I'm boring, intense, and have no personality Watch

Anonymous #1
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I am generally perceived as a boring, intense person, without much of a personality.

Background: I'm male, in my mid-20s, single, and quite introverted. I have a PhD in mathematics. I've always loved maths, and I never wanted to do much else. It was just like one big game. I've spent my life learning about it, and I know a great deal about it. Unfortunately, you need a lot more than that to be perceived as a well-rounded individual, which I don't appear to be, and it has affected my (lack of) friendships, and (lack of) relationships.

I talk in quite a serious, monotone voice. I hope you'll forgive the reference, but the closest comparison is possibly Jordan Peterson, who, like me, also has quite a monotone voice with occasional fluctuations in pitch. I also talk quite quickly (but can slow down where appropriate, e.g. when tutoring people, teaching, or giving a presentation). Unfortunately, I've noticed that this can be off-putting to people. I notice people blowing through their mouth in an exhausted fashion when listening to me speak, or after I'm done talking, just looking down at their phone instead of engaging me with a response. Or not knowing how to respond, in some cases. (Of course, if one wishes to continue a conversation, then one appropriate thing I could do is continue to ask *them* questions, but I'm not very good at that.)

I get the feeling that when I talk to people, it can sometimes feel like an intense 'barrage' of information. My Mother says something similar: talking to me stresses her out. I'm generally seen as not having much emotion (or empathy). But I really love helping people. At uni, I was always helping people with their homework and other problems. Unfortunately, those people stopped talking to me when their courses finished, presumably because they only saw me as someone who could help them. It makes me quite upset. I could literally message every single one of them asking them how everything's going, and they'd just ignore it or not show any interest in keeping up the conversation (or, heaven forfend, actually wanting to meet up with me). I've even started playing a 'game' with a former 'friend' of mine: I wish him happy birthday every year, but for the past 4 years, he hasn't even responded to it. I'm looking forward to it being a 5th ignored birthday message in a row next month, so I can take a screenshot of it.

I do have a sense of humour, but it is mostly based on puns and can be quite dark at times. It makes people laugh. Unfortunately, people still tell me that I don't seem relatable, or have much of a personality. This has had unfortunate consequences. I've been unable to have a serious relationship with any woman: I've been able to 'fake' being interesting for the first couple of dates, by rehearsing exactly what I was going to say beforehand, preparing 'stories' from my experiences of living in student halls. However, they eventually realise that I'm not that interesting at all (obviously, there are only a finite number of 'interesting stories' one can tell), and subsequently drop me for someone else. On the other hand, I could try being myself, but that doesn't really cut it: I just get dropped after the first meeting. I do very poorly in group settings, too: I often feel overwhelmed if I'm not in a 1-on-1 situation with someone, so at group meetings (e.g. with colleagues at a pub) I'm pretty quiet. I thought I got on with my colleagues pretty well, but no one wanted to be my friend or was interested in staying in contact with me outside of work. All of them rejected/ignored my friend requests on Facebook after I left that job, for example.

Very few people (or rather, nobody) want(s) to be my friend, either, and I'm also not seen as a good fit for companies at job interviews. The feedback is almost always the same: you're intelligent, nice, know a great deal about the company and the role, and it was interesting meeting you. Unfortunately, you don't have much of a personality/you're not a great fit for the company.

I've also created a few dating profiles in the past, but it has mainly been a funny pun or a joke that has caught a woman's attention, rather than a description of my personal life or interests. Several women have commented that I'm one of the dullest men on OKCupid, for instance.

I do have hobbies, like running and cooking, which I thought would enable people to relate to me, but they don't. I have a burning desire to improve myself: I love working out and learning new things. I love increasing the reps on my lifts and mastering a new programming language. But you need more than that.

I'm probably not the only person out there like this. Obviously, I need to make a change. The probability that a woman will be interested in dating me is relatively low, and likewise the probability that I'll be able to maintain a friendship of any kind is also low, due to my lack of a personality. How do I remedy this situation?
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jbrdodd
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As you enjoy running, I’d recommend you to join a running club. You’ll be able to meet new people, and perhaps a girlfriend too
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Anonymous #2
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(Original post by Anonymous)
I am generally perceived as a boring, intense person, without much of a personality.

