Boyfriend watching porn

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beznicku
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Hey, I would like to ask for opinions of what you guys think especially girls although having guys opinions too would be great!

I am in a long distance relationship with my boyfriend although we both leave in the UK.. and the thing is that he told me he watches porn to masturbate. He’s been doing it for many years already so he’s used to it he told me he will stop but it’s not that easy and he can’t do it straight away just like that as it helps him to masturbate etc.. and he can’t really do it without porn.. we have talked about it that I don’t like it and it does hurt my feelings, as I do think it’s toxic, disrespectful and unfair.

I don’t do such things so I expect the same. He understands and genuinely feels guilty, sad that it hurts me he told me he wouldn’t like that if I did it and he understands how I feel about it.. he even asked me to promise him I that I’ll never! he limited it and does it less like before apparently, he used to watch it every day etc now it’s once a week. He does say that he now starts with porn and then to the end he thinks about me but I still feel really uncomfortable what do you guys think? Would you mind if your boyfriend or girlfriend do such things etc? How would you deal with it? (Btw we are both 19)
Last edited by beznicku; 1 year ago
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Ciel.
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(Original post by beznicku)
Hey, I would like to ask for opinions of what you guys think especially girls although having guys opinions too would be great!

I am in a long distance relationship with my boyfriend although we both leave in the UK.. and the thing is that he told me he watches porn to masturbate. He’s been doing it for many years already so he’s used to it he told me he will stop but it’s not that easy and he can’t do it straight away just like that as it helps him to masturbate etc.. and he can’t really do it without porn.. we have talked about it that I don’t like it and it does hurt my feelings, as I do think it’s toxic, disrespectful and unfair.

I don’t do such things so I expect the same. He understands and genuinely feels guilty, sad that it hurts me he told me he wouldn’t like that if I did it and he understands how I feel about it.. he even asked me to promise him I that I’ll never! he limited it and does it less like before apparently, he used to watch it every day etc now it’s once a week. He does say that he now starts with porn and then to the end he thinks about me but I still feel really uncomfortable what do you guys think? Would you mind if your boyfriend or girlfriend do such things etc? How would you deal with it? (Btw we are both 19)
What do you expect him to do? You are in a long distance relationship.... Anyway, it's just porn, why would it bother you?
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beznicku
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Well then I don’t understand why he doesn’t want me to watch it and told me to promise him I don’t do it.. doesn’t make sense if he expects me not to do it but he does.

(Original post by Ciel.)What do you expect him to do? You are in a long distance relationship... Anyway, it's just porn, why would it bother you?
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Anonymous #1
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I don’t think it’s that big of a problem, it’s only rude if he expects you to not do it though
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Ciel.
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(Original post by beznicku)
Well then I don’t understand why he doesn’t want me to watch it and told me to promise him I don’t do it.. doesn’t make sense if he expects me not to do it but he does.

(Original post by Ciel.)What do you expect him to do? You are in a long distance relationship... Anyway, it's just porn, why would it bother you?
Oh, didn't see that part. Yeah, that's dumb, he sounds very childish.
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kkai
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(Original post by beznicku)
Hey, I would like to ask for opinions of what you guys think especially girls although having guys opinions too would be great!

I am in a long distance relationship with my boyfriend although we both leave in the UK.. and the thing is that he told me he watches porn to masturbate. He’s been doing it for many years already so he’s used to it he told me he will stop but it’s not that easy and he can’t do it straight away just like that as it helps him to masturbate etc.. and he can’t really do it without porn.. we have talked about it that I don’t like it and it does hurt my feelings, as I do think it’s toxic, disrespectful and unfair.

I don’t do such things so I expect the same. He understands and genuinely feels guilty, sad that it hurts me he told me he wouldn’t like that if I did it and he understands how I feel about it.. he even asked me to promise him I that I’ll never! he limited it and does it less like before apparently, he used to watch it every day etc now it’s once a week. He does say that he now starts with porn and then to the end he thinks about me but I still feel really uncomfortable what do you guys think? Would you mind if your boyfriend or girlfriend do such things etc? How would you deal with it? (Btw we are both 19)
you sound like such boring people. Do you want him to become sexually depraved or some ****. im pretty sure almost every guy watched porn.
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username4316350
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porn is incredibly addictive and if one uses it often for years its basically impossible to quit
i think porn is one of the most addictive drugs the world has ever seen. its being flagged up as a public health crisis in the u.s. this is just the beginning

futher more to this, in my experience pron is a great escapism method to get away from thoughts and pain for a few minutes. so it might not just be 'human needs' but masking stuff thats going on in his life
Last edited by username4316350; 1 year ago
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Anonymous #2
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(Original post by beznicku)
Hey, I would like to ask for opinions of what you guys think especially girls although having guys opinions too would be great!

I am in a long distance relationship with my boyfriend although we both leave in the UK.. and the thing is that he told me he watches porn to masturbate. He’s been doing it for many years already so he’s used to it he told me he will stop but it’s not that easy and he can’t do it straight away just like that as it helps him to masturbate etc.. and he can’t really do it without porn.. we have talked about it that I don’t like it and it does hurt my feelings, as I do think it’s toxic, disrespectful and unfair.

I don’t do such things so I expect the same. He understands and genuinely feels guilty, sad that it hurts me he told me he wouldn’t like that if I did it and he understands how I feel about it.. he even asked me to promise him I that I’ll never! he limited it and does it less like before apparently, he used to watch it every day etc now it’s once a week. He does say that he now starts with porn and then to the end he thinks about me but I still feel really uncomfortable what do you guys think? Would you mind if your boyfriend or girlfriend do such things etc? How would you deal with it? (Btw we are both 19)
The vast majority of men watch porn even when they are in a relationship, so unfortunately that is a fact that has to be accepted.

