Bad best friend? Watch

Anonymous #1
#1
Report Thread starter 2 weeks ago
#1
Most of you can probably relate, but I’ve dealt with mental health issues basically all my life. This has been a very terrible and emotional start to the year. Just for a little bit of background info- I’ve been diagnosed with Autism after thinking I was less intelligent and strange compared to other kids growing up. I’ve already been diagnosed with ADHD, depression (with psychotic features) and anxiety and my psychiatrist is now looking at a diagnosis of bipolar type 2. I’ve been in and out of hospital (general not psychiatric) since I was 12. I’ve been on medication since I was 15 (I am now on 12 pills a day) I have weekly appointments with my therapist and have finally received the help I’ve needed since I was very young.

Anyway, my mental health has dropped to ‘rock bottom’ as people call it, after ending up in A&E 4 weeks ago because of a breakdown I am now going to a psychiatric hospital 100 miles away from home. My best friend (let’s call her Ella) hasn’t been there for me as much as I thought she would. She wants to be a doctor, to help people and for the money. Her parents are very closed minded and selfish people and my mum has always said that Ella is the same. I have always stuck up for her but now I am starting to see my mums point.

As you can imagine, this is a very scary and emotional time for me as I will be in a totally new environment, in a new city, with new people. Alone. This is when you need your best friend the most. I have been waiting 4 weeks for a bed to become free and in these 4 weeks Ella has asked me about 3/4 times if I’ve got any news yet, not to ask if I’m okay, just about the news. The last time I updated her, she said a few words like she didn’t understand that I’m leaving very soon then changed the subject on how awful her hair looked.

In these 4 weeks, she has come to see me once. ONCE. She lives literally less than 10 minutes away. She has excused this by saying she needs to revise and focus on A-levels which I’ve always understood BUT. When I’ve FaceTimed her: She’s watching tv. When I’ve gone to hers to see her (bare in mind I’m not allowed out without an adult): She’s watching tv. In half term when she doesn’t need to focus on revising for tests she still didn’t visit me and I found out she went to meet a girl she had a crush on in town, instead of visiting her unwell best friend, about to be hospitalised. Her excuse was that the girl she was meeting with was basically her girlfriend, and I was like but I’m your best friend??
Oh and the only reason she came to see me that ONE time was because I asked her to. And she used the excuse that she felt awkward because she thought my breakdown was to do with her not coming to see me as much as she used to, even when I said it wasn’t because of her.

I went to her house again yesterday and her dad answered the door, he went to get Ella but she turned me away because she needed to do revision. It was dark and raining, I really needed to see her because I’m literally going away in the next couple of days and she Knows that yet she always chooses revision over me, no matter what the circumstances are, no matter how upset I am or how much I need her. I’m not mad that she had to do revision, I’m mad because that’s her excuse every single time and she didn’t even bother to come to the door to even speak to me for 5 minutes.
Even before this hospital situation almost every single time I’d asked to see her she would say no. No matter how much I begged and told her that I needed her. She’s been my best friend for 5 years she knows that I am vulnerable, she knows when I say I need someone I REALLY need someone.

2 weeks prior to this I brought it up in conversation, I didn’t have a go at her, I simply asked her why she hasn’t seen me even when she knows I really need her. It was a calm conversation and I didn’t try and make her feel guilt I was just simply asking her questions, she admitted to being a *****y friend and didn’t even have an answer to why she was being a *****y friend. I brought it up in conversation again yesterday, trying to keep it calm and she just got really angry and accused me of trying to start **** and really not understanding what I was saying at all. She didn’t see a problem in what she was doing and actually said a lot of false things, like she’s always the one who comes to see me (saw me once, when I asked), and we’ve argued about this over and over (‘argued’ once, it was a calm conversation). She just simply didn’t understand that I am desperate to see my best friend for love and support because I am scared, I am going through a very tough time and soon, I’m going to be alone and won’t be able to see her for god knows how long, but nope, she does not understand that I am upset because she never bothers to walk 10 minutes to mine and hug me and tell me that everything will be okay, she doesn’t bother to walk down her stairs to see me for 5 minutes when I knock on her door, she doesn’t bother to ask me if I’m okay. But no I’m just trying to “start ****.”
I know I will forgive her and I know I will excuse her behaviour like I have been doing but damn does she care?? Why doesn’t she understand what she’s doing is not what a best friend does??
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bethanyfish
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#2
Report 2 weeks ago
#2
First of all, I hope you are getting the help you need and that you are where you need to be to get better.
It's quite a tricky situation, but hopefully I can offer some help from an outsider's perspective.
Your friend could be so off with you because she is selfish and narcissistic, but I guess it could also be that she just can't understand/empathise/take in the situation you are in - and is therefore distancing herself.
But, the main thing that you need to focus on is yourself. I can't imagine how many times you've replayed all of this in your head and it can't be helping?
Maybe it is worth you taking a break from talking/thinking about her if you can. You need to focus on getting better and your own mental health. Make this clear to her if she asks why you've stopped contacting her as much. Then, when you're in a better place, you can revisit this if you want to and talk to her about it.
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Anonymous #1
#3
Report Thread starter 2 weeks ago
#3
Thankyou so much, I haven’t thought about her today and certainly will not speak to her either. I will definitely speak to her again when I’m better, hopefully she’ll understand more.
(Original post by bethanyfish)
First of all, I hope you are getting the help you need and that you are where you need to be to get better.
It's quite a tricky situation, but hopefully I can offer some help from an outsider's perspective.
Your friend could be so off with you because she is selfish and narcissistic, but I guess it could also be that she just can't understand/empathise/take in the situation you are in - and is therefore distancing herself.
But, the main thing that you need to focus on is yourself. I can't imagine how many times you've replayed all of this in your head and it can't be helping?
Maybe it is worth you taking a break from talking/thinking about her if you can. You need to focus on getting better and your own mental health. Make this clear to her if she asks why you've stopped contacting her as much. Then, when you're in a better place, you can revisit this if you want to and talk to her about it.
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