i'm basically studying two degrees, help Watch

username4507356
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squeakysquirrel
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(Original post by blablabla1321)
Hello everyone, new to student room, so I'm not sure if I've even posted this in the right forum.
I have a problem. I'm a student at an undisclosed university in Wales (wanna remain anonymous and scared to reveal uni in case I get into trouble), and my friend/boyfriend/girlfriend is also a student at another university. My issue is that this person suffers with their mental health, so much so, that I've not only been writing my OWN essays and stressing about them, but I've also been writing THEIR essays and stressing about them too, every single one of them, and there have been at least 5 from what my brain can count off the top of my head at this ungodly hour, and I've written about 5 of my own too for my course. I don't even know what my question is here, I just needed someone to talk to. I've tried googling it, as you do, but not much comes up, except 'write essays for other students and make money doing it!" taglines and 'buy your custom made essay here! stress free!". That's not what I'm looking for, and it appears nobody else has posted an issue like this, as far as I can see on my brief google search. My issue with this is:


- I care deeply for this person, but my writing their essays as well as mine is now starting to hurt me, mentally and physically, I'm in pain all the time and I just don't sleep, as a rule.
- did I mention that I care deeply for this person? I feel guilty for even posting this here, but I'd rather do that than speak to my uni friends about it. more anonymity.
- every single essay of theirs has received a first, while my essays that I wrote for my course has always received a 2:1, our course is the same subject as well.
- I'm starting to lose interest in my own course - just the sheer notion of the two workloads waiting for me in the next couple of months is making my heart flutter and is it even worth it anymore

I worry that this will continue for the next three years, in which case it will kill me with stress. ill have a heart attack. but I care deeply for this person. but its making me depressed. but I want them to be happy and if getting a degree contributes to a feeling of wellbeing and success for them then my hands are tied. but its making me ill. I don't know what to do, thoughts? and remember, this person who I am speaking about is somebody you have not and will not ever meet, and their poor mental health is serious, so be kind, as i'm sure you will be

thanks
thoughts?
Whoa - wake up call here. You may well care deeply for this person - but this person does not care much for you


What you are doing is allowing your friend to basically commit a form of plagiarism. Although you are not getting paid for it - which is even worse. You are being used.

https://www.plagiarism.org/blog/2017...o-write-for-me
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Bio 7
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They are conducting academic fraud. Even if they manage to get their degree they won’t be qualified as you have done most of the work.

You may care about them but you have to put yourself first and not let them leech you dry until you become a husk. You will do them a favour by making them do it on their own, because they need to learn the content.
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kkai
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(Original post by blablabla1321)
Hello everyone, new to student room, so I'm not sure if I've even posted this in the right forum.
I have a problem. I'm a student at an undisclosed university in Wales (wanna remain anonymous and scared to reveal uni in case I get into trouble), and my friend/boyfriend/girlfriend is also a student at another university. My issue is that this person suffers with their mental health, so much so, that I've not only been writing my OWN essays and stressing about them, but I've also been writing THEIR essays and stressing about them too, every single one of them, and there have been at least 5 from what my brain can count off the top of my head at this ungodly hour, and I've written about 5 of my own too for my course. I don't even know what my question is here, I just needed someone to talk to. I've tried googling it, as you do, but not much comes up, except 'write essays for other students and make money doing it!" taglines and 'buy your custom made essay here! stress free!". That's not what I'm looking for, and it appears nobody else has posted an issue like this, as far as I can see on my brief google search. My issue with this is:


- I care deeply for this person, but my writing their essays as well as mine is now starting to hurt me, mentally and physically, I'm in pain all the time and I just don't sleep, as a rule.
- did I mention that I care deeply for this person? I feel guilty for even posting this here, but I'd rather do that than speak to my uni friends about it. more anonymity.
- every single essay of theirs has received a first, while my essays that I wrote for my course has always received a 2:1, our course is the same subject as well.
- I'm starting to lose interest in my own course - just the sheer notion of the two workloads waiting for me in the next couple of months is making my heart flutter and is it even worth it anymore

I worry that this will continue for the next three years, in which case it will kill me with stress. ill have a heart attack. but I care deeply for this person. but its making me depressed. but I want them to be happy and if getting a degree contributes to a feeling of wellbeing and success for them then my hands are tied. but its making me ill. I don't know what to do, thoughts? and remember, this person who I am speaking about is somebody you have not and will not ever meet, and their poor mental health is serious, so be kind, as i'm sure you will be

thanks
thoughts?
that's going too far and this person seems to be using you
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Quick-use
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(Original post by blablabla1321)
Hello everyone, new to student room, so I'm not sure if I've even posted this in the right forum.
I have a problem. I'm a student at an undisclosed university in Wales (wanna remain anonymous and scared to reveal uni in case I get into trouble), and my friend/boyfriend/girlfriend is also a student at another university. My issue is that this person suffers with their mental health, so much so, that I've not only been writing my OWN essays and stressing about them, but I've also been writing THEIR essays and stressing about them too, every single one of them, and there have been at least 5 from what my brain can count off the top of my head at this ungodly hour, and I've written about 5 of my own too for my course. I don't even know what my question is here, I just needed someone to talk to. I've tried googling it, as you do, but not much comes up, except 'write essays for other students and make money doing it!" taglines and 'buy your custom made essay here! stress free!". That's not what I'm looking for, and it appears nobody else has posted an issue like this, as far as I can see on my brief google search. My issue with this is:


