Am I right to be annoyed with boyfriend? Watch

camembertqueen
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I've been with my boyfriend for nearly 4 months now. I'm feeling slightly fed up with his lack of imagination as I nearly always have to prompt him with ideas of things to do and gifts that I'd like to receive.

We've exchanged a lot of gifts just in this short space of time from us both going on holidays, christmas, and my birthday. He treated me to a lot on my birthday (and must have spent at least £600). So I decided on Valentines day it would be nice for me to treat him... so I cooked a romantic dinner for us which he really appreciated. We hadn't spoken much about Valentines day and I almost didn't want to overdo it as we haven't said I love you to one another yet. He got me quite a mediocre gift (cards, potted roses and a teddy), but I would've absolutely loved to receive a bouquet of roses. It was my first time receiving flowers from a guy and I feel disappointed.

I told him on the day that I wanted to keep it low key as he'd done so much for my birthday and he told me that was a whole different occasion, which makes me think he would've gone all out if I'd only expressed this. I felt bad demanding this I guess, but now I realise that that level of effort should be consistent. I feel a bit hurt and like he almost doesn't see my worth as much.

Otherwise our relationship is great and he's everything I could ever want in a man. It's also worth noting that we live an hour apart and he always travels to see me every week.

Should I raise this concern with him or am I being a bit daft?!
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TheNamesBond.
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I think you’re overreacting, gifts shouldn’t be weighed by how expensive or impressive they are, that doesn’t mean you can gift someone a turd for their birthday but you get my point.
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AnLo
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Hey, it feels to me you're a bit unfair. People think differently, he might not be as much into gifting (receiving and giving) than you are, and yet it feels to me that he made an effort on your birthday and everything. He still got you stuff for Valentine's which is a lovely display of attention, even though it wasn't necessary what you expected... but I wonder whether your expectations weren't too high? You mentioned that you specifically said it was to be low-key... and yet he still did something. If the relationship is otherwise great, I wouldn't sweat it and would cut him some slack.
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cherlloydfan
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it's not all about giving and recieving gifts and I can't believe that you haven't said I love you to each other and you've been together for 4 months..do you even love him?
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doodle_333
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You're being crazy. It's the thought that counts and you sound horribly ungrateful.
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NotImaginative
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I'd just leave it. He's obviously spent a lot of money already on your birthday and so he doesn't seem averse to doing that. I was happy just to see my boyfriend on Valentines Day, and extremely surprised that he found my favourite flowers for me. I did tell him I didn't want anything (I don't like people spending money on me and I find Valentines day hugely commercialised). If you told him you wanted to keep it low key, he probably would have kept to what you said.
Also, reading into what you've said, money does not show the amount of effort or value someone puts into a relationship. I feel hugely shocked that someone would spend that much money so early on in a relationship, you can't buy love. The huge inequeality here between a lot of effort and £600 on a birthday vs a cooked meal for Valentines day (when he still got you gifts and drives to see you and you're still not happy) makes me think you need a reality check.
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Kater Murr
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(Original post by camembertqueen)
I've been with my boyfriend for nearly 4 months now. I'm feeling slightly fed up with his lack of imagination as I nearly always have to prompt him with ideas of things to do and gifts that I'd like to receive.

We've exchanged a lot of gifts just in this short space of time from us both going on holidays, christmas, and my birthday. He treated me to a lot on my birthday (and must have spent at least £600). So I decided on Valentines day it would be nice for me to treat him... so I cooked a romantic dinner for us which he really appreciated. We hadn't spoken much about Valentines day and I almost didn't want to overdo it as we haven't said I love you to one another yet. He got me quite a mediocre gift (cards, potted roses and a teddy), but I would've absolutely loved to receive a bouquet of roses. It was my first time receiving flowers from a guy and I feel disappointed.

I told him on the day that I wanted to keep it low key as he'd done so much for my birthday and he told me that was a whole different occasion, which makes me think he would've gone all out if I'd only expressed this. I felt bad demanding this I guess, but now I realise that that level of effort should be consistent. I feel a bit hurt and like he almost doesn't see my worth as much.

Otherwise our relationship is great and he's everything I could ever want in a man. It's also worth noting that we live an hour apart and he always travels to see me every week.

