University is so lonely. Watch

allowitbruv
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I've always heard about how lonely uni can be but I also heard that it could be the best time of your life- though that sounded like a slight exaggeration to me. I just really wanted to make friends and I thought uni would be the perfect chance. Do you ever feel like you're floating with no exact location? That's how I feel in uni, I live at home so I'm glad I'm able to get out of uni and just be me at home. I try to mingle and I always go out of my way to carry on conversations with a couple of girls. Smiles to those faces that are familiar but that's it. I crave to have 1 friend at least. Just 1. I hate always being told to join societies and hang out after classes. I have various responsibilities and a part time job so I leave campus after classes when I do even attend. At work I'm very social and I am able to hold conversations with most of my co workers whom I work with closely every day- well as close as you can in a supermarket lmao. But back to uni, I don't like the idea of spending money to basically make friends which don't last anyways. I did have a couple of friends before university started but boy oh boy, that saying; "University changes people" is true. The saying should instead be "University reveals the true colours of people" because that was the situation with me. In college I swapped courses which is why I had to complete the 2nd year of my changed course which pushed me back a year but I'm fine with that. I got great grades that I otherwise wouldn't have gotten had I stayed with the initial course of my choosing. A little bit of student finance is what changed my friend. Hanging out and going to parks was now something distasteful and immature. Going to eat at certain places was just not enough, just had to waste money on mediocre food with a high price point. I tried. With that friend I really tried but I had to break things off because it was the subtle things she said and did that made me see her for who she is. Imagine. A likkle £2500 LOAN changed her to be that way. Anyways. I'll always be bitter for how things broke off. I feel as if that's affected my abilities to trust people and befriend them genuinely. Bare in mind we've been friends for years. So it hurt and still does a little more than it should. I have another friend. She....has issues I think. She's never shared them really. She disappears often without contacting anyone and comes back after a while acting like everything is okay and nothing happened. Which is fine because there s no bad blood and it really does always feel like no time has passed. But is it selfish for me to want something consistent? I have other friends but we aren't as close. We'll meet up every 6 months or so but I'll never be at complete ease and myself due to the gaps and the versatility of our lives. I tweeted about this issue about friends and how lonely uni is and someone said I should get married L M A O. But anyways, I know a lot of people feel like me and I'm not alone but I feel alone. I know sometimes it's the uni environment but I feel like it might be me. I don't know if I should change unis for my second year because I really do like my uni it's beautiful and very easily accessible from my home- literally 20 mins away but I don't know....

Let me know of your thoughts and opinions if you have any.

There might be typos, it's literally 2am and I have no will power to go back and check.
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samiontheroad
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I totally get you. I felt the exact same way most of the time when I was at uni. (Dropped out)

I had some friends but most of the time I was just in my room and I found it really difficult to make new friends. I find social situations really hard sometimes.

But - and I know you said that you don’t like this - societies can help. They really do. And apparently lots of people told you about that already, and I understand why.
You can join a society that you are truly passionate for - just one society. And i bet that it’ll be a lot easier to meet people there and make friends, because you all already have a common interest.

I get that it’s hard to balance a job and uni, but it’s doable - maybe just join one society and make room for just that one.

My friend also lives at home while going to Uni and she has a much tougher time than most other people, because she goes home at the end of the day, whilst the other people hang out with each other and get to know one another.

I’d say, before changing uni, try your hardest. Join a society, even if you don’t want to. It will help you so so much.

I don’t think it would make much sense to change Uni if you really like yours and if you want to live at home. But if you’re not really trying your hardest to make friends, don’t expect them to be handed to you
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allowitbruv
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(Original post by samiontheroad)
I totally get you. I felt the exact same way most of the time when I was at uni. (Dropped out)

I had some friends but most of the time I was just in my room and I found it really difficult to make new friends. I find social situations really hard sometimes.

But - and I know you said that you don’t like this - societies can help. They really do. And apparently lots of people told you about that already, and I understand why.
You can join a society that you are truly passionate for - just one society. And i bet that it’ll be a lot easier to meet people there and make friends, because you all already have a common interest.

I get that it’s hard to balance a job and uni, but it’s doable - maybe just join one society and make room for just that one.

My friend also lives at home while going to Uni and she has a much tougher time than most other people, because she goes home at the end of the day, whilst the other people hang out with each other and get to know one another.

I’d say, before changing uni, try your hardest. Join a society, even if you don’t want to. It will help you so so much.

I don’t think it would make much sense to change Uni if you really like yours and if you want to live at home. But if you’re not really trying your hardest to make friends, don’t expect them to be handed to you
Thank you for your response! I guess I could fit it in, it's hard though. The nervousness and just the anticipation of being surrounded by strangers at first is what gets me. But I guess technically everyone is a stranger around me. I will join a society and I will update on my situation, even 1 person to call my friend will allow me to feel better and less lonely.
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opi10
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I feel you. Uni is very lonely and you were totally right about what you said Uni really does change people I was friends with a girl for more than 6 years and we decided to go to the same uni but she ditched me the first chance she got lmao when she found a much bigger group of friends, even when I expressed I was having a really hard time and thought I could depend on a friend for support but oh well i guess you do find out who your true friends are.

