The Student Room Group

This discussion is no longer active so you won't be able to reply.Check out other Related discussions

Boyfriend won't have vaginal sex with me, just anal.

So when we got together my boyfriend kinda said, he doesn't think he'll want to have sex till after/near marriage, and I kinda said I'm fine waiting, because I love him. But since then we've done pretty much everything you can think of apart from normal p/v sex, and that wasn't me putting pressure on, a lot of it was his suggestion too, like anal. I didn't think I'd like it at first but I tried it then I ended up actually really enjoying myself. We do that a lot now though. Don't get me wrong, it's not that I'm unhappy, he does always try to make sure I'm satisfied and stuff, but it doesn't stop me wanting normal sex.

I tried to talk to him about it today and explain myself but he just said "I don't know" and wouldn't explain himself. It's just I thought since it's been 3 years and we've done pretty much everything else he might have changed his mind. I don't really know why he's funny about it, I mean his family are very no sex before marriage and I know he's worried about me getting pregnant, but I'd be on the pill plus we'd use condoms. I'll wait for him of course but if I kinda want an explanation. I don't think he gets why I want it so bad

Scroll to see replies

Why's your boyfriend insistent on no sex before/near marriage specifically? Not religious reasons I assume right?
Deny him sex until he agrees to penetrate your pussy, simples.
Deny him sex until he agrees to switch holes. See how long he lasts.
You have obviously been very patient with your boyfriend and respected his wishes, which I admire you for. However, for a relationship to work both people need to be satisfied with all aspects of the relationship. You need to decide if you think not having sex is a big enough deal to stop you being happy, and it is not shameful if this is the case. Sex is a big part of a relationship for some people as it expresses love, commitment and it is FUN. Yet some people are happy to look past it and enjoy other aspects of their relationship. Basically, how much do you want this to work, and if he truly wants to wait until marriage would you be willing to wait that long? If not, it is worth considering if your lives/wishes match up as you don't want either of you feeling responsible for the other person's unhappiness.
Reply 5
Suck his **** and the next night feed gim leche’s coz they increase testosterone levels
Reply 6
he doesnt owe you an explanation. sure, it's a little unusual but people are different and what makes one person tick might make another turn off. he'll talk about it with you when he's ready to, so i suggest you stop insisting. youve asked him and he clearly isnt ready yet to talk about it. just because he's your bf it doesnt mean youre entitled to his body and he can do what he wants with it. he consents to anal and not vaginal because that's what he's comfortable with, so stop questioning his boundaries because he owes you nothing. if you want p/v sex then that doesnt mean he has to provide you with it, that's, as harsh as this sounds, your own personal concern. it's really important for us to respect people's boundaries during sex and make sure their consent isn't a result of coersion or a fear of being judged if their partner is left dissatisfied.
Reply 7
Original post by HasanQ585
Why's your boyfriend insistent on no sex before/near marriage specifically? Not religious reasons I assume right?


I don't know?? He's a Christian, but isn't too serious, you know? I've asked and he's said it's not for religious reasons. More so his family are really serious about the no sex before marriage thing for religious reasons and have kinda drilled it into him. Also, he's worried about pregnancy but I don't see why that's an issue with the pill and condoms
Think he's sort of playing sensible with you but talk to him and ask him why you not had full sex if you think it will help.
If your on the pill then what's the problem and also you using condoms, I would be worried to if it was me like after being in relationship for about three years.

Is he perhaps having it elsewhere with other girls - I would like to think that he was but you makes you wonder apart from everything to do with before marriage etc ( I'm only saying this as not accusing him unless you have any cvlues to suggest so), I had a friend exactly same position of yourself and it turned out he was playing away from home and she told him where to go.

And sometimes you get people who still believe in no sex before marriage as part of the upbringing or religious reasons.

