My life is empty.

I have no idea why I'm writing this post. spesh after I've seen how harsh people can be. I just need to vent really.

Well I left sixthform after my AS levels (i got a BCC) i was happy with those grades.
I left because i couldn't handle the social interaction, the girl who picked on me, the nastyness etc.
I thought I'll get a job. Well every job I've started, I've lasted about a week.

I suffer from anxiety and depression (although I've been diagnosed as having much worse anxiety than depression - the anxiety causes the depression if that makes sense). I get so terrified of leaving the house, having to face people. I just don't have the energy or enthusiasm.

Well for the past 3 years my life has basically been on hold. I haven't gone out, haven't had friends, haven't had a boyfriend, just been alone. I really don't see the point in living anymore. I have such low self esteem, no self worth. I've lost confidence in any abilities i thought i once had. I just can't cope. I'm seeing a councillor. It's going ok. Not making a huge difference. I don't want to die, but then I don't want to carry on living either. I have nothing or no one.

Reply 1

Becksy

*hugs* I feel exactly the same. :frown:

Reply 2

Rei

Go and kick the **** out of the girl who bullied you, it'll make you feel better..

:smile:

Reply 3

chloecouture

Im sorry to hear that, i know theres nothing i can say to help but really things will work out for you.
Things always do.

Reply 4

irv88

Hmm Anxiety and depression seems to be a large problem with students, it's all the change. It's hard when you grow up with a certain crowd and setting, familiars, and then its torn up.

At least you're open about it, what exactly are you doing with your self these days?

Reply 5

OggYx

Just motivate yourself. Put all the negative behind you, start afresh. Say to yourself that you're going to have a new beginning in your life and leave all that other stuff behind. You need to get over it! From what I understand you must be around 21/22. You're in your prime!

Reply 6

koko-popz

Anonymous

I have nothing or no one.

NO! never think like this. Trust me when you're in a gloomy place it sure as fook feels that way, but grab a sense of proportion. You're obviously intelligent hence why you attained good AS grades, and you have the gumption to get a job. Now it's time to no longer dwell on the rough parts, and get yourself involved in fun. You deserve some.
Is there anyone in work who would be up for a few drinks? Maybe a college a-level course you could take up to finish what you started and gain back some confidence and esteem.
How about cousins/family members your age who will guide you on your way?
I also believe that when you find a special someone, you aren't consciously looking for someone. I think you need to love yourself tho first mon cherie

Reply 7

Pseudomuse

something will happen some day that will make you realise that all this won't beat you. yes you are very low and depressed now, and it's understandable, but like i said before, when you are this low, the only way to look is up.

I know what it's like to suffer from bullying. i suffer from anxiety and depression and i know what it's like to be at rock bottom, and i won't lie, it's taken me a long time to get to a point where i decided i won't let my anxiety or depression or bullies beat me. you just need to take that huge step of getting out there, making freinds and push yourself to stick at a job, because you won't be beaten. then you will get to a stage where you will finish your A-levels because you are never to old to do that.

And be safe in the knowledge that that girl who bullied you will get her just deserts eventually. karma does exist :biggrin:

take care

Reply 8

Becksy

You are at the stage where everything seems so uncertain but usually things end up working out and falling into place. :smile:

Sorry if that isn't helpful.

Reply 9

Bismarck

The only two realistic solutions (unless you're prepared to wait years) are getting counseling and forcing yourself into social situations. A combination of the two would be ideal. Don't wait to snap out it. As far as I could tell, you're about 20. You have your whole life ahead of you. Don't worry that you threw away 3 years. If you start getting help now, it's only a matter of time until you're able to rejoin society.

Reply 10

chloecouture

Yeah put all of this behind you, the rest of your life starts from now.

Reply 11

Becksy

You need a fresh start from it all really. Don't let anything from the past get you down, when negative thoughts enter your head tell them to go and force yourself to think positively. That helps me sometimes.

Obviously you are smart so I think you should go to a college and do A2. I struggle with college sometimes because of my depression so I know how you feel, you just have to make yourself do things you are scared of sometimes. Its good to face your fears because that is what makes you a stronger person.

Also from your post I can see that you let what other people say about you get to you, I used to (not as much now), if you continue letting people stop you from achieving in life you are just letting them win, just think to yourself "Will I really care that so and so said this to me in 5 years time?"

Reply 12

halátnost

Have you been to see your GP recently? It might be that medication could pull you out of the darkest stages a lot more efficiently than counselling (speaking from experience). Sounds scary but trust me in certain cases (ie. moi), it can work wonders. I know it's ****ty being depressed and it feels absolutely dead-endish and morose and morbid all the time but please go and see your GP and talk to him/her about how you are feeling. It also may be that your counsellor is not the right one for you, if you feel there is no improvement.

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