How to stop cheating in a relationship

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Anonymous #1
#1
Report Thread starter 1 year ago
#1
Hi there. Thanks for reading.

First of all, I want to say that I'm not looking for sympathy with this, only advice.
I've been in an exclusive relationship for 4 years with a great guy: he's kind, attentive, funny, and all the trimmings. I love him. To the outside world, we are a perfect couple. However, throughout the entire time that we have been together, I have constantly cheated on him through the use of certain phone apps (Grindr etc.). The men who I meet are simply there for sexual gratification- quick encounters with no strings. I know why I do it. There's a thrill to it, and I've convinced myself that, through these hookups, I can explore my sexuality and interests. I will also say openly that me and my boyfriend have different sexual needs. In short, I know deep down that I'm not satisfied sexually in our relationship, and that's precisely why I cheat.
Yet, in spite of this, I know i love my boyfriend (some may disagree given that I'm unfaithful) and want to remain with him. I couldn't imagine my life without him, and I crave the idea of being in a happy, committed, monogamous relationship. As such, I've decided that I have to stop cheating. I know I can't have my cake and eat it. I also know that if I continue to cheat, then I will eventually get caught, be it by a friend, himself or through an STI. The main reason for this is that Ive become the very person who I swore never to become; I don't want to continue to be a complete and utter ******** who disregards someone's love and trust so much that I would betray them in such a way.
So, my question is how I can do this? Is there any hope that I can stop doing this? Have any of you been a serial cheater? How did you deal with this? So many other couples in the world are completely faithful to one another. I know I'm not a bad person, yet I continue to do such horrible things.
I should say that I've decided to not tell my boyfriend about my unfaithfulness, for now.
I'll say again that I'm not looking for sympathy, and any advice, as frank as it may be, is appreciated.
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Ciel.
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#2
Report 1 year ago
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(Original post by Anonymous)
Hi there. Thanks for reading.

First of all, I want to say that I'm not looking for sympathy with this, only advice.
I've been in an exclusive relationship for 4 years with a great guy: he's kind, attentive, funny, and all the trimmings. I love him. To the outside world, we are a perfect couple. However, throughout the entire time that we have been together, I have constantly cheated on him through the use of certain phone apps (Grindr etc.). The men who I meet are simply there for sexual gratification- quick encounters with no strings. I know why I do it. There's a thrill to it, and I've convinced myself that, through these hookups, I can explore my sexuality and interests. I will also say openly that me and my boyfriend have different sexual needs. In short, I know deep down that I'm not satisfied sexually in our relationship, and that's precisely why I cheat.
Yet, in spite of this, I know i love my boyfriend (some may disagree given that I'm unfaithful) and want to remain with him. I couldn't imagine my life without him, and I crave the idea of being in a happy, committed, monogamous relationship. As such, I've decided that I have to stop cheating. I know I can't have my cake and eat it. I also know that if I continue to cheat, then I will eventually get caught, be it by a friend, himself or through an STI. The main reason for this is that Ive become the very person who I swore never to become; I don't want to continue to be a complete and utter ******** who disregards someone's love and trust so much that I would betray them in such a way.
So, my question is how I can do this? Is there any hope that I can stop doing this? Have any of you been a serial cheater? How did you deal with this? So many other couples in the world are completely faithful to one another. I know I'm not a bad person, yet I continue to do such horrible things.
I should say that I've decided to not tell my boyfriend about my unfaithfulness, for now.
I'll say again that I'm not looking for sympathy, and any advice, as frank as it may be, is appreciated.
In b4 anyone tags me. No, it's not me, it's a troll. A pretty lame one, too.
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Anonymous #1
#3
Report Thread starter 1 year ago
#3
Who are you Ciel? I'm not a troll. I'm asking for advice. Thanks.
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Anonymous #2
#4
Report 1 year ago
#4
(Original post by Anonymous)
Hi there. Thanks for reading.