I'm same with yourself when I had b/friends as had all the usual things except not going whole way, I still haven't had sex to as still faithful there, and not ashamed to say so, but I thinking of my career first and if and when I meet Mr Right then I would probably lose it with him.
Reply 9
Original post by thunderstormfire
You have obviously been very patient with your boyfriend and respected his wishes, which I admire you for. However, for a relationship to work both people need to be satisfied with all aspects of the relationship. You need to decide if you think not having sex is a big enough deal to stop you being happy, and it is not shameful if this is the case. Sex is a big part of a relationship for some people as it expresses love, commitment and it is FUN. Yet some people are happy to look past it and enjoy other aspects of their relationship. Basically, how much do you want this to work, and if he truly wants to wait until marriage would you be willing to wait that long? If not, it is worth considering if your lives/wishes match up as you don't want either of you feeling responsible for the other person's unhappiness.


Sex is a big thing to me.... and it would be difficult to wait that long, buuut I'd be willing to wait if it's that important to him. I just want to be able to have a conversation with him about it, so it upset me when he just kinda avoided it when I brought it up.
Original post by Charlene99
Think he's sort of playing sensible with you but talk to him and ask him why you not had full sex if you think it will help.
If your on the pill then what's the problem and also you using condoms, I would be worried to if it was me like after being in relationship for about three years.

Is he perhaps having it elsewhere with other girls - I would like to think that he was but you makes you wonder apart from everything to do with before marriage etc ( I'm only saying this as not accusing him unless you have any cvlues to suggest so), I had a friend exactly same position of yourself and it turned out he was playing away from home and she told him where to go.

And sometimes you get people who still believe in no sex before marriage as part of the upbringing or religious reasons.

I'm same with yourself when I had b/friends as had all the usual things except not going whole way, I still haven't had sex to as still faithful there, and not ashamed to say so, but I thinking of my career first and if and when I meet Mr Right then I would probably lose it with him.


I know he isn't cheating on me, he wouldn't do that, but yeah, fair suggestion. He said it's not religious reasons.... I don't know, maybe just because it's more convenient not to, but then I feel that that's selfish, because I compromise a lot for him. Also I hope it's not because he's not as serious as he says he is about me, I really don't think that's the case, but like it makes me worry a tiny bit. If it's religious reasons or it's just really important to him then that's fine, but I want him to be able to talk to me
God's fine with the stink, but don't touch the pink.

Makes sense, eh.
I never understand people who claim they are waiting for marriage but will do literally everything else
Original post by Anonymous
So when we got together my boyfriend kinda said, he doesn't think he'll want to have sex till after/near marriage, and I kinda said I'm fine waiting, because I love him. But since then we've done pretty much everything you can think of apart from normal p/v sex, and that wasn't me putting pressure on, a lot of it was his suggestion too, like anal. I didn't think I'd like it at first but I tried it then I ended up actually really enjoying myself. We do that a lot now though. Don't get me wrong, it's not that I'm unhappy, he does always try to make sure I'm satisfied and stuff, but it doesn't stop me wanting normal sex.

I tried to talk to him about it today and explain myself but he just said "I don't know" and wouldn't explain himself. It's just I thought since it's been 3 years and we've done pretty much everything else he might have changed his mind. I don't really know why he's funny about it, I mean his family are very no sex before marriage and I know he's worried about me getting pregnant, but I'd be on the pill plus we'd use condoms. I'll wait for him of course but if I kinda want an explanation. I don't think he gets why I want it so bad

I think he doesn't want to take ANY chances in getting you pregnant, and he is smart for doing so. It may be a family thing preventing him from doing this as he knows he shouldn't have been doing anal and stuff with you yet, so he's playing it safe so his parents don't find out what he's been doing
you're doing everything you can to make him satisfied and happy but is he really doing the same for you sexually speaking
Original post by iElvendork
I never understand people who claim they are waiting for marriage but will do literally everything else


Right??
Original post by MWills99
I think he doesn't want to take ANY chances in getting you pregnant, and he is smart for doing so. It may be a family thing preventing him from doing this as he knows he shouldn't have been doing anal and stuff with you yet, so he's playing it safe so his parents don't find out what he's been doing


Yeah.....
stop looking for advice on student room dumbass i know somebody who just fingers people do that instead, finger him
Jesus would not like your boyfriend to be so pedantic anal sex is sex
does he give oral

Latest