Need help with possible ED Watch

Anonymous #1
#1
Report Thread starter 3 months ago
#1
TW: EATING DISORDERS

I don't know if I'm in denial, actually able to be diagnosed or overthinking but my eating and attitude towards food is consistently getting more concerning, mainly for my friends who've noticed and asked me about it but also for me I guess. They want me to tell my counsellor who I see for anxiety, depression and other things already but I'm so scared to because then I'll lose control of it and I don't want anyone to take this away from me. I have body image and self esteem issues and see myself as gross and disgusting; it's like if I lose weight then I'll have more value which I know is a really distorted perspective. I limit what I eat and am terrified of weight gain, weigh myself daily and freak out if I don't know the calorie content of foods. It's become more like a challenge to live off of less. I have lost weight and know that I want to lose more but I also have had emotional conversations with my best friend who wants me to talk because she doesn't want to see me get worse or it develop further. Am I at risk? Do I already have an ED? How would I even bring it up with a professional?
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Anonymous #2
#2
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#2
I'm currently going through an eating disorder at the moment so know how you feel. I had anorexia for about 18 months and people tried to trigger me into recovery and eating more without going through any therapy. Long story shot, I've developed bulimic tendencies, gained a ton of weight, and am struggling even more than ever.

I, and no-one on here, can diagnose you from your symptoms. Your patterns of behaviour resemble mine in many ways when I had anorexia is all I will say. The best piece of advice I saw about recovery is that you have to want to recover. If you feel concerned about your behaviours, then I would mention it to your counsellor. At the moment, your behaviour may make you feel like you're in control. From my experience, you're not. Your behaviour is in control of you and if you want to regain control, then taking that first step and telling someone is key. I would mention what you've noticed and ask for help. Good luck if you do decide that you want to see if it is an eating disorder and then that you want to recover. As someone suffering everyday with this condition, I am genuinely happy that you're recognising that there are worrying signs there and are wanting to seek help.
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Anonymous #1
#3
Report Thread starter 3 months ago
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(Original post by Anonymous)
I'm currently going through an eating disorder at the moment so know how you feel. I had anorexia for about 18 months and people tried to trigger me into recovery and eating more without going through any therapy. Long story shot, I've developed bulimic tendencies, gained a ton of weight, and am struggling even more than ever.

I, and no-one on here, can diagnose you from your symptoms. Your patterns of behaviour resemble mine in many ways when I had anorexia is all I will say. The best piece of advice I saw about recovery is that you have to want to recover. If you feel concerned about your behaviours, then I would mention it to your counsellor. At the moment, your behaviour may make you feel like you're in control. From my experience, you're not. Your behaviour is in control of you and if you want to regain control, then taking that first step and telling someone is key. I would mention what you've noticed and ask for help. Good luck if you do decide that you want to see if it is an eating disorder and then that you want to recover. As someone suffering everyday with this condition, I am genuinely happy that you're recognising that there are worrying signs there and are wanting to seek help.
Thank you. It's a weird thing to experience isn't it? I think deep down I know something's up but it feels like if I talk about it with my counsellor then when my family find out I'll lose all control and end up being judged by them. I don't want to cause them any distress. I just am terrified of taking that step and potentially losing the voice I've come to rely on.
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Anonymous #2
#4
Report 3 months ago
#4
(Original post by Anonymous)
Thank you. It's a weird thing to experience isn't it? I think deep down I know something's up but it feels like if I talk about it with my counsellor then when my family find out I'll lose all control and end up being judged by them. I don't want to cause them any distress. I just am terrified of taking that step and potentially losing the voice I've come to rely on.
I've got to admit that it is for a variety of reasons. For me, it's the fact that though I was ill, I actually felt on top of the world at my lowest weight and when I was in the depths of anorexia. I felt like I had control over everything, that I was healthy, and that I could do whatever I put my mind to. It's odd as well because instinctively we know that we need nourishment to survive, yet my mind is telling me that I can avoid it entirely and somehow it'll all be fine.

