I'm being bullied by my student accommodation housemate.

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Bunny30041999
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Sorry this might be a bit long but a bit of background. I'm 19 and in my first year of university, I live in a student accommodation house (the only one in my universities city) with three floors and around 6-8 rooms per floor. I'm on the first floor and the bully lives on the second floor. She has accused me of trying to flirt with her boyfriend and calls me horrible names whenever I run into her in the house. She's now started hanging around the kitchen on my floor instead of her own on the second floor and I don't feel comfortable going into my own kitchen as I feel like she'll be there waiting to call me names and start an argument. I feel like I can't talk to my landlord as I can't show any proof and I doubt she can actually do anything? She can't exactly kick out a resident because she's being mean to me. I have a friend in the house who moved rooms due to her behaviour and feels the same way as me. I need help. Who can I talk to about this? What can I do? How can I live without anxiety?
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ThatGuy107
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I’d advise you and your friend to record every time she does this to you. And I mean every single thing she does that makes you feel inferior or upset, along with dates and times. Once you’ve got enough then you absolutely can go to the landlord with this proof, and the landlord would then have the authority to ‘kick the girl out’ if they saw fit, or they would have to take action. Hope this helped
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mnot
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(Original post by Bunny30041999)
Sorry this might be a bit long but a bit of background. I'm 19 and in my first year of university, I live in a student accommodation house (the only one in my universities city) with three floors and around 6-8 rooms per floor. I'm on the first floor and the bully lives on the second floor. She has accused me of trying to flirt with her boyfriend and calls me horrible names whenever I run into her in the house. She's now started hanging around the kitchen on my floor instead of her own on the second floor and I don't feel comfortable going into my own kitchen as I feel like she'll be there waiting to call me names and start an argument. I feel like I can't talk to my landlord as I can't show any proof and I doubt she can actually do anything? She can't exactly kick out a resident because she's being mean to me. I have a friend in the house who moved rooms due to her behaviour and feels the same way as me. I need help. Who can I talk to about this? What can I do? How can I live without anxiety?
call her out in front of people potentially?
Ask her why she feels so insecure she has to constantly put other people down and if she enjoys having the maturity of an 11yo.
Personally i wouldn't run, id go in the kitchen i'd sit in there with some of your mates, and just sarcastically laugh at her when she says these things
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levibad11
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(Original post by Bunny30041999)
Sorry this might be a bit long but a bit of background. I'm 19 and in my first year of university, I live in a student accommodation house (the only one in my universities city) with three floors and around 6-8 rooms per floor. I'm on the first floor and the bully lives on the second floor. She has accused me of trying to flirt with her boyfriend and calls me horrible names whenever I run into her in the house. She's now started hanging around the kitchen on my floor instead of her own on the second floor and I don't feel comfortable going into my own kitchen as I feel like she'll be there waiting to call me names and start an argument. I feel like I can't talk to my landlord as I can't show any proof and I doubt she can actually do anything? She can't exactly kick out a resident because she's being mean to me. I have a friend in the house who moved rooms due to her behaviour and feels the same way as me. I need help. Who can I talk to about this? What can I do? How can I live without anxiety?
beat the **** out of her
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K.I.M
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just ask her nicely to stop bullying u or just ignore her and when she asks for help said no give her a piece of your medicine
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ching_chong
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mo lester :indiff:
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MWills99
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You shouldn't have this. There are 2 of you and one of her. If possible call an intervention and discuss this. If you can't (which from what I gather is likely) you and your friends should confront her and tell her to stop this bs.

