The Student Room Group

Have I fallen out of love or is it just because I'm depressed?

I have been with my boyfriend for 4 months now, to be honest I don't even know if I love him but he tells me all the time that he loves me. He started saying it really early on in the relationship and I didn't know you could fall in love that quickly...that's besides the point though.

He's recently started to irritate me and I can't tell if I feel anything towards him anymore or not. Pretty sure I used to. I have been depressed for years now (actually diagnosed) and have other issues. I do like being with him I guess but for the past month I have been feeling so anxious about having sex with him and tbh I don't enjoy kissing him. I just feel numb. He also has quite bad mental health problems.

I mean, he's smart, good looking, we have things in common. I don't know if I still want to be with him or if I'm just going through a super depressive episode because I don't feel anything right now towards anything. I'm also stressed and so is he.

He's 5 years older than me. Which I do like, I like older guys.

I don't know...I don't want to break up though. But is that just me being attached to him? Not actual feelings? I don't know.
I had a similar situation, at first I was so happy in the relationship by then after a few months I didn't even like him anymore. I didn't like kissing him and I wasn't really interested in seeing him. I felt that he just wasn't right for me, so I asked if we could take a break so I could figure it out. He then said "are we breaking up rn then?" And I didn't feel upset at that statement so I said yes. He had mental health issues and we often vented to each other about our problems, which isn't healthy as sometimes I didn't have the mental capacity to deal with it. Don't feel under pressure to entirely support him with everything, including mental health, as he needs someone else to help if it's serious. If you are hesitant to pause or even break the relationship then just wait about a month and see if you feel the same. If you still feel like this then talk to him about it and end it
You can mistaken love for it actually being comfort. There’s a difference between being in love with someone completely & being in love with the way they treat you. As I know with health problems you can feel neglected and alone..but by having that person helps more than you think. So I would question myself this if I was in your shoes and also think is he the first person you think about when you wake up? It’s just 4 months so early to recognise much which makes it difficult but if you think you can’t imagine your life without him then I would say it’s just an episode. Hope I’ve helped.
Original post by jupi6ter
I have been with my boyfriend for 4 months now, to be honest I don't even know if I love him but he tells me all the time that he loves me. He started saying it really early on in the relationship and I didn't know you could fall in love that quickly...that's besides the point though.

He's recently started to irritate me and I can't tell if I feel anything towards him anymore or not. Pretty sure I used to. I have been depressed for years now (actually diagnosed) and have other issues. I do like being with him I guess but for the past month I have been feeling so anxious about having sex with him and tbh I don't enjoy kissing him. I just feel numb. He also has quite bad mental health problems.

I mean, he's smart, good looking, we have things in common. I don't know if I still want to be with him or if I'm just going through a super depressive episode because I don't feel anything right now towards anything. I'm also stressed and so is he.

He's 5 years older than me. Which I do like, I like older guys.

I don't know...I don't want to break up though. But is that just me being attached to him? Not actual feelings? I don't know.
Difficult to know when people have mental health problems maybe you could see a counsellor/therapist
Reply 4
Original post by jupi6ter
I have been with my boyfriend for 4 months now, to be honest I don't even know if I love him but he tells me all the time that he loves me. He started saying it really early on in the relationship and I didn't know you could fall in love that quickly...that's besides the point though.

He's recently started to irritate me and I can't tell if I feel anything towards him anymore or not. Pretty sure I used to. I have been depressed for years now (actually diagnosed) and have other issues. I do like being with him I guess but for the past month I have been feeling so anxious about having sex with him and tbh I don't enjoy kissing him. I just feel numb. He also has quite bad mental health problems.

I mean, he's smart, good looking, we have things in common. I don't know if I still want to be with him or if I'm just going through a super depressive episode because I don't feel anything right now towards anything. I'm also stressed and so is he.

He's 5 years older than me. Which I do like, I like older guys.

I don't know...I don't want to break up though. But is that just me being attached to him? Not actual feelings? I don't know.


You probably should break up though because you both have a lot of stuff inside yourselves to sort out and that's why you are both unhappy. It is an interesting fact that like attracts like. So you have to have space to continue to work on your problems and you don't need the extra stress of a bf with his issues at the moment.
Original post by jupi6ter
I have been with my boyfriend for 4 months now, to be honest I don't even know if I love him but he tells me all the time that he loves me. He started saying it really early on in the relationship and I didn't know you could fall in love that quickly...that's besides the point though.

He's recently started to irritate me and I can't tell if I feel anything towards him anymore or not. Pretty sure I used to. I have been depressed for years now (actually diagnosed) and have other issues. I do like being with him I guess but for the past month I have been feeling so anxious about having sex with him and tbh I don't enjoy kissing him. I just feel numb. He also has quite bad mental health problems.

I mean, he's smart, good looking, we have things in common. I don't know if I still want to be with him or if I'm just going through a super depressive episode because I don't feel anything right now towards anything. I'm also stressed and so is he.

He's 5 years older than me. Which I do like, I like older guys.

I don't know...I don't want to break up though. But is that just me being attached to him? Not actual feelings? I don't know.


It might be a wise idea to take a step back and take a break from your relationship, re-evaluate things. You should focus on your mental health and depression issues first and your own personal wellbeing is important. Be honest with your boyfriend, saying that you need space and it isn't the right time for you to be dating.

Quick Reply

Latest