In terms of your family finding out, how old are you if you don't mind me asking? Depending on your age, is this something your counsellor would have to share with your family at all? However, I would say that for you to recover properly, it's vital you have a support network around you and that will include your family. From my experience, your family may already suspect that something's up, but not know quite what it is yet. I know that a lot of my friends had worked out I had an eating disorder quite early on and are less judgemental now that they think I've recovered. Making your family part of the recovery process will help you enormously recover from these thoughts. From what I've read, therapy is not about losing control, but rebalancing your relationship with food. I remember watching a video about anorexia and one of the girls who had recovered said 'I'll still count calories to the day I die, but it'll be at the age of 80 rather than 18'. She still exerts that control over food, but in a healthier way. In addition, the current guidance to friends and family about eating disorders is actually that they should avoid putting pressure on those with eating disorders to eat. If your family is genuinely supportive of your recovery, they won't be pushing that control of food onto you, but you'll still be in the driving seat, just controlling calories in a healthier way. As to the voice you rely on, it's worth remembering that voice isn't your friend at all, it's actually doing you harm.

Regardless of all that though, take recovery at your own pace and only attempt it when you're ready to do so. At the moment, recognising that you have an unhealthy relationship with food is a starting point, but only take that next step when you're ready. I'm happy to chat on this thread whenever you need to as well, though I'm hardly the poster child for recovery, deciding not to go through it myself.
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Anonymous #1
#5
Report Thread starter 3 months ago
#5
(Original post by Anonymous)
I've got to admit that it is for a variety of reasons. For me, it's the fact that though I was ill, I actually felt on top of the world at my lowest weight and when I was in the depths of anorexia. I felt like I had control over everything, that I was healthy, and that I could do whatever I put my mind to. It's odd as well because instinctively we know that we need nourishment to survive, yet my mind is telling me that I can avoid it entirely and somehow it'll all be fine.

In terms of your family finding out, how old are you if you don't mind me asking? Depending on your age, is this something your counsellor would have to share with your family at all? However, I would say that for you to recover properly, it's vital you have a support network around you and that will include your family. From my experience, your family may already suspect that something's up, but not know quite what it is yet. I know that a lot of my friends had worked out I had an eating disorder quite early on and are less judgemental now that they think I've recovered. Making your family part of the recovery process will help you enormously recover from these thoughts. From what I've read, therapy is not about losing control, but rebalancing your relationship with food. I remember watching a video about anorexia and one of the girls who had recovered said 'I'll still count calories to the day I die, but it'll be at the age of 80 rather than 18'. She still exerts that control over food, but in a healthier way. In addition, the current guidance to friends and family about eating disorders is actually that they should avoid putting pressure on those with eating disorders to eat. If your family is genuinely supportive of your recovery, they won't be pushing that control of food onto you, but you'll still be in the driving seat, just controlling calories in a healthier way. As to the voice you rely on, it's worth remembering that voice isn't your friend at all, it's actually doing you harm.

