Have I been raped? Watch

Cmjx
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I was in a casual relationship (friends with benefits) with a boy at my uni. I told him i was a virgin so we just kissed and did foreplay when we meet. Every single time we were doing things he kept asking for sex and he would try to put it in and got mad at me when I said no. I constantly felt more pressured to have sex every time I saw him because he would get angry and frustrated with me when I said no to sex. So I messaged him and told him I want to have sex so that he wouldn’t dump me. A couple days after i messaged him this, I went home with him after the club and we were kissing and doing the usual foreplay. I told him that I can try to have sex so he put on a condom and tried to put it in. But this hurt me a lot and I told him it hurts so he stopped. Later that night we tried again but it hurt too much so I said I don’t want to, so he stormed off into the bathroom and slammed the door and got mad at me. After this we discussed things and then he asked me if I wanted to try it again and i said I’m not sure and I don’t want him to get angry at me but he said he wouldn’t get angry at me, but I still said I didn’t want to have sex. But he carried on trying to put his penis inside of me and I kept saying no and that I really don’t want to but he didn’t stop and kept trying to have sex with me and he got the tip in which hurt a lot. I then jumped up and said I really don’t want to and he stopped. Later on he asked me if I am okay and I said yes and I asked why and he said ‘because you kept saying you didn’t want to but I kept trying,’ but I told him it’s okay and then he said ‘just so you know I wasn’t forcing you to have sex.’ A couple days after this all happened, he told me he doesn’t want to do things with me anymore because he’s too stressed. I keep thinking about what happened and don’t really know what to call it or how to feel about it.
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AzureCeleste
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When he continued trying to have sex with you when you said no, that could potentially be rape (but it doesn't sound like there was any penetration) so maybe more sexual assault
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Notoriety
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The more general point is that you should feel about it how you feel about it. Not how people who weren't in the room determine you should feel about it. If you felt that he didn't do it with malice and simply misunderstood, then this does not change simply because a bunch of people on a student site reply "OH MY GAWD, CALL THE POLICE". You're the best one to judge your feelings about the incident.

Regarding the moral pressure and frustration, reluctant consent is still consent. It only becomes something else when the "adverse consequence" is worse than the non-consensual touching e.g. where you're threatened with physical violence or being stranded in the middle of a forest and so on. It might make him a bit of a prick, but it doesn't make for rape. (Unless his sighing and slamming doors was enough to make you fear for your life.)

His attempting to put it in when you said no. Any type of penetration forms the basis of penetration for rape. But whether there was rape depends on whether you consented (you said you said no, but when did you say that and in what tone?) and whether he understood you consented. A complex question, especially the latter. If you felt it was done through misinterpreting your intentions, rather than malice, then do you really feel you've been "raped"? That's really the operant question; because this is what you're going to carry forward.
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Cmjx
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Report Thread starter 4 weeks ago
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(Original post by Notoriety)
The more general point is that you should feel about it how you feel about it. Not how people who weren't in the room determine you should feel about it. If you felt that he didn't do it with malice and simply misunderstood, then this does not change simply because a bunch of people on a student site reply "OH MY GAWD, CALL THE POLICE". You're the best one to judge your feelings about the incident.

Regarding the moral pressure and frustration, reluctant consent is still consent. It only becomes something else when the "adverse consequence" is worse than the non-consensual touching e.g. where you're threatened with physical violence or being stranded in the middle of a forest and so on. It might make him a bit of a prick, but it doesn't make for rape. (Unless his sighing and slamming doors was enough to make you fear for your life.)

His attempting to put it in when you said no. Any type of penetration forms the basis of penetration for rape. But whether there was rape depends on whether you consented (you said you said no, but when did you say that and in what tone?) and whether he understood you consented. A complex question, especially the latter. If you felt it was done through misinterpreting your intentions, rather than malice, then do you really feel you've been "raped"? That's really the operant question; because this is what you're going to carry forward.
I said no seriously and I kept pushing him away but he kept moving my hands so he could get it in. And I just wanted to ask people because it made me feel uncomfortable and I don’t know what to do
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