Background: I'm male, in my mid-20s, single, and quite introverted. I have a PhD in mathematics. I've always loved maths, and I never wanted to do much else. It was just like one big game. I've spent my life learning about it, and I know a great deal about it. Unfortunately, you need a lot more than that to be perceived as a well-rounded individual, which I don't appear to be, and it has affected my (lack of) friendships, and (lack of) relationships.

I talk in quite a serious, monotone voice. I hope you'll forgive the reference, but the closest comparison is possibly Jordan Peterson, who, like me, also has quite a monotone voice with occasional fluctuations in pitch. I also talk quite quickly (but can slow down where appropriate, e.g. when tutoring people, teaching, or giving a presentation). Unfortunately, I've noticed that this can be off-putting to people. I notice people blowing through their mouth in an exhausted fashion when listening to me speak, or after I'm done talking, just looking down at their phone instead of engaging me with a response. Or not knowing how to respond, in some cases. (Of course, if one wishes to continue a conversation, then one appropriate thing I could do is continue to ask *them* questions, but I'm not very good at that.)

I get the feeling that when I talk to people, it can sometimes feel like an intense 'barrage' of information. My Mother says something similar: talking to me stresses her out. I'm generally seen as not having much emotion (or empathy). But I really love helping people. At uni, I was always helping people with their homework and other problems. Unfortunately, those people stopped talking to me when their courses finished, presumably because they only saw me as someone who could help them. It makes me quite upset. I could literally message every single one of them asking them how everything's going, and they'd just ignore it or not show any interest in keeping up the conversation (or, heaven forfend, actually wanting to meet up with me). I've even started playing a 'game' with a former 'friend' of mine: I wish him happy birthday every year, but for the past 4 years, he hasn't even responded to it. I'm looking forward to it being a 5th ignored birthday message in a row next month, so I can take a screenshot of it.

I do have a sense of humour, but it is mostly based on puns and can be quite dark at times. It makes people laugh. Unfortunately, people still tell me that I don't seem relatable, or have much of a personality. This has had unfortunate consequences. I've been unable to have a serious relationship with any woman: I've been able to 'fake' being interesting for the first couple of dates, by rehearsing exactly what I was going to say beforehand, preparing 'stories' from my experiences of living in student halls. However, they eventually realise that I'm not that interesting at all (obviously, there are only a finite number of 'interesting stories' one can tell), and subsequently drop me for someone else. On the other hand, I could try being myself, but that doesn't really cut it: I just get dropped after the first meeting. I do very poorly in group settings, too: I often feel overwhelmed if I'm not in a 1-on-1 situation with someone, so at group meetings (e.g. with colleagues at a pub) I'm pretty quiet. I thought I got on with my colleagues pretty well, but no one wanted to be my friend or was interested in staying in contact with me outside of work. All of them rejected/ignored my friend requests on Facebook after I left that job, for example.

Very few people (or rather, nobody) want(s) to be my friend, either, and I'm also not seen as a good fit for companies at job interviews. The feedback is almost always the same: you're intelligent, nice, know a great deal about the company and the role, and it was interesting meeting you. Unfortunately, you don't have much of a personality/you're not a great fit for the company.

I've also created a few dating profiles in the past, but it has mainly been a funny pun or a joke that has caught a woman's attention, rather than a description of my personal life or interests. Several women have commented that I'm one of the dullest men on OKCupid, for instance.

I do have hobbies, like running and cooking, which I thought would enable people to relate to me, but they don't. I have a burning desire to improve myself: I love working out and learning new things. I love increasing the reps on my lifts and mastering a new programming language. But you need more than that.

I'm probably not the only person out there like this. Obviously, I need to make a change. The probability that a woman will be interested in dating me is relatively low, and likewise the probability that I'll be able to maintain a friendship of any kind is also low, due to my lack of a personality. How do I remedy this situation?
Just become an Anime Character and you'll fit right in!

Jokes aside, I read your whole post but I'm not sure whether or not this is a troll (excuse me if I am lead to believe so, due to the rarity of the situation).