Regardless of all that though, take recovery at your own pace and only attempt it when you're ready to do so. At the moment, recognising that you have an unhealthy relationship with food is a starting point, but only take that next step when you're ready. I'm happy to chat on this thread whenever you need to as well, though I'm hardly the poster child for recovery, deciding not to go through it myself.
I'd really appreciate chatting with you about this, my friends are always going to be my support but having someone understand this way of thinking is invaluable. I'm 15 and doing my GCSEs next month, and I don't think the stress is helping at all. Both CAMHS and my school counsellor would have to notify due to safeguarding rules because of the severity. My family have never really taken my mental health seriously so I've learnt to not talk to them. That first bit about feeling on top of the world is scarily relatable; when I find I've lost weight I feel almost invincible for a few seconds before my reflection comes back into my head and I lose all self confidence.
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Anonymous #2
#6
Report 3 months ago
#6
(Original post by Anonymous)
I'd really appreciate chatting with you about this, my friends are always going to be my support but having someone understand this way of thinking is invaluable. I'm 15 and doing my GCSEs next month, and I don't think the stress is helping at all. Both CAMHS and my school counsellor would have to notify due to safeguarding rules because of the severity. My family have never really taken my mental health seriously so I've learnt to not talk to them. That first bit about feeling on top of the world is scarily relatable; when I find I've lost weight I feel almost invincible for a few seconds before my reflection comes back into my head and I lose all self confidence.
It's the very reason I've never confided in friends about it, because I don't think that they'd understand this way of thinking. To someone without an eating disorder, for example, food is something to be enjoyed, but for me it's a ridiculous amount of stress and something I seek to avoid. Stress won't help at all and that's often how disordered thinking starts about food. It's a way for us to control something in our lives when everything else feels like it's outside of our control. For you, GCSEs represent the end of an era I imagine, they mark the end point of your education in secondary school and the boundary into something new. Similarly, however, they're not just a staging post, but they matter, perhaps you need certain grades to take those next steps into college for example and so they cause stress in themselves and represent the start of what is, as of yet, the great unknown. That's true, but could you ask them for general stress busting tips? Perhaps you could use distraction as one method of combating the thoughts that you want to control your calorie intake?

I find lower weights increase my self-confidence, but it's worth remembering it's an illusion. I may feel like I'm on top of the world and can do anything, but I'm not. My thin frame causes me to feel the slightest chill, is that invincibility? That high is just a false reality really, despite how good it feels to be a lower weight each time.
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Anonymous #3
#7
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#7
hey, I first developed an ED in year 8, because of my family, battled it for 2 years and got better in year 10, but I've relapsed again, feel free to message me we can get through this since we're both in year 11
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Anonymous #4
#8
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how can she message you when you are on anon
(Original post by Anonymous)
hey, I first developed an ED in year 8, because of my family, battled it for 2 years and got better in year 10, but I've relapsed again, feel free to message me we can get through this since we're both in year 11
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Anonymous #1
#9
Report Thread starter 3 months ago
#9
(Original post by Anonymous)
hey, I first developed an ED in year 8, because of my family, battled it for 2 years and got better in year 10, but I've relapsed again, feel free to message me we can get through this since we're both in year 11
guess we should stick together lol, we can chat on this thread if you want?
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mpaprika
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#10
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(Original post by Anonymous)
how can she message you when you are on anon
..I forgot about that :rofl2:
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mpaprika
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#11
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(Original post by mpaprika)
..I forgot about that :rofl2:
looks like I'm off anon now :dontknow:
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Anonymous #1
#12
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(Original post by Anonymous)
It's the very reason I've never confided in friends about it, because I don't think that they'd understand this way of thinking. To someone without an eating disorder, for example, food is something to be enjoyed, but for me it's a ridiculous amount of stress and something I seek to avoid. Stress won't help at all and that's often how disordered thinking starts about food. It's a way for us to control something in our lives when everything else feels like it's outside of our control. For you, GCSEs represent the end of an era I imagine, they mark the end point of your education in secondary school and the boundary into something new. Similarly, however, they're not just a staging post, but they matter, perhaps you need certain grades to take those next steps into college for example and so they cause stress in themselves and represent the start of what is, as of yet, the great unknown. That's true, but could you ask them for general stress busting tips? Perhaps you could use distraction as one method of combating the thoughts that you want to control your calorie intake?

