He doesnt tip the waiter, thoughts? Watch

proguide
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#21
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#21
(Original post by Anonymous)
So I have been dating this guy for a few months now. We've never really eaten out during this time (we cook a lot). Basically he treated me to dinner last night and refused to leave a tip. I have worked in waitressing/hospitality for 10 years so this is a biggy for me, I always tip well. I asked him why and he said "well people don't tip me for my job"
tbh ur just a knobhead for getting affected
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bones-mccoy
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#22
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(Original post by Anonymous)
lmao shes so entitled. if she wanted to tip so badly doesn't she have her own money or is she relying on him for money?
Again, I'm not going to be dragged into yet another baseless argument about tipping. If you're willing to discuss the points I've made than go ahead, if not then stop commenting and do something constructive with your time.
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Callicious
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I think it's a culture kind of thing. You're not expected to tip in all the places you go, and in some places tipping isn't really a thing you do at all. In other places, it's the only real source of income for service staff like waiters/etc...

Back in Poland, in my experiences in going to restaurants and that sort of thing (which aren't plentiful) not many people seemed to tip, my family didn't, nor did some others we were with, and when I did actually give the waiter extra they seemed confused, if I remember correctly. I do remember it being a sticking point and people finding it a bit odd.

When I was abroad in Germany, any restaurants I visited actually automatically gave a tip on the bill. I didn't visit many, but the ones I did actually automatically assigned a tip of some given %, usually an odd number between 5 and 10 like 7.5 or something like that, which was paid on the bill and given to the server when they signed in on the till. I know that because when I offered to tip after, my ex looked at me funny and said that they'd already been tipped. The first time that happened I still gave the lady the money since I didn't want to look like an ass after offering her the money. xD

Personally I always aim to tip anyone who does that sort of service kind of thing. Taxi drivers included. However I think it's a touch harsh to judge him so heavily on tipping. This might seem like one of those weird things to say, and I don't study anything like society or whatnot, but if tipping becomes one of the sticking points in culture, then it seems like there'll be less incentive/pressure on businesses to actually pay the staff more, with tips supplementing the income unreliably. Like ANM775 said, tips are just a bonus and aren't a given. If tips were obligatory, then you might as well just pay more onto the bill like with the way those places in Germany did it and then leave it to the restaurant to handle it, rather than relying on having spare change or cash on you.

I don't have a single penny on me and pay for everything with card. How can I tip with a bank card!
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ANM775
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#24
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#24
(Original post by bones-mccoy)
I'm not arguing about whether to tip or not. I'm talking about the boyfriend's refusal to even listen to her point of view when she has vast experience in that line of work.

sounds to me like he listened [unless he got up from the table or stuck his fingers in his ears]
but disagreed or had a set opinion on the matter already
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Jack22031994
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#25
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If there is a service charge added, I wont tip.

Tipping in my view, just encourages restaurants etc to keep their staff paid low. Why should I have to top up the wages of their staff?

We dont tip people in other low paid service industries do we?
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That'sGreat
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#26
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(Original post by Anonymous)
So I have been dating this guy for a few months now. We've never really eaten out during this time (we cook a lot). Basically he treated me to dinner last night and refused to leave a tip. I have worked in waitressing/hospitality for 10 years so this is a biggy for me, I always tip well. I asked him why and he said "well people don't tip me for my job" (he owns his own tyre company). I gave him the benefit of the doubt that he just didn't understand the industry so tried to explain it to him and he brushed it off/didn't really listen or care. In the end I left the tip because I felt so embarrassed.

I know this sounds trivial but this feels like a deal breaker to me. I felt so unattracted To him after this, and felt undervalued when he brushed off my opinion. When I confronted him he said I made him feel uncomfortable and asked to leave.

Any thoughts or opinions would be appreciated!
If him not leaving a tip is the deal breaker for you then you aren't going to be together for long anyway
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bones-mccoy
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(Original post by Callicious)
I think it's a culture kind of thing. You're not expected to tip in all the places you go, and in some places tipping isn't really a thing you do at all. In other places, it's the only real source of income for service staff like waiters/etc...