From this point on I'll presume you have a genuine issue that needs resolving. Personality is something that you have to develop, knowing about your childhood relationships would also help to see why you have this deficit. If you could include anything stressful that may have happened as well, that'd be great. Best advice would be to see a therapist/counsellor or someone experienced in personality development; They can help you with your personality and growth. It doesn't matter that you're in your mid-20's, with effort (which you clearly have considering your burning passion for learning new things) you can change yourself.

As for women, they'll come once you start to grow. You may be lucky and find someone who still likes you just the way you are (as rare as that may be, there is always a possibility). You should continue to pursue your hobbies as that applies to your personality. Go see a person development coach if you have the money to do so and if you don't, then get the money. Make sure you research on a reliable coach that has actually helped many people and aren't just going to scam you out of your money.

One other thing that could be possible is self-hypnosis. It may sound crazy if you haven't tried it but it works. It's worked for me. There should be videos on YouTube you can listen to as you fall asleep at night specifically for personality development; You can listen during the day but it's best before/whilst you sleep. Another area of possibility is subliminal messaging which is somewhat along the same lines of hypnosis. However I found the hypnosis to be more effective than subs.

I hope anything I've written here can help you. Trust me, I've come across people like yourself although they were usually more introverted. Most of the time they'd just look at me and listen (guess they were too shy to say anything) but I liked talking to them for some reason. Eventually, he actually started to make conversation with me too. He came out of his shell and we became somewhat friends. However we didn't really see much of each other in the outside world.

Anyway, I've rambled on for far too long. I wish you the best of luck on your endeavours! Hope everything works out 😁
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Analyst89
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(Original post by Anonymous)
I am generally perceived as a boring, intense person, without much of a personality.

Background: I'm male, in my mid-20s, single, and quite introverted. I have a PhD in mathematics. I've always loved maths, and I never wanted to do much else. It was just like one big game. I've spent my life learning about it, and I know a great deal about it. Unfortunately, you need a lot more than that to be perceived as a well-rounded individual, which I don't appear to be, and it has affected my (lack of) friendships, and (lack of) relationships.

I talk in quite a serious, monotone voice. I hope you'll forgive the reference, but the closest comparison is possibly Jordan Peterson, who, like me, also has quite a monotone voice with occasional fluctuations in pitch. I also talk quite quickly (but can slow down where appropriate, e.g. when tutoring people, teaching, or giving a presentation). Unfortunately, I've noticed that this can be off-putting to people. I notice people blowing through their mouth in an exhausted fashion when listening to me speak, or after I'm done talking, just looking down at their phone instead of engaging me with a response. Or not knowing how to respond, in some cases. (Of course, if one wishes to continue a conversation, then one appropriate thing I could do is continue to ask *them* questions, but I'm not very good at that.)

I get the feeling that when I talk to people, it can sometimes feel like an intense 'barrage' of information. My Mother says something similar: talking to me stresses her out. I'm generally seen as not having much emotion (or empathy). But I really love helping people. At uni, I was always helping people with their homework and other problems. Unfortunately, those people stopped talking to me when their courses finished, presumably because they only saw me as someone who could help them. It makes me quite upset. I could literally message every single one of them asking them how everything's going, and they'd just ignore it or not show any interest in keeping up the conversation (or, heaven forfend, actually wanting to meet up with me). I've even started playing a 'game' with a former 'friend' of mine: I wish him happy birthday every year, but for the past 4 years, he hasn't even responded to it. I'm looking forward to it being a 5th ignored birthday message in a row next month, so I can take a screenshot of it.

I do have a sense of humour, but it is mostly based on puns and can be quite dark at times. It makes people laugh. Unfortunately, people still tell me that I don't seem relatable, or have much of a personality. This has had unfortunate consequences. I've been unable to have a serious relationship with any woman: I've been able to 'fake' being interesting for the first couple of dates, by rehearsing exactly what I was going to say beforehand, preparing 'stories' from my experiences of living in student halls. However, they eventually realise that I'm not that interesting at all (obviously, there are only a finite number of 'interesting stories' one can tell), and subsequently drop me for someone else. On the other hand, I could try being myself, but that doesn't really cut it: I just get dropped after the first meeting. I do very poorly in group settings, too: I often feel overwhelmed if I'm not in a 1-on-1 situation with someone, so at group meetings (e.g. with colleagues at a pub) I'm pretty quiet. I thought I got on with my colleagues pretty well, but no one wanted to be my friend or was interested in staying in contact with me outside of work. All of them rejected/ignored my friend requests on Facebook after I left that job, for example.

