The Student Room Group

boyfriend going to uni

My boyfriends going to Uni in september, but im a year younger, so i'll be staying at home for another year. He is so excited which is understandable, but will not stop going on about it. We have talked about it, and he's always said he wanted to stick with me, but recently hes started making friends with people who are also going to the same uni, and he's beggining to seem distant, all he talks about is going, and "moving away" the other day he said he would go tomorrow if he could, which really hurt me. I dont know whether im being selfish, or whether hes being insensitive.


I dont know whether i will deal with him leaving, it will be mainly up to me whether i go and see him, because he is certain that he will be getting a job too and that there wil be very few weekends to come and see me.


This is obviously quite a common thing, sooo it would be good to hear other people who have been through simmilar/are going through it now.
Reply 1
Anonymous
My boyfriends going to Uni in september, but im a year younger, so i'll be staying at home for another year. He is so excited which is understandable, but will not stop going on about it. We have talked about it, and he's always said he wanted to stick with me, but recently hes started making friends with people who are also going to the same uni, and he's beggining to seem distant, all he talks about is going, and "moving away" the other day he said he would go tomorrow if he could, which really hurt me. I dont know whether im being selfish, or whether hes being insensitive.
I dont know whether i will deal with him leaving, it will be mainly up to me whether i go and see him, because he is certain that he will be getting a job too and that there wil be very few weekends to come and see me.
This is obviously quite a common thing, sooo it would be good to hear other people who have been through simmilar/are going through it now.


Has it occured to you that he might be feeling just as uncertain about uni and moving and - and leaving you?

My gut instinct would be that hes actually very very nervous about moving away, but is too 'manly' to talk about his insecurities. He's distancing himself because he thinks breaking up would be best (but also dosn't want to come out with it directly) becasue he knows it will hurt the both of you and you're the one bit of consistancy and security he has in the last few months as things will inevitably start to change.

So what does he do? He might distance himself to see how you react - if you get closer, all good, if not, then its a less painful way to break up if you slowly lose interest and leave of your own accord (it also avoids the guilt trip of wanting to be single for freshers).

Hes not actually a bastard, its just quite a subtle defense mechanism that guys use, in reality, we hurt and are pretty much just as sensitive as you ladies. We just have out own ways of dealing with it. :smile:
Reply 2
You're upset about him making friends with people at the same uni and saying he can't wait until he goes? Wow, you are selfish... You need to consider that it's an exciting time for him and he wants to enjoy the experience.

He is being distant because he's subconsciously preparing you for not seeing him as much and not talking to him as much. It is a whole new life out there...
Reply 3
I had to go through this two years ago. My boyfriend of two years was going off to uni and we decided to split up, because we thought that would be for the best.
We got back together a few months later and have been together ever since. Though i'm not sure what's going to happen when i go to uni in september.
So it is possible to have a long distance relationship with someone who's at uni. Just be aware that it doesn't always work out.
My girlfriend is in year 12, and with me in year 13 and going to uni in september, we're in a similar situation. I've tried not to talk too much about the whole uni thing to her, but she knows that I'm gonna make new friends and have fun there. But she also knows I will miss her badly, and I've joked several times about wishing I could take her with me in a suitcase lol.

Assuming we're still together come september, we've decided we're going to give it a try. I'll be home in the holidays anyway, and Bath isn't that far from where I live now. We know its not going to be easy, but its worth a go.
ive been with my bf for 6 months whilst hes been at uni and ive been at home (on a gap year) and we've managed fineee.. its all been great and ive liked the independence ive had but its me going to uni in oct so we'll see how that pans out :s-smilie:
Reply 6
Something similar is happening to me, i've been going out with my gf for 5 years and i'm going to uni in September its not going to be nice leaving. We are going to carry on with the relationship. Your boyfriend should realise that you will get upset if he talks to you about university, like others have said it sounds like he might be trying to distance himself from you so its not such a hard blow come september.
i was at home while my bf was at uni like 3 hours away, it was fine cos i got space to myself/see friends during the week and id see him most weekends. it just needs effort
Reply 8
I'm two years younger than my boy, but since he's had a gap year he's in his first year of university now (5 hour train journey away) and it can be hard, but definitely easy enough to make it work. I found it really hard during the first term as he was understandably excited and all I saw were photos of his new friends and this new life he'd created, and even went I went to visit him it was hard to feel like I belonged there...but through the second term and now especially...I'm so used to it. So don't worry, lovely. You need to talk to him about it before he goes and try and arrange to e-mail/text as often as possible and phone every few days...but don't worry about it too much (especially not now). Enjoy the time you have with him and remember that he's excited for his new experiences (understandbly), not excited about leaving you. :smile:
I am going through the exact same problem!
My sister and her boyfriend have been together for 5 years, 1 of them through her being at uni in kent (2 hours from home) however they are still going strong so this is encouraging!
I'm 2 years younger than my bf and months ago we decided to break up before he goes as we thought it would be easier but with 3 weeks until he goes to uni, we decided we didn't want to break up so we are going to give it a try :smile:
I know it's going to be really hard and that I will probably end up getting hurt because of him maybe meeting someone new etc. but all you can do is try!
We have just promised to be completely honest with each other and see how it turns out

Hope this helps
Reply 10
I know this whole comment thing was from ages ago, but I just wanted to say how much it helped me.
My boyfriend who's 18 has just left for University. I'm 17 so I still have another year before I go.
We've been together for over a year and went through many times whether or not we should break up when he went. We both thought it would be for the best as it would be very hard for both of us when he left, but after a few (very emotional!) chats, we decided we would try and stay together.
It's his Fresher's week at the moment, and is very difficult as he's really busy a lot of the time. Reading all the posts on here has really helped me to be more positive about him being away, and hopefully we'll be just as strong as we were when he went, when he comes back in November!! :biggrin::smile: