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Pushy parents aren't that rare :laugh:

sincerely

a HE educator
Original post by 04MR17
I rejected my Cambridge offer a few years ago. I have seen a fair amount of people (mostly new and innocent users who are just a little unaware) using TSR to be shocked at things like that, and quite a few make the mistake that Oxford and Cambridge represent the pinnacle of excellence of Higher Education regardless of subject and student's learning preferences. They are both very good universities, two of the best in the country for many of the courses they both offer, but that doesn't mean the experience of every student in attendance is going to be better than a student at a different university. I made the best choice for me, I liked Cambridge and enjoyed my time staying there; but I felt my university experience would be better elsewhere, hence my decision to reject the offer.

I jibbed an opportunity for an Oxford DPhil because the potential supervisor was pushing for me to do stuff I wasn't really interested in. It can be the best choice sometimes!
Original post by gjd800
Pushy parents aren't that rare :laugh:

sincerely

a HE educator

Can confirm having been to a very high achieving grammar school where these parents seemed to congregate, some parents live vicariously through their children which isn't fair at all :sad:
Original post by gjd800
I jibbed an opportunity for an Oxford DPhil because the potential supervisor was pushing for me to do stuff I wasn't really interested in. It can be the best choice sometimes!

It's actually refreshing to read this. I am also shocked by how many of my friends who went into academia have felt pushed around and bullied. Not exclusively at Oxbridge but in departments all over the country. Three have left HE posts recently.
Original post by CoolCavy
Can confirm having been to a very high achieving grammar school where these parents seemed to congregate, some parents live vicariously through their children which isn't fair at all :sad:

They can be murder. I've seen parents email in for higher grades. Unreal
Original post by Brightonmama
It's actually refreshing to read this. I am also shocked by how many of my friends who went into academia have felt pushed around and bullied. Not exclusively at Oxbridge but in departments all over the country. Three have left HE posts recently.

It can be toxic. I am in a good department, mostly, but it's not easy and the work is very, very precarious in other ways, too. Especially if you are an ECR like me! Doesn't help that journals take about 6 months to tell you if they like your papers or not :laugh:
Original post by gjd800
They can be murder. I've seen parents email in for higher grades. Unreal

It can be toxic. I am in a good department, mostly, but it's not easy and the work is very, very precarious in other ways, too. Especially if you are an ECR like me! Doesn't help that journals take about 6 months to tell you if they like your papers or not :laugh:

How rude! As a non pushy parent ( who did however get a bit too obsessed with TSR during her son's University applications) I would just like to say I hear you! And Mutley I am sorry if you felt attacked by me! I am a dewy eyed day into my son getting an offer from Oxford so I'm imaging a rosy future for him right now. But it also seems unbelievably cool to turn Oxbridge down. I work in theatre and a brilliant theatre director I know left Oxford after a year to launch a very successful career.
Original post by Brightonmama
How rude! As a non pushy parent ( who did however get a bit too obsessed with TSR during her son's University applications) I would just like to say I hear you! And Mutley I am sorry if you felt attacked by me! I am a dewy eyed day into my son getting an offer from Oxford so I'm imaging a rosy future for him right now. But it also seems unbelievably cool to turn Oxbridge down. I work in theatre and a brilliant theatre director I know left Oxford after a year to launch a very successful career.

getting into one of the top places in the country (and in Europe) is a great achievement, I reckon it's fine that you're super-proud. My Mam and Dad were unbearable for about a month when I passed my viva and then again after graduation :laugh:
Original post by Brightonmama
I totally agree that Oxford shouldn't be seen as the be-all and end-all and I can really hear how much you care for your students. I think the questions are even larger: we live in a consumerist, capitalist age where achievement and the need for productivity and results is drilled into us all from an early age. Parents are as much the victim of these systems as children. We start to matter only when we relate to the market place. Some parents think if they can get their child to Oxbridge that they will meet the market place in the right way and be insulated from life's hardships and sorrows. Of course this is misguided. I would like children to be taught that they are perfect just as they are, no improvement necessary, that being is as important as doing. I would like a different narrative around failure- that failure is a necessary and creative part of living and learning. I am sure we could find so much to agree on in fact. The problem with blaming parents is it makes us defensive!!! Parenting is hard. Growing up is hard. we're all just doing our best with the consciousness we have at the time. I hope the student you speak of was able to repair her relationship with her family and enjoy the path she had chosen for herself. She was lucky to have an advocate in you.

