Housemate has bf who I used to fancy around house all the time Watch

Anonymous #1
#1
Report Thread starter 4 weeks ago
#1
Hi,

To give some background context me and my friend found out we fancied the same guy before Christmas. Things went well when we talked to each other and we both agreed to not move any further with him until after Christmas. Anyway shortly after Christmas she sent my a text saying ‘things had progressed between her and said guy and that were now going out’. I was obviously upset both about the guy and that my friend had broken her promise and not apologised about it. Unfortunately we are both housemates in a three person house, so as you can guess she started bringing round the house for nights. She was careful at first not to be too couple around me but seemingly gave up after two days being very hugged and touchy whilst I was in the room. After a couple of weeks he increasingly came round more often until one week he was round every day (including staying the nights). Bearing in mind he didn’t know that I had liked him in the past and may I also point out he also has a house in the same town so there was nothing to stop them both going round there.
I am a bit of an introvert who likes there own space so having another person in the house was a bit stressful for me. I also struggle from self esteem issues so having my friend kiss the guy I liked in front of me all the time was doing much good for me. Moreover my flat mate is into rope (yes the sexual kind) and is currently displaying it on the curtain rail in the lounge despite me asking for it to be taken down several times.
After a few weeks I had had enough and decided to send a message to her it was very carefully phrased as to not offend her or suggest she had been doing anything wrong deliberately, I told her I was struggling from self-esteem issues (something which I haven’t told even my best friend because i wanted to keep it private but so felt it needed to be said to accentuate my point) and that I would greatly appreciate it if she spent more time at his house, were less couplely around me and would warn me if he was going to come around to the house.
She took 2 days to reply in a very long message which said she didn’t think she was doing anything wrong and didn’t think I’d be upset about it. The then went on to suggest I see a psychiatrist about my ‘problems’. She finished off by saying she wasn’t going to sacrifice her happiness to make life easier for me, but she could warn me if he was coming round and try to be less couplely around me... and oh yeah she had told her boyfriend about my ‘mental health issues’ something I said in the original message I wanted kept private.
Not the response I was hoping for and I am seriously beginning to doubt how good a friend she is however shortly after this he didn’t come round to the house as much (So I got what I wanted sort of). However literally the next week (this week) he has been round every weekday they went away for two nights and are back this Sunday, she has just sent me a message to ask me if he can come round. I feel like I have to say yes not to cause any more tension in the house but I honestly feel like saying FU.
What am I supposed to do? She’s my friend but this is getting really difficult for me, nor do I want to create any more tension in the house as I am living with her next year too. She also has ME so it’s more difficult for her to go round to his house as she needs to take medication and gets tired easily- I don’t feel like I can ask her to with good conscience. Plus with him being round the house so often it must be taking a toll on our bills with him not contributing to household supplies, gas-electricity or water. My other flatmate is a really blaze free-going type who refuses to take part in any issues so I can’t get much help from her even though she agrees with me.

I feel a bit stuck- any advice?
Posted on the TSR App. Download from Apple or Google Play
reply
hollywoodbudgie
Badges: 19
Rep:
?
#2
Report 4 weeks ago
#2
She brings her boyfriend round. That's totally normal.
Given how much he is staying though, he should help out with the bills. You have to approach it purely from this angle.
If you have such self esteem issues, perhaps getting help isn't such a bad idea.
0
reply
DeathTheSister
Badges: 6
Rep:
?
#3
Report 4 weeks ago
#3
Getting that help to boost your self esteem isn't a bad idea. It's completely understandable that you feel this way and it's good that you're asking for help. Being around the guy you like all the time isn't fun so you could try to focus on improving your mental health, instead of focusing on your friend's relationship. Not only will it boost your self esteem but it would also help you to find another guy. Could try to join new clubs or partake in new hobbies, to get your mind off the stress you're going through. Act like your friend and don't sacrifice your happiness to make life easier for other people. Take long breaks away or could try catching up with other/older friends as well. Those feelings will eventually go away, all you need is a bit of self-care.
It isn't fair that he is taking advantage of your kindness. If you want him to pay stuff then that's your decision. Probably setting some ground rules is a good idea, like when to use certain stuff at certain time. Let them both know what you want and negotiate on some compromises. Establish what you want also since she is living with you, not her boyfriend. It's probably not a good idea to live with each other if she's unwilling to compromise with you. If she's putting her boyfriend's needs over you, then it's not worth sacrificing yourself to sustain a friendship. This is just my suggestion though.
0
reply
Anonymous #2
#4
Report 4 weeks ago
#4
She sounds like a sh*t friend, who does that when they've explicitly been told it's hurting their friend?! How selfish, you deserve better. Hopefully you wont be living with her for too long? And telling him about your private mental health issues?! She can get in the bin
reply
X

Quick Reply

Attached files
Write a reply...
Reply
new posts
Latest
My Feed

See more of what you like on
The Student Room

You can personalise what you see on TSR. Tell us a little about yourself to get started.

Personalise

Where do you need more help?

Which Uni should I go to? (96)
16.64%
How successful will I become if I take my planned subjects? (61)
10.57%
How happy will I be if I take this career? (101)
17.5%
How do I achieve my dream Uni placement? (88)
15.25%
What should I study to achieve my dream career? (58)
10.05%
How can I be the best version of myself? (173)
29.98%

Watched Threads

View All
Latest
My Feed