Very few people (or rather, nobody) want(s) to be my friend, either, and I'm also not seen as a good fit for companies at job interviews. The feedback is almost always the same: you're intelligent, nice, know a great deal about the company and the role, and it was interesting meeting you. Unfortunately, you don't have much of a personality/you're not a great fit for the company.

I've also created a few dating profiles in the past, but it has mainly been a funny pun or a joke that has caught a woman's attention, rather than a description of my personal life or interests. Several women have commented that I'm one of the dullest men on OKCupid, for instance.

I do have hobbies, like running and cooking, which I thought would enable people to relate to me, but they don't. I have a burning desire to improve myself: I love working out and learning new things. I love increasing the reps on my lifts and mastering a new programming language. But you need more than that.

I'm probably not the only person out there like this. Obviously, I need to make a change. The probability that a woman will be interested in dating me is relatively low, and likewise the probability that I'll be able to maintain a friendship of any kind is also low, due to my lack of a personality. How do I remedy this situation?

Have a personal style, partake in your hobbies, have a passion, do what makes you happy. Read up on current affairs, increase your knowledge, read books etc, this will make you a more interesting person.

To meet women you can try online dating, speed dating, joining social clubs, meet females at the bar, coffee shops, through your network, through work and approaching them.

You can also make friendships by joining social clubs, online meet ups, classes etc.
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BlueIndigoViolet
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"boring, intense person, without much of a personality." - this is the most negative perception anyone can have of themselves?? - look at the rest of your post - you have many interests and should be developed....

you need to find confidence within yourself - i.e. memorising lines for date = bad idea especially if you think it could go somewhere, defo reccomend joining a few clubs and actually taking the effort to put yourself out there...
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winterscoming
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(Original post by Anonymous)
I get the feeling that when I talk to people, it can sometimes feel like an intense 'barrage' of information. My Mother says something similar: talking to me stresses her out. I'm generally seen as not having much emotion (or empathy).
If this is really the case, then I'd advise working on trying to get better at this. It sounds like a trait I've occasionally seen in other people too, and if I'm brutally honest, I've always found it very difficult to be around someone who talks in this way - but at least if you're aware of this then you can do something about it.

I can't talk for anybody else, but I personally feel a very strong "vibe" if somebody talks in a way which makes them seem entirely self-absorbed - it's hard not to get the sense that they're completely uninterested in hearing anything that someone else has to say. The impression it gives off is one of being completely caught up about themselves to the point that they simply don't have the time or energy for other people.

In my opinion, it's extremely difficult to build up any kind of connection with someone from a 'one way' conversation - it feels like they're not really listening or acknowledging anything you're saying; it's very hard to relate to anybody like this, and also difficult not to simply "switch off" when they talk. (I guess more like 'being talked at' rather than 'talking with')

Perhaps if you're like this in social situations, then it might be happening in interviews too, and the interviewers are also finding it difficult to relate to you for that reason? Maybe they feel like you're not listening to them and they worry that it could be a weakness in communication skills?


I'd suggest just trying to relax around people (And I understand that's really difficult in interviews, but with enough practice you can get much better) - slow down your thought process in social situations then think about other people and what they're saying instead; also talk to other people in a way which lets them feel involved in the conversation - take an active interest in whoever you're talking with and make the effort to let them feel that you're interested in hearing what they have to say.

For example, instead of the 'barrage of information' try asking questions in response to things that your friends and family are saying - perhaps next time you see your Mother, try to have a conversation with her which is about her, or lets her feel like you want to have an inclusive conversation with her, such as asking her opinion on something ("Hi mum, have you seen this? what do you think?")
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VegetableMarvell
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I don't know, you sound pretty interesting to me. I like being around people who can teach me new things, so a "barrage of information" doesn't sound that bad really. I guess it just depends what people like; I like intense conversations and debates that feel like an intellectual exercise, so we'd probably get on haha.

