Feeling lonely at university (1st year)

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Anonymous #1
#1
Report Thread starter 1 year ago
#1
Im a fairly social person and don't have any problems making friends, and so I came to university expecting to easily and quickly form a strong group of friends who I could hang out with/ live with in 2nd and 3rd year. It's now February of 1st year and I still feel like I havent made many proper friendships and I'm feeling a bit isolated and between groups.
I get on with all the people in my halls but I dont really have anything in common with any of them. I dont know how to describe it but they're all quite 'tame' and I don't really have much fun with them, with an exception of 1 guy. I'm sort of part of a group of boys from my halls (the closest thing I have to a go-to group to meet up with) but I still don't have much in common with them, and theyre not really my kind of people.
Choosing houses for 2nd year was so stressful; everyone was rushing to sort out houses in November (which seemed way too early) and so I kind of panicked and agreed to live with 5 people from my halls 2nd year so that I didnt end up with noone - I get on with them all but I just don't have much in common and I've barely seen 4 of them since last semester, we don't really hang out. So just like that, I feel like I'm not going to be living with proper friends for both 1st and 2nd year. This is particularly hard as there seems to be a big emphasis on who you're living with at uni.
I've joined a sports society which I've got really involved in and made friends through, but I only ever see these guys in the context of the society and rarely meet them outside of training.
Meeting coursemates has been slow - I dont have many contact hours so Im not actually at uni much, and when Im there people dont really want to start conversations unless theyre with friends they've already made.
All in all I'm feeling pretty lonely - I have met lots of people, but I don't really have a go-to group of friends of my own that I can meet up with. I met one guy through my society that I have become good friends with, and I've met some of his flatmates and I'm becoming quite good friends with them too, but because they're all living together this year and next year I just feel like a bit of an outsider when hanging out with them.
I'm very worried that I will just continue through uni like this and not make a proper friendship group at all. Now making friends feels so unnatural as I'm constantly thinking 'I wonder if I could end up living with you in 3rd year' when I meet someone new. This is all very frustrating as I'm not antisocial or anything, and I get along with quite a wide range of people, but I constantly find myself surrounded by people I have little in common with.

Has anyone else had this experience? Do I need to proactively find a solid group of friends or will it come naturally?
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random_matt
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Ask your good friend if you can be part of his/her circle.
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Zabidoo
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My mums an extremely social lively person and I'm....not 😂
But her advice wud be to get out and join more groups, making smalltalk with people, just saying something like "hey, mind if I come with u for lunch" or something 😂 get involved with things more since u don't have many contact hours
Also be more positive and lively about things...I've fallen to deep into that trap and can't get out...change ur ways now or it will be held against u forever 😢
None of this advice works for me becuz I'm anti-social but maybe it'll work for u!
Last edited by Zabidoo; 1 year ago
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hallamstudents
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Like the others have said -- it's really a case of putting yourself out there.
It can be the hardest thing in the world to do, and I know so many people who have struggles with things like social anxiety.
Simply said yet hard to put into practice, it's an act of feigning confidence and pushing yourself out there, onto people, meeting, talking, and being active.

The aforementioned comment of speaking to your good friend might be a good start. Hang out with them, you'll make mutual friends and befriend their friends eventually.
Go out with them.
Join societies.

Hope this helps
Josh
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skitso
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(Original post by hallamstudents)
Like the others have said -- it's really a case of putting yourself out there.
It can be the hardest thing in the world to do, and I know so many people who have struggles with things like social anxiety.
Simply said yet hard to put into practice, it's an act of feigning confidence and pushing yourself out there, onto people, meeting, talking, and being active.

The aforementioned comment of speaking to your good friend might be a good start. Hang out with them, you'll make mutual friends and befriend their friends eventually.
Go out with them.
Join societies.

Hope this helps
Josh
To be fair I have met quite a lot of people through different things, it's just I haven't really found myself part of a tighter group, so I feel lonely in this sense. It feels like no matter how much I put myself out there, which I have actively tried to do, the people I meet just become a part of a list of individuals. Everyone seems to be in close groups with their flatmates so when I meet up with these individuals I feel like i'm just tagging along to their group, and I just want to be able to have a group of my own..
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