Can Boys and Girls be JUST friends? Watch

Obolinda
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#61
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#61
I don't know why being attracted to your friend means that you can't still say, friends. :dontknow: I mean having a relationship doesn't mean your emotions just turn off for everybody else.
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TSRFT8
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#62
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#62
(Original post by *Alisha*)
Well if he loves me and I love him, there should be trust in our relationship. So I wouldn't mind if he was messaging a girl besides me or even going out with her, but I'd prefer him going out with his other friends and not just the girl alone lol
But you trust him? So following that logic, you would trust him in a room alone with this girl?

Trust is HUGELY confused now a days. It is seen as "controlling" if you do not allow your partner out alone with a male or female, co-incidentally so many relationships end because of cheating, so is it really controlling or prevention as opposed to cure.
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AngryRedhead
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#63
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I would like to also add that most of my male friends have girlfriends, as do I. It is perfectly possible to hang out with the opposite gender in a purely platonic way
(Original post by TSRFT8)
I get what you are saying - however, usually this attraction is not expressed just due to the boundary of friendship, not because it is non-existent. I implore you to watch the social study, I will link it for you.

It explores how friends of different genders were asked if anything else COULD develop and 97% said yes, IF the option was made available, basically if the other crossed the boundary first then its fair game.
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AdamKhalid
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#64
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Yeah
(Original post by TSRFT8)
An interesting debate I saw and one which is quite relevant in this day and age.


What is your HONEST opinion, can a boy and girl be just friends? What if one is single and the other is in a relationship, or both are in a relationship?
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fallen_acorns
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#65
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#65
Yes.. especially if one is much uglier then the other
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Scottishflavour
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#66
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#66
Having friends of the opposite sex is great. Just sometimes it's not straightforward
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username2427341
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#67
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(Original post by fallen_acorns)
Yes.. especially if one is much uglier then the other
LMFAO
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fallen_acorns
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#68
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being serious though -

its very easy to be friends with someone from the opposite sex
its much harder to make friends with someone from the opposite sex

In my experience as a guy - it may be different for girls - once you are friends, keeping a person as a friend, and feeling nothing for them is really easy, and something no one should have a problem with. But the first stage of making friends, when you are getting to know each other, that's harder.. that's when its so easy for one of them to start developing a crush. Lots of things can reduce the risk of either catching feelings, if one or both are in a relationship, if they are on a completely different level dating wise, if they only meet/see each other in groups etc.

But if you take a guy and a girl, and put them alone together, and tell them to make friends.. if they are both similar looking and single, the chances of one of them (mostly the boy) developing a crush is pretty high. Once the crush is their, making the friendship work is much harder.
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Scottishflavour
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#69
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Guys can be total horn dogs which throws a spanner in the works....sometimes
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xoxAngel_Kxox
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#70
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Yeah, and it really annoys me when people claim otherwise. Pretty much all of my friends are male. I was really close to my best guy friend.. not in a sexual way before you ask.. but then when he got a girlfriend she put a stop to him seeing me and texting me. We used to phone a lot, text every day, and go out for some food at least once a week. We'd talk in the same way any two friends would, there was never even a hint of anything sexual, but we provided each other with an amazing level of support.. yet because his girlfriend didn't think we could be "just friends" (we'd known each other for more than a decade without so much as a kiss, for goodness sake) he never gets in touch with me anymore.

Same with another one of my guy friends, his wife hates me because I used to text and call him occasionally when I had some gossip.. so I'm not allowed to talk to him.

I have a boyfriend who I love, and live with, and he's happy for me to talk to whoever I like, because he trusts me. That's how it should be. If someone's going to cheat on you, they'll cheat on you. Banning them from talking to the opposite sex won't work, because they'll find a way to do it anyway.

So many of my friendships have been ruined by jealous girlfriends (and jealous boyfriends on my side in the past) and it's just not right at all. I'm a tomboy, I'm one of the lads, I always have been. Yet clearly, I'm not allowed.. and it's not fair.

EDIT: That's not to say that there haven't been any friends who have said they've had feelings for me, though. There have been two, but I have put both of them straight as soon as I found out, and both friendships lasted through the experience. I fell in love with a guy friend when I was 16, and we tried dating, but that didn't go anywhere because it was so weird, we were firmly in the "friend zone" and we realised that we actually were just best friends. So I'm not saying that there aren't complications sometimes, but more often than not, if a boy and girl say they're just friends, they really are.. and if you're dating one of them, you have to believe them, you have to trust them, or tbh the relationship is over before it's even started.
Last edited by xoxAngel_Kxox; 1 week ago
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snugglebear
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#71
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(Original post by TSRFT8)
This is interesting. I watched a few "experiments" per say (yes, wild Friday night, I know!) and the girls were usually under the impression the guys were just wanting friendships, but when the same question was posed to the boys, they all said how they would date, or would have sex, IF the girl offered. Meaning, yes, they are friends but the attraction is always there.
Imagine a boy saying he'd say no to sex to preserve his beautiful male-female platonic friendship...he could lose his friends. Plus he might not be comfortable turning down a lady as that would be unchivalrous.
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TSRFT8
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#72
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#72
I dont think trust is really the issue.

