Full Disclosure Watch

SerendipityA1
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Hi Everyone,

This thread will be an outlet for me to release all my emotions regarding my grades and mental health.

This thread will document my journey to achieving the unthinkable-bagging a 2:1 despite my circumstances.
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SerendipityA1
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Semester 2: Day 1

Today was aite.

I had one presentation about the upcoming projects for this semester.

I have an individual project, group project and a research project with a partner.

I went to see my supervisor for my research project, and I am excited to be working alongside them.

Afterwards, I went to the library and I read up on what was required of me to produce a successful project.

I also wrote up the minutes of the meeting I had with my supervisor whilst it was still fresh in my mind.

But I started to feel like I had no direction for where the rest of the day was going, even though I had made a list of goals I wanted to achieve today around 10:00am.

I refocused my mind and started to tackle some of the goals on my to-do-list. I haven't managed to complete them all, but starting this thread was on that list and I'm so glad I have. I just feel good! I have a good feeling in my soul guys, and I believe things will finally work out for me!

But it will be no easy feat.

This semester is really important for me.

It's truly make or break.

I get my Semester 1 exam results soon and I am honestly terrified!

I tried my best, but I made mistakes in at least two papers.
Sometimes only a small part of what I had revised had come up in the exam which meant I couldn't answer all the questions.

It hurts, but life goes on!

I am aiming to average 80+ this semester.

I don't want to fall into depression again. I have been diagnosed with depression and anxiety, but I do not want to go back to that dark space ever again!
Bye Felcia!!

I can't fail myself and I will not consider any scenario whereby I do not acheive a 2:1 degree.

growyourgradesgrowyourgradesgrow yourgradesgrowyourgradesgrowyour grades c'mon!
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SerendipityA1
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Semester 2: Day 2

Today industry representatives came to my university to host an industry day which would be helpful for my team design project later on in the semester.

I do believe that this industry day should have been rescheduled for a time closer to the start of the team design project because I won't really remember things that were mentioned today.

I really hope they pass on the slides to the academic in charge, so that I can go through everything in my own time, closer to the time.

I spoke to my partner today about our joint coursework and they were okay although they seemed to be in a rush.

Fingers crossed we smash this and average 80+ on our piece of coursework.

Because I do not have block modules anymore I have 'free days' and I feel empty.

I feel empty alot and it gets to me.

Like I have no purpose and I don't know what to do or how to organise myself.

I understand that it is just the second day of the semester, but that's no excuse for not being up to par.

I wrote another to-do-list and got through some of the tasks, but I still feel empty.

I think I may need to speak to someone about this, and no I don't feel comfortable going to my personal tutor.

I can do this though.

I will get through this.

growyourgradesgrowyourgradesgrow yourgradesgrowyourgradesgrowyour grades c'mon!
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SerendipityA1
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Semester 2: Day 3

Today I woke up early and went to the library.

I am currently searching for a room to rent in my university area.

I won't be moving back in with my parents. I will be living on my own.

Because I am not a student anymore, I have to pay council tax! I cannot believe it guys!

I spent my morning emailing different estate agents enquiring about properties within my budget. Prior to this, I spent time drafting the criteria I felt approriate for the house/room I want to rent.

I have received some responses, and I may need to narrow down my preferences in the future.

Moving on....

I met with my partner for our joint coursework, and I must say it was a productive session.

I do have a lot of reading to do before our supervisory meeting, but I am up for a challenge!

After our session, I reached for my sandwiches in my bag to finally have lunch. However, it wasn't there! I had forgotten my sandwiches; I was shocked.

I quickly got over it and headed to a business and enterprising event which was really helpful.

I plucked up the courage and spoke to the event organiser about some business ideas I have, and I now have a private one-to-one session for further discussion in the upcoming weeks. I'm excited!

After the session, I networked with other attendees before heading back to the library.

I watched some YouTube videos, worked on my business plan and worried about what I was going to produce for the supervisory meeting I have tomorrow. I know I will be better equipped to tackle the content for my supervisory meeting tomorrow and I am glad I worked on my business plan instead.
This means I have less work to do tommorow.

But I do have a question for myself...

Why do I get scared of reading? Why do I shy away from reading? This is a problem I have faced since GCSEs. I need this feeling to leave!

I definately have deep rooted issues that need to be unpacked.

Anyways, I'm going on a tangent now!

