Struggling with uni work and living in an abusive household Watch

Anonymous #1
#1
Report Thread starter 1 week ago
#1
I'm currently sitting at my laptop crying. I just can't cope anymore.

I live with an emotionally abusive, bully of a father who also ebbs on being an alcoholic with mental health issues. I am studying at home for my degree, as well as working. I'm working tonight but I don't think I can handle it.

I was stressed about my assignment, then having to change tutor but then things got bad at home again and I had an emotional break down and my mum had to help me do my work shift. I have a week left to submit my assignments but my dad kept me up most of last night even though I had a sleeping tablet.

I have been feeling more and more tired, I know that I'm stressed which is bringing back anxiety and now I'm feeling like I'm becoming depressed. I've been feeling so tired and getting sick. I'm so sensitive to stress. I'm so grumpy and can't find the strength to push through and work on my assignments. He's affecting my ability to study and he couldn't care less.

I've asked a few times now for an extension on one of my assignments. I've just sat down to do some of my other assignment but a huge argument started because my dad was being selfish again, playing music very loud. Even though I wasn't the one arguing and didn't say anything to him, he has it in for me still. He always thinks everything's my fault. Now I feel even more stressed as I don't have long left to do my assignments. I've notified both of my tutors now that I'm having difficulty at home but I don't know what else I can do.
My mental health is really suffering and I can't seem to pull myself out of it to get on with my uni work.
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999tigger
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#2
Report 1 week ago
#2
(Original post by Anonymous)
I'm currently sitting at my laptop crying. I just can't cope anymore.

I live with an emotionally abusive, bully of a father who also ebbs on being an alcoholic with mental health issues. I am studying at home for my degree, as well as working. I'm working tonight but I don't think I can handle it.

I was stressed about my assignment, then having to change tutor but then things got bad at home again and I had an emotional break down and my mum had to help me do my work shift. I have a week left to submit my assignments but my dad kept me up most of last night even though I had a sleeping tablet.

I have been feeling more and more tired, I know that I'm stressed which is bringing back anxiety and now I'm feeling like I'm becoming depressed. I've been feeling so tired and getting sick. I'm so sensitive to stress. I'm so grumpy and can't find the strength to push through and work on my assignments. He's affecting my ability to study and he couldn't care less.

I've asked a few times now for an extension on one of my assignments. I've just sat down to do some of my other assignment but a huge argument started because my dad was being selfish again, playing music very loud. Even though I wasn't the one arguing and didn't say anything to him, he has it in for me still. He always thinks everything's my fault. Now I feel even more stressed as I don't have long left to do my assignments. I've notified both of my tutors now that I'm having difficulty at home but I don't know what else I can do.
My mental health is really suffering and I can't seem to pull myself out of it to get on with my uni work.
See the GP
Uni mental health team.
Ask for a proper extension.
Talk to personal tutor and or the lecturer concerned.
Tell them you keep being abused by your father.

The department needs to know the extent of your MH issues and the home situation.
You then submit an extenuating circumstances claim.

Move out?
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Zenith_
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#3
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#3
I understand your pain and what you're going through. The best way to help your mental health and your productivity is by leaving your toxic home environment. Do you have any friends or family where you can temporarily live with them until your uni is finished? You mentioned you worked so you could offer to pay some house keeping.Easier said than done, but find the will power to do you best to get a good amount of sleep each night and make sure you eat well, loads of vegetables and nutrient dense foods to prevent you from getting sick and to give you more energy throughout the day. I wish you the best of luck, I'm currently having some difficulties with my parents too, but trust me going through all this will just help build your character and make you a stronger person.
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Anonymous #1
#4
Report Thread starter 1 week ago
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I'm feeling a lot better today. I had a better sleep and I've been trying meditation. I've also been trying to keep a proper perspective on things and remember that this is a rough patch and I will get through it.

(Original post by 999tigger)
See the GP
Uni mental health team.
Ask for a proper extension.
Talk to personal tutor and or the lecturer concerned.
Tell them you keep being abused by your father.

The department needs to know the extent of your MH issues and the home situation.
You then submit an extenuating circumstances claim.

Move out?
I am planning on seeing a doctor. My one tutor has given me an extension after I told him I was having difficulty at home, though I've managed to finish that assignment today. I don't think it would help to inform them exactly what is happening. There is a student support team but there's only so much and they would also just suggest that I get extensions. You need evidence (I don't have any) for a special circumstances form and it does have to be very special circumstances.

Moving out isn't an option for me right now.
(Original post by Zenith_)
I understand your pain and what you're going through. The best way to help your mental health and your productivity is by leaving your toxic home environment. Do you have any friends or family where you can temporarily live with them until your uni is finished? You mentioned you worked so you could offer to pay some house keeping.Easier said than done, but find the will power to do you best to get a good amount of sleep each night and make sure you eat well, loads of vegetables and nutrient dense foods to prevent you from getting sick and to give you more energy throughout the day. I wish you the best of luck, I'm currently having some difficulties with my parents too, but trust me going through all this will just help build your character and make you a stronger person.
My mum did suggest I stay with my auntie for a bit but I would feel like I was intruding and I couldn't feel totally relaxed in her house either. Thank-you for your support. ♥
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999tigger
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#5
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#5
You need to find a way of avoiding and switching off from him.
Make him background noise and dont take what he says seriously, just get the balance right so its in one ear and out the other, but you pay just enough attention so as not to make him worse.
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Anonymous #1
#6
Report Thread starter 1 week ago
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That perfectly describes my entire life. It's just when I'm stressed from uni, I can't handle the stress of his behaviour on top of it and then I crumble. I never used to be as bothered before uni.
(Original post by 999tigger)
You need to find a way of avoiding and switching off from him.
Make him background noise and dont take what he says seriously, just get the balance right so its in one ear and out the other, but you pay just enough attention so as not to make him worse.
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999tigger
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Badges: 19
#7
Report 1 week ago
#7
(Original post by Anonymous)
That perfectly describes my entire life. It's just when I'm stressed from uni, I can't handle the stress of his behaviour on top of it and then I crumble. I never used to be as bothered before uni.
You need a safe space inside your head that he cant get to and which protects the real you plus all your hopes and aspirations. Write them down on a piece of paper and remind yourself to be strong. Human beings can put up with a lot. What he says is untrue, he isnt a nice person, so pay him less attention. Your lifeline is to focus, realise life can get better and move closer to your escape by finishing your studies. There are nice people out there and some people do manage to make a nice life for themselves. Just take it one day at a time. Watch Paddington. that has quite a calming effect.
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Anonymous #1
#8
Report Thread starter 1 week ago
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(Original post by 999tigger)
You need a safe space inside your head that he cant get to and which protects the real you plus all your hopes and aspirations. Write them down on a piece of paper and remind yourself to be strong. Human beings can put up with a lot. What he says is untrue, he isnt a nice person, so pay him less attention. Your lifeline is to focus, realise life can get better and move closer to your escape by finishing your studies. There are nice people out there and some people do manage to make a nice life for themselves. Just take it one day at a time. Watch Paddington. that has quite a calming effect.
Thank-you for your support, you're right. I will get through this! I haven't seen Paddington but maybe I'll give it a watch.
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