The issue is a lot of the time these platonic friendships are only platonic from the outside. I will give you the example the individual used;

If a man and a woman are best friends and the girl is married/has a partner but the man is single, usually when problems arise in that relationship, he is usually the first port of contact, in every aspect she will start looking at him in a new light and start comparing her partner to him. Of course, the friend has flaws too, but that relationship has not moved in order for her to realise his flaws, rather it is always the good she sees as hes always there. Soon you start resenting your partner and every argument every mistake they make makes you think `I am so much better off with X" as that option is there.

It is the fact that there is this connection between you and your friend and it is ALWAYS an option if all else fails, so people now a days tend to give up on relationships too easily and the option is available. Why would you stick and make things work when the next fix is a text away?



(Original post by xoxAngel_Kxox)
Yeah, and it really annoys me when people claim otherwise. Pretty much all of my friends are male. I was really close to my best guy friend.. not in a sexual way before you ask.. but then when he got a girlfriend she put a stop to him seeing me and texting me. We used to phone a lot, text every day, and go out for some food at least once a week. We'd talk in the same way any two friends would, there was never even a hint of anything sexual, but we provided each other with an amazing level of support.. yet because his girlfriend didn't think we could be "just friends" (we'd known each other for more than a decade without so much as a kiss, for goodness sake) he never gets in touch with me anymore.

Same with another one of my guy friends, his wife hates me because I used to text and call him occasionally when I had some gossip.. so I'm not allowed to talk to him.

I have a boyfriend who I love, and live with, and he's happy for me to talk to whoever I like, because he trusts me. That's how it should be. If someone's going to cheat on you, they'll cheat on you. Banning them from talking to the opposite sex won't work, because they'll find a way to do it anyway.

So many of my friendships have been ruined by jealous girlfriends (and jealous boyfriends on my side in the past) and it's just not right at all. I'm a tomboy, I'm one of the lads, I always have been. Yet clearly, I'm not allowed.. and it's not fair.

EDIT: That's not to say that there haven't been any friends who have said they've had feelings for me, though. There have been two, but I have put both of them straight as soon as I found out, and both friendships lasted through the experience. I fell in love with a guy friend when I was 16, and we tried dating, but that didn't go anywhere because it was so weird, we were firmly in the "friend zone" and we realised that we actually were just best friends. So I'm not saying that there aren't complications sometimes, but more often than not, if a boy and girl say they're just friends, they really are.. and if you're dating one of them, you have to believe them, you have to trust them, or tbh the relationship is over before it's even started.
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Nathan B
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#73
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Yes u can be, but others may try to say ur linking, or a partner may suspect something, so life is hard
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Edcrown
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#74
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#74
(Original post by TSRFT8)
An interesting debate I saw and one which is quite relevant in this day and age.


What is your HONEST opinion, can a boy and girl be just friends? What if one is single and the other is in a relationship, or both are in a relationship?
Not like guys are friends with each other. Most of the time guy is into the girl he is friends with but does not say that out loud. There maybe some exceptions but generally I dont think a guy and a girl can be just friends, there is difference between how you define the term 'friend' as well.
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snugglebear
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#75
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(Original post by xoxAngel_Kxox)
Banning them from talking to the opposite sex won't work, because they'll find a way to do it anyway.
That threat is very revealing. And they didn't find a way as you haven't heard from them. Unless you mean they will seek out females friends whilst in a relationship...I doubt it. And girls are more likely to want male friends for emotional support without sex, men are more likely to be open to the option of friends with benefits. So no wonder your bf is ok about it but their gfs aren't.
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#76
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(Original post by TSRFT8)
An interesting debate I saw and one which is quite relevant in this day and age.


What is your HONEST opinion, can a boy and girl be just friends? What if one is single and the other is in a relationship, or both are in a relationship?
Yeh im a girl and i have a decent mix of girl and guy friends (slightly more guy friends if anything).Ive been friends with some of these people for a decade and others for under a couple months and yet theyre still just friends to me
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tamil fever
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#77
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#77
yes
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cherlloydfan
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#78
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yes I've got 2 guy friends, they did used to like me and one of them has a gf now which I'm not happy about cos I don't see him or talk to him as much anymore
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ltsmith
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#79
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(Original post by TSRFT8)
So what if I said, the guy is in a relationship but tells the girl some problems within his current gf and she over times becomes a shoulder to lean on and sees her as a better option?
i imagine the girl will eventually get sick and tired of hearing the guy moaning about his relationship problems
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londonmyst
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#80
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Yes.
Most of my friends are guys.
I'm not attracted to them and don't get sexually involved with friends/coworkers or housemates.
Someone being in a relationship has never changed my friendships with guy pals.
Although dumping the last ex did reveal that a few of his friends were racist scumbags who hated my female best friend and he knew it.
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