Have you considered that it might be your own self-deprecation that's letting you down?
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Dunnig Kruger
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What do you score on this test?
https://psychcentral.com/quizzes/autism-test/

With your PhD in maths, especially if you have some statisitics specialisation, you may want to get into Machine Learning.
Master Python, or some similar language and you should have an open door into this highly paid field of work.

Get yourself a £50k+ a year job and you'll find it easier to attract and keep a romantic partner. Money isn't everything, but it does grease the wheels nicely.
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Anonymous #1
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Thanks for your responses. I'll try to respond to each one.

(Original post by jbrdodd)
As you enjoy running, I’d recommend you to join a running club. You’ll be able to meet new people, and perhaps a girlfriend too
I've thought about this. I may give it a try, thank you for your recommendation.

(Original post by Anonymous)
Just become an Anime Character and you'll fit right in!

Jokes aside, I read your whole post but I'm not sure whether or not this is a troll (excuse me if I am lead to believe so, due to the rarity of the situation).

From this point on I'll presume you have a genuine issue that needs resolving. Personality is something that you have to develop, knowing about your childhood relationships would also help to see why you have this deficit. If you could include anything stressful that may have happened as well, that'd be great. Best advice would be to see a therapist/counsellor or someone experienced in personality development; They can help you with your personality and growth. It doesn't matter that you're in your mid-20's, with effort (which you clearly have considering your burning passion for learning new things) you can change yourself.

As for women, they'll come once you start to grow. You may be lucky and find someone who still likes you just the way you are (as rare as that may be, there is always a possibility). You should continue to pursue your hobbies as that applies to your personality. Go see a person development coach if you have the money to do so and if you don't, then get the money. Make sure you research on a reliable coach that has actually helped many people and aren't just going to scam you out of your money.

One other thing that could be possible is self-hypnosis. It may sound crazy if you haven't tried it but it works. It's worked for me. There should be videos on YouTube you can listen to as you fall asleep at night specifically for personality development; You can listen during the day but it's best before/whilst you sleep. Another area of possibility is subliminal messaging which is somewhat along the same lines of hypnosis. However I found the hypnosis to be more effective than subs.

I hope anything I've written here can help you. Trust me, I've come across people like yourself although they were usually more introverted. Most of the time they'd just look at me and listen (guess they were too shy to say anything) but I liked talking to them for some reason. Eventually, he actually started to make conversation with me too. He came out of his shell and we became somewhat friends. However we didn't really see much of each other in the outside world.

Anyway, I've rambled on for far too long. I wish you the best of luck on your endeavours! Hope everything works out 😁
I'd say my childhood was OK. I spent a lot of time with my parents, but not much time with other children. Breaks and lunchtimes were often spent on my own, though I did occasionally play football/basketball in primary school. I used to enjoy finding somewhere to sit on my own so I could do maths. I did extremely well academically, but this alienated me to an extent, because other kids were always intimidated by it, and would denigrate me if I ever didn't get the highest mark in the class on occasion. Consequently, social encounters were rather one-way: other children (and this continued at university) would usually only talk to me because I could help them with their homework assignments, but I'd never get an opportunity to talk to them, because they'd rather talk to their own friendship group. Some of them even continued e-mailing me asking for help with their *own* courses at their *own* universities when I had started university myself, which irritated me, so I just ignored them completely. I'm always baffled as an adult when people talk about their 'best friends' who they could always confide in: I didn't think they existed, because I was always met with ridicule, astonishment, or I was ignored. I wasn't really bullied very much -- people tended to stick up for me quite a lot. Regardless, I'd still describe my childhood as a happy one, albeit somewhat lacking in social development.

When it comes to socialising, I can 'switch it on' so to speak: soften my tone, speak in a more light-hearted way, perhaps loosen my accent so it doesn't sound so posh. But I can't keep it up forever, because it's exhausting: eventually I revert back to my monotonous, serious tones, which is demonstrably unpleasant to be around and unbalances the dynamic with whoever I'm talking to.

