Want a family at 17 Watch

Anonymous #1
#1
Report Thread starter 1 week ago
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i
I've been with my current bf for almost a year now (officially), unofficially we've been together for like 3 years. I know I love him more than anything and I really think we're meant to be. We have sex like a lot (every time we meet) and last time we were together I made a joke about him finishing like inside... (YES I KNOW THE RISKS OF UNPROTECTED SEX DON'T LECTURE ME ON IT). So anyway that joke led to a debate sparked about whether or not he'd do it. (Me saying he wouldn't, him saying he would). I've always acted like I'm opposed to it, but deep down I kinda want him to, all I want out of life is kids and my own happy little family.

He knows that's all I want, and he has a good enough paying job to support a kid (I'm in college and in the process of getting a new job). ANd his family are kind enough to respect it if he did (having experienced teen pregnancy) but I can't do it, all because my family would disapprove of it and I'm scared of how they would react (even though they've experienced teen preganancies too). Is it wrong that I want to start a family now (I'm only 17)? I feel so upset when he brings it up because I can't have it. The one thing I want out of a life (a happy family) is the one thing I can't have all because I'm scared of the shame that I would get from my own family.
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squeakysquirrel
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#2
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(Original post by Anonymous)
i
I've been with my current bf for almost a year now (officially), unofficially we've been together for like 3 years. I know I love him more than anything and I really think we're meant to be. We have sex like a lot (every time we meet) and last time we were together I made a joke about him finishing like inside... (YES I KNOW THE RISKS OF UNPROTECTED SEX DON'T LECTURE ME ON IT). So anyway that joke led to a debate sparked about whether or not he'd do it. (Me saying he wouldn't, him saying he would). I've always acted like I'm opposed to it, but deep down I kinda want him to, all I want out of life is kids and my own happy little family.

He knows that's all I want, and he has a good enough paying job to support a kid (I'm in college and in the process of getting a new job). ANd his family are kind enough to respect it if he did (having experienced teen pregnancy) but I can't do it, all because my family would disapprove of it and I'm scared of how they would react (even though they've experienced teen preganancies too). Is it wrong that I want to start a family now (I'm only 17)? I feel so upset when he brings it up because I can't have it. The one thing I want out of a life (a happy family) is the one thing I can't have all because I'm scared of the shame that I would get from my own family.
For gods sake listen to yourself. Having a family at your age is daft. You haven't lived your life. You sound very immature .... too immature to be in charge of a child. Get exams, get a job, get money , get some stability then have a family
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bones-mccoy
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How are you going to support a child on one wage? How are you going to raise a child when you don't even live with the father? You have plenty of time to raise a family - your whole life. Focus on finishing school, then getting a job or going to uni, living your life and then make that commitment. You don't want to be struggling with a baby.
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AzureCeleste
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To reach your one goal in life, there are other small things you will have to do first
You probably want to get a job and be financially stable, one job won't be sufficient, especially not now as he can't be earning much at the moment because of his age.
You will want to live together first, see how things work out- this may not work out and be a deal breaker.
Grow up yourself first before having a child, there is no rush
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Anonymous #1
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Right thanks for your rather rude contribution. I'm not immature, and have predominantly raised my brothers since I was 10, had a *****y dad that didn't care about his kids so all responsibility fell to me. I'm not being stupid, I'm responsible, used to dealing with children. Regarding the education my alevels are soon to be over and I don't have a massive interest in uni. Regarding the money and job, I've worked previously and have saved a large amount of money so those aren't issues. Maybe have a bit more respect next time someone is asking for opinions instead of assuming things and responding to them in such a negative way.
(Original post by squeakysquirrel)
For gods sake listen to yourself. Having a family at your age is daft. You haven't lived your life. You sound very immature .... too immature to be in charge of a child. Get exams, get a job, get money , get some stability then have a family
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squeakysquirrel
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(Original post by Anonymous)
Right thanks for your rather rude contribution. I'm not immature, and have predominantly raised my brothers since I was 10, had a *****y dad that didn't care about his kids so all responsibility fell to me. I'm not being stupid, I'm responsible, used to dealing with children. Regarding the education my alevels are soon to be over and I don't have a massive interest in uni. Regarding the money and job, I've worked previously and have saved a large amount of money so those aren't issues. Maybe have a bit more respect next time someone is asking for opinions instead of assuming things and responding to them in such a negative way.
So you want to bring another individual into the world despite your upbringing. You really are being silly. This is your chance to do something different yet you want to repeat the pattern. Stop being so defensive and listen to all the responses
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blacksheep8
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Maybe wait and see how you feel in the future. When I was younger I was always excited about the prospect of having children and a family, but as I've gotten older I've matured and understood through experience how much there is to learn about who you are and to heal from past wounds. As you've described, you say you have had a bad father - that is going to have left an impact on you. It's so beneficial to your own wellbeing, as well as your partner's and future family's, to spend time with yourself and invest in yourself. Perhaps one day when you're in your 30s you'll look back and be thankful that you didn't have children so young. Good luck
Last edited by blacksheep8; 1 week ago
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Anonymous #2
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There was this girl from my school who was like 2/3 years younger than me or something and she lived in my area. She seemed like a happy kid and then suddenly she had a baby and i'm not joking anytime I saw her in my neighbourhood my heart broke for her, she looked so depressed and tired :dong: I think you could tell by her face she knew she had made the wrong decision.... loads of people feel like they want a baby and then the reality is something else
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esralled
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You're definitely not ready, and you've proved it in your post without realising it.

I know I love him more than anything and I really think we're meant to be.
My parents got divorced after 30 years. If you think you know someone after "like 3", you're wrong. Don't confuse love with a life-lesson. There's a reason why most single mothers became mothers in their teenage years.

There's three universal things that remain true for everyone. They are:

1. The things you know (People went in to space)
2. The things you know that you don't know (How to build a spaceship to get there myself)
3. The things you don't know that you don't know (????)

At 17, most of the things that you think fall in to category 1 actually fall in to category 3, and you've already revealed this to us.

he has a good enough paying job to support a kid (I'm in college and in the process of getting a new job)
Do you know this for sure? Because a child, for 18 years, costs £200,000 to raise. At £7.38 for 18 years (your minimum wage is £5.90 and won't increase until you're 21) you'll make £252,000 in 18 years, assuming you work full time (40 hours/week). That gives you £67 a week to live off of. To put that in perspective, I live in a poor area of Birmingham. My rent is £87 a week. If you expect to be paid higher, or not stick to a minimum wage job, I wish you the best of luck in getting paid more than £18,000 a year with no qualifications, raising a child, and working 40 hours a week because that is a very unrealistic expectation. Also, babies poop around 20 times a day. Will you be there to change him when you're working 40 hours a week? Or will you be paying a babysitter, and leave yourself even less money?

my family would disapprove of it and I'm scared of how they would react
Do you want to know what good mothers do? They put their child before themself. They take a bullet or get hit by a train if it saves their child. If you're still scared about what your family think about your kid, you're not ready for one. Good parents hold their middle finger up to anyone who disapproves of them having a child, even if it is their own family. If you're not ready to do that, you're not ready for a child.

You know what you want. Good. Work towards making it happen. Get a steady job, get married for a few years and live with your partner. Have around £30,000 in a different bank account to the one you use to spend money. If you can't commit to any one of these things, let alone all three, you can't commit to raising a human life for over 18 years.

EDIT: The actual figure is $233,610: https://eu.usatoday.com/story/money/...ent/357243002/. Also, note the very first thing the article says: "Four years after getting married". Not "known each other for like 3 years".
Last edited by esralled; 1 week ago
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