I find lower weights increase my self-confidence, but it's worth remembering it's an illusion. I may feel like I'm on top of the world and can do anything, but I'm not. My thin frame causes me to feel the slightest chill, is that invincibility? That high is just a false reality really, despite how good it feels to be a lower weight each time.
I'm going on holiday to NYC after my exams and have been looking forward to it for so many years, however I know that a lot of the things on my bucket list for it are food-orientated, for example get a rainbow bagel or have pancakes for breakfast. I really don't want to miss out on those things but how am I to do that without knowing calories? I also have a challenge to hit a certain weight for my trip, which isn't far off where I am but is still within the healthy range for my height. I feel almost fraudulent for not being underweight but still struggling with my eating. My prom has a meal that I am already stressing over because people will notice, and when I go on holiday with my dad in the summer he has no idea about calories or health really where food is concerned; he'll happily drink lots of soda or alcohol, and can pick from a menu without a single thought towards calories, and I'm worried about him picking up on my discomfort when we're on holiday, although by then I guess it'll be out in the open if I honour my promise to my friend.
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Anonymous #5
#13
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#13
I can't say I know how you feel but I do know that I am going through something slightly similar. For the past year I have shown disordered behavior around food and was in denial for a long time. At one point I was at school and passed out because I had no more energy but even that was not a warning sign to me or my school that there was something wrong. I remember when a teacher finally said it bluntly and I had to get help etc and at the time it was terrible, I was crying and not allowed to play sport which is big for me as I'm a national level athlete in two sports but I think having something important taken away from me has helped me at least try and recover. I know that the ED feels special and like it's something you can control but I think an important step is trying to find something even more important to you that you can focus on instead. I was aiming to play in a particular match and that pushed me to try to eat more and I am nowhere near better but I am going in the right direction I think. I am slightly older than you, Im 18 and a month away from doing my exams but if you would ever like to PM then I can always post off of anon and we can chat.
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Anonymous #1
#14
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(Original post by Anonymous)
I can't say I know how you feel but I do know that I am going through something slightly similar. For the past year I have shown disordered behavior around food and was in denial for a long time. At one point I was at school and passed out because I had no more energy but even that was not a warning sign to me or my school that there was something wrong. I remember when a teacher finally said it bluntly and I had to get help etc and at the time it was terrible, I was crying and not allowed to play sport which is big for me as I'm a national level athlete in two sports but I think having something important taken away from me has helped me at least try and recover. I know that the ED feels special and like it's something you can control but I think an important step is trying to find something even more important to you that you can focus on instead. I was aiming to play in a particular match and that pushed me to try to eat more and I am nowhere near better but I am going in the right direction I think. I am slightly older than you, Im 18 and a month away from doing my exams but if you would ever like to PM then I can always post off of anon and we can chat.
Yeah I’d appreciate that, as long as you’re happy with being off anonymous
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_ro_
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Of course I don't mind if it means helping out someone
(Original post by Anonymous)
Yeah I’d appreciate that, as long as you’re happy with being off anonymous
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maniccrammer
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#16
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(Original post by Anonymous)
I'm currently going through an eating disorder at the moment so know how you feel. I had anorexia for about 18 months and people tried to trigger me into recovery and eating more without going through any therapy. Long story shot, I've developed bulimic tendencies, gained a ton of weight, and am struggling even more than ever.

I, and no-one on here, can diagnose you from your symptoms. Your patterns of behaviour resemble mine in many ways when I had anorexia is all I will say. The best piece of advice I saw about recovery is that you have to want to recover. If you feel concerned about your behaviours, then I would mention it to your counsellor. At the moment, your behaviour may make you feel like you're in control. From my experience, you're not. Your behaviour is in control of you and if you want to regain control, then taking that first step and telling someone is key. I would mention what you've noticed and ask for help. Good luck if you do decide that you want to see if it is an eating disorder and then that you want to recover. As someone suffering everyday with this condition, I am genuinely happy that you're recognising that there are worrying signs there and are wanting to seek help.
(Original post by mpaprika)
looks like I'm off anon now :dontknow:
(Original post by _ro_)
Of course I don't mind if it means helping out someone
I don’t mean to trigger anyone, but have any of you heard the song Deadly Beauty by Alexa Shea? For me I feel it sums up my current situation especially since I’m the age it begins at. It’s become in a way a motivator for recovery as it tells the story of someone who loses their battle. I don’t want to die from this but at the same time I feel like I have control over it and that I don’t want to lose it.
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