I'm a bit skeptical of paying someone for personal development. I've always had the confidence to be able to get over any mental or physical hurdle by myself. I used to have terrible, panic attack-inducing, bordering-on-fainting anxiety, but I got over that by adopting a 'don't think, just do it' mentality and forcing myself into situations I found uncomfortable. I used to feel like fainting in hot weather, so I purposely went around to all the hottest places in London to get over it (and I eventually did). I used to be scared of doing squats and hard runs because I'd always puke afterwards, so I stopped avoiding the exercises, puked the first few times I did them, but eventually stopped. I'll have a think about looking for something on the NHS though, e.g. CBT, or, as you mentioned, some form of counselling.

Thanks for your response!
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by Analyst89)
Have a personal style, partake in your hobbies, have a passion, do what makes you happy. Read up on current affairs, increase your knowledge, read books etc, this will make you a more interesting person.

To meet women you can try online dating, speed dating, joining social clubs, meet females at the bar, coffee shops, through your network, through work and approaching them.

You can also make friendships by joining social clubs, online meet ups, classes etc.
Thanks for your response -- can you describe what you mean by a 'personal style', e.g. what separates someone who has a personal style versus someone who doesn't?

I've tried online dating quite a lot over the past 4 years, but it hasn't really got me anywhere. I met a woman in early 2015 via Tinder, who later became my girlfriend for a couple of months, but she dropped me pretty quickly (I did at least get to lose my virginity with her though). Since then I went on one date in 2016 (was dropped immediately afterwards), and one date with a woman in 2017, who dropped me to date another guy instead. I didn't get any dates in 2018 despite using at least 8 dating apps (Tinder, Bumble, OKCupid, Hinge, Hot Or Not, Plenty Of Fish, Happn, Zoosk). I've stopped using them for now because I don't seem to match with anyone. Speed dating might be an interesting idea. I did see a few attractive women at my old workplace, but I don't think they liked me very much (and they were also in relationships themselves) -- plus, I wouldn't want to lose my (future) job as a result of a romantic workplace pursuit. I don't drink alcohol (nor coffee/tea), so I suppose I could order some tap water and talk to women, but I tend not to perform well in those sorts of environments (e.g. a lot of awkward silences due to me not being able to carry a conversation). I suppose I could approach women in some of these scenarios, but I feel like I need to have a job first to have a chance at attracting a potential mate. In the past I did have the confidence to talk to women anywhere, e.g. in the supermarket, in lectures, and so on, but I'm not as great at creating conversation anymore. I think part of my appeal at a younger age was that I was considered to be a lot more mature or wise than someone of a similar age (or, at least, more so than average), which may (or may not have) given me a perceived edge -- but now that I'm older, I need more of an edge to be able to beat out the competition. A PhD in mathematics means nothing to a woman if I'm virtually defining myself by that, so I need to work on getting an edge before I can start talking to women again.

I've thought about going to some sort of class or workshop to meet people -- the idea of a running club appeals somewhat, so I suppose I could give that a try. Thanks for your advice!
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Anonymous #2
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(Original post by Anonymous)
Thanks for your responses. I'll try to respond to each one.

I'd say my childhood was OK. I spent a lot of time with my parents, but not much time with other children. Breaks and lunchtimes were often spent on my own, though I did occasionally play football/basketball in primary school. I used to enjoy finding somewhere to sit on my own so I could do maths. I did extremely well academically, but this alienated me to an extent, because other kids were always intimidated by it, and would denigrate me if I ever didn't get the highest mark in the class on occasion. Consequently, social encounters were rather one-way: other children (and this continued at university) would usually only talk to me because I could help them with their homework assignments, but I'd never get an opportunity to talk to them, because they'd rather talk to their own friendship group. Some of them even continued e-mailing me asking for help with their *own* courses at their *own* universities when I had started university myself, which irritated me, so I just ignored them completely. I'm always baffled as an adult when people talk about their 'best friends' who they could always confide in: I didn't think they existed, because I was always met with ridicule, astonishment, or I was ignored. I wasn't really bullied very much -- people tended to stick up for me quite a lot. Regardless, I'd still describe my childhood as a happy one, albeit somewhat lacking in social development.

When it comes to socialising, I can 'switch it on' so to speak: soften my tone, speak in a more light-hearted way, perhaps loosen my accent so it doesn't sound so posh. But I can't keep it up forever, because it's exhausting: eventually I revert back to my monotonous, serious tones, which is demonstrably unpleasant to be around and unbalances the dynamic with whoever I'm talking to.