Should I raise this concern with him or am I being a bit daft?!
So, I get that different people from various wealth backgrounds have different expectations, and I'd guess that both of you are from quite well-off families. But: your expectations are crazy.

£600 on birthday gifts is insane, especially 4 months into a relationship. He sounds like he puts in a lot of effort and regardless of how much he spends, he is trying to please you.

1. Give him a break.
2. If you want specific things, you're going to have to say. No guessing games.
3. The value of a gift has nothing to do with its monetary value.
4. If you might one day date a slightly less wealthy guy, you're going to have to lower your expectations re. spending. Because loads of guys will not want to spend that much. Even with more money - aren't there better to put it towards?

I don't want to sound too preachy, but don't be a princess. You don't want to be the first gf that he complains about years later for having ridiculous expectations.
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Dunnig Kruger
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If someone gave me a gift worth £600 that would do me for... ...the rest of our lives!
I'd be quite happy if they never gave me anything at all after that as they would have already given me a huge gift.

I think that you are being insatiable camembertqueen. No matter how much he gives you, it's still not enough. That's totally unfair to him.

A really strong relationship is not about the gifts. It's about how well you get on with each other when you are together.
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camembertqueen
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(Original post by cherlloydfan)
it's not all about giving and recieving gifts and I can't believe that you haven't said I love you to each other and you've been together for 4 months..do you even love him?
Yes I do but I feel we're also taking it slowly - I don't want to rush in to saying it just for the sake of saying it
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Rainfall
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He gonna go broke trying to love u
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Emski9
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You sound pretty ridiculous
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kirigiri
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youre being ridiculous. this is so ridiculous, i feel like this is just bait.
he even bought you damn roses, but because theyre potted, theyre not good enough?
youre really spoilt and need to reevaluate yourself.
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camstone86
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I think ALL men will agree on the following, but for some reason women NEVER seem to understand it, and it causes friction in relationships...

MEN CANNOT READ SIGNS AND HINTS. THEY CANNOT READ YOUR MIND.
If you want something from a man, tell him what it is, don't expect him to work it out from your cryptic subtle hints.
If you're upset about something, don't expect a man to be able to work out what it is. Tell him.
Never tell a man you're OK if you're not, because he won't be able to read from your body language that you're not, he will just assume you are because you said you were.

If all women knew those things, soooo many relationships would run more smoothly.

ALSO
If you want a specific gift, tell him. Men are ALL bad at choosing gifts for their partners.
Do not judge the value of a relationship by the value of gifts exchanged. That is asking for trouble because the minute he realises you are so materialistic, he will find someone else.

If you tell him you want to keep things low key, don't be annoyed when he keeps things low key. Because that's exactly what you asked him to do.

Appreciate what he does for you.
FOR EXAMPLE: If he's travelling an hour just to see you, don't hold ridiculous small things against him because he's going WELL out of his way to accomodate you.

A lot of people can be a bit entitled and spoiled and through time in a relationship, they often realise these things and work on themselves to become better people and more willing to accept COMPROMISE (they key to a happy healthy relationship). However, even in a field of entitlement and spoiled brats, you personally come across as particularly difficult, and just from reading your original post, if I were him, I would get out of there.

Finally, don't just wait an arbitrary amount of time to say I love you just because of the ideology of 'taking it slow'. You've been together 4 months and not said it yet, maybe he thinks you actually don't love him. If you do, consider telling him. Don't wait longer and longer just for the sake of it. He might think you're just trying to bleed him dry and giving very little back. I once had a girlfriend who told me she loved me after 2 days of being together. I also once had a girlfriend who didn't tell me until we'd been together 3 months. Guess which one meant the most to me. The one who told me after 2 days. Because it felt like real love. The other one felt like she'd waited an arbitrary amount of time to say it and there had been countless more appropriate situations earlier in our relationship where it would have been more appropriate.
Last edited by camstone86; 3 weeks ago
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UWS
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Out of all the things to be annoyed over (e.g. chatting up girls, not flushing the toilet, etc.. ), imagine getting worked over the value of gifts at Valentine's...


Sort yourself out. The way you've presented yourself makes you out to be a gold digger.
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Anonymous #1
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You do not deserve that guy ..... he spent so ,much on you but you still want to be annoyed at you.
B*tch sort yourself out
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