PRSOM, as the young people say
Original post by OxFossil
PRSOM, as the young people say

Had to look up what that means. Clear evidence that I am no longer one of the young people.
Original post by gjd800
Pushy parents aren't that rare :laugh:

sincerely

a HE educator

My daughters are from a state school and from ive seen its not so much the parents that have been pushy, but more that the school has been pushy since the take over from the last headmaster. I suppose its the circles that each ones of us finds ourselves in whether we see someone who is pushy or not. I'm just happy what ever they do in life :smile:.
Original post by Brightonmama
How rude! As a non pushy parent ( who did however get a bit too obsessed with TSR during her son's University applications) I would just like to say I hear you! And Mutley I am sorry if you felt attacked by me! I am a dewy eyed day into my son getting an offer from Oxford so I'm imaging a rosy future for him right now. But it also seems unbelievably cool to turn Oxbridge down. I work in theatre and a brilliant theatre director I know left Oxford after a year to launch a very successful career.

Congratulations to your son. Mine, at Oriel, just loves it. I sincerely hope yours will too.
It's a lovely place and they are very lucky.
Original post by Ghostlady
My daughters are from a state school and from ive seen its not so much the parents that have been pushy, but more that the school has been pushy since the take over from the last headmaster. I suppose its the circles that each ones of us finds ourselves in whether we see someone who is pushy or not. I'm just happy what ever they do in life :smile:.

Not sure what specifically state schools have to do with anything (maybe you meant to quote Cavy?). I went to state schools my whole school life and pushy parents were a thing then, too. My mates had a couple of them!

That's not to say schools can't be like that either, they obviously can. But pushy parents aren't rare at all, in my experience
Original post by gjd800
Not sure what specifically state schools have to do with anything (maybe you meant to quote Cavy?). I went to state schools my whole school life and pushy parents were a thing then, too. My mates had a couple of them!

That's not to say schools can't be like that either, they obviously can. But pushy parents aren't rare at all, in my experience

State schools dont have anything to do with the statement really. It is awful if a parent is pushy; Ive experienced it myself, so I try not to do the same to my daughters. And the parents in our group are pretty easy going. I can't understand how parents can be pushy; the students have enough pressure on them as it is :smile:.
One proud parent at the moment, just found out she got an A* in her EPQ today :smile: :dancing2::yeah:
(edited 4 years ago)
Original post by Ghostlady
One proud parent at the moment, just found out she got an A* in her EPQ today :smile: :dancing2::yeah:

Congratulations to her 🥂
Original post by Ghostlady
One proud parent at the moment, just found out she got an A* in her EPQ today :smile: :dancing2::yeah:

Cannot rep! Congrats to her! :king1:

Side note: I dunno how anyone manages to do an EPQ on top of their A Levels tbh, let alone do well :headfire:
Original post by Ghostlady
One proud parent at the moment, just found out she got an A* in her EPQ today :smile: :dancing2::yeah:

That's going to cost you extra on the shopping trip :tongue:

Seriosly though, congratulations to your daughter
Original post by Ghostlady
One proud parent at the moment, just found out she got an A* in her EPQ today :smile:

Oh really well done to her. I think you BOTH deserve a shopping trip treat!
Original post by OrielMum
Congratulations to her 🥂


Original post by harrysbar
That's going to cost you extra on the shopping trip :tongue:

Seriosly though, congratulations to your daughter


Original post by Scotney
Oh really well done to her. I think you BOTH deserve a shopping trip treat!

Thanks, will take her out this weekend :smile:
Original post by Wilma W.
I'm not sure what you mean but it sounds quite judgemental, sorry.


Hi @Wilma W. i wrote a book on Oxford admissions called Oxford Demystified (available free on TSR). One of the chapter is for parents, and urges them not to make their children apply if they don't want to. It is the student themselves who will have to deal with Oxford and all its pressures.

All of the Oxford prospectives who pm me (and there have been many) have been desperate themselves to get in. No pressure from parents in sight.

@harrysbar

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