I'm regretting my course Watch

junflower_01
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So just a heads up I suffer from depression and anxiety, I have therapy for both and I've just been taken off of beta blockers and might be put on anti depressants.

I started at a college in September studying UAL art and design (fine art) level 3 extended diploma. Essentially I had the worst start, within the first week I fell into a relationship which turned toxic, and when he broke up with me I was told that I shouldn't have hooked up with him in the first week. I lost most of my friends and was constantly talked about behind my back because of said break up (including my tutors). I was slowly becoming more and more behind with my work until I just stopped doing it all together, it had gotten to the point where I felt empty and lost.

By this point I was so sick of toxic tutors that clearly hated me and a class who spread rumours about me, so I moved to a new college in January. I was put onto an exceptional enrolment and had the best first week, I got work done and I was just feeling so great. I was then unfortunately ill for the whole of the next week, and when I came back I was really excited to be getting back into things.

Things have changed though, eventually over the space of this month, I've lost any passion for my subject (now art and design level 3 diploma) and found myself doing absolutely nothing. The motivation will come but I physically just can't get up to do work, when it comes to alarms I sleep through all 6 in the morning. I've bunked off a few times and have been late every single day. I have no friends but don't feel a need to make any, all I have is my current boyfriend (who I met at my previous college) who does all his work all the time.

I just recently started in college therapy which was super helpful, but now the half term holiday is drawing to a close I've lost all interest in art.

I don't know what to do, I hate my course and have no motivation to do any work, I literally cry at the thought of going into college and am now on the verge of losing my enrolment because I've just not been able to show up. I used to want to go into an illustration job, but now I just want a job wherever I can get it because I just don't care. I don't see myself in art in the future and don't really see myself ever finishing college.

Does anybody have any advice, or know what I'm going through? Any help would be so kind.

Thanks for reading
Ann
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PQ
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It really sounds like your depression and anxiety plus some horrible experiences are ****ing up your judgement and motivations at the moment. I think you need to keep pushing for help from your GP and therapy in college and put your studies on a back burner. You aren’t well and until you can recover to a point where you are on a more even keel then you aren’t going to make good decisions for your long term. Focus on your health first and foremost. When you’re better then work or study will still be there waiting for you to pick things back up or to try a new path.
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junflower_01
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(Original post by PQ)
It really sounds like your depression and anxiety plus some horrible experiences are ****ing up your judgement and motivations at the moment. I think you need to keep pushing for help from your GP and therapy in college and put your studies on a back burner. You aren’t well and until you can recover to a point where you are on a more even keel then you aren’t going to make good decisions for your long term. Focus on your health first and foremost. When you’re better then work or study will still be there waiting for you to pick things back up or to try a new path.
Yeah that's a good idea, I'm currently waiting on my referral for medication to come through and I go back to college tomorrow. I've found something I surprisingly enjoyed drawing so I'm gonna try talk to my tutor tomorrow. I'll speak to my therapist about it and hopefully arrangements can be made or something.

Thanks for the advice
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ClockworkPaws
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Hey there, I went through something similar; not with relationships, with an art foundation diploma course.
I studied at UCA for a year and travelled to uni for 40 minutes every morning and afternoon (which didn't bother me) but it meant I was living at home (a lot of foundation students were).

I made one good friend out of a class of 60, the rest of the students were awful to me. The people I was sat near were rude and snobby and actively belittled me and my bud so I ended up feeling unmotivated. I also disliked the way the course was taught and what our projects were; I hated my work and felt too nervous and precious to even draw in my sketchbook. Art supplies were expensive so I was always worried about money and by the end of it I didn't want to study art ever again.

That was three years ago. I've just sent in my application to study Animation and already have 3 offers. Looking back at my work for my portfolio I discovered I produced a lot of work I'm really proud of despite how bad the year was for me, and I think a lot of it was the course and the people around me that made me hate studying art, not my actual passion for it dying out.

I'd say take time to get on top of your mental health first, but don't give up on studying the thing you love just yet! If you go to university and really decide you don't enjoy it, you can always try to transfer to another course or another university, or drop out and reapply the year after. There's always a way to try another path!
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junflower_01
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(Original post by ClockworkPaws)
Hey there, I went through something similar; not with relationships, with an art foundation diploma course.
I studied at UCA for a year and travelled to uni for 40 minutes every morning and afternoon (which didn't bother me) but it meant I was living at home (a lot of foundation students were).

I made one good friend out of a class of 60, the rest of the students were awful to me. The people I was sat near were rude and snobby and actively belittled me and my bud so I ended up feeling unmotivated. I also disliked the way the course was taught and what our projects were; I hated my work and felt too nervous and precious to even draw in my sketchbook. Art supplies were expensive so I was always worried about money and by the end of it I didn't want to study art ever again.

That was three years ago. I've just sent in my application to study Animation and already have 3 offers. Looking back at my work for my portfolio I discovered I produced a lot of work I'm really proud of despite how bad the year was for me, and I think a lot of it was the course and the people around me that made me hate studying art, not my actual passion for it dying out.

I'd say take time to get on top of your mental health first, but don't give up on studying the thing you love just yet! If you go to university and really decide you don't enjoy it, you can always try to transfer to another course or another university, or drop out and reapply the year after. There's always a way to try another path!
Thank you ) sorry you had to go through that, but I'm glad youve gotten something amazing out of it, I guess it is the environment. I think I'll be able to push through, and I guess I am somewhat proud of my work. It's always inspiring to hear other's achievements. (Good luck with the offers!)
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ClockworkPaws
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(Original post by junflower_01)
Thank you ) sorry you had to go through that, but I'm glad youve gotten something amazing out of it, I guess it is the environment. I think I'll be able to push through, and I guess I am somewhat proud of my work. It's always inspiring to hear other's achievements. (Good luck with the offers!)
No problem and thank you! Like I said, there's always a way to change your path - I might even change my mind about animation! It's scary but as long as you're moving forward you're on the right track. Good luck with your foundation!
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