Back in Poland, in my experiences in going to restaurants and that sort of thing (which aren't plentiful) not many people seemed to tip, my family didn't, nor did some others we were with, and when I did actually give the waiter extra they seemed confused, if I remember correctly. I do remember it being a sticking point and people finding it a bit odd.

When I was abroad in Germany, any restaurants I visited actually automatically gave a tip on the bill. I didn't visit many, but the ones I did actually automatically assigned a tip of some given %, usually an odd number between 5 and 10 like 7.5 or something like that, which was paid on the bill and given to the server when they signed in on the till. I know that because when I offered to tip after, my ex looked at me funny and said that they'd already been tipped. The first time that happened I still gave the lady the money since I didn't want to look like an ass after offering her the money. xD

Personally I always aim to tip anyone who does that sort of service kind of thing. Taxi drivers included. However I think it's a touch harsh to judge him so heavily on tipping. This might seem like one of those weird things to say, and I don't study anything like society or whatnot, but if tipping becomes one of the sticking points in culture, then it seems like there'll be less incentive/pressure on businesses to actually pay the staff more, with tips supplementing the income unreliably. Like ANM775 said, tips are just a bonus and aren't a given. If tips were obligatory, then you might as well just pay more onto the bill like with the way those places in Germany did it and then leave it to the restaurant to handle it, rather than relying on having spare change or cash on you.

I don't have a single penny on me and pay for everything with card. How can I tip with a bank card!
Most chain restaurants have the option of tipping on card machines these days
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Anonymous #2
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#28
(Original post by JTfoxlove)
He took her out for dinner and she did pay the tip.
That’s massaging the story a bit and you know it. She expected him to tip; he didn’t, so she left a tip.
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It's****ingWOODY
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#29
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This isn't America, we don't rely on tips to pay wages here, ever heard of "minimum wage"? Due to this, tipping isn't customary in the UK. I'll usually leave a small tip if it's something like £23.35 and I'll round it off to £25, but if we tipped everyone who served us in any sector we'd be spending ridiculous amounts unnecessarily on people who already get paid at least a national minimum wage. I'd likely have responded in the same way as OP's BF, purely for the reason that my natural response to someone trying to pressure me is to dig my heels in and make it clear I don't take that nonsense.
Last edited by It's****ingWOODY; 1 week ago
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bfm.mcdermott
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#30
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(Original post by Anonymous)
So I have been dating this guy for a few months now. We've never really eaten out during this time (we cook a lot). Basically he treated me to dinner last night and refused to leave a tip. I have worked in waitressing/hospitality for 10 years so this is a biggy for me, I always tip well. I asked him why and he said "well people don't tip me for my job" (he owns his own tyre company). I gave him the benefit of the doubt that he just didn't understand the industry so tried to explain it to him and he brushed it off/didn't really listen or care. In the end I left the tip because I felt so embarrassed.

I know this sounds trivial but this feels like a deal breaker to me. I felt so unattracted To him after this, and felt undervalued when he brushed off my opinion. When I confronted him he said I made him feel uncomfortable and asked to leave.

Any thoughts or opinions would be appreciated!
(1) Tips aren't compulsory. That's the whole point of them.
(2) There may be many reasons why people don't tip. Do you know much about his finances? If I were struggling with money (not necessarily poor but not well off, I wouldn't tip either. Food at restaurants is already expensive without adding on extra costs.
(3) I would be uncomfortable and embarrassed if I were him too.
(4) The waiter is paid by their wage. Tips are just extras. We have no responsibility to pay them. As he said, people in other professions don't get tipped.

