I love my boyfriend, but I don’t know if I should be with him. Watch

cornishpasties
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So in a summary-my boyfriend isn’t the best. He isn’t really very nice to me, he’s self centred, he’s inconsiderate, he’s immature, negative, he has no ambition ,he can be aggressive. I do everything I can, be the best girlfriend I can be and I have no appreciation for everything I do for him, just disrespect. I’ve spoke to him countless times about these issues and he doesn’t react well. He makes excuses for his behaviour and is in denial about it most times, he’s never taken responsibility or changed. There are so many things he does wrong and so many things he has done wrong in the past. And so I ask myself, why am I with him? And it’s simply because of my positive outlook and my obsessive personality. I do really really love him. And I look at all the good things we have, we have a great time together, we have so much fun, he is the only person I’ve ever felt comfortable around. He can be the so affectionate. We have so many amazing memories and thing to look forward to in the future.
Lately the problems are been spiralling and he’s doing things wrong more and more often and not taking responsibility or not wanting to change his ways. He’s so narcissistic that he doesn’t believe he is doing anything wrong at all, and this is why I fear he’ll never change.

I’m scared to be without him, he’s been a active member of my life for a year and a half. I can’t imagine not spending good times with him, and moving on not knowing how he is...

I could really use some advice if anyone has any...it would be much appreciated...thank you!
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HoldThisL
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Does this discomfort of being in a relationship with him outweigh the love-loss of breaking up with him?
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cornishpasties
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(Original post by HoldThisL)
Does this discomfort of being in a relationship with him outweigh the love-loss of breaking up with him?
I honestly couldn’t tell you... I’m so confused by my situation...it’s like I don’t know wether to go with my head or my heart
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Anonymous #1
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I simply advise you, give time to yourself and your boyfriend as well so that you both can know each other in a good manner and then make any decision… Also, if you are not satisfied with your bf or you don't like their habits then move forward. Because if you are not happy with your bf, then no meaning of that relation.
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Hmmnahh1100
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I have been in a similar dilemma for many years. It's so hard because you will and pray that this person will somehow change and maybe begin to regard your feelings but somehow it always comes out unlikely. Toxic relationships like this wear you down and make you distrusting and unwilling to look for love after a break up. My advice would be to try and be open about your feelings with him, and if he continues to make excuses and disregard your opinions then follow with a no contact period. This time apart will either help him to reflect and possibly come back to you willing to be different, or it will allow you to break free from the hold of the relationship and let you thrive on your own. I really wish you the best and you have all of my empathy, please let me know how this works out for you.
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yankeedog1953
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You've heard the old saying that nobodies perfect? Do you know why nobody is perfect? It"s because being perfect is not the goal. At least i don't know anyone who looks at their actions everyday, aand vows that tomorrow they'll be perfect. We all try to be better but perfection just isn't the goal.

The. flaws that you dislike your bf are pretty basic for gerring along with others and. should have been successfully developed about the time he ledt the sandbox. So my guess is he wont change.
iIt sounds like the good times are real good and bad are just not that good (except for the aggressivness).
You've only been together a year and a hal. Unless your goofy in love with him I might tell him i needed a break and shop around a little. I know the though of going on without him leaves you kind of empty, like you said, but at least you'll find out how he compares to other guys.

I've always been the grass is greener kind of guy so for what it's worth thats my 2 cenrs.
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thunderstormfire
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Having been in a similar situation myself I know how hard it can be to let go of somebody you love, however, you have to consider if this relationship is actually making you more happy than sad. A relationship is supposed to bring joy into your life. Only you know when you are ready to end the relationship but honestly it sounds like things aren't going to change with this guy, in order for a relationship to work, 2 people need to be willing to work together and on themselves, it's quite clear he isn't prepared to do this. It is often in situations like this that once you leave the relationship you will realise how unhappy you actually were and will wonder why on earth you stayed unhappy for so long. Hindsight is a wonderful thing.
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sinfonietta
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If he doesn't listen, doesn't take responsibility for his actions, and doesn't even seem to think he's doing anything wrong then it doesn't sound like you're going to be happy in the long-term.

I've been in a similar relationship (we were together for 3yrs) and ultimately made the decision to walk. The first three weeks without him were hell. But after getting past the initial hurt I realised it was the right choice to make.
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mgi
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(Original post by cornishpasties)
So in a summary-my boyfriend isn’t the best. He isn’t really very nice to me, he’s self centred, he’s inconsiderate, he’s immature, negative, he has no ambition ,he can be aggressive. I do everything I can, be the best girlfriend I can be and I have no appreciation for everything I do for him, just disrespect. I’ve spoke to him countless times about these issues and he doesn’t react well. He makes excuses for his behaviour and is in denial about it most times, he’s never taken responsibility or changed. There are so many things he does wrong and so many things he has done wrong in the past. And so I ask myself, why am I with him? And it’s simply because of my positive outlook and my obsessive personality. I do really really love him. And I look at all the good things we have, we have a great time together, we have so much fun, he is the only person I’ve ever felt comfortable around. He can be the so affectionate. We have so many amazing memories and thing to look forward to in the future.
Lately the problems are been spiralling and he’s doing things wrong more and more often and not taking responsibility or not wanting to change his ways. He’s so narcissistic that he doesn’t believe he is doing anything wrong at all, and this is why I fear he’ll never change.

I’m scared to be without him, he’s been a active member of my life for a year and a half. I can’t imagine not spending good times with him, and moving on not knowing how he is...