Again there are 2 of you, can't you both go to the kitchen together, she won't get on to both of you at the same time
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Rabbit2
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(Original post by Thomas_Grimes_17)
I’d advise you and your friend to record every time she does this to you. And I mean every single thing she does that makes you feel inferior or upset, along with dates and times. Once you’ve got enough then you absolutely can go to the landlord with this proof, and the landlord would then have the authority to ‘kick the girl out’ if they saw fit, or they would have to take action. Hope this helped
I would purchase either one of those solid state audio recorders (the kind that record on internal memory - not tape), or a video/audio recorder that you can find on e-bay. They have some made up to look like slightly oversize pens - they're called 'pen-cams'. Practice with them until you are adept at turning one on & starting it recording. Collect recorded examples of her behaviour (along with your friend as a witness). This way, it's not 'he said, she said' - you have actual documented proof in which the offender can be identified by the video. Before you go to your landlord, make SURE that you copy (back up) all your recordings onto hard drive &/or DvDs &/or a 'flash' (stick) drive. This is for your own protection - things can 'disappear' suddenly.

You should NOT have to put up with this. Obvious this person has mental issues, and that should be someone else's issue to straighten out. Best of luck.
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milwis
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(Original post by Bunny30041999)
Sorry this might be a bit long but a bit of background. I'm 19 and in my first year of university, I live in a student accommodation house (the only one in my universities city) with three floors and around 6-8 rooms per floor. I'm on the first floor and the bully lives on the second floor. She has accused me of trying to flirt with her boyfriend and calls me horrible names whenever I run into her in the house. She's now started hanging around the kitchen on my floor instead of her own on the second floor and I don't feel comfortable going into my own kitchen as I feel like she'll be there waiting to call me names and start an argument. I feel like I can't talk to my landlord as I can't show any proof and I doubt she can actually do anything? She can't exactly kick out a resident because she's being mean to me. I have a friend in the house who moved rooms due to her behaviour and feels the same way as me. I need help. Who can I talk to about this? What can I do? How can I live without anxiety?
sorry to hear you have to expierience THIS HORROR!!!!!!
give her a piece of your mind
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username4516980
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(Original post by Bunny30041999)
Sorry this might be a bit long but a bit of background. I'm 19 and in my first year of university, I live in a student accommodation house (the only one in my universities city) with three floors and around 6-8 rooms per floor. I'm on the first floor and the bully lives on the second floor. She has accused me of trying to flirt with her boyfriend and calls me horrible names whenever I run into her in the house. She's now started hanging around the kitchen on my floor instead of her own on the second floor and I don't feel comfortable going into my own kitchen as I feel like she'll be there waiting to call me names and start an argument. I feel like I can't talk to my landlord as I can't show any proof and I doubt she can actually do anything? She can't exactly kick out a resident because she's being mean to me. I have a friend in the house who moved rooms due to her behaviour and feels the same way as me. I need help. Who can I talk to about this? What can I do? How can I live without anxiety?
ring your landlord and 1st make them aware of what is going on! and let them know how long its been going on, 2nd make diary notes, 3rd if they make you feel threatened in anyway contact the police.
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umbrella321
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No, you don't contact the police because someone makes you feel uncomfortable..do you think they should drop an RTA, murder/theft/mugging and deal with this notional quandry instead? For everyday annoyances, you have to learn to deal with life all by yourself.
No, you don't need to 'make a diary' nobody can prove it, it makes you look neurotic and you do not need to suffer in the meantime.
No, do not call the landlord/lady, that is one way for them to brush you off while they finish their cup of tea.
Yes, you could try and record them, but I wouldn't spend money on it, there are free sound-recording apps..
Do one final last ditch attempt: It doesn't sound as if an apology is needed, but you might want to try apologising for any misunderstanding, in front of witnesses. Be fake if you have to, try and make a bridge...and always be in the right (no names etc), or you will weaken your position and transform this into a two-way thing.
After that -
Yes, it is the landlord/lady's call because this is a basic right - peace and security is what you pay rent for. The owner has chosen to rent out multiple occupancy properties and all the headaches that come with it, which they have to deal with. Make a note of the instances (plus their response to your bridge-building) and post (ie put in a stamp addressed envelope and send it) a formal letter of complaint - this person is preventing your 'peaceful enjoyment of the property', which is a legal condition in most tenancy agreements: disturbing others means they can be evicted. Their use of your kitchen, for no other reason, could be construed as harassment and threatening behaviour given the circumstances. Their name-calling is also an offence - you cannot verbally abuse people in this country. If the other dislodged tenant wants to sign, that might be helpful.
You could say in your letter that unfortunately you are so concerned about this (and a potential escalation) that you are requesting a written response of the proposed action within 7 days. A good landlord/lady will phone you anyway and basically ask what you want to be done, so know what that is in advance. A landlord/lady has a duty of care.
You could also state in your letter that if there is no change, then you will contact the Citizens Advice Bureau as to claiming your basic rights as you feel this is affecting your health, studies, blablabla and you are not happy paying rent in these circumstances (especially as you cannot use the kitchen).

