I feel as if my boyfriend prefers blonde girls. Watch

jupi6ter
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It's stupid and irrational - I know. But I do need to let it out. I'm brown and have black hair and he does find me attractive I know, but his last girlfriends were white and i think blonde? I can't fully remember. But he ONLY follows white, blonde models on instagram and seems to find blonde girls pretty hot, which is absolutely fine and has said it himself. But I can't help but feel like he prefers them even though he says I'm hot, cute, pretty etc. and has actually said he loves brown girls. So I don't see why I'm letting this get to me, it's so silly. I just ughhhdgjkjgdjksjghgdjgjj help this is so dumb. I hate myself for feeling like this and I can't confront him about it because it's so dumb. I've kind of brushed on it but he didn't really reassure me. It doesn't help that once I get a thought like this in my head - it does not go away. I mean I'd love to be a perfect girl for him but I'm not. He also once said he thinks I'm an 8.5/10 and 9 on a good day. lol what, I mean it's fine that he's being honest, but would you really call your girlfriend an 8.5? WHAT? I'm being so irrational but I can't help ittttttttttttt. I can't talk to anyone I know about this as I know how dumb I sound. I feel like I can't get this out of my brain and it's eating me away, I get really obsessive thoughts and it's so hard to deal with. I can't do this. I feel like screaming. BUT that won't solve it. I don't know how to solve this and I don't even know what I'm writing anymore I just feel so helpless.

WHY DOES HE DO THIS? He knows I am insecure. He also loves redheads too - way more. He seems to love every other kind of girl except me lol. I can't help but compare myself to them and it's terrible. I need to control how I feel. I know he loves me, I know he won't leave me, I just ugh but I can't help that that is his preference can I?

This is so pathetic and embarrassing but I need an outlet and someone to at least listen haha.
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Professional G
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(Original post by jupi6ter)
It's stupid and irrational - I know. But I do need to let it out. I'm brown and have black hair and he does find me attractive I know, but his last girlfriends were white and i think blonde? I can't fully remember. But he ONLY follows white, blonde models on instagram and seems to find blonde girls pretty hot, which is absolutely fine and has said it himself. But I can't help but feel like he prefers them even though he says I'm hot, cute, pretty etc. and has actually said he loves brown girls. So I don't see why I'm letting this get to me, it's so silly. I just ughhhdgjkjgdjksjghgdjgjj help this is so dumb. I hate myself for feeling like this and I can't confront him about it because it's so dumb. I've kind of brushed on it but he didn't really reassure me. It doesn't help that once I get a thought like this in my head - it does not go away. I mean I'd love to be a perfect girl for him but I'm not. He also once said he thinks I'm an 8.5/10 and 9 on a good day. lol what, I mean it's fine that he's being honest, but would you really call your girlfriend an 8.5? WHAT? I'm being so irrational but I can't help ittttttttttttt. I can't talk to anyone I know about this as I know how dumb I sound. I feel like I can't get this out of my brain and it's eating me away, I get really obsessive thoughts and it's so hard to deal with. I can't do this. I feel like screaming. BUT that won't solve it. I don't know how to solve this and I don't even know what I'm writing anymore I just feel so helpless.

WHY DOES HE DO THIS? He knows I am insecure. He also loves redheads too - way more. He seems to love every other kind of girl except me lol. I can't help but compare myself to them and it's terrible. I need to control how I feel. I know he loves me, I know he won't leave me, I just ugh but I can't help that that is his preference can I?