I need to stay motivated and keep pushing!!

growyourgradesgrowyourgradesgrow yourgradesgrowyourgradesgrowyour grades c'mon
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SerendipityA1
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Semester 2: Day 4

As usual I woke up early and had breakfast before heading off to the library.

Today I had a meeting with my supervisor for my project.

In the library I intended on reading multiple research papers but I ended up reading one and skim reading others.

I don't know if there's something wrong with me, but I believe I read slowly and it gets to me.

I copy and pasted some important parts of the research paper onto a word doc, so it was accessible to me when I needed it.

I was supposed to meet my partner in the early afternoon, but they informed me closer to the time that something had come up.

In my short interactions with her, she seems like she's always in a rush and making excuses.

This sounds like the old me, and in retrospect I can't help but feel disappointed with myself for behaving the same way.

I guess what they say is true. You dislike in others what you dislike about yourself.

We eventually met up and my partner hadn't really done any work or further research between the time we met for our first meeting and today.

I was annoyed af but I really couldn't be asked.

The meeting I had with my supervisor was a success and I walked away more confidence than I had walked in.

On a side note, I appreciate the phD student who has taken time out of their day to help me with this project and has recruited their friend to help me!

Like I said I need to average 80+ this semester, I appreciate any help I am offered!

That reminds me, I was set homework by the phD student which is due for Monday.

I went to another enterprising and business event, and it was great!
I learnt alot and I was challenged to think about what my customer profile looks like, my value proposition etc.
We even had a cheeky dominos!

I networked with others and met new people. Hopefully I see everyone again at the next event.

I don't know how to explain this, but I feel sad, down, and empty everyday.

Chemical Engineering isn't for me. I know it.

I am unhappy and I am trying to avoid getting lower than a 2:1.

Getting lower than a 2:1 would reap havoc on my already poor mental health.

I must try again, tomorrow is a new day.


I need to stay motivated and keep pushing!!

growyourgradesgrowyourgradesgrow yourgradesgrowyourgradesgrowyour grades c'mon
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Illusination
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Well done you’re doing great. What are you studying?
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SerendipityA1
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(Original post by Illusination)
Well done you’re doing great. What are you studying?
Hey!

I study Chemical Engineering and I am in final year.
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SerendipityA1
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Semester 2: Day 5

I woke up a little later than usual (8:07am) as I didn't really want to get up, but I'm glad I did.

I fixed myself some breakfast before doing some meal prep and washing the dishes.
All in all, I ended up arriving at the library a little after 1pm.

Side note, I always have this feeling of doom and gloom when I start to do work at 12pm onwards because my conscience tells me I don't have much time and that I've started too late. Does anyone else get this? Let me know!

I checked both my personal and uni emails. I didn't have important university emails, but I received a response from a landlord about a room I wanted to rent after I graduate which bascially said he may have something for me, and that he'd get back to me. Fingers crossed!

I started to do work properly afterwards, and I began looking for research papers on my project. I found some and I tried to rewrite parts of what I'd read into my own words which I found difficult due to unfamiliarity with many of the terms used in the papers. I also just struggle to reword things in general lol.

Although I am happy with what I have written, I wish I could have produced more work. It feels like it took an eternity to rephrase what I'd read and include citations. I also didn't get through alot of research papers, I propably read bits of less than 5 papers.

I took short breaks and scrolled social media during down times. I feel guilty for doing that becuase I know I'm not where I need to be academically but if I can't think in that moment, what do I do?

I didn't manage to work on anything else i.e. my LinkedIn or plan for the coming week.

I need to take some time to do that over the weekend after work.

I still feel empty, but I'm fighting everyday.

On to the next one.


growyourgradesgrowyourgradesgrow yourgradesgrowyourgradesgrowyour grades c'mon
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brainzistheword
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That feeling you’re getting when you start work is probably you getting overwhelmed by the quantity of work. If you have a clear plan for your studies from now until your exams, and it shows you can fit in the most important bits that you need to, I think you’d feel a lot better and find it easier to concentrate.

Best of luck with everything and keep up the good work!
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SerendipityA1
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Semester 2: Day 6

I woke up just after 6am for work today. It was a struggle to wake up as usual but I did get out of bed.

I worked a 6 hour shift today which was really busy!

Afterwards, I did a small food shop then I made my way home to eat some food.

I spoke with my brother today and he informed me that the UK rapper Cadet had died. I thought he was joking, but he wasn't.
Cadet was such a talented man with so much more to offer. He was an amazing storyteller and I had just recently become accquianted with his work (2018). My heart goes out to his family.