And I agree with the other poster, the person does seem to have a disorder rather than an unpleasant personality, sounds too obsessive to be in the normal spectrum. The boyfriend might know, if there is an opportunity to ask the question. This may be a known issue and they may have to adjust their medication. Even things like steroids for an infection can change somebody's personality dramatically so try not to get flustered (ie remain objective - you just want to not live in fear of their actions) and act with regards to the long term - if they adjust the medication or even if they are evicted you might still have to see them again. Anyway, don't let it stew, deal with it asap. Good Luck
Last edited by umbrella321; 1 year ago
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ohdahnnyboi
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(Original post by Bunny30041999)
Sorry this might be a bit long but a bit of background. I'm 19 and in my first year of university, I live in a student accommodation house (the only one in my universities city) with three floors and around 6-8 rooms per floor. I'm on the first floor and the bully lives on the second floor. She has accused me of trying to flirt with her boyfriend and calls me horrible names whenever I run into her in the house. She's now started hanging around the kitchen on my floor instead of her own on the second floor and I don't feel comfortable going into my own kitchen as I feel like she'll be there waiting to call me names and start an argument. I feel like I can't talk to my landlord as I can't show any proof and I doubt she can actually do anything? She can't exactly kick out a resident because she's being mean to me. I have a friend in the house who moved rooms due to her behaviour and feels the same way as me. I need help. Who can I talk to about this? What can I do? How can I live without anxiety?
does ur uni have regulations about bullying and stuff? u could check that out. also talk to other people in the house if there are others who live there, and find out if they recognise this behaviour from her towards you, as having more than one witness really helps your case. don't feel silly for talking to your landlord, it's her responsibility to make sure the appropriate action is taken as it's her property
i hope it gets better for you x
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ANM775
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(Original post by Bunny30041999)
Sorry this might be a bit long but a bit of background. I'm 19 and in my first year of university, I live in a student accommodation house (the only one in my universities city) with three floors and around 6-8 rooms per floor. I'm on the first floor and the bully lives on the second floor. She has accused me of trying to flirt with her boyfriend and calls me horrible names whenever I run into her in the house. She's now started hanging around the kitchen on my floor instead of her own on the second floor and I don't feel comfortable going into my own kitchen as I feel like she'll be there waiting to call me names and start an argument. I feel like I can't talk to my landlord as I can't show any proof and I doubt she can actually do anything? She can't exactly kick out a resident because she's being mean to me. I have a friend in the house who moved rooms due to her behaviour and feels the same way as me. I need help. Who can I talk to about this? What can I do? How can I live without anxiety?
that sucks,

however flirting with flatmates boyfriends in front of them isn't the smartest move is it?

if you manage to get this resolved or end up moving make sure not to do it again..
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ANM775
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also think more wisely about your accommodation in future

living with 18-24 flatmates is bound to cause some difficulties in some areas. I wouldn't even call that a house. That's more like a hostel.

The more people you live with .. the more likely it is for there to be some sort of issue with one of them ...as not everyone is going to get on with everyone in life.
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StriderHort
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(Original post by ANM775)
also think more wisely about your accommodation in future

living with 18-24 flatmates is bound to cause some difficulties in some areas. I wouldn't even call that a house. That's more like a hostel.

The more people you live with .. the more likely it is for there to be some sort of issue with one of them ...as not everyone is going to get on with everyone in life.
Pretty much, hostel sounds right, maybe bedsit. When that's your price range you're going to end up sharing with some pretty grim people just through averages :/
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