First of all, I want to say that I'm not looking for sympathy with this, only advice.
I've been in an exclusive relationship for 4 years with a great guy: he's kind, attentive, funny, and all the trimmings. I love him. To the outside world, we are a perfect couple. However, throughout the entire time that we have been together, I have constantly cheated on him through the use of certain phone apps (Grindr etc.). The men who I meet are simply there for sexual gratification- quick encounters with no strings. I know why I do it. There's a thrill to it, and I've convinced myself that, through these hookups, I can explore my sexuality and interests. I will also say openly that me and my boyfriend have different sexual needs. In short, I know deep down that I'm not satisfied sexually in our relationship, and that's precisely why I cheat.
Yet, in spite of this, I know i love my boyfriend (some may disagree given that I'm unfaithful) and want to remain with him. I couldn't imagine my life without him, and I crave the idea of being in a happy, committed, monogamous relationship. As such, I've decided that I have to stop cheating. I know I can't have my cake and eat it. I also know that if I continue to cheat, then I will eventually get caught, be it by a friend, himself or through an STI. The main reason for this is that Ive become the very person who I swore never to become; I don't want to continue to be a complete and utter ******** who disregards someone's love and trust so much that I would betray them in such a way.
So, my question is how I can do this? Is there any hope that I can stop doing this? Have any of you been a serial cheater? How did you deal with this? So many other couples in the world are completely faithful to one another. I know I'm not a bad person, yet I continue to do such horrible things.
I should say that I've decided to not tell my boyfriend about my unfaithfulness, for now.
I'll say again that I'm not looking for sympathy, and any advice, as frank as it may be, is appreciated.
Have you talked to your boyfriend about your feelings about sex in your relationship? Perhaps it is something you can work on together, rather than going down the cheating route. You mention that you don't feel any emotional connection to those who you cheat with, you do it purely for sex. However, your boyfriend will still be hurt if he found out. From now, I would stop meeting people for sex and try to fix the problems in your relationship first. Delete apps like Grindr, and simply don't meet anyone!
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UWS
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#5
Report 1 year ago
#5
Don't get into a relationship then, you're clearly not mature enough for a relationship.
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Anonymous #3
#6
Report 1 year ago
#6
(Original post by Anonymous)
Hi there. Thanks for reading.

First of all, I want to say that I'm not looking for sympathy with this, only advice.
I've been in an exclusive relationship for 4 years with a great guy: he's kind, attentive, funny, and all the trimmings. I love him. To the outside world, we are a perfect couple. However, throughout the entire time that we have been together, I have constantly cheated on him through the use of certain phone apps (Grindr etc.). The men who I meet are simply there for sexual gratification- quick encounters with no strings. I know why I do it. There's a thrill to it, and I've convinced myself that, through these hookups, I can explore my sexuality and interests. I will also say openly that me and my boyfriend have different sexual needs. In short, I know deep down that I'm not satisfied sexually in our relationship, and that's precisely why I cheat.
Yet, in spite of this, I know i love my boyfriend (some may disagree given that I'm unfaithful) and want to remain with him. I couldn't imagine my life without him, and I crave the idea of being in a happy, committed, monogamous relationship. As such, I've decided that I have to stop cheating. I know I can't have my cake and eat it. I also know that if I continue to cheat, then I will eventually get caught, be it by a friend, himself or through an STI. The main reason for this is that Ive become the very person who I swore never to become; I don't want to continue to be a complete and utter ******** who disregards someone's love and trust so much that I would betray them in such a way.
So, my question is how I can do this? Is there any hope that I can stop doing this? Have any of you been a serial cheater? How did you deal with this? So many other couples in the world are completely faithful to one another. I know I'm not a bad person, yet I continue to do such horrible things.
I should say that I've decided to not tell my boyfriend about my unfaithfulness, for now.
I'll say again that I'm not looking for sympathy, and any advice, as frank as it may be, is appreciated.
What's going on with your sex life?
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fideo94
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#7
Report 1 year ago
#7
(Original post by Anonymous)
Hi there. Thanks for reading.