I understand your opinion but tipping is an optional thing and is an unnecessary cost which lots of people don't want to pay - especially if the waiter wasn't particularly special.
Last edited by bfm.mcdermott; 1 week ago
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Anonymous #2
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(Original post by It's****ingWOODY)
This isn't America, we don't rely on tips to pay wages here, ever heard of "minimum wage"? Due to this, tipping isn't customary in the UK. I'll usually leave a small tip if it's something like £23.35 and I'll round it off to £25, but if we tipped everyone who served us in any sector we'd be spending ridiculous amounts unnecessarily on people who already get paid at least a national minimum wage. I'd likely have responded in the same way as OP's BF, purely for the reason that my natural response to someone trying to pressure me is to dig my heels in and make it clear I don't take that nonsense.
Yes. The OP was basically trying to make her boyfriend feel like a bad person because he didn’t want to tip. I won’t be emotionally blackmailed for anyone.
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barnetlad
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#32
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If you have had even reasonable service you should tip. OP sounds like a deal breaker and the end of the relationship.
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It's****ingWOODY
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#33
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(Original post by barnetlad)
If you have had even reasonable service you should tip. OP sounds like a deal breaker and the end of the relationship.
This makes no sense. You're essentially saying people should get paid minimum wage just for showing up for work regardless of how bad they are at their job, and they should be paid extra for working to a decent standard. That's not how things work, in any sector if you don't continually work to an acceptable standard you'd be at risk of losing your job to someone who'd do it better. To say such a thing is make or break in a relationship, obviously you can't value your relationship much at all to end it over something that has no direct impact on your life.
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kkboyk
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(Original post by bones-mccoy)
Ignorance is bliss, I suppose. The worrying part is that he refused to even listen to your reasoning why tips are so important in the food service industry. The refusal to educate himself would be off putting rather than not tipping to start with.
It depends on how OP went about it, and from the sound of it she was trying to enforce her views on him until he accepted and paid for the tip. Theres also a time and place for the OP to 'educate' him, and at the end of dinner in a restaurant isnt really one of them

For all we know he may probably be aware of the benefit of tipping, and just didn't because it isnt essential not a necessity.
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Muttley79
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(Original post by Anonymous)
Basically he treated me to dinner last night and refused to leave a tip. I have worked in waitressing/hospitality for 10 years so this is a biggy for me, I always tip well. I asked him why and he said "well people don't tip me for my job" (he owns his own tyre company). I gave him the benefit of the doubt that he just didn't understand the industry so tried to explain it to him and he brushed it off/didn't really listen or care. In the end I left the tip because I felt so embarrassed.
Lots of people don't tip unless the service is exceptional - do you know if a service charge added anyway?

You could just have left a tip quietly without making a massive issue of it in public - your boyfriend probably didn't want an argument. You are BOTH entitled to your opinions - neither of you have the right to say the other is wrong.

You are both making a mountain out of a molehill -
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Anonymous #4
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No offence, your behaviour sounds like the product of the 21st century.
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shameful_burrito
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#37
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Gtfo, you only tip if you want to. He paid for his meal, and yours too apparently...
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Anonymous #4
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#38
(Original post by bones-mccoy)
I'm not arguing about whether to tip or not. I'm talking about the boyfriend's refusal to even listen to her point of view when she has vast experience in that line of work.
Oh lord.
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Anonymous #4
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#39
(Original post by JTfoxlove)
Yeah I hate that. We won't go out with folk that don't tip.

In the UK everyone in an applicable service industry starts at 5% with me - good service will raise it to 10% (which should be guaranteed), poor service will drop it. I've only ever once left no tip.

There's a bigger issue here though. You raised the issue as something that was important to you and he ignored you.
Glad you can afford that. I say the rich owners should pay better wages instead of ducking responsibility.
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Andrew97
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(Original post by bfm.mcdermott)
(1) Tips aren't compulsory. That's the whole point of them.
(2) There may be many reasons why people don't tip. Do you know much about his finances? If I were struggling with money (not necessarily poor but not well off, I wouldn't tip either. Food at restaurants is already expensive without adding on extra costs.
(3) I would be uncomfortable and embarrassed if I were him too.
(4) The waiter is paid by their wage. Tips are just extras. We have no responsibility to pay them. As he said, people in other professions don't get tipped.

I understand your opinion but tipping is an optional thing and is an unnecessary cost which lots of people don't want to pay - especially if the waiter wasn't particularly special.
Also, people might not have the cash to tip. Leaving 37p is worse that nothing.
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