The Student Room Group

should i tell my friend who i fell in love with why we really dont speak anymore

its a long story but ill try to keep it short. but i messed up real bad.

me and a friend who i met online and loved for a long time had a Big fight at the Same time i found out she loved someone else (this and the fight are unrelated, i obvi cant fight someone bc they have a crush, i was shocked to say the least though) and we stopped talking bc i distanced myself due to my heartbreak (its cringy but i was shattered for the lack of a better word)

the decision wasnt easy to make, i loved her and still wanted her in my life so i thought "its fine, im fine with just being in her life, thats all i wanted anyway" and i genuinely tried that, i pretended everything was fine and talked to her like normal but i would cry everyday. i was so drained. it sounds overdramatic, and i agree, but it was Bad. i then realized i needed a long term solution, because whatever i was gonna do, i was gonna be hurt. i knew she had others who will "fill" whatever gap i left behind, so i knew she was gonna be okay, so i did what i did. i detached in order for me to be okay in the long term. it was so hard to do, going from talking everyday to not talking at all. i still cried a lot after it, but gradually i thought of her less and i cried less, but i still missed her.

this happened in july and she thinks its bc of the fight, when it technically isnt. its been 6 months and we talked a bit since then, in november i think, and she has apologized (she was at fault but i forgave her a long time ago) i told her im okay but we should postpone that conversation for a better time when were both ready and she agreed. we now occasionally talk every 2 weeks or so, just small talk, sometimes we speak like we used to, mostly we talk abt how we felt during the separation, its kind of a mess.

so now im hurt And confused, when the Time Comes do i play along and pretend that the fight was the actual reason of our "separation" , because it was a big fight, and we really do have a lot we need to talk about regarding it, or do i tell her why i Actually did what i did? in both cases i Will address the fight, as i said it was pretty big so it cant be ignored but i cant really find a way of saying "hey, i was in love with you but you liked someone else so i cut you off bc i was crying a lot" without sounding like the biggest jackass in the universe. i really did love her, and i still do, and i Was hurt and broken, i cried for ages, but she never owed me anything. her loving someone else still hurts, everyday, but it is her right, i cant stop it. i know all this and yet i cant seem to get over it, it still hurts

she was hurt by this as well, its not fair to put myself as the only victim here. i gradually distanced myself and was cold to her in order to protect myself, it was selfish in a way, and she tried everyday to reach out to me and i would ignore it, no matter how much it hurt me as well. i was a major *****. she told me she cried about it a lot, that it hurt, that i left her wondering where she went wrong, since i just cut her off with no warning. i hurt the both of us in my heartbreak and confusion and i now dont know what to do.

i dont know how to get into the details of our relationship, or if its necessary even, but i just want to say that it was more than just an "online friendship" and an "online crush" i guess thats why it hurts a lot. because i know that she loves me, just not the same way, but its love nonetheless, and how many of us can say that they have someone that truly loves them? what hurt was knowing that i was there, but just not quite.
I'd go with the truth. After all this time there's no point lying - you just need to say what happened and go from there.

But... after you've told the truth, it might be a good idea to drift away, much as the idea might sound unappealing. I've felt that way with someone, and had someone feel the same way about me. Both times the only real solution was to stop talking and go our separate ways. Trying to be friends and normal with someone you have strong feelings for doesn't work. Maintaining contact will only prolong your moving on and keep you feeling crap.
Reply 2
tips on how to say something like that without sounding like a major jackass? how might u react to something like that? hearing “i distanced myself and hurt u because i loved you” from a friend, i wont be surprised if she gets angry or disgusted even, is there a Good way of saying something like that?

Original post by Anonymous
I'd go with the truth. After all this time there's no point lying - you just need to say what happened and go from there.

But... after you've told the truth, it might be a good idea to drift away, much as the idea might sound unappealing. I've felt that way with someone, and had someone feel the same way about me. Both times the only real solution was to stop talking and go our separate ways. Trying to be friends and normal with someone you have strong feelings for doesn't work. Maintaining contact will only prolong your moving on and keep you feeling crap.

Quick Reply