I'm also finding it really hard to make friends, anyone who I'm friendly with or talk to on my course never come to class so I'm on my own a lot of the time which sucks but I'm trying. Everyone says to just 'join a society.' I have joined one I guess its like a board game society but I feel super anxious when talking to people so making friends and even holding conversations is hard.

It's so annoying how people only ever talk about how 'amazing' uni is and never talk how lonely it also can be and it really is hard to make genuine friends when everyone has already found their social group lol

But don't worry you're definitely not alone, I really hope you make good friends tho! Good luck x
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allowitbruv
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(Original post by opi10)
I feel you. Uni is very lonely and you were totally right about what you said Uni really does change people I was friends with a girl for more than 6 years and we decided to go to the same uni but she ditched me the first chance she got lmao when she found a much bigger group of friends, even when I expressed I was having a really hard time and thought I could depend on a friend for support but oh well i guess you do find out who your true friends are.

I'm also finding it really hard to make friends, anyone who I'm friendly with or talk to on my course never come to class so I'm on my own a lot of the time which sucks but I'm trying. Everyone says to just 'join a society.' I have joined one I guess its like a board game society but I feel super anxious when talking to people so making friends and even holding conversations is hard.

It's so annoying how people only ever talk about how 'amazing' uni is and never talk how lonely it also can be and it really is hard to make genuine friends when everyone has already found their social group lol

But don't worry you're definitely not alone, I really hope you make good friends tho! Good luck x

This is exactly how I feel. My heart is not in it, I joined a BAME society thinking I will make friends with a variety of people but everyone was already in groups and we spoke but it was mainly pleasantries. I also had a couple of girls I spoke to but they were never in after a while so that ended real quick. People look at me and think I am shy but I'm not comfortable with them at all because of how they make me feel like I'm the outcast. Its not intentional but still thats how I feel. Yep, university defientely shows off what people are really like, we were friends for round bout the same time as you and your ex friend, we are going to different universities though so there's that. Sucks I have to see her at work though lmao.

I hope you find amazing friends and hope you no longer feel lonely, the feeling really sucks. Thank you so much for your post though <3
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Uyirpeariel
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I am so glad to find this thread because I'm feeling exactly the same way. At least you have your escape when you return home, I feel even more lonely living in halls and still having no real friends. I talk to people in my classes and I enjoy it, but afterwards we say goodbye and don't really talk outside of class.I suppose I am shy, and like you have been through an experience that has made it difficult to trust people (sorry to hear about yours, but you should be glad that person is out of your life anyway). It still hurts to be surrounded by people who seem to have loads of friends, and here I am with none. Even just today I said hello to one of my flatmates and he just ignored me! He seemed so nice at the start...I tried to join a volunteering society just a few days ago, when I turned up to the supposed meeting point, there was no one there. It has really put me off trying to join any others! I feel that at the very least I'd want to wait until September to join a society rather than show up and find that my shyness will ensure I'm pushed off to the sidelines and ignored; at least in September there'd be lots of new people.Sorry that I can't really offer any advice, but it's been comforting to me to know I'm not alone so hopefully this post will offer you some comfort too.
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allowitbruv
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(Original post by Uyirpeariel)
I am so glad to find this thread because I'm feeling exactly the same way. At least you have your escape when you return home, I feel even more lonely living in halls and still having no real friends. I talk to people in my classes and I enjoy it, but afterwards we say goodbye and don't really talk outside of class.I suppose I am shy, and like you have been through an experience that has made it difficult to trust people (sorry to hear about yours, but you should be glad that person is out of your life anyway). It still hurts to be surrounded by people who seem to have loads of friends, and here I am with none. Even just today I said hello to one of my flatmates and he just ignored me! He seemed so nice at the start...I tried to join a volunteering society just a few days ago, when I turned up to the supposed meeting point, there was no one there. It has really put me off trying to join any others! I feel that at the very least I'd want to wait until September to join a society rather than show up and find that my shyness will ensure I'm pushed off to the sidelines and ignored; at least in September there'd be lots of new people.Sorry that I can't really offer any advice, but it's been comforting to me to know I'm not alone so hopefully this post will offer you some comfort too.
I'm so sorry you feel this way, I cannot even fathom your level of loneliness especially as you are away from home. Honestly I wish I had some useful advice but saying "try harder" is so much more easier to say than to actually do. I'm happy you found this thread and at least know that you are not alone, there are probably thousands of students who feel the same as us and don't know what to do about it and do not have an outlet. I remember when I started uni in September I had a little diary which I used as my outlet and I know it sounds stupid but I wrote poems or tried about my experiences and they were all about how lonely I felt like I'm floating and everyone else is just moving past me at their own speed and I'm the only one that's left behind. I sincerely hope, we all find at least that 1 friend whom we may depend on a little bit and have as a friend so we no longer are drowning with this feeling 💕
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Cookie_Master
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Hey,

Loneliness affects a lot of university students than you may think! During first year of university I felt this loneliness too, and other things that were difficult at university added to this. This is why I compiled 5 top struggles that affects almost all of us.

https://www.thestudentroom.co.uk/uni...-student-faces

Did you like the article? Share your thoughts with others on TSR.

We can get through it!

Cookie_Master
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