- I care deeply for this person, but my writing their essays as well as mine is now starting to hurt me, mentally and physically, I'm in pain all the time and I just don't sleep, as a rule.
- did I mention that I care deeply for this person? I feel guilty for even posting this here, but I'd rather do that than speak to my uni friends about it. more anonymity.
- every single essay of theirs has received a first, while my essays that I wrote for my course has always received a 2:1, our course is the same subject as well.
- I'm starting to lose interest in my own course - just the sheer notion of the two workloads waiting for me in the next couple of months is making my heart flutter and is it even worth it anymore

I worry that this will continue for the next three years, in which case it will kill me with stress. ill have a heart attack. but I care deeply for this person. but its making me depressed. but I want them to be happy and if getting a degree contributes to a feeling of wellbeing and success for them then my hands are tied. but its making me ill. I don't know what to do, thoughts? and remember, this person who I am speaking about is somebody you have not and will not ever meet, and their poor mental health is serious, so be kind, as i'm sure you will be

thanks
thoughts?
The first year of the degree is usually the easiest. If your friend is struggling with their mental health and university work right now, I'm afraid that things will just get worse. I hope you take this advice on board: You should strongly suggest to your friend to take a year out of uni and really, really work on improving their (mental) health. This is vital. You can't do your friend's university work forever and even if you do, your friend will probably struggle in life after university as well. I'm also assuming that your friend is generally struggling with life at uni.

If your friend wants to lead a happy and prosperous life, then your friend really has to work on their health. Otherwise, your friend will continue to struggle and their health will decline. You will most likely also decline. This could become a real tragedy over time.

Don't do this to yourselves - both of you. Think of your health and your happiness - think for the long-term.
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username4507356
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(Original post by squeakysquirrel)
Whoa - wake up call here. You may well care deeply for this person - but this person does not care much for you


What you are doing is allowing your friend to basically commit a form of plagiarism. Although you are not getting paid for it - which is even worse. You are being used.

https://www.plagiarism.org/blog/2017...o-write-for-me
Thanks for your response. I know what is happening is bad, I’ve even refrained from telling others close to me cause I know they would say the exact same things as you and the other replies have said. Does it change your response at all if I tell you that I am in a 4 year relationship with this person and we only just started our degrees last September? Lol I’m just grasping for any kind of response other than the “they’re using you” response
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username4507356
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(Original post by Quick-use)
The first year of the degree is usually the easiest. If your friend is struggling with their mental health and university work right now, I'm afraid that things will just get worse. I hope you take this advice on board: You should strongly suggest to your friend to take a year out of uni and really, really work on improving their (mental) health. This is vital. You can't do your friend's university work forever and even if you do, your friend will probably struggle in life after university as well. I'm also assuming that your friend is generally struggling with life at uni.

If your friend wants to lead a happy and prosperous life, then your friend really has to work on their health. Otherwise, your friend will continue to struggle and their health will decline. You will most likely also decline. This could become a real tragedy over time.

Don't do this to yourselves - both of you. Think of your health and your happiness - think for the long-term.
Thank you for your response. Your response was more focused on the “mental health” aspect of it, and I appreciate your answer. Sadly, I agree with everything you said. This has happened several times, but each time I tell them “you have ages until the next one, get started on it now” they don’t. You can lead a horse to a lake or whatever the phrase is, but you can’t make it drink.
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(Original post by blablabla1321)
Thank you for your response. Your response was more focused on the “mental health” aspect of it, and I appreciate your answer. Sadly, I agree with everything you said. This has happened several times, but each time I tell them “you have ages until the next one, get started on it now” they don’t. You can lead a horse to a lake or whatever the phrase is, but you can’t make it drink.
You're most welcome.

I know what it's like to struggle with mental health during university. It just gets worse and worse unless something is done.

I remember always telling myself: I just need to get through this and everything will be better the next time. But, I was always wrong.

Feel free to PM me if you ever want to chat or vent.
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username4507356
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(Original post by Quick-use)
You're most welcome.

I know what it's like to struggle with mental health during university. It just gets worse and worse unless something is done.

I remember always telling myself: I just need to get through this and everything will be better the next time. But, I was always wrong.

Feel free to PM me if you ever want to chat or vent.
Yeah, struggling with mental health sucks. I’ve struggling with it for years myself, so at the very least me and my friend are in the same boat. Misery loves company.
Thank you kind person, might take you up on that offer.
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harrysbar
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Wow, you must be totally exhausted with it all and your friend is being selfish. You are obviously a very caring person but they are draining you, which is not ok (you need to care about your own MH, not just theirs).

