We've had lots of fights about money in the past but I've given in 90% of the time and just kept going because I love him and he's not like this about other things.
We moved recently and I've been left unemployed + job searching. We agreed he'd pay the rent initially, although I paid half of all the moving costs, deposit, furniture etc.
However we're now approaching 3 months in and I've not got regular work. I've done my best and I've never been in this position before. I was offered a job but it basically hasn't materialised yet and idk why. As soon as I realised they were messing me around I started looking again and now have another interview + some agency work. But I doubt I'll make more than £400-500 this month.
He s basically said now I need to start paying rent end of. I've been paying bills anyway so it's not like I'm costing him anything extra to living alone. And he takes home 2k a month, our rent + bills total 750 a month.
I just feel like I can't keep doing this. He sits there talking about holidays and buying a house while my savings are dropping like a stone. He feels hard done by having paid out maybe 300 toward my costs when I've spent thousands out of my savings. It's already likely to take me a year to put back what I've spent of my savings. He says he can't save but I don't understand how? he should have 1200+ after rent and bills, if he's not saving imo that's 100% his fault.
I feel totally stuck. I already feel horrible about not working. I could ask to move in with my mum but I'd have to start my job search from scratch and keep paying her board in the meantime. I'm not eligible for any benefits so can't even get JSA to keep afloat.
He might be using you for money, just so he can be lazy
Yeah, Sounds like he is definitely using you for money without a doubt...
Demand him to help - If he refuses then he’s just lazy
Gold digger confirmed- He using you for your 💰
If he's in stable employment and you have been paying bills and other costs, I don't understand what his problem is? This doesn't sound lke what people in relationships do. Ask yourself if your relationship is worth it. He says he can't save but is making enough money to??! He sounds really selfish to be honest.
Try to tell him what you've told us, because 9 years is a long time and if you love each other you should at least try, but it sounds like you're putting in everthing while he's doing nothing, he sounds terrible
(couldn't you tell your mum it's an emergency and you can't give her rent right now?)
Wait - He brings home 2k ?!
That’s more than 65% of the uk alone. ( I don’t even earn half of that and I still pay half )
That dude is seriously a money grabber.
Its weird that you've been together 9 years and aren't on communal finances. That must be such a headache to keep track of (do you, like, split the grocery bill every time you go shopping?
? ) , plus surely it will cause future problems e.g. he wants to buy a house - if he has more savings than you, is he just going to sit by twiddling his thumbs until you can afford the other half of the deposit? Will he just buy the house himself and charge you rent?! What exactly is your plan here?
Last edited by nexttime; 1 week ago
It sounds like the relationship is already over.
Your partner is demanding that you pay rent when he knows that it is not possible for you to do this, because you have no regular full time job.
I was treated better than that by my then boyfriend when I turned up at his penthouse apartment as an 18 year old schoolgirl- with £7 in my pocket and my savings all gone.
You are already making as great a financial contribution as it is possible for you to do by paying household bills.
He's acting inconsiderate, greedy and totally unrealistic.
How terrible, particularly after nine years together.
From what you are saying he does not sound nice. If my partner was unemployed I would support them and help them. I would not expect them to pay for rents when they are not in work. Is he earning a good income?