English Creative Writing

Write a story with the title “Journey” [40 marks]

A journey.

A journey to nowhere; a journey to everywhere: I am nothing in comparison. Alone, I rest, contemplating my insignificance as I gaze longingly at the omnipresence ahead of me, as it perches like an angel at the edge of a precipice.

And yet, it won’t be an obvious journey. Surreptitiously, it hides like a single drop of water in a storm – unnoticed but the cause of it all. The droplet dares to be chased so I will pursue it into the lake and beyond, like a naïve child chasing their adulthood, but this was always my intention.

Without a doubt, I know that I will be chasing a dream: abstract and unattainable like a diamond at the bottom of the ocean. I have always known. But it will still be my destiny. For eternity, I will swim in the riches and dance in the reflection of the moonlight; I shall revel in my vitality and enjoy the overwhelming sense of bravery at what I will have accomplished. I will become the lake and the lake will become me. It will be our future.

At first, though, I asked why risk it all for such a future? Why sacrifice a life for an artificial hope of another existence? Frozen, these thoughts raced through my mind as dangerously as a bullet, but they never hit their target. My inevitable future couldn’t be prevented by anyone or anything, especially the shell of an arrogant thought: ignorant of the impending leap of faith.

Not long ago, the same questions still consumed me; worried me; controlled me until the fear grew so powerful that it forced me to stay; trapped above the barrier. As if my life was a lie, my dismal frown protruded through artificial smiles and my daily routine suffocated with the constant considerations of what my life could have been on the other side of everything. I still had time back then…

Urgently, I know this is my last chance. My toes are hovered over the edge of the wooden dock, poised precariously whilst my gaze lingers on the echo of a ripple. My reflection waves back at me, inviting me into the serene, cool water.

As I plunge forward into the abyss, any obstinate regret is diminished. My consciousness is aware of nothing and of everything for I am no one and I am everyone. At last, the lake and I are united.

But this is not my ending. This is not my destination.

This is my journey.

I'm not sure of marks so i'll just say a few corrections.
tbh this kinda feels more like personal writing, possibly because of the first person narrative. I would advice second person (he/she) as it feels more like an actual story.
I also think its a little on the short side.
If possible, add a turning point of the story, something that will make the reader anxious to read on.
I would add some more emotive language, which could be helped with punctuation. possibly use an exclamation point (!)
Just personally, this kinda feels poem-ey. Its more like a diary entry of the speakers thoughts than a story of events on this supposed 'journey'.

HOWEVER, i am not a teacher, therefore everything i said should probably be taken with a grain of salt.