It's hard to suddenly stop doing something, but you could put a time limit on it by telling them that you are not going to write any more essays for them past the current module, because you need to focus on your own studies and need to start preparing for the first year exams. They will also need to take responsibility for their own work from now on because you cannot sit the exams for them - if they don't wake up to the fact it is THEIR degree, not yours, they will fail the exams and have to leave Uni anyway. So think of it as being cruel to be kind, if they start trying to guilt trip you into carrying on in the same way.
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username4507356
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(Original post by harrysbar)
Wow, you must be totally exhausted with it all and your friend is being selfish. You are obviously a very caring person but they are draining you, which is not ok (you need to care about your own MH, not just theirs).

It's hard to suddenly stop doing something, but you could put a time limit on it by telling them that you are not going to write any more essays for them past the current module, because you need to focus on your own studies and need to start preparing for the first year exams. They will also need to take responsibility for their own work from now on because you cannot sit the exams for them - if they don't wake up to the fact it is THEIR degree, not yours, they will fail the exams and have to leave Uni anyway. So think of it as being cruel to be kind, if they start trying to guilt trip you into carrying on in the same way.
Thank you for your response. Yes, totally and utterly exhausted. That is why I am still awake at this time, had 16 cups of teas throughout the night... all right, not 16, but you get the gist. A few of the responses have expressed the cruel to be kind attitude, and I agree with that, just implementing it without feeling like a terrible person is going to be hard. Thanks muchly
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jonathanjames
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(Original post by blablabla1321)
Thank you for your response. Yes, totally and utterly exhausted. That is why I am still awake at this time, had 16 cups of teas throughout the night... all right, not 16, but you get the gist. A few of the responses have expressed the cruel to be kind attitude, and I agree with that, just implementing it without feeling like a terrible person is going to be hard. Thanks muchly
Do it or you'll regret it, please, it'll only get worse and if you carry on both of you are going to be leaving without a degree, working in McDonald, minimum wage. Act now, otherwise you're going to regret it, please, do it...
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harrysbar
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(Original post by blablabla1321)
Thank you for your response. Yes, totally and utterly exhausted. That is why I am still awake at this time, had 16 cups of teas throughout the night... all right, not 16, but you get the gist. A few of the responses have expressed the cruel to be kind attitude, and I agree with that, just implementing it without feeling like a terrible person is going to be hard. Thanks muchly
You're welcome

You don't need to stop doing it overnight (although you could). The main thing is tell them it is going to end soon, (with a definite cut off date, not in a vague sense) which gives them the chance to take full responsibility for the next module (or part of the course) themselves
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(Original post by jonathanjames)
Do it or you'll regret it, please, it'll only get worse and if you carry on both of you are going to be leaving without a degree, working in McDonald, minimum wage. Act now, otherwise you're going to regret it, please, do it...
Thank you for your very passionate response! I know what needs to be done now, I’m just scared of actually doing it.
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Thanks everyone, really appreciate your responses. I’m feeling disheartened and a bit sad to be honest, so I’m gonna watch The Office and then go to sleep please feel free to comment, I’m all ears
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Lala~
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Just like what everyone else is suggesting here, I think you should stop helping them. You’re not exactly helping this person (and yourself especially) if you’re doing their essays for them. 5 essays is a LOT which means they haven’t really learnt anything and all the knowledge they should be having is going to you instead. You’re losing sleep aswell and it’s not good for you, physical health is just as important as mental health.

May you describe the degree you’re doing atm? I’m hoping it’s not law or medicine. If you’re gonna tell them that you will stop, just do it with kindness I’m sure they’ll understand.
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(Original post by blablabla1321)
Thanks everyone, really appreciate your responses. I’m feeling disheartened and a bit sad to be honest, so I’m gonna watch The Office and then go to sleep please feel free to comment, I’m all ears
I recommend Brooklyn 99 if you want some lighthearted fun and cheering up.
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username4507356
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(Original post by Lala~)
Just like what everyone else is suggesting here, I think you should stop helping them. You’re not exactly helping this person (and yourself especially) if you’re doing their essays for them. 5 essays is a LOT which means they haven’t really learnt anything and all the knowledge they should be having is going to you instead. You’re losing sleep aswell and it’s not good for you, physical health is just as important as mental health.

May you describe the degree you’re doing atm? I’m hoping it’s not law or medicine. If you’re gonna tell them that you will stop, just do it with kindness I’m sure they’ll understand.
Don’t worry, it’s not law or medicine. It’s a language degree (trying to be vague in case I give too much away, trying to be anonymous).
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(Original post by Quick-use)
I recommend Brooklyn 99 if you want some lighthearted fun and cheering up.
Thank you!
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(Original post by harrysbar)
You're welcome

You don't need to stop doing it overnight (although you could). The main thing is tell them it is going to end soon, (with a definite cut off date, not in a vague sense) which gives them the chance to take full responsibility for the next module (or part of the course) themselves
You are wrong. It must stop now. What the friend is doing is very very wrong. OP is facilitating this. Friend will get chucked out of university and it may already be too late.
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