Convincing Mum to let me go to a far away Uni

Watch
Jang Gwangnam
Badges: 22
Rep:
?
#1
Report Thread starter 1 year ago
#1
Title.

Need good excuses to reason my Mum since she's pretty paranoid about me leaving the 'bird's nest' and leaving her with my Dad and other siblings who don't listen to her as much as I do...

She wants me to go Brunel or Royal Holloway and other (imo sh*tty) universities nearby/in London that don't provide the same opportunities as the university I got in mind (Kent). She even wants me to consider apprenticeships instead of university, so yh she's desperate.

Just so we're clear I'm quite serious about living out and away from family so any help is appreciated.

TL;DR - Excuses for going to a far away Uni compared to staying and going to the local ones.
0
reply
nvm787
Badges: 8
Rep:
?
#2
Report 1 year ago
#2
Holloway isnt bad but I understand your frustration. Tell her its the cycle of life. In order to get the best opportunities, we have to sacrifice the things we care about. Easy decisions won't get you far, tell her its the hard ones that count in the end.
1
reply
Jang Gwangnam
Badges: 22
Rep:
?
#3
Report Thread starter 1 year ago
#3
(Original post by nvm787)
Holloway isnt bad but I understand your frustration. Tell her its the cycle of life. In order to get the best opportunities, we have to sacrifice the things we care about. Easy decisions won't get you far, tell her its the hard ones that count in the end.
I tried telling her that but she ain't willing to compromise. She ain't even filling out the Student Finance form (asked her today).
0
reply
Jang Gwangnam
Badges: 22
Rep:
?
#4
Report Thread starter 1 year ago
#4
Bump
0
reply
pearl_rose
Badges: 16
Rep:
?
#5
Report 1 year ago
#5
What's the issue with your dad and other siblings? I can totally empathize with you, and if I'm honest I feel like sometimes you have to do what's best for you rather than think about others. But I don't know your entire situation so take that with a pinch of salt.
1
reply
ageshallnot
Badges: 21
Rep:
?
#6
Report 1 year ago
#6
(Original post by Jang Gwangnam)
Title.

Need good excuses to reason my Mum since she's pretty paranoid about me leaving the 'bird's nest' and leaving her with my Dad and other siblings who don't listen to her as much as I do...

She wants me to go Brunel or Royal Holloway and other (imo sh*tty) universities nearby/in London that don't provide the same opportunities as the university I got in mind (Kent). She even wants me to consider apprenticeships instead of university, so yh she's desperate.

Just so we're clear I'm quite serious about living out and away from family so any help is appreciated.

TL;DR - Excuses for going to a far away Uni compared to staying and going to the local ones.
If you're close to Brunel and RH then Kent isn't exactly "a far away uni".
0
reply
KiwiBanana22
Badges: 13
Rep:
?
#7
Report 1 year ago
#7
Is it because it may be a struggle for your parents to contribute financially if you study away from home?
1
reply
thaliaevelyn
Badges: 16
Rep:
?
#8
Report 1 year ago
#8
Just sit and have an honest talk with her. Tell her you think the uni of your choice is the best option and it's what you want to do, and that she can't make you do anything, you're and adult now. And that you'll still see her all the time. You can come visit her whenever and you can ring/text/facetime/whatever whenever you both want. It's not like going there means you'll never see each other again.
1
reply
znedd1
Badges: 9
Rep:
?
#9
Report 1 year ago
#9
Threaten to go to Edinburgh or Glasgow, then Kent will seem like a compromise.

In all seriousness, though, I think the best thing to do is to hold your ground. I would create a list of reasons why you want to go to Kent, and a list of reasons why closer universities can't provide the same experience in terms of course content, contact hours, student prospects, and student satisfaction. If you have all the facts to back up your decision, it would be very hard for her to stay firm based on her (very subjective) reasoning.
2
reply
Jang Gwangnam
Badges: 22
Rep:
?
#10
Report Thread starter 1 year ago
#10
(Original post by pearl_rose)
What's the issue with your dad and other siblings? I can totally empathize with you, and if I'm honest I feel like sometimes you have to do what's best for you rather than think about others. But I don't know your entire situation so take that with a pinch of salt.
The issue is that my Mum hates my Dad's family because they keep using him (dad), this results in him misguiding us kids + not working (so less income). She fears that my Grandma is conjuring some 'plan' to make us all distant from her (mum) thus as the eldest she wants me to stick around so my younger siblings follow suit. I can't exactly go into lengths about the whole topic but most of what my mum told me is legit, my Dad remarried after my sister was born (his new wife tricked him and took all his cash + passport and left him stranded in the country) Dad needed to get help from my Mum after realising his own family played him (they convinced him to remarry without my mum knowing) - so yh *awkward smile*

My Mum has some elaborate plan cooked up with me going Brunel (genuinely considered the uni till a friend of mine who goes there explained to me how sh*t the support and social life is) also working part-time and financially aiding her to repay her(!) debts, during university she'd get me married to my first-cousin (already engaged, was very against it tho) and by the end of university work full-time at O2/Microsoft/Cisco earning above the £25k threshold.

(Original post by ageshallnot)
If you're close to Brunel and RH then Kent isn't exactly "a far away uni".
Looking at it from the context that it's down south-east from London + all them 50mph motorway zones + using roads avoiding the dartford toll = 2 hour long journey. So it's pretty far away imo.

(Original post by KiwiBanana22)
Is it because it may be a struggle for your parents to contribute financially if you study away from home?
Looking to get financial support via Student Finance, so no familial support is required (not that they could support me originally, especially with all the debt they've accrued).

(Original post by thaliaevelyn)
Just sit and have an honest talk with her. Tell her you think the uni of your choice is the best option and it's what you want to do, and that she can't make you do anything, you're and adult now. And that you'll still see her all the time. You can come visit her whenever and you can ring/text/facetime/whatever whenever you both want. It's not like going there means you'll never see each other again.
If I told you I had a genuine talk about this resulting in her getting pissed off and throwing a tantrum (throwing/knocking random things around), would you believe me?

(Original post by znedd1)
Threaten to go to Edinburgh or Glasgow, then Kent will seem like a compromise.

In all seriousness, though, I think the best thing to do is to hold your ground. I would create a list of reasons why you want to go to Kent, and a list of reasons why closer universities can't provide the same experience in terms of course content, contact hours, student prospects, and student satisfaction. If you have all the facts to back up your decision, it would be very hard for her to stay firm based on her (very subjective) reasoning.
I might try that, seems like the most logical solution to solve this issue. Thanks mate.
0
reply
pezisland37
Badges: 15
Rep:
?
#11
Report 1 year ago
#11
imo Royal Holloway is better than Kent but to each his own
0
reply
12aissid
Badges: 14
Rep:
?
#12
Report 1 year ago
#12
I’m guessing your in year 13. You can fill in the student finance form yourself. I know because I am filling it out myself. Including the parent/carer section because my mum is blind and won’t be able to fill it out. You do have to get some relevant info but a lot of it won’t be too difficult to do. National insurance and passport number alongside some info on your parents finance. You should call HM revenues and costume and ask for you parents tax credit/ tax bracket letter. Just give the relevant info eg name, date of birth of parents. And they should send it to you. Then either ask them to send it to a friends house. Don’t tell them that just say the address and make up an excuse. Or get up earlier than your parents and pick up the letters. HM revenues and costums letters are in a brown paper envelope which is of a normal size.
2
reply
A Rolling Stone
Badges: 20
Rep:
?
#13
Report 1 year ago
#13
who the hell would consider Kent far away from London. jesus.
1
reply
Moments
Badges: 17
Rep:
?
#14
Report 1 year ago
#14
Wouldn't it be a better decision to pick the best uni for your subject? Then decide based on location after (i.e if two are similar reputation then pick the one further from London). That's a valid reason to give to your mother too.
1
reply
Jang Gwangnam
Badges: 22
Rep:
?
#15
Report Thread starter 1 year ago
#15
(Original post by pezisland37)
imo Royal Holloway is better than Kent but to each his own
Lol they offered me a Foundation year because they wanted A-level Maths, whereas Kent offered me BBB, obvs man's gotta choose the less lengthy one.


(Original post by 12aissid)
I’m guessing your in year 13. You can fill in the student finance form yourself. I know because I am filling it out myself. Including the parent/carer section because my mum is blind and won’t be able to fill it out. You do have to get some relevant info but a lot of it won’t be too difficult to do. National insurance and passport number alongside some info on your parents finance. You should call HM revenues and costume and ask for you parents tax credit/ tax bracket letter. Just give the relevant info eg name, date of birth of parents. And they should send it to you. Then either ask them to send it to a friends house. Don’t tell them that just say the address and make up an excuse. Or get up earlier than your parents and pick up the letters. HM revenues and costums letters are in a brown paper envelope which is of a normal size.
Yh, I'm in Year 13. I'll try what you've said, lets hope it works out well and Mum doesn't clock on.

(Original post by CollectiveSoul)
who the hell would consider Kent far away from London. jesus.
Mate not everyones got a good form of transport, the both times I went to Kent (Open day + Interview day) I had to rely on a friend to take me there and back. No offence but I ain't paying a sh*t tonne of cash for public transport, I'm broke as is.


(Original post by Moments)
Wouldn't it be a better decision to pick the best uni for your subject? Then decide based on location after (i.e if two are similar reputation then pick the one further from London). That's a valid reason to give to your mother too.
Tbh it's too late anyway. I applied to 5 unis, declined 3 and made Brunel my Insurance and Kent my firm. My Mum only asked about this after I did all that, so I explained to her that the only way to change this decision is through clearing - she wasn't pleased to say the least.

I also used what you said as a reason, she was like the rep of a uni don't matter it's the degree that matters (I couldn't really refute her, cuz she was also right *awkward laugh*).
Last edited by Jang Gwangnam; 1 year ago
0
reply
1Person
Badges: 15
Rep:
?
#16
Report 1 year ago
#16
So you just insinuate that Royal Holloway is a ‘*****y’ university (which isn’t btw), but then you want to go to Kent. 11/10 my friend.
Also, how is Kent far away from London? What happens if you got to go on a holiday to the US or such, would you prepare yourself for an extra planetary mission?
1
reply
Jang Gwangnam
Badges: 22
Rep:
?
#17
Report Thread starter 1 year ago
#17
(Original post by 1Person)
So you just insinuate that Royal Holloway is a ‘*****y’ university (which isn’t btw), but then you want to go to Kent. 11/10 my friend.
Also, how is Kent far away from London? What happens if you got to go on a holiday to the US or such, would you prepare yourself for an extra planetary mission?
*sighs* Did I explicitly refer to it as sh*tty? I said 'and other (imo sh*tty) universities nearby'. I could've removed them brackets or just placed them next to each uni I referred to. However, you are right that I obviously don't view it highly in my list (I've been there twice, I'm not fond of going to hogwarts tho)...

As for the second part, Kent is considered far when you're used to everything being about 10-20mins away by car. Plus it's not even me who's saying that, it's my mum... *rolls eyes* Just help me out mate, don't question my intellect - I may be dumb but I'm qualified enough to get offers from decent unis.
0
reply
Jang Gwangnam
Badges: 22
Rep:
?
#18
Report Thread starter 1 year ago
#18
Bump x2
0
reply
Ibby_
Badges: 12
Rep:
?
#19
Report 1 year ago
#19
where is it that you actually want to go, if its better for your course go. its the next three years of your life. A good compromise is the Midlands, you can easily get the train home and it's not too expensive. when I go visit my sister it costs c. £60 with open return and it takes no longer that 2 hours, so technically doesn't make it far but also not close.

plus its more expensive to live in London, even though you'll get higher loans you will have to pay more money back.
Last edited by Ibby_; 1 year ago
1
reply
Xanimede
Badges: 13
Rep:
?
#20
Report 1 year ago
#20
Just do it, if you're not counting on her for financial support, then simply be firm and tell her you're going to do it, regardless of her opinion.

Most kids/teenagers in 1st world countries don't realise that their parents don't have much authority over them.
1
reply
X

Quick Reply

Attached files
Write a reply...
Reply
new posts
Back
to top
Latest
My Feed

See more of what you like on
The Student Room

You can personalise what you see on TSR. Tell us a little about yourself to get started.

Personalise

What factors affect your mental health the most right now? (select all that apply)

Lack of purpose or routine (189)
15.5%
Uncertainty around my education (199)
16.32%
Uncertainty around my future career prospects (119)
9.76%
Isolating with family (85)
6.97%
Lack of support system (eg. Teachers, counsellors) (47)
3.86%
Lack of exercise/ability to be outside (105)
8.61%
Loneliness (118)
9.68%
Financial worries (52)
4.27%
Concern about myself or my loved ones getting ill (110)
9.02%
Exposure to negative news/social media (89)
7.3%
Lack of real life entertainment (eg. cinema, gigs, restaurants) (106)
8.7%

Watched Threads

View All