involuntarily celibate.


Sorry, honey, hate to tell you this. There could be several reasons and the main one is: you're too ugly. I'm pretty sure you have a nice personality and everything but you can't expect girls to KNOW that at first glance. Usually girls look for guys who are HOT. Not ugly ones. And for me, I really don't like short guys.

What girls go for:
- tall guys
- good-looking
- funny, humerous
- good personality

Or maybe its just me :smile:
Reply 13
Tearing your hair out won't help the baldness, I suggest using a milder shampoo and maybe a Burt Reynolds style weave.
The seduction community is useful, but doesn't guarantee a girlfriend. Plus if you keep desperately looking you'll never find.
Perhaps it's something to do with how you talk to women. You may think you're doing it right, but a lot of the time, men can put women off by the way they try to chat them up.
Lower standards?
sylv

The seduction community is useful, but doesn't guarantee a girlfriend.



:s-smilie: from experience?

P.S, Yous realise this is over a year ago? OP is probably a (bald) diamond playa by now
Reply 15
well i think what yOu need to be doing is not look for girls but look for that one girl. take it slow, and just find that one person who yOu think yOu would be compatible with.. Cheers :smile: