I’ve changed over the past few months Watch

Anonymous #1
#1
Report Thread starter 1 week ago
#1
Male 16, in first year of sixth form

I’m writing this not really knowing what I want from it.

It all started pretty soon after I finished GCSE’s. During the holidays afterwards I got into my first relationship. Also I did a 4 week program trip thing called NCS which we were on together. It basically teaches people how to be more outgoing and you do a bit of charity work and have fun with friends. Over those 4 weeks I got really close with some of my other friends and made some new ones that I had never met, it was amazing.

NCS finished then a lot of stuff that had happened in the past stared to crawl back. My old step-dad (they divorced about a year ago) started trying to “interfere” with me and my mums life again. Let’s just say I didn’t have a good relationship with him during the 7 years they were together. I started having nightmares and the odd flashback to the feeling of being around him again. He started inferring because my younger brother and sister are his biological children, but I am not. I don’t have to see him or talk to him or anything but just the mention of him again just triggered something.

Soon after I started just hating my mum. We would have constant arguments which mostly ended in me having to get out of the house for a while. Later I figured out it’s because I blame her for staying with my old step-dad for so long. I see it as her fault like she put me through that torment and couldn’t get rid of him. There was an incident roughly 3-4 years ago that they split up and he wasn’t with us anymore and I was so happy. But something happened which at the time they thought the best thing to do was get back together and we had a big move to another part of the country to get away from the incident. Now I’m a bit older I look back and just hate her for making that decision to get back with that *******. That wasn’t the only thing she could do. She caused so many years my life to be ruined. I had to move to a new school and completely change my life because of the decisions she made.

When she finally divorced him it was a massive relieve. I started talking to more people in school. I gained more confidence and wasn’t scared anymore. So yeah that’s why I hated my mum because he shouldn’t have being in my life for so long.

So yeah my mental state wasn’t exactly the best and my relationship with my mum was toxic. I ended up ending my relationship because of all the **** I had going on.

Then I started at my sixth form. I had a couple of people to talk to but I started being quiet again. I started enjoying just being alone in the common room just sat on my phone not talking to anyone. I never went out with friends just because I didn’t want to and I didn’t really know why. And I know this is gonna sound really weird but I started finding that my humour was becoming really messed up. The only time that I would even smile or laugh was when I was watching a ****ed up video.

Over the next few weeks/months I just got more anti-social. I haven’t been out with friends for months even though I’ve been invited out multiple times. The relationship with my mum hasn’t gotten better and it’s started to affect the relationship I have with my younger brother and sister. I still have the odd nightmare of what happened but not as bad. I’ve got one person that has noticed what I’ve gone through, she’s the only person that I have gone into any detail with about the stuff in my past but she doesn’t know everything. She’s basically keeping a little eye on me to make sure I’m moderately ok.

So I don’t really know why I wrote this. Little side note I’m not suicidal. I have never cut or anything like that. And the relationship I had with my step dad was mostly physiological abuse and not all physical.
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cheesecakelove
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#2
(Original post by Anonymous)
Male 16, in first year of sixth form

I’m writing this not really knowing what I want from it.

It all started pretty soon after I finished GCSE’s. During the holidays afterwards I got into my first relationship. Also I did a 4 week program trip thing called NCS which we were on together. It basically teaches people how to be more outgoing and you do a bit of charity work and have fun with friends. Over those 4 weeks I got really close with some of my other friends and made some new ones that I had never met, it was amazing.

NCS finished then a lot of stuff that had happened in the past stared to crawl back. My old step-dad (they divorced about a year ago) started trying to “interfere” with me and my mums life again. Let’s just say I didn’t have a good relationship with him during the 7 years they were together. I started having nightmares and the odd flashback to the feeling of being around him again. He started inferring because my younger brother and sister are his biological children, but I am not. I don’t have to see him or talk to him or anything but just the mention of him again just triggered something.

Soon after I started just hating my mum. We would have constant arguments which mostly ended in me having to get out of the house for a while. Later I figured out it’s because I blame her for staying with my old step-dad for so long. I see it as her fault like she put me through that torment and couldn’t get rid of him. There was an incident roughly 3-4 years ago that they split up and he wasn’t with us anymore and I was so happy. But something happened which at the time they thought the best thing to do was get back together and we had a big move to another part of the country to get away from the incident. Now I’m a bit older I look back and just hate her for making that decision to get back with that *******. That wasn’t the only thing she could do. She caused so many years my life to be ruined. I had to move to a new school and completely change my life because of the decisions she made.

When she finally divorced him it was a massive relieve. I started talking to more people in school. I gained more confidence and wasn’t scared anymore. So yeah that’s why I hated my mum because he shouldn’t have being in my life for so long.

So yeah my mental state wasn’t exactly the best and my relationship with my mum was toxic. I ended up ending my relationship because of all the **** I had going on.

Then I started at my sixth form. I had a couple of people to talk to but I started being quiet again. I started enjoying just being alone in the common room just sat on my phone not talking to anyone. I never went out with friends just because I didn’t want to and I didn’t really know why. And I know this is gonna sound really weird but I started finding that my humour was becoming really messed up. The only time that I would even smile or laugh was when I was watching a ****ed up video.

Over the next few weeks/months I just got more anti-social. I haven’t been out with friends for months even though I’ve been invited out multiple times. The relationship with my mum hasn’t gotten better and it’s started to affect the relationship I have with my younger brother and sister. I still have the odd nightmare of what happened but not as bad. I’ve got one person that has noticed what I’ve gone through, she’s the only person that I have gone into any detail with about the stuff in my past but she doesn’t know everything. She’s basically keeping a little eye on me to make sure I’m moderately ok.

So I don’t really know why I wrote this. Little side note I’m not suicidal. I have never cut or anything like that. And the relationship I had with my step dad was mostly physiological abuse and not all physical.
I do think you need to seek help about what happened in the past between you and your stepfather. It has affected you more than you realise. It is causing you to act negatively towards your mother and half-siblings, even though it was largely your stepfather's fault. It is affecting your confidence and how you approach life. You mention you have one person you can confide in - would you be willing to share everything with her? You could also seek professional help, such as a therapist, to help you come to terms with what happened and to think of new ways to move past this and regain your confidence.
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