Ever since I reached puberty at 12, I realised girls found me repulsive. I used to just find the opposite sex sexy like a normal person, but eventually when I tried watching normal pornography or imagining me having loving sex it just made me sad.
A decade later, I now realise I have erection problems. I tried to have sex with a girl at uni and I couldn't, but I don't know if it was the fact that no girl had liked me ever before which took me by surprise. I kept thinking it wasn't real and I couldn't believe she liked me. It er did not work out too well.
I tried a couple of prostitutes afterwards. Failed the first two times and because I thought I was wasting my money, got a prescription for viagra for my third time and managed to stay erect and come despite feeling not very much both physically, mentally or emotionally. The 4th time I managed to get an erection and stay stay erect without viagra, but I don't know whether it was because she was kinky or because she seemed to enjoy it, like being physically wet where as the previous 3 I couldn't tell.
Do I sound ready to try and have sex with normal girls again? If I fail again, would you just laugh and never see me again?
Honest;ly just kep trying and make sure that it is nothing wrong with your body
You're not failing anyone. There are plenty of ways to pleasure a person and sex is what you and the other person make of it. It isn't some kind of test or high-stakes challenge. Relax and have fun.
I will say, though, that this is one of the many reasons that casual sex is usually a bad idea. The only way this could really be a problem is if they don't really care about you and don't want to engage with you as a person.