His death, amongst others, really reminds me that death is imminent in this life. Your life could just be taken, just like that.

I arrived at the library a little after 6pm and picked up where I left off yesterday. Prior to going to the library, I tried to access computer labs on campus that had the software I need to use as part of my project, but I didn't have card access to the buildings they were located in. I plan on making a start on the homework I was set by the lovely phD student once I gain access to said computer labs. I happened to meet a friend of a friend, on my way back home from the library, who has access to the buildings and will help me get in tomorrow.

In regards to work, I made some progress but it's still not enough! I couldn't find references for the document my supervisor sent me (they just copied and pasted chunks of text and left me to figure out what sources were used, I appreciate their help though!) and I also read bits of research papers to make sense of the topic.

This is going to be a long month lol.

I can do this.



growyourgradesgrowyourgradesgrow yourgradesgrowyourgradesgrowyour grades c'mon
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SerendipityA1
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Semester 2: Day 7

Today I had a 4 hour shift at work. This was great because I had more time to myself in the day.

With this time I chose to run errands and do meal prep for the incoming week. I arrived on campus around 5:30pm to meet up with someone who was going to let me into their department so I could access the software I was after.

Funnily enough, I couldn't access the full version of the software and I ended up downloading it on my laptop. After fiddling around with my laptop, I managed to get the program running.

I attempted to follow a tutorial using said software which I felt would help me with my own project. I soon found out that I needed to download extra pluggins and find out how to use them.

It was quite fiddly but I managed to complete the difficult looking tutorial. I wish there where more steps in the tutorial though, as I was getting to the good bit then tutorial abruptly ended.

Afterwards, I looked for more research papers and the more I looked the more I realised that I needed to take a step back and regroup.

I need to make a plan of action for my project and carefully determine my next steps.

Bring on tommorow.

growyourgradesgrowyourgradesgrow yourgradesgrowyourgradesgrowyour grades c'mon
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SerendipityA1
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Semester 2: Day 8

Today was meh.

I woke up at 7am, but stayed in bed contemplating whether to get out of bed and I eventually got out of bed at 10:30am.

I ended up eating my lunch at home and had to let my food digest before I could walk to the library, otherwise I'd get indigestion.

Whilst 'resting' I started doing some work for my project and I emailed the phD student what I had managed to do over the weekend.

I arrived at the library at 2pm and was off to a good start. Honestly, all this reading is diffcult. How can I read research papers effectively???

I had a chat with one of my coursemates and helped a friend fill out a questionnaire.

I also managed to prepare emails I'm going to send tomorrow to different landlords regarding my housing next year.

My partner hasn't uploaded any of their work and I messaged them to remind them that it needs to be uploaded by tomorrow evening.

Tomorrow is a busy day. I have an employer presentation and a mock assessment centre. I'm slightly nervous but I'm looking forward to it.

I can do this.

growyourgradesgrowyourgradesgrow yourgradesgrowyourgradesgrowyour grades c'mon
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SerendipityA1
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Semester 2: Day 9

I promised myself I would post everyday of my final semester of university and I almost forgot.

Today has been a whirlwind.

It was off to a great start, but I read a research paper that I thought would be helpful and help me progress with my research project.....but it didn't.

I can't find what I'm looking for!!! I have so much research papers to go through but I'm a slow reader and I'm easily overwhelmed!!!

This tew much guys.

Anywho, I have to edit my word document to send to my supervisor for feedback tomorrow.

I have to push through this.

PS. I went to a great presentation today about self-employment and enjoyed going to the mock assessment centre they held at uni today!

growyourgradesgrowyourgradesgrow yourgradesgrowyourgradesgrowyour grades c'mon
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SerendipityA1
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Semester 2: Day 10

Today wasn't good.

I woke up on the wrong side of bed and couldn't face the day and ended up retiring to my room and crying, after having my supervisor meeting and going to a presentation.

I felt uncomfortable and shaky.

I don't understand why. Maybe it's because results day is close.

I'm heartbroken.
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SerendipityA1
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Semester 2: Day 11

I woke up early and was feeling better.

I started off on a positive note and then I got overwhelmed with the amount of reading.

I took a break and them came back, but I still struggled to read.

I'm meeting with my partner tomorrow.

I hope tomorrow will be better.
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SerendipityA1
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Semester 2: Day 12

I'm exhausted today.

I had a brain block and couldn't read. I hate when this happens. I did find useful articles and website though.

My partner has hardly done work and I was helping them out with setting up the software.

I have work tomorrow.
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