Quick side note: mum and dad are divorced, I live with my step mum and dad with a big family
All the fights and the separation was not meant to effect me but for some reason it kinda does. My parents separated when I was 6 (I’m 18 now) so Yh.
Anyways, first year of college is where everything started going down hill. I made 2 friends (that were already bffs since nursery so imagine that). After around 5 months of being friends with them, it got to the point where I knew they were not good for me( I was that good girl that cared about education a lot and they weren’t). They weren’t the greatest influencers. But I still stayed with them till the end of the year because I really enjoyed being with them.
Half way through the year, I got kicked out of college for the first time because one of my “best mates” gave my pass to the our best mate because she got kicked out for always coming late I think( I never knew she took my pass but I found out at the end when she gave it back to me). So obv the college knows she got kicked out and one of the staff that shared the office with the head found out and it all started there. I got kicked out, got in trouble by my dad and had to stop being friends with them lol. I made new friends
2 months after that incident, I put myself in another incident which I regret so much and believe is one of the reasons why I might have depression
I don’t really wanna go in details but the police were involved mateee. It wasn’t that big of a deal but oh well. Now, after that incident I can’t stop but overthink about anything. I didn’t kill anyone dw lool
So we reach around May now lol. I start feeling anxious, sui**dal and have all types of thoughts. Bruh I felt like I was going crazy uff.
Second year was calm. But I still felt like ****. Around March, I emailed my teacher about how I was feeling (at the time I never knew what depression and anxiety were). It was all fun and games during the day until it gets to midnight.
I started uni and that’s when I decide its time to actual get professional help. I’m still shook because I don’t know if it’ll help idk.
5 months into uni ( now) I start to feel so insecure and always compare myself to others and all those other stuff. I feel guilty and just start having self doubt and very low self esteem. I was never really the type of person to care much about my weight because I really liked how curvy my body is. Now, I feel guilty eating anything. It’s like I feel disgusted.
I don’t know what anyone will gain from reading this but I never really told anyone about what I’m feeling after the incidents etc.. and I just wanted to let it out
If you reached to the end, thank you for reading my story xx
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