Strict parents and contraception...

Hello all,
I will try and keep this as simple as possible so I don't have to write paragraphs and paragraphs!

So basically I have parents who are quite strict about various aspects in my life. I do follow their rules because they provide me with everything, I am under their roof. I would like to think I am sensible young adult.

I have been with my boyfriend for over a year, we love each other loads and have a good relationship... however my parents do not want me having full on sex with him.

To cut a long story short I started on the pill a few months ago (not on it anymore) as I have horrible periods and wanted to try them out and possibly have sex... We did try in the end and my mum found out. She was extremely unhappy and ended up shouting about it and saying awful things about my boyfriend and It did really hurt me and him. It was all a big drama...

But anyways. I can kind of understand why my mum was angry and why she doesn't want me having sex but... What If I want to? I am 19 years old and now want to go on the implant as it is very effective. However, I know she will be extremely unhappy if I told her that I want to have sex... and if my dad found out he'd be fuming. I cannot sleep at my boyfriends house and I have to be back home by before 9 PM, and its not like I see my boyfriend everyday... its only once a week...

I just don't know what to do anymore.

Reply 1

Reue

Original post by Anonymous

I just don't know what to do anymore.

Move out

Reply 2

cherlloydfan

how would she know if you two have sex? you should book a hotel or have him round when your parents aren't there or go round his but tell them that your staying round a friends

Reply 3

Anonymous #1

I can't... I'm in education.

Original post by Reue

Move out

Reply 4

Anonymous #1

I always go round to his when we see him and his family is relaxed about all that stuff. Just my parents aren't. I just can decide whether to go against their wishes and have sex anyway.

Original post by cherlloydfan

how would she know if you two have sex? you should book a hotel or have him round when your parents aren't there or go round his but tell them that your staying round a friends

do they like ur bf?

Yes

Original post by cherlloydfan

do they like ur bf?

Reply 7

Reue

Original post by Anonymous

I can't... I'm in education.

at 19?

Reply 8

phillakh

She’s probably at university, it’s perfectly normal to stay with your family. The problem can’t just be solved with “move out”....

Reply 9

yotsr123

You are 19! NINE TEEN. You are an ADULT. Have a conversation with your parents - tell them to respect your choices when it comes to these things. I don't think you should even have to explain why you want to get on contraception but if you have to emphasise the fact that you need it for your periods.

(edited 5 years ago)

Reply 10

Drewski

You don't have to tell them about the implant at all. None of their business. You're an adult and you're seeing a doctor about your health. End of story.

The lack of privacy and being able to be self sufficient is a separate matter.

Reply 11

IQuitTSR

you're technically an adult and tbh you should be able to manage your life on your own. As long as you stay you wll need to follow the rules.

I suggest you maybe try to understand why they have the rules, as they have their reasons.

Reply 12

candyx01

As long as you are having safe sex, then it's all good. Your sex life is no one's business. Obviously in an ideal world, not having to keep things from your parents would be nice - but sometimes you just have to do you. It's your life, you have to make your own decisions and enjoy yourself, right? Your parents just want to do what they think is best for you and to keep you safe, but if you feel like you're ready and it's what you want to do, then why not

Reply 13

Reue

Original post by phillakh

She’s probably at university, it’s perfectly normal to stay with your family. The problem can’t just be solved with “move out”....

That would solve the problem though..

Reply 14

londonmyst

Are your parents religious?
My mother's parents were ultra traditionalist catholics, my father is atheist but she still believes in sexual abstinence before marriage and totally opposes abortion under all circumstances.

Reply 15

bones-mccoy

Are you going to abstain from sex until your parents decide it's the right time for you, if ever? You need to make your own decision, you're old enough to know when you're ready. Why not sit down and have a proper conversation with them? Try to get to the bottom of the reason why they're being so controlling.

(edited 5 years ago)

Reply 16

username2345291

Not everyone has the option to move out. Most likely she can't afford it. Moving out is extremely expensive and a lot of people with full time jobs struggle to rent/buy a place, let alone a student. [Depending on where you live e.g. up North is wayyy cheaper than the South]

Original post by Reue

That would solve the problem though..

Reply 17

Reue

Original post by bfm.mcdermott

I'm not in the habit of offering comforting but ultimately useless advice.

Her parents won't change, the only solution is to move out. I did not suggest it was quick or easy, but it is the only eventual solution.

Reply 18

mgi

Original post by Anonymous

You are an adult! In the short term ,keep the peace with your mum by using contraception without telling her and, for now, seeing your boyfriend but getting back in by 9pm. Meanwhile, best to be very discrete until you can live more independently of your parents!