How would you deal with a partner who does this? Watch

BigMacdaddy123
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#1
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Hi all, new to the forums, but have a bit of a dilema on my hands.

Ive been with my partner f29 for almost 4 years, but for a while now her behaviour and the way she treats me is disgusting. Ill give you some examples.

Everytime we argue, she blames me for everything. Never apologises for anything. She drags out the argument for days, even the most stupid thing, refusing to accept any apologies, and continually saying well its your fault. Not putting any kisses at end of text and being blunt.

She also thinks shes entitled to sex when she wants it, never when i want it. Reguarly rejecting my advances, and witholding it if we argue.

She has punched me and slapped me multiple times, latest being when we were on a long haul holiday. Which i left the room as i didnt want to react, and was left wandering around at midnight for 2 hours, eventually returning to the room, to see her asleep on bed, so i slept on sofa.

She slates my job, saying i should go into building, as that what her dad does, and hes blind to see there are other jobs out there that pay well. Im a store manager, and earn quite well, and extremely proud of myself that i built a career in retail in 3 years.. and still want to continue. Anything i do for work is a waste of time and a load of ******** in here own words.

She reguarly ****s off my family, to which i do not bite, even though her mum is the biggest leech going, and doesnt seem to have it in her to thank anyone for anything they do. Her mums the apple of her eye, and no one can say a bad word about her. Shes told me she will smack me one if i say anything. I once heard her mum ****ging me off, and told my partner. Who then went and asked her mum who denied it, even though i heard it with my own ears. So i said to her you think im lieng and she said no, then i said then your mum must he lieing to which she said my mum loves you.

I love this girl so much. And have invested so much time into her to make this work. Its draining me all of this. Advice on how to deal with her and approaching it, cause when ive tried previously, she just gets defensive.
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eez
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wOmAn Am I rIgHt - seriously though if you're tryna keep this going maybe find a councilor or jeremy kyle. maybe if she hits you again, sucker punch her back. might shut up her up.
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claireestelle
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(Original post by BigMacdaddy123)
Hi all, new to the forums, but have a bit of a dilema on my hands.

Ive been with my partner f29 for almost 4 years, but for a while now her behaviour and the way she treats me is disgusting. Ill give you some examples.

Everytime we argue, she blames me for everything. Never apologises for anything. She drags out the argument for days, even the most stupid thing, refusing to accept any apologies, and continually saying well its your fault. Not putting any kisses at end of text and being blunt.

She also thinks shes entitled to sex when she wants it, never when i want it. Reguarly rejecting my advances, and witholding it if we argue.

She has punched me and slapped me multiple times, latest being when we were on a long haul holiday. Which i left the room as i didnt want to react, and was left wandering around at midnight for 2 hours, eventually returning to the room, to see her asleep on bed, so i slept on sofa.

She slates my job, saying i should go into building, as that what her dad does, and hes blind to see there are other jobs out there that pay well. Im a store manager, and earn quite well, and extremely proud of myself that i built a career in retail in 3 years.. and still want to continue. Anything i do for work is a waste of time and a load of ******** in here own words.

She reguarly ****s off my family, to which i do not bite, even though her mum is the biggest leech going, and doesnt seem to have it in her to thank anyone for anything they do. Her mums the apple of her eye, and no one can say a bad word about her. Shes told me she will smack me one if i say anything. I once heard her mum ****ging me off, and told my partner. Who then went and asked her mum who denied it, even though i heard it with my own ears. So i said to her you think im lieng and she said no, then i said then your mum must he lieing to which she said my mum loves you.

I love this girl so much. And have invested so much time into her to make this work. Its draining me all of this. Advice on how to deal with her and approaching it, cause when ive tried previously, she just gets defensive.
I ll be honest, it doesn't sound like she treats you well at all, do you guys live together?
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sknudson
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"Not putting kisses at the end of text" should be the least of your worries when she's hitting you, withholding sex, and blaming you for everything in arguments. I'd have next'd her forever ago.
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BigMacdaddy123
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(Original post by claireestelle)
I ll be honest, it doesn't sound like she treats you well at all, do you guys live together?
Yes we do
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claireestelle
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(Original post by BigMacdaddy123)
Yes we do
I think you need to get some distance between you, it doesn't sound healthy the way things are going.
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BigMacdaddy123
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(Original post by sknudson)
"Not putting kisses at the end of text" should be the least of your worries when she's hitting you, withholding sex, and blaming you for everything in arguments. I'd have next'd her forever ago.
Just using an example... She's 29 but believes I should earn all the money, pay for everything, I even fuel her own car all month cause she claims I use it more then her!
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Dunnig Kruger
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It's a weird world. I would hate anyone that punched me. And yet you love this woman that's punched and slapped you?:confused:

Most of what you've described is allowable if it's counterbalanced by some huge positives, that you've not mentioned.

