I'm not friends with the people I'm living with next year

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skitso
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I'm currently in 1st year, and if I'm honest I've not had the best time at uni so far. My halls is full of the same kind of people who I just find a bit dull, and I'm only really friends with 1 person from my flat. I didn't consider moving halls in the first few months as I just assumed things would get easier and I would make good friendships with people in my halls, but as time passed nothing changed.

Around November, people started rushing around trying to sort out houses for 2nd year and I ended up panicking and agreeing to live with 5 people from my halls (I had tried to arrange living with other people I had met but they had already sorted their groups out before I had the chance). It's now March and I barely hang out with these 5 people and I'm becoming better friends with other people outside of halls. I even tried moving into another friends flat in semester 2 but study abroad students were already assigned to their flat

I feel like I'm missing out on the uni experience because I'm not living with my friends now and I won't be in 2nd year. This thought is making me quite upset as I used to be so excited about coming to university, especially having a student house with good friends, but now I feel like 1st year and 2nd year have been written off just like that. I'm still hopeful for finding a good group of friends to live with in 3rd year, but that seems so late to start having fun at uni. Obviously I can still meet up with friends for nights out and things but I get so bored and lonely during the days and i hate the thought of this continuing throughout 2nd year.

Anyone else have a similar experience? This situation is making me kind of lonely and I really feel like I'm missing out on a lot.
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The Empire Odyssey
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(Original post by skitso)
I'm currently in 1st year, and if I'm honest I've not had the best time at uni so far. My halls is full of the same kind of people who I just find a bit dull, and I'm only really friends with 1 person from my flat. I didn't consider moving halls in the first few months as I just assumed things would get easier and I would make good friendships with people in my halls, but as time passed nothing changed.

Around November, people started rushing around trying to sort out houses for 2nd year and I ended up panicking and agreeing to live with 5 people from my halls (I had tried to arrange living with other people I had met but they had already sorted their groups out before I had the chance). It's now March and I barely hang out with these 5 people and I'm becoming better friends with other people outside of halls. I even tried moving into another friends flat in semester 2 but study abroad students were already assigned to their flat

I feel like I'm missing out on the uni experience because I'm not living with my friends now and I won't be in 2nd year. This thought is making me quite upset as I used to be so excited about coming to university, especially having a student house with good friends, but now I feel like 1st year and 2nd year have been written off just like that. I'm still hopeful for finding a good group of friends to live with in 3rd year, but that seems so late to start having fun at uni. Obviously I can still meet up with friends for nights out and things but I get so bored and lonely during the days and i hate the thought of this continuing throughout 2nd year.

Anyone else have a similar experience? This situation is making me kind of lonely and I really feel like I'm missing out on a lot.
I had the exact same experience as you and unfortunately it didn't get any better. Although in their defence, they did invite me out as much as possible but I was either too tired or back home with my then, partner. But that wasn't to say I didn't experience the whole uni living in a house situation.

However, you must remember it's not so greener on the other side. I had two friends always telling me their drama about living with their 'friends'. Turned out none of them are friends with who they lived with in 2nd/3rd year because of all the drama. I think when you live with friends there's a 50/50 chance it will go great or really bad. Your friendship is constantly under the spotlight and in confined spaces, I don't think it's a suitable thing. You're spending every day with them, waking up, talking, then going out and doing stuff. You're in each other's atmosphere 24/7 and that can have really problematic outcomes.

Having said that, I don't think it's too late for you to try and form a bond. For example, when I signed the house with one associate and his friends, we wanted to try and befriend each other as much as possible before we all went back home for the summer. So, when discussing what we wanted in the house, which rooms we were getting we did it over drinks or food so it was casual and we could talk about other things too. I would suggest you guys doing this if you haven't already. You may find they're not so boring once you actually start going out with them and doing social things with them too.

If all those don't work out, it's fine - it's not the end of the world. 2nd year gets a little bit busy, esp if you're part of the Union or any societies. I was on a lot of panels and committees during my 2nd year so I was constantly busy with uni work, meetings, friends and my relationship so I kept myself busy from avoiding the feeling of total isolation which really helped me out. Maintain your current friendships and you'll be fine. I spent the majority of my time at my friends' house just chilling and going out with them and crashing with them after any nights out or whatever. So make sure you have a strong enough bond that they ask you to stay over if it's getting too late.

Try not to overthink it. It's not too late to form some sort of connection between yourself and your future housemates. And by sharing a house together, you never know - you guys might actually end up being friends! Don't write them off just yet because you don't know them. You're shooting yourself in the foot if you do. Give it a chance so a bond can possibly form and you never know! Stay positive!
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