I could really use some advice if anyone has any...it would be much appreciated...thank you!
Easy answer. Stop putting up with the disrespect and the excuses for the disrespect. Obviously you need to get rid of this guy. Relationships should start with self respect! Respect youself first!
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cornishpasties
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Thank you so much everyone...you’ve all offered really really great advice...a couple of days ago I decided to call it a day, we ended on good terms, I said to him when he’s willing to grow up and care more about himself and about me, then he knows where to find me... it’s really hard. I miss him already, I didn’t think it would be this painful. I just want him... at the same time I’m fairly proud of myself for respecting myself. My friends and family are being so supportive and they say they are proud, and that they know it was hard but they hate him so much for the way he treats me, they are glad to be rid... I just hope now this time away will make him realise what he’s lost. What he could have had if he had a better prospective on life, and with his relationship. I hope he comes back to me, with proof that he’s a better person and everything will be good. I think my problem now is that I might be in denial...filling my head with false hope...only time will tell. Thank you so much everyone, your opinions and experiences have made me feel so much better and really helped me to feel good about this decision. No matter how painful it is 😢 thank you again everyone!
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Last edited by cornishpasties; 5 days ago
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Dunnig Kruger
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When you get a better, more compatible boyfriend - which you will - you will look back on this day and realise that it was one of the best days of your life.

Your're free!

Congratulations on making 100% the correct decision.
After a couple of days of angst, pick yourself up and start moving forward with confidence. You got a boyfriend before. You'll get one again. This time look out for someone more mature, with more drive, better at dealing with conflict. In other words a proper man, not a stupid boy.

You might also want to take this opportunity to look at yourself and decide if there's any self-help type stuff you give to yourself? Maybe a small change in what you eat to a bit more fresh fruit, veg and nuts? Or maybe a public speaking course? Or just reading a book on sales techniques? With the idea being to give your ego and self cofidence a little boost and to take your mind off things.
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cornishpasties
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(Original post by Dunnig Kruger)
When you get a better, more compatible boyfriend - which you will - you will look back on this day and realise that it was one of the best days of your life.

Your're free!

Congratulations on making 100% the correct decision.
After a couple of days of angst, pick yourself up and start moving forward with confidence. You got a boyfriend before. You'll get one again. This time look out for someone more mature, with more drive, better at dealing with conflict. In other words a proper man, not a stupid boy.

You might also want to take this opportunity to look at yourself and decide if there's any self-help type stuff you give to yourself? Maybe a small change in what you eat to a bit more fresh fruit, veg and nuts? Or maybe a public speaking course? Or just reading a book on sales techniques? With the idea being to give your ego and self cofidence a little boost and to take your mind off things.
Thank you I’ll make sure to improve myself. I need to stop taking care of someone else and start looking out for myself! I’ve kept on top of my diet for the last month, I’m planning on changing to a better gym. I’m gonna really knuckle down on my work and exam revision and make plenty of time for it. My last workplace was a joke! So I’ll be applying for a weekend job. And I’ll make sure to spend enough time for me-I can get away from everything and spend plenty of time with my horses. I’m going to be the best “me” I can possibly be. Whatever happens, whoever I’m with, even with or without him. I need to have more self worth. Thank you so much for your encouraging words💚 it’s honestly means so much!
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mgi
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(Original post by cornishpasties)
Thank you so much everyone...you’ve all offered really really great advice...a couple of days ago I decided to call it a day, we ended on good terms, I said to him when he’s willing to grow up and care more about himself and about me, then he knows where to find me... it’s really hard. I miss him already, I didn’t think it would be this painful. I just want him... at the same time I’m fairly proud of myself for respecting myself. My friends and family are being so supportive and they say they are proud, and that they know it was hard but they hate him so much for the way he treats me, they are glad to be rid... I just hope now this time away will make him realise what he’s lost. What he could have had if he had a better prospective on life, and with his relationship. I hope he comes back to me, with proof that he’s a better person and everything will be good. I think my problem now is that I might be in denial...filling my head with false hope...only time will tell. Thank you so much everyone, your opinions and experiences have made me feel so much better and really helped me to feel good about this decision. No matter how painful it is 😢 thank you again everyone!
Well done to you! Self respect is the key!
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Maid Marian
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(Original post by cornishpasties)
Thank you so much everyone...you’ve all offered really really great advice...a couple of days ago I decided to call it a day, we ended on good terms, I said to him when he’s willing to grow up and care more about himself and about me, then he knows where to find me... it’s really hard. I miss him already, I didn’t think it would be this painful. I just want him... at the same time I’m fairly proud of myself for respecting myself. My friends and family are being so supportive and they say they are proud, and that they know it was hard but they hate him so much for the way he treats me, they are glad to be rid... I just hope now this time away will make him realise what he’s lost. What he could have had if he had a better prospective on life, and with his relationship. I hope he comes back to me, with proof that he’s a better person and everything will be good. I think my problem now is that I might be in denial...filling my head with false hope...only time will tell. Thank you so much everyone, your opinions and experiences have made me feel so much better and really helped me to feel good about this decision. No matter how painful it is 😢 thank you again everyone!
A very very difficult and brave decision you have made, well done you
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fallen_acorns
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don't use the word love so lightly.. You don't love him, and you likely never did.

Save love for when you really mean it - when you finally find someone that not being with feels like your being torn in half. When you actually feel love, even the slightest question of 'what if we weren't together' will be painful.
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cornishpasties
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(Original post by fallen_acorns)
don't use the word love so lightly.. You don't love him, and you likely never did.

Save love for when you really mean it - when you finally find someone that not being with feels like your being torn in half. When you actually feel love, even the slightest question of 'what if we weren't together' will be painful.
Of corse I love him!! And it’s extremely painful! Don’t be silly! You can love someone that hurts you you know? Why do you think people stay in abusive relationships for so long
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Last edited by cornishpasties; 4 days ago
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