I'm a bit skeptical of paying someone for personal development. I've always had the confidence to be able to get over any mental or physical hurdle by myself. I used to have terrible, panic attack-inducing, bordering-on-fainting anxiety, but I got over that by adopting a 'don't think, just do it' mentality and forcing myself into situations I found uncomfortable. I used to feel like fainting in hot weather, so I purposely went around to all the hottest places in London to get over it (and I eventually did). I used to be scared of doing squats and hard runs because I'd always puke afterwards, so I stopped avoiding the exercises, puked the first few times I did them, but eventually stopped. I'll have a think about looking for something on the NHS though, e.g. CBT, or, as you mentioned, some form of counselling.

Thanks for your response!
CBT or counselling could certainly help so it's best to at least give it a try. I agree that you had a decent childhood but lacking interaction with other children. This isn't exactly your fault though as you did mention that they were intimidated by you. All I can suggest now is what others have suggested i.e. getting involved in clubs/societies in which your passions lie
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You're clearly very passionate about many things. I don't see how you're lacking here. Try to find others with similar interests. They will no doubt listen, relate and find you interesting.
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by BlueIndigoViolet)
"boring, intense person, without much of a personality." - this is the most negative perception anyone can have of themselves?? - look at the rest of your post - you have many interests and should be developed....

you need to find confidence within yourself - i.e. memorising lines for date = bad idea especially if you think it could go somewhere, defo reccomend joining a few clubs and actually taking the effort to put yourself out there...
Thanks for your post. I agree, it's a negative perception, but I do feel it is (at least more than reasonably close to) the truth, based on the feedback of others and how they have responded to me. Perhaps memorising lines for dates might have been overstating things a bit: I've focused more on having some 'funny stories' to tell equipped at the back of my mind just in case the date isn't going well or I haven't made her laugh yet. But I agree, I do think I need some confidence. The trouble is that sometimes when I am confident it can easily be misconstrued as arrogance or narcissism. I was always accused of being 'overconfident' when I was younger and told to reign it in quite a lot, and now it seems I ought to do the reverse.
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Notoriety
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Welcome to TSR.
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by Dunnig Kruger)
What do you score on this test?
https://psychcentral.com/quizzes/autism-test/

With your PhD in maths, especially if you have some statisitics specialisation, you may want to get into Machine Learning.
Master Python, or some similar language and you should have an open door into this highly paid field of work.

Get yourself a £50k+ a year job and you'll find it easier to attract and keep a romantic partner. Money isn't everything, but it does grease the wheels nicely.
I tend to score highly (or at least, above average) on those sorts of tests, and do (partially) share some of the traits that an autistic person might normally have, but I don't think I'm autistic: I've tutored children for many years, including those with autism and Asperger's, and they have been noticeably different to me (and I've had to alter my teaching techniques to cater to their differing learning styles and other educational needs). I'm currently taking some programming courses in my spare time -- I don't know any Python, but ML is a skill which is typically used in the sorts of (financial) jobs I am looking for at the moment, yes (which, after a couple of years' experience, will have a salary in the range you described).

To be honest, having a great job and a good amount of money saved up hasn't really helped me keep a romantic partner in the past, though that might be because the women I've dated have themselves been capable, semi-affluent professionals in their own rights (for the most part).
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Dunnig Kruger
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I think you're doing OK in your life and that there are reasons to be optimistic.

Are you prepared to say what you score in that online test? Just to give some perspective on how much you may need to work on how you relate to other people in order to be able to get by in a long term romantic relationship?

BTW I score a 7 (I feel it's a bit rude to ask personal information without volunteering some infromation myself).

You would appear to be a good candidate to go to a Matchmaker. You have the disposable income (or will have by 2021) to pay their fees. You are a great catch for the right woman. The sort of woman that prioritises: financial security, fidelity, having a steady rock of husband, intelligence, education, breeding, emotional stability, domestic skills (your cooking) over you being an alpha male / centre of attention / source of entertainment / her best gossip buddy.
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by Dunnig Kruger)
I think you're doing OK in your life and that there are reasons to be optimistic.

