What actually constitutes consensual sex Watch

Anonymous #1
Report Thread starter 6 months ago
So I am a 25 yr old virgin....I have never made out with anyone or had a GF. This is not because I don't want to btw....

One of my most incessant fears about sex is that of what is meant by consent and when "yes means yes" and why an absence of "no" doesn't mean yes.

I am fully for 100% verbal consensual relationships. I know from speaking to people though, many are happy with implied consent as the repeated phrase "is this ok" is offputting.

Therefore, I wonder at what point does "engaging" behaviour legally imply sexual consent? If you're with someone and kissing them, and then end up lying with them in bed, when does an absence of "no" mean they didn't consent. If someone goes with what is going on, how is it possible to know they don't want to continue.

I also wonder what exactly you need to consent for. Obviously there are many different sexual acts and positions. If you gain consent at the start for sex ("is this ok?") what exactly is that consent for?

In a world where sexual assault / violence is so common, but accusations, whether true or false, can ruin someone's lives, how is it possible to engage in sex, without gaining an active "yes" every step of the way, without possibly being called a rapist.

If a woman has a bad experience, or changes her mind half way through but doesn't commincate this, is this rape? After-all, from the moment she changes her mind, even if she initially consents, this is technically rape.

I swear I am so terrified of this, that I wouldn't even consider sleeping with someone even if I really wanted to. The fear is paralysing as a man, because I know how devastating an accusation can be
Badges: 12
Report 6 months ago
What you're describing is highly theoretical, worst case scenario that would unlikely result in a prosecution let alone conviction. Further, it is highly unlikely to happen to you, especially if it is something you're mindful of. Finally, it can be likely entirely mitigated by building up trust and good communication with anyone you sleep with and ensuring that you put consent, rapport and care before sex.

Being mindful about consent is important but it sounds to me that you're overly fixating and catastrophizing on it in a way that constitutes self-harmful and I suggest you might be in need of talking to a therapist about overcoming this irrational fear.

Would recommend talking to your doctor about this. It sounds like intrusive thoughts are impacting upon your quality of life. You're not alone with this and should you require it, there is treatment available.
Last edited by JTfoxlove; 6 months ago

Quick Reply

Attached files
Write a reply...
new posts
to top
My Feed

See more of what you like on
The Student Room

You can personalise what you see on TSR. Tell us a little about yourself to get started.


Have you made up your mind on your five uni choices?

Yes I know where I'm applying (46)
No I haven't decided yet (16)
Yes but I might change my mind (8)

Watched Threads

View All