This is so pathetic and embarrassing but I need an outlet and someone to at least listen haha.
I don’t think he’s right for you especially with the whole finding blonde girls attractive. Plus why is he spending time following models on Instagram and not you?
I mean the situation doesn’t sound bad yet but what if a blonde girls talks him up? Can you honestly say he will reject her?
I wouldn’t break up but I would be cautious and be open to talking things out.
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jupi6ter
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(Original post by Professional G)
I don’t think he’s right for you especially with the whole finding blonde girls attractive. Plus why is he spending time following models on Instagram and not you?
I mean the situation doesn’t sound bad yet but what if a blonde girls talks him up? Can you honestly say he will reject her?
I wouldn’t break up but I would be cautious and be open to talking things out.
I think he is right for me, he's my type and I guess I'm his...maybe not looks wise? Or I guess that's just me being annoyingly insecure. He's clever (a little smarter than me which I like), we have similar interests, he has a good music taste, we share the same sense of humour, he cares about me, he likes what I like - as in in bed and idk we have good conversations. I guess it's just my insecurities and anxiety that's making it seem like a big deal when it's not. However, I have no idea why he still follows instagram models, but I don't want to sound like a jealous, insecure girlfriend if I talk about this with him. And I think he'd reject her, I mean he said he loves me and wants to spend his life with me and I can tell he means it.
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Professional G
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(Original post by jupi6ter)
I think he is right for me, he's my type and I guess I'm his...maybe not looks wise? Or I guess that's just me being annoyingly insecure. He's clever (a little smarter than me which I like), we have similar interests, he has a good music taste, we share the same sense of humour, he cares about me, he likes what I like - as in in bed and idk we have good conversations. I guess it's just my insecurities and anxiety that's making it seem like a big deal when it's not. However, I have no idea why he still follows instagram models, but I don't want to sound like a jealous, insecure girlfriend if I talk about this with him. And I think he'd reject her, I mean he said he loves me and wants to spend his life with me and I can tell he means it.
He sounds like a decent boyfriend so I wouldn’t worry too much. Maybe communicate and tell him what concerns you. Look at his reactions, if he doesn’t take it well then I would doubt his commitment to you.
Just talk to him. There’s nothing wrong with wanting to communicate.
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ZombieTheWolf
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damn if my boyfriend gave me a rating out of ten he would be dead, saying your gf is below ten to her face is weird...
But as G said, sounds like you guys just need to communicate more. Even if you think its irrational, its best to let it out at least you don't have to ask him it but say you have been feeling a certain way lately.
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Last edited by ZombieTheWolf; 1 month ago
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Notoriety
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(Original post by ZombieTheWolf)
damn if my boyfriend gave me a rating out of ten he would be dead, saying your gf is below ten to her face is weird...
In what deranged world? It's common sense that you're probably not a 10.

Why must it be that not only does your BF prefer you over all others, but you must be objectively preferred by all men to the highest degree? It's a bit weird that you want your BF to make that prediction. "Oh yeah you're a 10 because my mates Billy and Fred said they'd give their left nut to **** you."
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Profesh
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You need more than one source of self-esteem.
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MrMusician95
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(Original post by ZombieTheWolf)
damn if my boyfriend gave me a rating out of ten he would be dead, saying your gf is below ten to her face is weird...
But as G said, sounds like you guys just need to communicate more. Even if you think its irrational, its best to let it out at least you don't have to ask him it but say you have been feeling a certain way lately.
Exactly. I'd never even think about eating my girlfriend out of ten. She's beautiful, and that's what I tell her.

How old are you bot, OP?
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MrMusician95
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(Original post by Notoriety)
In what deranged world? It's common sense that you're probably not a 10.

Why must it be that not only does your BF prefer you over all others, but you must be objectively preferred by all men to the highest degree? It's a bit weird that you want your BF to make that prediction. "Oh yeah you're a 10 because my mates Billy and Fred said they'd give their left nut to **** you."
What mature guy when think to rate his girlfriend out of ten, and to her face? That's stupid and childish.
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ZombieTheWolf
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(Original post by Notoriety)
In what deranged world? It's common sense that you're probably not a 10.

