He doesnt tip the waiter, thoughts? Watch

Chief Wiggum
Badges: 20
Rep:
?
#81
Report 1 week ago
#81
(Original post by confusedgal0)
Tipping is plainly good manners. I think it says a lot about someone when they don't tip - it doesn't have to be 10 pounds - even a pound will do. It's not about the money it's about the principle of treating people nicely. Anyone who has worked as a waiter/waitress or in a kitchen has been there. It doesn't matter if he paid for dinner for both of you - that's a customary thing to do in any relationship (one person treating another.) Other people on this post really are acting like he gave you a gold bar and then didn't tip!
Why though? Waiters and waitresses are already getting paid - it's completely inconsistent why some jobs receive tips but not others.

And plenty of people would look very negatively on someone leaving a tip of "a pound" by the way. Lots of people (not myself) would look on that as being very cheap etc.

And yes, I think it is ungrateful for OP to criticise her boyfriend for not being generous enough with his tipping when he literally paid for her entire meal out of her own pocket.
1
reply
Kocytean
Badges: 19
Rep:
?
#82
Report 1 week ago
#82
Hah, this whole time I've been super embarrassed of a date where I didn't tip the waiter because I didn't know I was supposed to. Oof, the waitress brought back the change and everything. You're supposed to write the tip on the paper receipt thing they bring you, right? Some of these posts make me feel a little better.
1
reply
Anonymous #2
#83
Report 1 week ago
#83
(Original post by rockrunride)
Load of nuance lost in written text eh.

Doubt OP is ungrateful to her lad taking her out for dinner.

I always tip, but there are people that don't. Just like tonight when I was in the pub, someone shouted at the barman - something I'd never do, but people do it. If tipping is a deal breaker, discuss it out and let us know how it goes.
Not tipping isn’t the same as not being abusive to the staff. The fact that you compared them says a lot.
0
reply
dominoes1998
Badges: 3
Rep:
?
#84
Report 1 week ago
#84
Tips should never be allowed. He's absolutely right
0
reply
Oxford Mum
Badges: 18
Rep:
?
#85
Report 1 week ago
#85
Apparently if your date shouts at a waiter/waitress, this is how they will treat you further on in the relationship. ie when they get to know you and maybe start taking you for granted. My ex husband did this before we were married. I ignored the excellent advice and now I am divorced. Obviously it was not as straightforward as being just down to this incident. However it's worth bearing this in mind.
(Original post by rockrunride)
Load of nuance lost in written text eh.

Doubt OP is ungrateful to her lad taking her out for dinner.

I always tip, but there are people that don't. Just like tonight when I was in the pub, someone shouted at the barman - something I'd never do, but people do it. If tipping is a deal breaker, discuss it out and let us know how it goes.
2
reply
Tootles
Badges: 20
#86
Report 1 week ago
#86
(Original post by Anonymous)
tipping isnt even a thing in the uk wtf r u talking about
Yes it is. It's just not as prevalent, because it's not a requirement to do so. It's pretty common in pubs and bars.
0
reply
Dunnig Kruger
Badges: 13
Rep:
?
#87
Report 1 week ago
#87
It's an interesting philosophical point about tipping being good manners.

Money is always likely to be a limited resource for me and my future family. Me and my partner will have to work for our money.

My highest priorites will always be for my partner and future children.

If I were to start leaving tips I would feel guilty because I would be taking money away from my family and be giving it to complete strangers. OK any particular meal is not a big amount. But over time it would add up to the cost of a family holiday. I think it's better manners to take my family on 1 extra holiday in their lifetime than it is to leave tips. But that's just my inner philosophy - where the people I love most will be the ones that I will always try to be kindest to. If other people have a different philosophy on this to me, then that's fine.

On top of that I was once with 5 French associates in a restaurant in Alsace. I noticed that they didn't tip and asked them when they tipped when eating out in France. They all looked at me shocked and said "Jamais!" - never!
1
reply
Oxford Mum
Badges: 18
Rep:
?
#88
Report 1 week ago
#88
Interesting stuff. It certainly seems like a lot of people on TSR feel very strongly about this issue. I was surprised by the French bit, having lived in France myself. But that fact is fascinating, all the same.
(Original post by Dunnig Kruger)
It's an interesting philosophical point about tipping being good manners.

Money is always likely to be a limited resource for me and my future family. Me and my partner will have to work for our money.

My highest priorites will always be for my partner and future children.

