boyfriend and porn, please help Watch

Anonymous #1
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okay so i've had a talk with him a couple times about how I don't like that he watches it and how it makes me feel and everything but at this point, I know he's gonna do it anyway and I can't do anything about it. even him following, liking and saving all these half naked girls on instagram bothers me (more than the porn) and he said he would stop but it doesn't seem like it. what bothers me the most is that the other day we were talking about porn and he said that sometimes he would imagine himself with the girl in the video and this bothered me probably more than anything but it seems like whenever I try to talk about this stuff with him it ends up in a complete argument. however, the past few days it's just been on my mind and I don't know what to do about it or anything
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Tootles
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(Original post by Anonymous)
okay so i've had a talk with him a couple times about how I don't like that he watches it and how it makes me feel and everything but at this point, I know he's gonna do it anyway and I can't do anything about it. even him following, liking and saving all these half naked girls on instagram bothers me (more than the porn) and he said he would stop but it doesn't seem like it. what bothers me the most is that the other day we were talking about porn and he said that sometimes he would imagine himself with the girl in the video and this bothered me probably more than anything but it seems like whenever I try to talk about this stuff with him it ends up in a complete argument. however, the past few days it's just been on my mind and I don't know what to do about it or anything
Guys watch porn. It's normal and healthy and there's nothing you can or should do about it.

It's not about you not being good enough, or cheating on you. It's about him having his own personal fantasies, on his own - which is completely normal behaviour.
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Analyst89
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i agree with Tootles.

Guys watch porn and he is just having his moment. You should not feel like you are not good enough for him. It is just a thing that he does.
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Lilligant22
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I agree with the above two posts about porn being normal, but I think it's a bit weird that, while having sex with you, he imagines someone else. I think that's sort of like calling someone else's name.
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Anonymous #2
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Don't listen to the people here normalising watching porn. Show him this video:

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Anonymous #2
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sohyun
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(Original post by Anonymous)
okay so i've had a talk with him a couple times about how I don't like that he watches it and how it makes me feel and everything but at this point, I know he's gonna do it anyway and I can't do anything about it. even him following, liking and saving all these half naked girls on instagram bothers me (more than the porn) and he said he would stop but it doesn't seem like it. what bothers me the most is that the other day we were talking about porn and he said that sometimes he would imagine himself with the girl in the video and this bothered me probably more than anything but it seems like whenever I try to talk about this stuff with him it ends up in a complete argument. however, the past few days it's just been on my mind and I don't know what to do about it or anything
It's normal for a guy to do those things
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tesconyc
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are you and him active
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boom88
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(Original post by Anonymous)
okay so i've had a talk with him a couple times about how I don't like that he watches it and how it makes me feel and everything but at this point, I know he's gonna do it anyway and I can't do anything about it. even him following, liking and saving all these half naked girls on instagram bothers me (more than the porn) and he said he would stop but it doesn't seem like it. what bothers me the most is that the other day we were talking about porn and he said that sometimes he would imagine himself with the girl in the video and this bothered me probably more than anything but it seems like whenever I try to talk about this stuff with him it ends up in a complete argument. however, the past few days it's just been on my mind and I don't know what to do about it or anything
The Pope is Catholic, etc.
Guys watch porn.

You can perhaps ask him to stop following real girls on IG though.
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JoelBigSmokeTea
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Its quite common for guys to jack it to porn, any guy (within age bracket between 13-25) that claims he doesn't jack it to porn is probably talking bs.
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Anonymous #3
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It’s a bit weird he is imagining himself with those women, but it’s perfectly normal for everyone to watch porn (although this is having a negative impact on people’s sex life and on violence (sexual violence) against women). Have you tried watching porn? If not try it? What else do you masturvate to? Are there any parallels between that and porn? If you are still concerned and he is not respecting that you can either put up with it or break up with him.
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Anonymous #2
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Society has definitely gone to the dogs.
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Computernerd1810
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when men dont have sex they watch porn, its normal, nothing to stress yourself about.
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by Lilligant22)
I agree with the above two posts about porn being normal, but I think it's a bit weird that, while having sex with you, he imagines someone else. I think that's sort of like calling someone else's name.
what I meant was that when he watches porn that sometimes he imagines himself with the girl in the video, not while we're having sex. that's honestly the part that really gets to me out of all of it
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Lilligant22
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(Original post by Anonymous)
what I meant was that when he watches porn that sometimes he imagines himself with the girl in the video, not while we're having sex. that's honestly the part that really gets to me out of all of it
I'm sorry to hear this. It's not very pleasant.

The only thing I can advise you to do is talk about it with him, but watch the way you speak to him. Make sure that it is heartfelt and sorrowful so that you appear less aggressive and more upset. Hopefully, then he will realise that it's hurting you rather than just making you angry.

If he still continues to do it, though, I'd consider leaving him. It's not really considerate of him.
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SJW-
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(Original post by Tootles)
Guys watch porn. It's normal and healthy and there's nothing you can or should do about it.

It's not about you not being good enough, or cheating on you. It's about him having his own personal fantasies, on his own - which is completely normal behaviour.
porn is not normal natural healthy. its incredibly destructive to all people along the supply chain. the difference between me and everyone else is that i am man enough to admit it. porn its extremely addictive, it ruins lives, it ruins relationships, its ruins mental health, it throws women into prostitution, then within the industry there is the rape the violence the drug taking, the suicides. porn normalises these unrealistic perhaps dangerous ideas of what intermacy is, it rewires the fukin brain like a drug. porn is a public health crisis waiting to happen. and the most fuked up thing is that ppl laugh at the nofap community they laugh at porn addiction and overlook the horrors of the porn industry cos they want their dopamine fix. porn is normal natural healthy right
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DR.DOOM
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(Original post by Anonymous)
Society has definitely gone to the dogs.
Nah, it's just been destroyed by secularisation, social media and false idols
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GirlOnline17
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As the others say it’s definitely a normal thing. Guys will be guys but it shouldn’t be personal, normally it’s just to achieve orgasm but if it starts to get personal that he wants to be with them then that is when I would start to question if the relationship is right? Just my opinion
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BenK64
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I sympathise with your position. I think if a partner asks you to stop watching porn then you should respect their wishes..you’re already in a relationship so there’s no excuse to keep watching porn. and I don’t think porn is natural and healthy... its very voyeuristic.. and it didn’t exist a century ago so I do see how it’s natural. Porn can be very addicting and any addiction is unhealthy.

resisting the desire demonstrates self control. Porn and masturbation is essentially succumbing to lust. Letting it control you. Idk personally I feel it’s better and healthier to control your lustful urge to watch porn rather than succumb to it
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Hopefully1
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I wonder how he feels when you tell him you are enjoying watching porn and fantasing about being with one of those guys with a big d***.

Look everyone has fantasies. That is normal. Sharing intimate details about your fantasy is fine as long as it doesn't end up hurting your partner. I think somewhere along the way he's crossed that line. I don't believe one has to share everything with one's partner. There are some thoughts and fantasies that don't need to ever be shared - just person to yourself.

I don't think you can do anything about his watching porn in private by himself. Yes, science and psychologist have proven very serious downfalls to watching porn including full addiction. But, if your not around then I don't know that you can expect him to just stop. But, if you are around and he's watching porn and telling you about his fantasies with women in those movies I think you should reevaluate your relationship with that guy. He is being disrespectful and not taking your feelings into consideration. If you are present then you have to right to ask him not to view such things because it makes you very uncomfortable. If he choses to continue..... then he's not going to make for a good partner in the long term - he's only interested in himself and would, frankly, be chosing porn over you.
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