Why must it be that not only does your BF prefer you over all others, but you must be objectively preferred by all men to the highest degree? It's a bit weird that you want your BF to make that prediction. "Oh yeah you're a 10 because my mates Billy and Fred said they'd give their left nut to **** you."
Its not that. Its like why are you rating her in the first place? Sure, I was gonna write hey at least he is honest with you but whats the need for a rating? Are looks that important? Of course you aren't a ten, but when you love someone anyone can be a ten through those love goggles as I have experienced. Love is a strange thing pal
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Last edited by ZombieTheWolf; 1 month ago
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Notoriety
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(Original post by MrMusician95)
What mature guy when think to rate his girlfriend out of ten, and to her face? That's stupid and childish.
People have whimsical convos, pal. It can't all be discussing PMQs; sometimes you might feel incline to be childish and bust a few balls.
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GraduateLynx
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(Original post by jupi6ter)
It's stupid and irrational - I know. But I do need to let it out. I'm brown and have black hair and he does find me attractive I know, but his last girlfriends were white and i think blonde? I can't fully remember. But he ONLY follows white, blonde models on instagram and seems to find blonde girls pretty hot, which is absolutely fine and has said it himself. But I can't help but feel like he prefers them even though he says I'm hot, cute, pretty etc. and has actually said he loves brown girls. So I don't see why I'm letting this get to me, it's so silly. I just ughhhdgjkjgdjksjghgdjgjj help this is so dumb. I hate myself for feeling like this and I can't confront him about it because it's so dumb. I've kind of brushed on it but he didn't really reassure me. It doesn't help that once I get a thought like this in my head - it does not go away. I mean I'd love to be a perfect girl for him but I'm not. He also once said he thinks I'm an 8.5/10 and 9 on a good day. lol what, I mean it's fine that he's being honest, but would you really call your girlfriend an 8.5? WHAT? I'm being so irrational but I can't help ittttttttttttt. I can't talk to anyone I know about this as I know how dumb I sound. I feel like I can't get this out of my brain and it's eating me away, I get really obsessive thoughts and it's so hard to deal with. I can't do this. I feel like screaming. BUT that won't solve it. I don't know how to solve this and I don't even know what I'm writing anymore I just feel so helpless.

WHY DOES HE DO THIS? He knows I am insecure. He also loves redheads too - way more. He seems to love every other kind of girl except me lol. I can't help but compare myself to them and it's terrible. I need to control how I feel. I know he loves me, I know he won't leave me, I just ugh but I can't help that that is his preference can I?

This is so pathetic and embarrassing but I need an outlet and someone to at least listen haha.
Is he white himself?
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LanceArmstrong
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Hey,

Sorry about your situation. At the end of the day, its what on the inside that counts. If he is judging you based on your colours then you deserve so much better. Be open with him and explaine how you feel.

Hope this helps,

Thanks, Lance
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jupi6ter
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(Original post by GraduateLynx)
Is he white himself?
Yes
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Anonymous #1
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You're not dumb or stupid for feeling what you do. The best thing to do is to talk to him about these feelings. I think you're afraid to talk to him because you think he might show his true colours by getting angry etc, and then you'll have to see his flaws/ the flaws in your relationship. Its understandable, but there's no use in hiding if you're really committed to this relationship. If he doesn't accept that you feel insecure it's his problem. He needs to learn to sacrifice a few things for the person he loves and to save your relationship. That's what relationships are all about, making sacrifices. A good place for him to start is by unfollowing Instagram models.

Also, something else: you feeling insecure is something you also need to deal with. Perhaps you place too much value on the looks of things. Again, I don't blame you as this is the society we are currently in :rolleyes: But, if your wellbeing is being affected, you must try to get to the bottom of this. You must question your need to feel pretty in order to be valuable. Perhaps you should challenge your need to look good by pausing with makeup and clothes and rather focusing on your hobbies and interests, and meditating on the the things you love about who you are. These are things your boyfriend also needs to learn probably in his own self too. Perhaps you could try to do this together hope I've helped, good luck
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