Are you prepared to say what you score in that online test? Just to give some perspective on how much you may need to work on how you relate to other people in order to be able to get by in a long term romantic relationship?

BTW I score a 7 (I feel it's a bit rude to ask personal information without volunteering some infromation myself).

You would appear to be a good candidate to go to a Matchmaker. You have the disposable income (or will have by 2021) to pay their fees. You are a great catch for the right woman. The sort of woman that prioritises: financial security, fidelity, having a steady rock of husband, intelligence, education, breeding, emotional stability, domestic skills (your cooking) over you being an alpha male / centre of attention / source of entertainment / her best gossip buddy.
I scored 32 in that test (having taken that test a few times over the years, my score has typically -- though not strictly -- been in the 31-36 range). However, it seems to me that my scores on this test and some analogous ones (e.g. personality types, introversion/extroversion, and others) depend a fair amount on my mood at the time. For example, if I've been feeling quite depressed lately and have been something of a social recluse, then I tend to score quite high -- on the other hand, during my previous job where regular communication was essential and I was forced into challenging situations on a regular basis, I tended to score significantly in the opposite direction (this difference was particularly pronounced on the introversion/extroversion tests). However, if I were clinically diagnosed as autistic or having some similar disorder, I don't think it would matter too much: if push comes to shove, I can make the necessary adjustments where appropriate. I do think your (overarching) point about using it as a basis for determining the personal attributes I ought to work on is very useful though -- I'll bear it in mind, thanks.

With regards to the matchmaker thing, I'm just not sure about it. I'm not a huge fan of having a wingman, a matchmaker or a dating coach of any kind -- I'm admittedly quite stubborn. Part of me feels as though I can do this by myself if I work at it hard enough without depending on anyone else (but that's not to say that I don't appreciate the advice being given in this thread -- I certainly do appreciate it, particularly when people have been so kind as to offer detailed advice based on their own experiences). I'm not dismissing the idea though, and should I be more financially secure in the future, I'll bear this in mind, too.
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londonmyst
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You sound very like some of the senior partners at the law firm where I work.
Considered something of a genius, academically always very high achieving, socially something of a geek, difficult for other people to keep up with and impossible to successfully compete with.
At school and undergrad were you one of the very few straight a students with a photographic memory?
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(Original post by londonmyst)
You sound very like some of the senior partners at the law firm where I work.
Considered something of a genius, academically always very high achieving, socially something of a geek, difficult for other people to keep up with and impossible to successfully compete with.
At school and undergrad were you one of the very few straight a students with a photographic memory?
I don't regard myself as a genius (though others certainly did, and sometimes I wished they hadn't), but yes, some of that is a reasonable description -- though I'm definitely not impossible to compete with (e.g. in my undergrad, I didn't get the highest overall mark at the end of my degree, though it was in the top 5 or so). I don't have an eidetic memory at all, although my memory is generally quite good with anything involving numbers. I was however blessed with a great arithmetic ability (since the age of 5 I've been able to multiply three-digit numbers together or calculate large powers of numbers in seconds, which has been something of a useful 'party-trick' and has occasionally been useful at work when people want a quick calculation done).
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Anonymous #1
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(Original post by VegetableMarvell)
I don't know, you sound pretty interesting to me. I like being around people who can teach me new things, so a "barrage of information" doesn't sound that bad really. I guess it just depends what people like; I like intense conversations and debates that feel like an intellectual exercise, so we'd probably get on haha.

Have you considered that it might be your own self-deprecation that's letting you down?
The funny thing is, I don't really like intense conversations and debates that much myself -- but the monotonicity and tone of my voice can make my conversations unintentionally or needlessly intense (and sometimes passionately so) at times. I can dial it back to an extent, but I can't stop myself sometimes, which makes people feel (I assume) less able to relate to me.

I do think that can let me down, yes -- but I'm not sure which cues people are picking up on to detect it. My voice is on the quiet side, which could be one of the main factors. I get the impression that women can sometimes sense that I'm not confident, which I try to hide as best as I can, and now that I'm older (and that, therefore, the women I date will tend to be older), I feel as though there's far less room for error and much higher standards that have to be consistently met, because I know that if I make just one mistake or hesitate one bit, I've lost the date and I could be waiting years for another opportunity.
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