Ex advice needed Watch

emilyyytaylorr
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So my ex ended it with me 2 weeks ago after 6 months (together 2, seeing each other 4). However, we still speak all day every day, we still meet, and we still have sex. At first he wasn’t as chatty but hes chatty again now, he flirts, when he goes to bed he says he’ll message in the morning and he does. Hes giving me one of his tops as i said i wished his jumper that i have still smelt of him. He said he doesn’t want a relationship but doesn’t want to lose me, and that im different from his exs as he couldnt be in the same room as them but with me he doesnt want me to leave his life. Hes said that hes not ruling out us getting back together in the future but rn thats not what he needs. When we ended he cried like 4x to my face (ive never seen him cry till then), he let me stay over the night and acted like we were together. When we meet its still the same except we don’t say i love you. I was originally staying over his this week (then remembered he had staff training in the evening so i couldnt, but said that there will be plenty other times i will). The longest we’ve gone w/o speaking since we’ve ended is maybe 5 hours. Does it sound like what he says is true in terms of wanting me but not a relationship? Because i feel like he still wants me, but idk if im convincing myself that. I’ve asked people and they say he sounds confused and doesn’t know what he wants, and that it seems he still wants me, so does it seem that way? I’d of thought if he reallyyy wanted it to end, we wouldn’t meet weekly, talk all day, and would of had some space
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Anonymous #1
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Well I don’t know if I’ll be much help but I’m in a kinda the same but different situation rn...

Basically I met this guy (Jake, two years older than me) at a party a few years ago and I got his number but we never spoke for years after that. One day in summer 2016 I got a message from him asking if I wanted to go somewhere with him as he was bored and so we ended up meeting and we became best friends.

When I started my last year of high school (September 2017) there was this thing in October where everyone was shipped with everyone and it got to the point that I just turned around and said “I have a boyfriend so leave me the f*ck alone” things began to spread around and I got asked a thousand questions and I just based all my answers on Jake.

Feeling bad for using I told him about the whole issue in school and how I said he was my boyfriend and stuff. The thing is I expected him to laugh it off like I did but instead he went really serious and asked me out. I was hesitant at first but we started to go out. (November 2017)

Ever since we started to go out not much changed from our previous relationship other than that we got slightly more touchy. Overall he kind of saved me around the beginning of 2018 as I had a really bad situation at home and I did everything I could to avoid going home. He did get me into drinking and partying but that took my mind of home. We had this place aswell where we would stay and I spent a lot of my time there with him. If he wasn’t there for me I don’t know if I’d still be alive. But fast forward a bit to summer 2018...

As it was my last year of high school, I had GCSEs and they went rather well and since it was Jake’s last year of college he got his a level results back and he ended up getting into a graphic design uni up near London (5 hours away).

He said it’s up to me whether we continue with our relationship and make it long distance or we just break up and remain friends like before.

I had a really tough time thinking everything through and I met up with him to tell him my decision.

It was hard to face him but I decided to end it and just ‘be friends’ if we can. He took it... well.. quite badly I’d say. He just gave me a forced smile with tears in his eyes and left me standing there. Honestly I felt really bad, like I never even saw him cry before as he’s more of a ‘bad boy’ type and he picks fights easily so you’d never expect to see him in that state.

For quite a while he didn’t message me but after about a week or so I got a text with an apology. After that thing surprising went back to how they were before.

He moved away at the and of August and we still messaged everyday.

In around November he started to become more flirty and i started to notice that thing were developing again. He did stop flirting after I told him about it though.

At the beginning of December i received a text from him saying that he is coming back for Christmas. I was really happy at first but then I also had a feeling where this was going.

We did meet up after Christmas and we spent the whole day (and night) together and it felt like as if we were back together.

I went to see him off at the train station and he asked me if it’s alright if he comes visits again. I found that a little weird but okay.

After he went back he started to flood me with message like ‘I miss you’ and stuff and I also miss him and I would want to get back together if it were possible but the long distance is killing me.

Comparing your situation to mine is a little similar but I’m acting as your boyfriend.

Yes I am a little confused and I really want to be with him but on the other hand if I cut contacts with him I might be a bit better of mentally, idk ?
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emilyyytaylorr
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#3
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(Original post by Anonymous)
Well I don’t know if I’ll be much help but I’m in a kinda the same but different situation rn...