If I were to start leaving tips I would feel guilty because I would be taking money away from my family and be giving it to complete strangers. OK any particular meal is not a big amount. But over time it would add up to the cost of a family holiday. I think it's better manners to take my family on 1 extra holiday in their lifetime than it is to leave tips. But that's just my inner philosophy - where the people I love most will be the ones that I will always try to be kindest to. If other people have a different philosophy on this to me, then that's fine.

On top of that I was once with 5 French associates in a restaurant in Alsace. I noticed that they didn't tip and asked them when they tipped when eating out in France. They all looked at me shocked and said "Jamais!" - never!
0
reply
AzureCeleste
Badges: 20
Rep:
?
#89
Report 1 week ago
#89
(Original post by Chief Wiggum)
Surely OP could have left the tip if it was such a big issue to her? Considering she literally had her entire dinner paid for...

EDIT: I read above, and apparently she did. Fair enough, but I don't think her boyfriend did anything wrong.
I agree. He did nothing wrong. She was in the wrong for pressuring him there and then
They could've discussed it all at a later date
0
reply
bones-mccoy
Badges: 19
Rep:
?
#90
Report 1 week ago
#90
(Original post by Oxford Mum)
Apparently if your date shouts at a waiter/waitress, this is how they will treat you further on in the relationship. ie when they get to know you and maybe start taking you for granted. My ex husband did this before we were married. I ignored the excellent advice and now I am divorced. Obviously it was not as straightforward as being just down to this incident. However it's worth bearing this in mind.
Absolutely agree. How someone treats those that are serving them or those they deem as inferiors tells you a lot about that person.
0
reply
doodle_333
Badges: 18
Rep:
?
#91
Report 1 week ago
#91
I do see his point about tipping tbh there are loads of poorly paid jobs who don't get any tips, there's nothing special or skilled about waitressing which warrants them. I do tip for good service but I don't feel strongly about it and wouldn't feel guilty not doing so.

And you can't force him to take your view on something so if you disagreed it's fine to explain but if you still disagree then it's up to you to decide to tip or not.

That said, if he responded badly when you were polite that's an issue, have you had any other disagreements?
2
reply
BLACKPINKK
Badges: 7
Rep:
?
#92
Report 1 week ago
#92
you don’t need to tip. he doesn’t need to do anything. apologise to him.
4
reply
Archurus23
Badges: 19
Rep:
?
#93
Report 1 week ago
#93
(Original post by Anonymous)
So I have been dating this guy for a few months now. We've never really eaten out during this time (we cook a lot). Basically he treated me to dinner last night and refused to leave a tip. I have worked in waitressing/hospitality for 10 years so this is a biggy for me, I always tip well. I asked him why and he said "well people don't tip me for my job" (he owns his own tyre company). I gave him the benefit of the doubt that he just didn't understand the industry so tried to explain it to him and he brushed it off/didn't really listen or care. In the end I left the tip because I felt so embarrassed.

I know this sounds trivial but this feels like a deal breaker to me. I felt so unattracted To him after this, and felt undervalued when he brushed off my opinion. When I confronted him he said I made him feel uncomfortable and asked to leave.

Any thoughts or opinions would be appreciated!
He doesn’t have to tip the waiter to be a nice guy. As long as he’s polite. Are you trying to say that someone should always be willing to fork out extra to be worthy of your attention? What if they’re unable to? Or what if they just didn’t like the service as much and not tipping was just a polite way of expressing that? If it’s my money I’m spending I should be allowed to spend it as I please. The fact that you’re calling the act of a man possibly being cautious or non-ostentatious (as you can’t always know why people don’t tip) with his own money avarice kinda makes you sound like a gold digger and is a dealbreaker in itself. No offence. Also I’m pretty sure that unless he’s a lottery winner, is a benefit cheat or has the wealthiest and most generous parents, he’s worked hard for his money too. I wouldn’t want to date someone who would overlook that.
Posted on the TSR App. Download from Apple or Google Play
Last edited by Archurus23; 1 week ago
1
reply
Anonymous #8
#94
Report 1 week ago
#94
(Original post by Anonymous)
This isn’t America. I only tip if the service has been good or if the server has been nice. You should have tipped with the money you saved from the free meal.
I'm from Canada and I tip only if I receive a good service. Simple as that.