First of all, I want to say that I'm not looking for sympathy with this, only advice.
I've been in an exclusive relationship for 4 years with a great guy: he's kind, attentive, funny, and all the trimmings. I love him. To the outside world, we are a perfect couple. However, throughout the entire time that we have been together, I have constantly cheated on him through the use of certain phone apps (Grindr etc.). The men who I meet are simply there for sexual gratification- quick encounters with no strings. I know why I do it. There's a thrill to it, and I've convinced myself that, through these hookups, I can explore my sexuality and interests. I will also say openly that me and my boyfriend have different sexual needs. In short, I know deep down that I'm not satisfied sexually in our relationship, and that's precisely why I cheat.
Yet, in spite of this, I know i love my boyfriend (some may disagree given that I'm unfaithful) and want to remain with him. I couldn't imagine my life without him, and I crave the idea of being in a happy, committed, monogamous relationship. As such, I've decided that I have to stop cheating. I know I can't have my cake and eat it. I also know that if I continue to cheat, then I will eventually get caught, be it by a friend, himself or through an STI. The main reason for this is that Ive become the very person who I swore never to become; I don't want to continue to be a complete and utter ******** who disregards someone's love and trust so much that I would betray them in such a way.
So, my question is how I can do this? Is there any hope that I can stop doing this? Have any of you been a serial cheater? How did you deal with this? So many other couples in the world are completely faithful to one another. I know I'm not a bad person, yet I continue to do such horrible things.
I should say that I've decided to not tell my boyfriend about my unfaithfulness, for now.
I'll say again that I'm not looking for sympathy, and any advice, as frank as it may be, is appreciated.
do not tell him.. i repeat do not tell him!
if you tell him.. he'd never look at you the same lovely way as he does anymore so better don't tell him.. yall would likely break up if you do.

furthermore.. tell him about your sexual needs that you're barely satisfied and you want him to pound you some more..he has to fulfil your sexual needs.. he has to..so tell him.
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DrawTheLine
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#8
Report 1 year ago
#8
(Original post by Anonymous)
Hi there. Thanks for reading.

First of all, I want to say that I'm not looking for sympathy with this, only advice.
I've been in an exclusive relationship for 4 years with a great guy: he's kind, attentive, funny, and all the trimmings. I love him. To the outside world, we are a perfect couple. However, throughout the entire time that we have been together, I have constantly cheated on him through the use of certain phone apps (Grindr etc.). The men who I meet are simply there for sexual gratification- quick encounters with no strings. I know why I do it. There's a thrill to it, and I've convinced myself that, through these hookups, I can explore my sexuality and interests. I will also say openly that me and my boyfriend have different sexual needs. In short, I know deep down that I'm not satisfied sexually in our relationship, and that's precisely why I cheat.
Yet, in spite of this, I know i love my boyfriend (some may disagree given that I'm unfaithful) and want to remain with him. I couldn't imagine my life without him, and I crave the idea of being in a happy, committed, monogamous relationship. As such, I've decided that I have to stop cheating. I know I can't have my cake and eat it. I also know that if I continue to cheat, then I will eventually get caught, be it by a friend, himself or through an STI. The main reason for this is that Ive become the very person who I swore never to become; I don't want to continue to be a complete and utter ******** who disregards someone's love and trust so much that I would betray them in such a way.
So, my question is how I can do this? Is there any hope that I can stop doing this? Have any of you been a serial cheater? How did you deal with this? So many other couples in the world are completely faithful to one another. I know I'm not a bad person, yet I continue to do such horrible things.
I should say that I've decided to not tell my boyfriend about my unfaithfulness, for now.
I'll say again that I'm not looking for sympathy, and any advice, as frank as it may be, is appreciated.
It isn't fair to your boyfriend to not know about this. Imagine if it was you being totally faithful, and he was the one constantly cheating on you. You would want to know who you're really with, right? You owe it to him to tell him so he can decide if he wants to be with you. You don't get to decide for him if he stays with a cheater or not.

Personally, I think you need to break up with him and let him find someone who truly loves and respects him. You wouldn't repeatedly cheat if you did love and respect him, you would have communicated with him about how you're dissatisfied with your sex life and worked out a solution with him.

I really hope for the poor guy's sake he finds out and can then make his own decision. He will find out, either through you or someone else. It'll be a lot worse if he hears it and from someone else.
Last edited by DrawTheLine; 1 year ago
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fideo94
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#9
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(Original post by DrawTheLine)
It isn't fair to your boyfriend to not know about this. Imagine if it was you being totally faithful, and he was the one constantly cheating on you. You would want to know who you're really with, right? You owe it to him to tell him so he can decide if he wants to be with you. You don't get to decide for him if he stays with a cheater or not.

Personally, I think you need to break up with him and let him find someone who truly loves and respects him. You wouldn't repeatedly cheat if you did love and respect him, you would have communicated with him about how you're dissatisfied with your sex life and worked out a solution with him.