Let him watch it but tell him that you are only OK with it if he is OK with you watching it too. (Not saying you should do it, of course - he just shouldn't tell you what you can and can't do). If he wants to stop, he will, but it will only make him feel guilty and under pressure if you constantly keep bringing it up.
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username4454836
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It's a bit odd that he has a problem with you watching porn. I would tell him to get stuffed and do what made me happy.
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Johndoeskitty
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Porn shouldn't be the issue here - guys tend to have more 'cravings' than girls so they have to satisfy themselves somehow. Plus they are not really thinking about the girl on the screen, they're just looking at her boobs etc. My ex watched it all the time, like if I didn't feel up to sex he would go watch. The one thing I did notice is that after dating me he started watching pornos where the girl looked similar to me (tan skin, middle eastern) so it was flattering in a weird way lol.

The real issue here is him having one standard for himself and one for you, that makes him sound like a kid.
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ZombieTheWolf
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How would I deal with it?

I personally wouldn't enter his life wanting to change him, why is watching porn such a big issue? I really don't think it is him who needs to change, and I think I would go to see a therapist for self-esteem issues.


That is how I would deal with it. Just being honest, sorry if it came out rude.
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modifiedgenes
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Guys watch porn. It's a fact of life. Don't read too much into it. It does not threaten you in any way.

I would be AOK with a woman I was in a relationship with who admitted to watching porn. It would not affect me whatsoever. Peoples sex drives are very varied.

Even if someone does not watch porn, ever, but have sexual thoughts or dreams or masturbate thinking about something else, what is the difference?
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Retired_Messiah
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Porn is rather addictive so at a base level I wouldn't get upset over him using porn in itself (though if he finds it impossible to masturbate without it then that probably should be of some concern on his part)

However this
(Original post by beznicku)
Well then I don’t understand why he doesn’t want me to watch it and told me to promise him I don’t do it.. doesn’t make sense if he expects me not to do it but he does.
is kinda crappy of him. He shouldn't be pressuring you with expectations that he himself can't meet.
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It's****ingWOODY
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Many people in relationships watch porn. Him saying you're not allowed but he should be allowed is f***ing stupid, though, call him out on it and ask what's with the double standard and tell him you'll continue to do it until he stops doing it. Besides that, I don't really think you need to fill him in on your masturbation habits when he clearly sees it as a negative thing.
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6inchesofsnow
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(Original post by beznicku)
Hey, I would like to ask for opinions of what you guys think especially girls although having guys opinions too would be great!

I am in a long distance relationship with my boyfriend although we both leave in the UK.. and the thing is that he told me he watches porn to masturbate. He’s been doing it for many years already so he’s used to it he told me he will stop but it’s not that easy and he can’t do it straight away just like that as it helps him to masturbate etc.. and he can’t really do it without porn.. we have talked about it that I don’t like it and it does hurt my feelings, as I do think it’s toxic, disrespectful and unfair.

I don’t do such things so I expect the same. He understands and genuinely feels guilty, sad that it hurts me he told me he wouldn’t like that if I did it and he understands how I feel about it.. he even asked me to promise him I that I’ll never! he limited it and does it less like before apparently, he used to watch it every day etc now it’s once a week. He does say that he now starts with porn and then to the end he thinks about me but I still feel really uncomfortable what do you guys think? Would you mind if your boyfriend or girlfriend do such things etc? How would you deal with it? (Btw we are both 19)
As a girl tbh I wouldn't mind if my boyfriend watched porn to masturbate because I like to read lots of erotica too and its basically the female equivalent of porn. I still enjoy my sexy time with my boyfriend and I don't think he loves me any less just because he cums watching other naked girls sometimes. Think of it this way, porn is just a fantasy that turns you on, but you're real life and real sex is nothing like hard core porn (amateur porn though is a different story...). My only concern with him watching too much porn is unrealistic expectations of you during sex but if that isn't a problem then there should be nothing to worry about. He doesn't love those russian porn stars, they're nothing but objects to him, he loves you.
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RichPiana
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(Original post by SJW-)
porn is incredibly addictive and if one uses it often for years its basically impossible to quit
i think porn is one of the most addictive drugs the world has ever seen. its being flagged up as a public health crisis in the u.s. this is just the beginning
Can confirm. I have first hand experience with this.
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golegend
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(Original post by RichPiana)
Can confirm. I have first hand experience with this.
Literally have been watching porn everyday since I hit puberty. It sucks, just end it. I have had a few unsuccessful attempts of trying to quit where I lasted 3 days then I compensated by watching more porn. it's so hard to quit even just to slow down the rate. real problem here

By far the best method of stopping it thought is to stay away from computers or anything that remotely resembles a screen because you can basically distract yourself from porn. That's how I lasted an extra 2 days when I up at my grandparents house, that and people were always watching me
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Anonymous #4
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I think you should just let him watch it if he wants to watch it, and he should be fine with you watching it if you want to. We’re all just people who want to masturbate from time to time. Is it such a bad thing to want that?
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Zarek
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It's pretty main stream thing, a bit compulsive and guys seem to pretty universally do this. And probably a good proportion of girls. I'm in two minds, I don't think it replaces in any way a loving relationship and sex life, but a fair proportion of porn (although not all) is disrespectful or vile. I would not blow it out of proportion and come to the type of compromise you allude to.
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