Basically I met this guy (Jake, two years older than me) at a party a few years ago and I got his number but we never spoke for years after that. One day in summer 2016 I got a message from him asking if I wanted to go somewhere with him as he was bored and so we ended up meeting and we became best friends.

When I started my last year of high school (September 2017) there was this thing in October where everyone was shipped with everyone and it got to the point that I just turned around and said “I have a boyfriend so leave me the f*ck alone” things began to spread around and I got asked a thousand questions and I just based all my answers on Jake.

Feeling bad for using I told him about the whole issue in school and how I said he was my boyfriend and stuff. The thing is I expected him to laugh it off like I did but instead he went really serious and asked me out. I was hesitant at first but we started to go out. (November 2017)

Ever since we started to go out not much changed from our previous relationship other than that we got slightly more touchy. Overall he kind of saved me around the beginning of 2018 as I had a really bad situation at home and I did everything I could to avoid going home. He did get me into drinking and partying but that took my mind of home. We had this place aswell where we would stay and I spent a lot of my time there with him. If he wasn’t there for me I don’t know if I’d still be alive. But fast forward a bit to summer 2018...

As it was my last year of high school, I had GCSEs and they went rather well and since it was Jake’s last year of college he got his a level results back and he ended up getting into a graphic design uni up near London (5 hours away).

He said it’s up to me whether we continue with our relationship and make it long distance or we just break up and remain friends like before.

I had a really tough time thinking everything through and I met up with him to tell him my decision.

It was hard to face him but I decided to end it and just ‘be friends’ if we can. He took it... well.. quite badly I’d say. He just gave me a forced smile with tears in his eyes and left me standing there. Honestly I felt really bad, like I never even saw him cry before as he’s more of a ‘bad boy’ type and he picks fights easily so you’d never expect to see him in that state.

For quite a while he didn’t message me but after about a week or so I got a text with an apology. After that thing surprising went back to how they were before.

He moved away at the and of August and we still messaged everyday.

In around November he started to become more flirty and i started to notice that thing were developing again. He did stop flirting after I told him about it though.

At the beginning of December i received a text from him saying that he is coming back for Christmas. I was really happy at first but then I also had a feeling where this was going.

We did meet up after Christmas and we spent the whole day (and night) together and it felt like as if we were back together.

I went to see him off at the train station and he asked me if it’s alright if he comes visits again. I found that a little weird but okay.

After he went back he started to flood me with message like ‘I miss you’ and stuff and I also miss him and I would want to get back together if it were possible but the long distance is killing me.

Comparing your situation to mine is a little similar but I’m acting as your boyfriend.