I really hope for the poor guy's sake he finds out and can then make his own decision. He will find out, either through you or someone else. It'll be a lot worse if he hears it and from someone else.
i hope you know if she tells him..it could break the relationship.. cuz he wouldn't trust her and see her as the same anymore. i hope you know
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UWS
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(Original post by fideo94)
i hope you know if she tells him..it could break the relationship.. cuz he wouldn't trust her and see her as the same anymore. i hope you know
Good.

That's the point.
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username2393237
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#11
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You’re not ready for a relationship. You wouldn’t treat someone you loved like that; maybe you like the idea of a relationship, but you don’t really give a damn about him. Find someone who will have an open relationship with you if you want to shag around.
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DrawTheLine
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#12
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(Original post by fideo94)
i hope you know if she tells him..it could break the relationship.. cuz he wouldn't trust her and see her as the same anymore. i hope you know
Yea that's the point of telling him. He deserves to know who he is with.
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Dunnig Kruger
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#13
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"I will also say openly that me and my boyfriend have different sexual needs. In short, I know deep down that I'm not satisfied sexually in our relationship, and that's precisely why I cheat."

If you were in a relationship where you were sexually satisfied enough, there's a chance the cheating would stop.
Especially if you went to hotels with your boyfriend to do the sort of thing you've been doing with secret lovers. IE your boyfriend is your boyfriend and your secret lover.

With your current relationship being 4 years old, you should know everything there is to know of any importance about each other. So you'll know if there's any realistic chance that your current boyfriend will be able change to become sexually compatible with you. Chances are there isn't. He does what he does in bed and he's never going to change much.

The best medium to long term solution is to find someone that is just as good an all-round person as your current boyfriend and who is far more compatible with you in bed.

Of all the lovers you've had, do any fit the bill? Could you go back to them and move onto a more permanent basis?
If not, keep searching. Your second half is out there somewhere. Your second half is not your current boyfriend, lovely man though he is. He is someone else's second half.

There will be a short term price to pay for this. The guilt in breaking up with your boyfriend. The emotional wrench. It'll be worth it in the longer term.
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Ciel.
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(Original post by Anonymous)
Who are you Ciel? I'm not a troll. I'm asking for advice. Thanks.
Yeah, sure. It's so obvious. Please get a life.
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ThatBlonde
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#15
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(Original post by Anonymous)
Hi there. Thanks for reading.

First of all, I want to say that I'm not looking for sympathy with this, only advice.
I've been in an exclusive relationship for 4 years with a great guy: he's kind, attentive, funny, and all the trimmings. I love him. To the outside world, we are a perfect couple. However, throughout the entire time that we have been together, I have constantly cheated on him through the use of certain phone apps (Grindr etc.). The men who I meet are simply there for sexual gratification- quick encounters with no strings. I know why I do it. There's a thrill to it, and I've convinced myself that, through these hookups, I can explore my sexuality and interests. I will also say openly that me and my boyfriend have different sexual needs. In short, I know deep down that I'm not satisfied sexually in our relationship, and that's precisely why I cheat.
Yet, in spite of this, I know i love my boyfriend (some may disagree given that I'm unfaithful) and want to remain with him. I couldn't imagine my life without him, and I crave the idea of being in a happy, committed, monogamous relationship. As such, I've decided that I have to stop cheating. I know I can't have my cake and eat it. I also know that if I continue to cheat, then I will eventually get caught, be it by a friend, himself or through an STI. The main reason for this is that Ive become the very person who I swore never to become; I don't want to continue to be a complete and utter ******** who disregards someone's love and trust so much that I would betray them in such a way.
So, my question is how I can do this? Is there any hope that I can stop doing this? Have any of you been a serial cheater? How did you deal with this? So many other couples in the world are completely faithful to one another. I know I'm not a bad person, yet I continue to do such horrible things.
I should say that I've decided to not tell my boyfriend about my unfaithfulness, for now.
I'll say again that I'm not looking for sympathy, and any advice, as frank as it may be, is appreciated.
Well atleast you have located the source to your problem. A few mental notes you should be thinking about. How would you feel if he did that to you? It’s either the people on dating sites or him, who do you choose? If you really care about him then why would you do this to him. It seems you are of a mature age of where you can confront him and ask if he can help you meet your needs for a stable relationship,
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