Relationship

So I’m going out with Asian guy I have been with him for a while now and his mum still hasn’t accepted me because I’m white in my opinion colour don’t matter. Anyway he told her about me and she said she don’t want to meet which I accepted but now a few months down the line it’s putting a strain on our relationship my family invited him on holiday she said yes at first but now she’s changed her mind. She said because it’s Ramadan which is fair enough but they don’t celebrate it they aren’t properly religious but I just feel like she’s controlling him we have to go behind her back to see each other and I don’t know what to do anymore. I don’t know whether I’m overreacting or I’m being fair but he needs to live his life she can’t control him

(edited 5 years ago)

Reply 1

UWS

Original post by Annoymous89

Try saying that to traditional parents.

How old is your boyfriend? If he's being controlled by his parents, then he has to change himself and stand up to them. Interesting how you haven't mentioned how he feels about this, you're more concerned about his mother. If anything, you should try to find out what he thinks about the situation. If his mum won't accept you, how would he handle that in the future?

Reply 2

the_queen

Original post by Annoymous89

Unfortunately, there is not much you can do. They are very traditional, it is very important to them what the people around say about them, so they will not change. Mother is very important to them, she will always have something to say and has to be respected. Meeting each other in secret is not a long term solution. Dont be naive!

(edited 5 years ago)

Reply 3

fallen_acorns

if you are both under 18, then its kind of tough.. theres nothing really you can do - either put up with it, or end it.

If your over 18, then you are both adults, he can do what ever he wants and you need to tell him to priortise you and your relationship over his mother. That sounds harsh, but in our lives our wives/husbands are priority number 1 (until we have children), then our parents, and then going outwards through the rest of our friends/family... if he wants it to work, and your both adults, then he needs to prioritise you over them.

Reply 4

the_queen

Original post by fallen_acorns

If your over 18, then you are both adults, he can do what ever he wants and you need to tell him to priortise you and your relationship over his mother.

In asian culture, this is difficult.

Reply 5

fallen_acorns

Original post by the_queen

In asian culture, this is difficult.

I know, but its also nessasary - a relationship can't survive life without it.

In my experiance with asian relationships they do reach the point of priortising the couple above their respective families, but it just takes longer then in western cultures where it happens pretty much instantly.

I'm not sure which one is better to be honest. On the one hand I can see how it causes tension in asian relationships for the first few years+, but on the other hand it pisses me off to see western people prioritise their girlfriend that they have known for less then 3 months, above their parents who devoted 18 years to raising them.

I guess a ballance is great, but knowing where that lies is hard.