But the violence. No that's not on at all. End of relationship. Go find a woman that you can trust not to hit you. Which is 99% of the women out there.


By the way, she's right, you'd be better off in building than as a store manager. Unless you get to actually own your own store.
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juju1199
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Honestly this sounds like a very emotionally abusive relationship, and it seems physical sometimes too. Its a toxic situation to be in and I think you need to talk to her as soon as possible. I personally would sit down with her and express how you feel and try to resolve the issue. I can imagine by what you have said she wouldn't like this, and if she doesnt change or hear you out i think you should distance yourself. Maybe take a break? This would allow you to really evaluate your relationship but also it would allow her time to think and maybe realise what she has been doing to you. Its really hard but maybe in the end you are not meant to be. That doesnt mean you dont love her, but sometimes you have to do whats best for your and your happiness. I recently had this type of toxic relationship with a friend, she was my best friend so slightly different but still when I distanced myself it felt like a breakup. I feel so free now she is not in my life, which I sound cruel to say but I did what was right for me. I still care so much about her and its sad but im slowly getting over it. I would also say, even though she has been very destructive with you, look out for her feelings. Do you think there is something bothering her recently or has this been going on a long time? Maybe you could refer her to a therapist or get some type of support for her, even though your in a relationship she may be going through something you dont know about and be experiencing some type of mental health issues. Hope it all goes ok xx
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sknudson
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(Original post by BigMacdaddy123)
Just using an example... She's 29 but believes I should earn all the money, pay for everything, I even fuel her own car all month cause she claims I use it more then her!
Bottom line it: do you deserve to be treated well all the time or only some of the time? Forget the investment in time. If you've stopped receiving the treatment you want from someone else, then that person should be in your past.
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BigMacdaddy123
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(Original post by Dunnig Kruger)
It's a weird world. I would hate anyone that punched me. And yet you love this woman that's punched and slapped you?:confused:

Most of what you've described is allowable if it's counterbalanced by some huge positives, that you've not mentioned.

But the violence. No that's not on at all. End of relationship. Go find a woman that you can trust not to hit you. Which is 99% of the women out there.


By the way, she's right, you'd be better off in building than as a store manager. Unless you get to actually own your own store.
You think. I earn 40 a year plus bonuses
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BigMacdaddy123
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(Original post by juju1199)
Honestly this sounds like a very emotionally abusive relationship, and it seems physical sometimes too. Its a toxic situation to be in and I think you need to talk to her as soon as possible. I personally would sit down with her and express how you feel and try to resolve the issue. I can imagine by what you have said she wouldn't like this, and if she doesnt change or hear you out i think you should distance yourself. Maybe take a break? This would allow you to really evaluate your relationship but also it would allow her time to think and maybe realise what she has been doing to you. Its really hard but maybe in the end you are not meant to be. That doesnt mean you dont love her, but sometimes you have to do whats best for your and your happiness. I recently had this type of toxic relationship with a friend, she was my best friend so slightly different but still when I distanced myself it felt like a breakup. I feel so free now she is not in my life, which I sound cruel to say but I did what was right for me. I still care so much about her and its sad but im slowly getting over it. I would also say, even though she has been very destructive with you, look out for her feelings. Do you think there is something bothering her recently or has this been going on a long time? Maybe you could refer her to a therapist or get some type of support for her, even though your in a relationship she may be going through something you dont know about and be experiencing some type of mental health issues. Hope it all goes ok xx
Thank you for your kind words. It's hard. Cause I said to her first time she did it, I'm going to leave you but I didn't next time... it's the thought of her with someone else
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by BigMacdaddy123)
You think. I earn 40 a year plus bonuses
Will you be my sugar daddy?
P.S. I'm a guy
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BigMacdaddy123
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(Original post by Anonymous)
Will you be my sugar daddy?
P.S. I'm a guy
😘 lol
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Dunnig Kruger
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(Original post by BigMacdaddy123)
You think. I earn 40 a year plus bonuses
You'd earn 400 a year if you owned your own successful store or small building company.
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TheNamesBond.
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I’d give her the dump :borat:
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BigMacdaddy123
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(Original post by TheNamesBond.)
I’d give her the dump :borat:
Easier said or done bro
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BigMacdaddy123
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(Original post by Dunnig Kruger)
You'd earn 400 a year if you owned your own successful store or small building company.
🤣 always got a solution!
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londonmyst
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Do you want her behaviour to exacerbate to the degree that you sustain serious injuries, require medical treatment and your children witness it all?
The longer you stay with her being treated as a punchbag and allowing this behaviour to continue, the closer you come to this scenario.

I'm a female who walked out on the ex for a lot less.
No arguments, incidents of domestic violence or threats to punch/slap me.
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TheNamesBond.
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(Original post by BigMacdaddy123)
Easier said or done bro
Very true, on a serious note, have a talk with her.
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