nervous for uni coz im too shy and always unhappy

Uni is exactly what you need. It's a lot easier to meet people who are similar to you, in uni, than in school. Join all the clubs you can in the first few weeks. Forget about ex boyfriends and feeling out of place. I know you're shy and have low self-esteem at the moment, but in a place where everyone starts off shy and worried, you'll fit right in, and as friendships grow, so will your self esteem!

people tend to forget about their Exs pretty quickly at uni

im really nervous about going to uni because of of my extreme shyness.
i went out last night with all my friends and we were drinking and everyone was having fun but i wasnt having as much fun as i should have been. even after about 3 wkds, 8 shots my behaviour wasnt any different.
i think its because im not actually happy. i never seem to be happy. i mean i enjoy seeing my friends, i love them but i just dont feel happy or fun even in fun situations or wherever i am or who im with.

im still even quite quiet with people i know quite well and i hate this about myself. im worried i will go to uni and i wont make friends because of this and people will think im just a loser and not interesting or anything.

i dont feel good about myself.
i've been feeling like this for as long as i can remember, but why cant i be different, why cant i be happy like everyone else?
it doesn help that things have made me feel worse. a few of my ex's in the past have said stuff like 'i love, ur the best thing tht ever happened to me, id never want to leave u, etc. and one of them who said that was cheating on me all along and someone else found another girl within a few days of been broken up, and my last bf who i was with for like 1 year and a half broke up with me a few months ago and said that in future relationships im just gonna get dumped or cheated on.
im happy when im in a relationship but without one i just feel unhappy 80% of the time.

i think my problem is i rely on boyfriends to make me happy. i dont know how i can overcome it as ive tried going out and keeping busy and i do have fun but i guess i dont show my 'real' personality and dont feel happy on the inside.

any suggestions?
thanks

Hi there,


I don't want to post hijack here but I will share something that has happened in my experience...I suffered terribly with depression at the hands of my ex who used to treat me like ****** (sorry to swear) and it can really make you feel as if no one wants to know you, that you are a loser and a freak and allsorts of horrible things that people do not think about you in the slightest, it can really put blinkers over your eyes and mess with your perception and if you think it's hard to meet people, that makes it a million times worse as you see every comment as laced with nastiness...I'm still not over it 100% now but I am getting there with it, and now I just think to myself 'Stuff my exes, it's a good reason they are just that, I am a kind, smart, interesting person who has a lot to offer the world and people want to know me just as much as I want to know them, and if they don't and want to be nasty they are not worth knowing' you just have to tell yourself that, you seem like a really nice person with a lot to offer people and just tell yourself that you are cool and fun and stuff, it's all about self belief, if you believe people want to know you then they will want to know you...

I know it's hard believe me I know it more than most, and Uni can be a very intimidating place to people who don't want to do the typical student lifestyle of drinking and socialising, what is your degree? Maybe if you're really interested in it you can join the related society and meet people that way? Or maybe in your interests? I joined the Anime society, and I totally thought no one else would like it but hey, now I know a lot of people through it so it's all good!

I'm not very good at advice I'm afraid but that's just the advice I can offer you, if you feel shy, try and build yourself up and stuff and don't think you are a loser because no one is a loser ever, it's nasty underhanded people who make you feel that way, it is them with the problem, not you...

Oh and you're a blonde, go you girl, blonde power to us shy awesome blondes!

It's not a good thing to rely on a partner to make you feel happy, that's just using someone to fill a void. You need to find out what makes you feel good which doesn't include other people, and also find out why you are unhappy to begin with. Use the time between now and uni to become independantly happy, accepting and understanding yourself.

im really nervous about going to uni because of of my extreme shyness.
i went out last night with all my friends and we were drinking and everyone was having fun but i wasnt having as much fun as i should have been. even after about 3 wkds, 8 shots my behaviour wasnt any different.
i think its because im not actually happy. i never seem to be happy. i mean i enjoy seeing my friends, i love them but i just dont feel happy or fun even in fun situations or wherever i am or who im with.

im still even quite quiet with people i know quite well and i hate this about myself. im worried i will go to uni and i wont make friends because of this and people will think im just a loser and not interesting or anything.

i dont feel good about myself.
i've been feeling like this for as long as i can remember, but why cant i be different, why cant i be happy like everyone else?
it doesn help that things have made me feel worse. a few of my ex's in the past have said stuff like 'i love, ur the best thing tht ever happened to me, id never want to leave u, etc. and one of them who said that was cheating on me all along and someone else found another girl within a few days of been broken up, and my last bf who i was with for like 1 year and a half broke up with me a few months ago and said that in future relationships im just gonna get dumped or cheated on.
im happy when im in a relationship but without one i just feel unhappy 80% of the time.

i think my problem is i rely on boyfriends to make me happy. i dont know how i can overcome it as ive tried going out and keeping busy and i do have fun but i guess i dont show my 'real' personality and dont feel happy on the inside.

any suggestions?
thanks

I'll be honest, you don't sound unhappy. You sound bored, you sound fed-up with your life and you sound like you want to use university to change things around; nothing wrong with that, its exactly how I was and what I did, I'm a fairly shy person but can get on with people yet my idea of a good time is different than most other peoples, there are all sorts of people at university, believe it or not they are not all wild party animals that eat only cereal and drink 20 cans of strongbow after a lecture until 3am.

So making friends at uni isn't going to be a really hard thing as long as you put yourself out there and introduce yourself to many people, and find something that you enjoying doing. I didn't in my first year (foundation year) and didn't make any friends and was terribly naive about making them as I never had to do it before in a strange city, I did in my second year (first year of my degree) and have a fair amount of friends, I can count them on one finger who I can consider good friends and I know plenty of people from just talking about getting past the shyness. You can't rely on anyone, not a soul, to take you by the hand through university and introduce you to people, even if its a boyfriend, you have to do it yourself.

Don't see the reason why people worry so much about this, it's not rocket science.

If it really helps, don't bother with a relationship while you're in your first few months of university, you won't truly settle down in the new life until November, and during that time you want a lot of time to yourself as well as a lot of time with new found friends.

im really nervous about going to uni because of of my extreme shyness.
i went out last night with all my friends and we were drinking and everyone was having fun but i wasnt having as much fun as i should have been. even after about 3 wkds, 8 shots my behaviour wasnt any different.
i think its because im not actually happy. i never seem to be happy. i mean i enjoy seeing my friends, i love them but i just dont feel happy or fun even in fun situations or wherever i am or who im with.

im still even quite quiet with people i know quite well and i hate this about myself. im worried i will go to uni and i wont make friends because of this and people will think im just a loser and not interesting or anything.

i dont feel good about myself.
i've been feeling like this for as long as i can remember, but why cant i be different, why cant i be happy like everyone else?
it doesn help that things have made me feel worse. a few of my ex's in the past have said stuff like 'i love, ur the best thing tht ever happened to me, id never want to leave u, etc. and one of them who said that was cheating on me all along and someone else found another girl within a few days of been broken up, and my last bf who i was with for like 1 year and a half broke up with me a few months ago and said that in future relationships im just gonna get dumped or cheated on.
im happy when im in a relationship but without one i just feel unhappy 80% of the time.

i think my problem is i rely on boyfriends to make me happy. i dont know how i can overcome it as ive tried going out and keeping busy and i do have fun but i guess i dont show my 'real' personality and dont feel happy on the inside.

any suggestions?
thanks