Yes I am a little confused and I really want to be with him but on the other hand if I cut contacts with him I might be a bit better of mentally, idk ?
My best friend is in a long distance relationship as her boyfriend is at uni and shes in college like me, they make it work, miss each other a lot but they face time most nights and when they can they see each other. I’d give it a go, you’d regret it otherwise, and if it doesn’t work then at least you tried. I knew my ex for 4 years, he’d tried to start talking to me before but I was never interested, and now look, he ended it with me😂 would you say my ex sounds confused/wants me but not the relationship? Like surly if you really didnt want someone you wouldn’t talk all day every day, meet up, flirt, etc. Some would say he might be using me but i dont think he is as he would of given it space still but he hasn’t. You dont give a top to ur ex, you ask for ur clothes back not give them more😂 so idk
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Afforestation
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Sounds like he really does love you... Its pretty hard for a guy to fake crying. Does he have things against relationships? Like are his parents divorced or similar?
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emilyyytaylorr
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(Original post by Afforestation)
Sounds like he really does love you... Its pretty hard for a guy to fake crying. Does he have things against relationships? Like are his parents divorced or similar?
Um his dad walked out when he was 4 i think, but I wouldn’t say he has an issue with relationships. He just said that a relationship isn’t what he needs at the moment, it’s nothing to do with me and I haven’t caused him to think that, it’s entirely him. Tried asking about it but he said he finds it hard to talk about, so i presume he might have stuff going on that he either doesn’t realise or doesn’t want to talk about. We were absolutely fine, I wouldn’t of thought for 1 second he was going to end it. He said he thought about it( i presume just a passing thought that he didn’t think much about) but it wasn’t till he really started thinking about if a relationship is what he wants that he realised its not. If hes said that hes not ruling us out in the future, then i presume he means that as I cant imagine you would say that to someone you dont want to be with?? Like nothing hes done (except ending it) makes me think he doesnt want me, as like ive said, I wouldn’t personally think you’d talk all day everyday to someone you dont want, wouldnt meet, wouldn’t give ur stuff to, wouldnt let stay round, wouldnt say that there might be a future. Like surly not?!
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ChickenMadness
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(Original post by emilyyytaylorr)
So my ex ended it with me 2 weeks ago after 6 months (together 2, seeing each other 4). However, we still speak all day every day, we still meet, and we still have sex. At first he wasn’t as chatty but hes chatty again now, he flirts, when he goes to bed he says he’ll message in the morning and he does. Hes giving me one of his tops as i said i wished his jumper that i have still smelt of him. He said he doesn’t want a relationship but doesn’t want to lose me, and that im different from his exs as he couldnt be in the same room as them but with me he doesnt want me to leave his life. Hes said that hes not ruling out us getting back together in the future but rn thats not what he needs. When we ended he cried like 4x to my face (ive never seen him cry till then), he let me stay over the night and acted like we were together. When we meet its still the same except we don’t say i love you. I was originally staying over his this week (then remembered he had staff training in the evening so i couldnt, but said that there will be plenty other times i will). The longest we’ve gone w/o speaking since we’ve ended is maybe 5 hours. Does it sound like what he says is true in terms of wanting me but not a relationship? Because i feel like he still wants me, but idk if im convincing myself that. I’ve asked people and they say he sounds confused and doesn’t know what he wants, and that it seems he still wants me, so does it seem that way? I’d of thought if he reallyyy wanted it to end, we wouldn’t meet weekly, talk all day, and would of had some space
Oof. He sounds like a manchild.

Why would he dump you AND THEN start crying about it lmao.
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Dunnig Kruger
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So he doesn't want a relationship with you any more, but he still wants and is having sex with you?

How do you feel about that?

Do you now consider yourself single and available for your next relationship?

I think you have a lot to be optimistic about. You've had a relationship. There's a great chance you'll be able to find someone else with whom to have a relationship by the end of 2019.
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Johndoeskitty
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I think it all sounds like excuses and bullsh*t, I'm sorry to say. If he actually loved you he would have been happy to call you his girlfriend. He probably has issues going on in his life and is using you for your company. A person who cares about you doesn't string you along and expect you to wait around for them. Cut it off and move on, he's never going to actually be your boyfriend. He also probably wants to have you as entertainment while keeping his ability to go out with other girls open. Know your worth and don't waste your time on someone who umms and ahhs and talks about "maybe in the future." It's all bullsh*t, I've been there, it's never worked out.
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squeakysquirrel
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(Original post by emilyyytaylorr)
So my ex ended it with me 2 weeks ago after 6 months (together 2, seeing each other 4). However, we still speak all day every day, we still meet, and we still have sex. At first he wasn’t as chatty but hes chatty again now, he flirts, when he goes to bed he says he’ll message in the morning and he does. Hes giving me one of his tops as i said i wished his jumper that i have still smelt of him. He said he doesn’t want a relationship but doesn’t want to lose me, and that im different from his exs as he couldnt be in the same room as them but with me he doesnt want me to leave his life. Hes said that hes not ruling out us getting back together in the future but rn thats not what he needs. When we ended he cried like 4x to my face (ive never seen him cry till then), he let me stay over the night and acted like we were together. When we meet its still the same except we don’t say i love you. I was originally staying over his this week (then remembered he had staff training in the evening so i couldnt, but said that there will be plenty other times i will). The longest we’ve gone w/o speaking since we’ve ended is maybe 5 hours. Does it sound like what he says is true in terms of wanting me but not a relationship? Because i feel like he still wants me, but idk if im convincing myself that. I’ve asked people and they say he sounds confused and doesn’t know what he wants, and that it seems he still wants me, so does it seem that way? I’d of thought if he reallyyy wanted it to end, we wouldn’t meet weekly, talk all day, and would of had some space
Er he doesn't want a relationship but still wants to have sex. Have some self respect. He is just using you. Tell him to sling his hook.
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