When I lost my virginity turns people off. Watch

Anonymous #1
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What's good.
So in relationships, people typically tend to talk about their virginity; when they lost it, who to etc. In a lot of the relationships I've been in since, I'm often asked that and I'm not one for lying, so I try not to. Problem being, when I explain to them the age I was. That often disgusts them immediately. If I try to explain situation in which it happened, I'm usually the one judged and found disgusting by it, despite it not being my fault nor my choice in the slightest. So, do you think I should just lie then in order to avoid this situation; but then raise the issue of possibly being triggered by any accidental slip up they make and also be 'gross' according to some. Or should I carry on telling the truth and just hope for the best that someone stops caring?

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Since I feel like it might become a question of what the situation at hand was- I was ten at the time and it was at the hands of my dad and some of his friends, something way out of my ability to control.
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Lilligant22
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It's a bit ignorant for them to get "turned off" when it was forced from you - it wasn't your fault. They make it sound like you slept with someone when you were 6 and drunk.

You don't need to tell people if you don't want to, because it's a personal thing. But, honestly, if people leave you because of that, they're not even worth your time.

You don't need to lie to them because then you'll trip up in your own guilt eventually and want to confess about it. It's good enough to tell people that maybe it wasn't a happy experience for you and you don't have to share it.
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asif007
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You don't have to be fully honest with people when it's personal and probably quite hurtful for you to talk about. Make up something else about when you had consensual sex for the first time (if you have), or just tell people you're still a virgin. There's no shame in keeping things private and not telling everyone who asks.
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loveintheopenai
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First ask them what age then you tell them.
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Anonymous #2
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You don't have to tell them, but if you're worried about 'slipping up' and revealing that something happened to you at that age, there is a way you can explain it. In my opinion, losing your virginity is the first time you choose to have sex with someone you want to have sex with - you are making the decision to lose your virginity. It's perfectly fine to say that you lost your virginity at a later age (or not yet at all).
Rape or sexual assault should not count towards losing your viginity.
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Eibba-chu
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(Original post by Lilligant22)
It's a bit ignorant for them to get "turned off" when it was forced from you - it wasn't your fault. They make it sound like you slept with someone when you were 6 and drunk.

You don't need to tell people if you don't want to, because it's a personal thing. But, honestly, if people leave you because of that, they're not even worth your time.

You don't need to lie to them because then you'll trip up in your own guilt eventually and want to confess about it. It's good enough to tell people that maybe it wasn't a happy experience for you and you don't have to share it.
I agree wth this statement. If you find someone who you want to be with and they support you throughout your relationship and understand then hold onto them. They are worth your time and effort and you both will be better and happier people in the end.
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londonmyst
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I've never had a boyfriend ask me that.
If you have been sexually abused, do not include that when talking about your sex life.
Sex is consensual, abuse is criminal.
Focus on the relationships that you chose.
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storm95
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You can always lie
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Apachecow
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I'd encurrage you to keep being honest. May I ask how old you are now?

I think it's something I'd want to know as a partner, it may be a traumatic event in your life and could have a bearing on your future sex life. I'd be happy talking about it. I don't think it's something I'd bring up with a bunch of pissed friends.

We should talk about such things.

I hope you are ok now?
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by Lilligant22)
It's a bit ignorant for them to get "turned off" when it was forced from you - it wasn't your fault. They make it sound like you slept with someone when you were 6 and drunk.

You don't need to tell people if you don't want to, because it's a personal thing. But, honestly, if people leave you because of that, they're not even worth your time.

You don't need to lie to them because then you'll trip up in your own guilt eventually and want to confess about it. It's good enough to tell people that maybe it wasn't a happy experience for you and you don't have to share it.
Tell me about it. To date, I’m not stupid and take absolutely 0 blame for the ordeal so it’s more than disheartening when it’s pointed out as though I’m the one that did something wrong. It’s equally as aggravating as it’s not something you typically bring up until later on into a relationship. So by the point in which it’s bought up and the begin dislike me for it, I feel in too deep.
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by Anonymous)
You don't have to tell them, but if you're worried about 'slipping up' and revealing that something happened to you at that age, there is a way you can explain it. In my opinion, losing your virginity is the first time you choose to have sex with someone you want to have sex with - you are making the decision to lose your virginity. It's perfectly fine to say that you lost your virginity at a later age (or not yet at all).
Rape or sexual assault should not count towards losing your viginity.
I appreciate your views, although from experience it doesn’t a seem wildely shared, although I totally agree. I suppose the best way, by what you’re saying isn’t like make it seem blasè and casual? Like just kind of vaguely pass over it?
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by londonmyst)
I've never had a boyfriend ask me that.
If you have been sexually abused, do not include that when talking about your sex life.
Sex is consensual, abuse is criminal.
Focus on the relationships that you chose.
Really? It seems to get bought up quite a lot in many of the relationships I get into. It seem so like quite an important topic to most that I’ve come across.
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by Apachecow)
I'd encurrage you to keep being honest. May I ask how old you are now?

I think it's something I'd want to know as a partner, it may be a traumatic event in your life and could have a bearing on your future sex life. I'd be happy talking about it. I don't think it's something I'd bring up with a bunch of pissed friends.

We should talk about such things.

I hope you are ok now?
Right now? I’m 15, just pretty romantically active. I’m alright for the most part now yes, considering I don’t quite remember it all and I’m having to go off small snippets of memory and voice of word. Of course, it can still be overwhelming to remember at times
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Spanx
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(Original post by Anonymous)
What's good.
So in relationships, people typically tend to talk about their virginity; when they lost it, who to etc. In a lot of the relationships I've been in since, I'm often asked that and I'm not one for lying, so I try not to. Problem being, when I explain to them the age I was. That often disgusts them immediately
Being disgusted at what happened to you should be how you see it, never at you. If it's ever aimed at you, you've just saved yourself a bunch of time gettting to know them before the arsehats they are underneath is revealed so can move on knowing your life is already better.
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Not even sure what an arsehat is but think they'd qualify.
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by Spanx)
Being disgusted at what happened to you should be how you see it, never at you. If it's ever aimed at you, you've just saved yourself a bunch of time gettting to know them before the arsehats they are underneath is revealed so can move on knowing your life is already better.
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Not even sure what an arsehat is but think they'd qualify.
Aha thank you!
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Anonymous #1
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It's a lot to ask but is there anyone willing to have me message them about it? I never really have anyone I can talk to about it
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KenzieY
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I'm really sorry this happened to you!!! And you shouldn't feel like you need to tell anyone at all. It's your business.

Something like that happened to me too when I was 12. It wasn't my dad but it was some older guys at a adult party who got me kinda drunk and then got me to do stuff with all of them. Your not alone!
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YaliaV
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I wouldn’t count that as when you lost your virginity - it was abuse/rape and not sex.

Just say you don’t want to know about their past and you won’t discuss your history.
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Dunnig Kruger
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(Original post by Anonymous)
Right now? I’m 15, just pretty romantically active. I’m alright for the most part now yes, considering I don’t quite remember it all and I’m having to go off small snippets of memory and voice of word. Of course, it can still be overwhelming to remember at times
Did he drug you?
If I was 15 and had had my first sexual experience at the hands of my father, I'd remember it very clearly. More clearly than anything else that had happened in my life.

How is your relationship with your father now?
At what age did him and his friends stop raping you?

The way you've described it, you make it sound like a Thomas Quick type false memory. In a way I hope it is. Or that this whole thread is a troll.
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jojo_p
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If they judge you over that don't waste your time on them
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