On another note, if tipping is so necessary for restaurant waiters then how about folks that work at McDonald's etc. I bet they've it much harder in terms of pay and working conditions yet nobody ever tips them.
1
reply
londonmyst
Badges: 18
Rep:
?
#95
Report 1 week ago
#95
How he chooses to spend his money is up to him.
I tip restaurant staff as a matter of habit- unless the food or service has been terrible.
It sounds like you have compatibility issues with guys that disagree with you, your attitude to tipping or spending money in general.
Potential for a lot of fights about money, politics and the type of relationship each of you want.
1
reply
bfm.mcdermott
Badges: 20
Rep:
?
#96
Report 1 week ago
#96
(Original post by Acsel)
An awful lot of people are piping up saying "if it bothers you so much you should have tipped yourself" when the OP did in fact say she tipped in her post.
I read the post, but I meant why didn't she tip to begin with, not after confronting him and making it awkward and then tipping because she's embarrassed.
2
reply
Bang Outta Order
Badges: 18
Rep:
?
#97
Report 1 week ago
#97
(Original post by Anonymous)
So I have been dating this guy for a few months now. We've never really eaten out during this time (we cook a lot). Basically he treated me to dinner last night and refused to leave a tip. I have worked in waitressing/hospitality for 10 years so this is a biggy for me, I always tip well. I asked him why and he said "well people don't tip me for my job" (he owns his own tyre company). I gave him the benefit of the doubt that he just didn't understand the industry so tried to explain it to him and he brushed it off/didn't really listen or care. In the end I left the tip because I felt so embarrassed.

I know this sounds trivial but this feels like a deal breaker to me. I felt so unattracted To him after this, and felt undervalued when he brushed off my opinion. When I confronted him he said I made him feel uncomfortable and asked to leave.

Any thoughts or opinions would be appreciated!
you're being ridiculous. he's not even your husband. you've not even been dating a year. he's just some guy you've known a couple months. this is hardly a dilemma. dump him if you dont like him, big deal. even over something so petty.
0
reply
Acsel
  • Forum Helper
Badges: 20
Rep:
?
#98
Report 1 week ago
#98
(Original post by bfm.mcdermott)
I read the post, but I meant why didn't she tip to begin with, not after confronting him and making it awkward and then tipping because she's embarrassed.
That's information we don't have. But if her boyfriend was paying for the meal, it wouldnt be unreasonable to think she wasn't aware straight away. Yes, the logical thing to do would be to leave the tip yourself and bring it up later (and if I were the boyfriend I'd wonder why she were making such a fuss). But this is obviously something she feels strongly about and people don't always think when they have a strong opinion.

Of course that's all just a guess, and we don't know for sure because our OP has neglected to give the details or comment further. There are countless questions we could ask and things that look weird about this, but we won't get answers.
1
reply
jsmith6131
Badges: 16
Rep:
?
#99
Report 1 week ago
#99
His opinion is as valuable as yours. You brushed him off as much as he brushed you off.
(Original post by Anonymous)
So I have been dating this guy for a few months now. We've never really eaten out during this time (we cook a lot). Basically he treated me to dinner last night and refused to leave a tip. I have worked in waitressing/hospitality for 10 years so this is a biggy for me, I always tip well. I asked him why and he said "well people don't tip me for my job" (he owns his own tyre company). I gave him the benefit of the doubt that he just didn't understand the industry so tried to explain it to him and he brushed it off/didn't really listen or care. In the end I left the tip because I felt so embarrassed.

I know this sounds trivial but this feels like a deal breaker to me. I felt so unattracted To him after this, and felt undervalued when he brushed off my opinion. When I confronted him he said I made him feel uncomfortable and asked to leave.

Any thoughts or opinions would be appreciated!
2
reply
Bio 7
Badges: 21
Rep:
?
#100
Report 1 week ago
#100
We have just one side of this where OP colours how he reacted with her own opinion, but at least in this scenario we can see he wasn’t in the wrong with the tainted view.
We can’t know if he really listened, but regardless he would have heard you and probably thought immediately that he didn’t agree with your opinion and rightfully brushed off your criticism. In this instance you are not right and neither is he, he doesn’t have to listen to your argument on this as it will depend on his finances and how he values that service. Nothing you say would change that.


The tipping system is unnecessary for waiting staff, they don’t deserve tips when other people doing harder jobs for the same pay get no tips. It’s odd people came up with the idea, was it necessary years ago to stop them spitting in your food and it just stuck?
Posted on the TSR App. Download from Apple or Google Play
Last edited by Bio 7; 1 week ago
0
reply
X

Quick Reply

Attached files
Write a reply...
Reply
new posts
Latest
My Feed

See more of what you like on
The Student Room

You can personalise what you see on TSR. Tell us a little about yourself to get started.

Personalise

Have you registered to vote?

Yes! (552)
37.81%
No - but I will (115)
7.88%
No - I don't want to (102)
6.99%
No - I can't vote (<18, not in UK, etc) (691)
47.33%

Watched Threads

View All